I Am Dating A Married Woman!

[sunnysideplz]

Let me begin by saying I had no intentions of dating this married girl.. It just somehow happen, like when we first met which was through mutual friends a year ago, we bonded and connected really well, soon enough I founded out she was married and i respected that. As time goes on we would do small talks and make jokes about things from time to time, it was just mutual. About 4 months ago, she called me crying about her husband, and she needed a friend because honestly shes only been here in my town for about 5 years and Im one of good friends and bamm that was how it all began, took her out, had couple of drinks and things led to another. The romance was great and as time goes on we talk more and started seeing eachother more to a point where feelings starts to build.

 

Dont get me wrong Im only 26 and she is 27 and she is only married for a year n a few months, no kids, but she been with the guy for 5 years total. She tells me ever since they got married things change, things hasnt been the same, so on etc. And as for me, Ive been in the dating scene for a while, I tend to nick pick woman, and tend to have commitment problems, you can say Im emotionally dis function, but for some reason this married woman actually grew on me. We connect at all levels, our communication is great, we understand each other very well, its like mentally and physical we bond like no other. Like we talked about our complicated situation together, and we both agreed that it feels like we are in high school, that we both thought we would never feel this way about anyone ever again, but somehow we both came in each others life and sparked what was missing from our lives. And she also says she been faithful with her husband but ever since I came in, it destroyed everything.

 

And now I come to reality and realize as the time goes on, this can go bad or good, Im in the worst situation then she is because at the end of the day hes there and im not. Im like confused, lost dangling in dead air not knowing what to do.. I confronted her about the situation and she tells me that a divorce doesn't happen overnight, that she wants to see me more then her husband. But can this all be bull****?! Is she feeding me lies or being honest? Im confused.. Like for me, Im still young,but I traveled a lot, met a lot of ladies, and no one catches me like the way she does. Everything we do, we do like a team, we connect very well, its just crazy how we vibe. Even her close friend which is mines also knows the situation, and she thinks we are both crazyy! And that i should stop, but for me, im the type of person that if she is truely the one, i rather know, then stop now and wonder WHAT IF but at the same time I don't want to get burned. Like I know the married woman cares for me because she trys to mold me as a man, like she'll lecture me, for examples she will tell me to work harder and save my money, and things like be more responsible and start worrying about your future. Like she tries to make me better my life. And thats what attracts me more because I would change for her just to see her happy. Just throwing it in there, we both grew up rough and from broken families. Anyways

 

So Im completely lost.. Plz dont judge me because love has its own language. And as of this moment I feel like its 2 genuine people connecting, despite the complications in between. Has anyone ever been married but divorced the other person and is happily in love with the other spouse? Should i carry this on or just defuse it and drop it? Any advice will help. I think im going to hell... but honestly i feel like everything happens for a reason in life, everything teaches you something or will mold you to your future. So advice plz. What should I do

Edited July 25, 2011 by sunnysideplz

[bac]

So Im completely lost.. Plz dont judge me because love has its own language. And as of this moment I feel like its 2 genuine people connecting, despite the complications in between. Has anyone ever been married but divorced the other person and is happily in love with the other spouse? Should i carry this on or just defuse it and drop it? Any advice will help. I think im going to hell... but honestly i feel like everything happens for a reason in life, everything teaches you something or will mold you to your future. So advice plz. What should I do

 

I was a married woman. Sex is boring with a husband for many people and sex happens very rare in a LTmarriage. A typical woman misses love, attention, sex and romance in a LTmarriage or LTR.

I had a few ONSs when I was married. I believe they were the best sex of my life. I assume it felt as the best sex because I was so so desperate and so hungry for sex and for love. I also had a R with a guy when I was married. I was so thankful that I had the chance to express my feelings and have sex, so I fell in love with him very badly right away. A few years after that, I can hardly remember the guy's name.

Your GF is in a different situation because she probably has sex with her husband often(because he is in 20s) and her marriage was not too long.

 

I have a friend who is married too. She had the same experience as I had.

Edited July 25, 2011 by bac

[thatone]

I was a married woman. Sex is boring with a husband for many people and sex happens very rare in a LTmarriage. A typical woman misses love, attention, sex and romance in a LTmarriage or LTR.

I had a few ONSs when I was married. I believe they were the best sex of my life. I assume it felt as the best sex because I was so so desperate and so hungry for sex and for love. I also had a R with a guy when I was married. I was so thankful that I had the chance to express my feelings and have sex, so I fell in love with him very badly right away. A few years after that, I can hardly remember the guy's name.

Your GF is in a different situation because she probably has sex with her husband often(because he is in 20s) and her marriage was not too long.

 

I have a friend who is married too. She had the same experience as I had.

 

to summarize, you didn't want a marriage, you wanted a wedding. same goes for your friend. and you wanted a wedding so bad you were willing to drag another person through hell to get it.

 

as for the OP, she's cheating on her husband, she'll do the same thing to you. walk away.

[KathyM]

Let me begin by saying I had no intentions of dating this married girl.. It just somehow happen, like when we first met which was through mutual friends a year ago, we bonded and connected really well, soon enough I founded out she was married and i respected that. As time goes on we would do small talks and make jokes about things from time to time, it was just mutual. About 4 months ago, she called me crying about her husband, and she needed a friend because honestly shes only been here in my town for about 5 years and Im one of good friends and bamm that was how it all began, took her out, had couple of drinks and things led to another. The romance was great and as time goes on we talk more and started seeing eachother more to a point where feelings starts to build.

 

Dont get me wrong Im only 26 and she is 27 and she is only married for a year n a few months, no kids, but she been with the guy for 5 years total. She tells me ever since they got married things change, things hasnt been the same, so on etc. And as for me, Ive been in the dating scene for a while, I tend to nick pick woman, and tend to have commitment problems, you can say Im emotionally dis function, but for some reason this married woman actually grew on me. We connect at all levels, our communication is great, we understand each other very well, its like mentally and physical we bond like no other. Like we talked about our complicated situation together, and we both agreed that it feels like we are in high school, that we both thought we would never feel this way about anyone ever again, but somehow we both came in each others life and sparked what was missing from our lives. And she also says she been faithful with her husband but ever since I came in, it destroyed everything.

 

And now I come to reality and realize as the time goes on, this can go bad or good, Im in the worst situation then she is because at the end of the day hes there and im not. Im like confused, lost dangling in dead air not knowing what to do.. I confronted her about the situation and she tells me that a divorce doesn't happen overnight, that she wants to see me more then her husband. But can this all be bull****?! Is she feeding me lies or being honest? Im confused.. Like for me, Im still young,but I traveled a lot, met a lot of ladies, and no one catches me like the way she does. Everything we do, we do like a team, we connect very well, its just crazy how we vibe. Even her close friend which is mines also knows the situation, and she thinks we are both crazyy! And that i should stop, but for me, im the type of person that if she is truely the one, i rather know, then stop now and wonder WHAT IF but at the same time I don't want to get burned. Like I know the married woman cares for me because she trys to mold me as a man, like she'll lecture me, for examples she will tell me to work harder and save my money, and things like be more responsible and start worrying about your future. Like she tries to make me better my life. And thats what attracts me more because I would change for her just to see her happy. Just throwing it in there, we both grew up rough and from broken families. Anyways

 

So Im completely lost.. Plz dont judge me because love has its own language. And as of this moment I feel like its 2 genuine people connecting, despite the complications in between. Has anyone ever been married but divorced the other person and is happily in love with the other spouse? Should i carry this on or just defuse it and drop it? Any advice will help. I think im going to hell... but honestly i feel like everything happens for a reason in life, everything teaches you something or will mold you to your future. So advice plz. What should I do

If she wanted only you, she would have filed the divorce papers by now. But she wants you both. Are you satisfied with sharing her with another man? Wouldn't you want someone that belongs only to you? Why settle? It's a very lonely life when you are left alone while she goes back to be with her husband day after day. Wouldn't you want more than that for yourself? Don't you think you deserve better? When you say "Everything happens for a reason", what do you mean by that? That it is God's plan or God's will, or that He somehow brought this person into your life? If that is your thinking, then you are mistaken. God wants marriages to be protected and to be sacred. He doesn't want outsiders to destroy it. Find someone that is deserving of you. This woman is a cheater. You should want better for yourself. You said you were lost. I'm giving you the directions to a better life. Find someone who is trustworthy. Who is worthy of your love. Who you would have all to yourself. You deserve better.

[y2k]

Let me begin by saying I had no intentions of dating this married girl.. It just somehow happen, like when we first met which was through mutual friends a year ago, we bonded and connected really well, soon enough I founded out she was married and i respected that. As time goes on we would do small talks and make jokes about things from time to time, it was just mutual. About 4 months ago, she called me crying about her husband, and she needed a friend because honestly shes only been here in my town for about 5 years and Im one of good friends and bamm that was how it all began, took her out, had couple of drinks and things led to another. The romance was great and as time goes on we talk more and started seeing eachother more to a point where feelings starts to build.

 

Dont get me wrong Im only 26 and she is 27 and she is only married for a year n a few months, no kids, but she been with the guy for 5 years total. She tells me ever since they got married things change, things hasnt been the same, so on etc. And as for me, Ive been in the dating scene for a while, I tend to nick pick woman, and tend to have commitment problems, you can say Im emotionally dis function, but for some reason this married woman actually grew on me. We connect at all levels, our communication is great, we understand each other very well, its like mentally and physical we bond like no other. Like we talked about our complicated situation together, and we both agreed that it feels like we are in high school, that we both thought we would never feel this way about anyone ever again, but somehow we both came in each others life and sparked what was missing from our lives. And she also says she been faithful with her husband but ever since I came in, it destroyed everything.

 

And now I come to reality and realize as the time goes on, this can go bad or good, Im in the worst situation then she is because at the end of the day hes there and im not. Im like confused, lost dangling in dead air not knowing what to do.. I confronted her about the situation and she tells me that a divorce doesn't happen overnight, that she wants to see me more then her husband. But can this all be bull****?! Is she feeding me lies or being honest? Im confused.. Like for me, Im still young,but I traveled a lot, met a lot of ladies, and no one catches me like the way she does. Everything we do, we do like a team, we connect very well, its just crazy how we vibe. Even her close friend which is mines also knows the situation, and she thinks we are both crazyy! And that i should stop, but for me, im the type of person that if she is truely the one, i rather know, then stop now and wonder WHAT IF but at the same time I don't want to get burned. Like I know the married woman cares for me because she trys to mold me as a man, like she'll lecture me, for examples she will tell me to work harder and save my money, and things like be more responsible and start worrying about your future. Like she tries to make me better my life. And thats what attracts me more because I would change for her just to see her happy. Just throwing it in there, we both grew up rough and from broken families. Anyways

 

So Im completely lost.. Plz dont judge me because love has its own language. And as of this moment I feel like its 2 genuine people connecting, despite the complications in between. Has anyone ever been married but divorced the other person and is happily in love with the other spouse? Should i carry this on or just defuse it and drop it? Any advice will help. I think im going to hell... but honestly i feel like everything happens for a reason in life, everything teaches you something or will mold you to your future. So advice plz. What should I do

 

Bro, ALOT of people here will either say "stay away from her because she'll do the same to you" or "OMG you're breaking up a marriage, how terrible, etc".

 

My opinion is that almost all is fair in love and war. I hate the idea of cheating and lying, but it happens.

 

Alot of women fall out of love with their husbands for various reasons and the truth is that it's not a bad thing. People fall in AND out of love with other people all the time. It's human nature. With the way some husbands treat their wives, it doesn't shock me but that's another topic.

 

Spend some more time with her. Charm her. Better yourself WITHOUT HER MAKING YOU BETTER YOURSELF. Create a good economic situation for yourself and for a potential mate. Then after a small significant period of time, be a man and put your foot down. Tell her it's either she leaves her husband to be with you, or it's over. TAKE A STAND. If she really loves you, and is afraid of losing you, she'll run right to you. If not, then you did all you could. But be strong. You'll be shocked how this can work sometimes. Though I can't guarantee a 100% success rate, people here can tell you, it can work wonders.

 

I have personally seen marriages that came from affairs turn out to be great, and I've seen a few that didn't end up well. It's almost like any potential human relationship. Don't let what others tell you here get you down should the people here be negative BUT remember that she could very well be using you for only sex. That's why you'll have to take a stand and be a man like I stated above. Good luck.

[sunnysideplz]

If she wanted only you, she would have filed the divorce papers by now. But she wants you both. Are you satisfied with sharing her with another man? Wouldn't you want someone that belongs only to you? Why settle? It's a very lonely life when you are left alone while she goes back to be with her husband day after day. Wouldn't you want more than that for yourself? Don't you think you deserve better? When you say "Everything happens for a reason", what do you mean by that? That it is God's plan or God's will, or that He somehow brought this person into your life? If that is your thinking, then you are mistaken. God wants marriages to be protected and to be sacred. He doesn't want outsiders to destroy it. Find someone that is deserving of you. This woman is a cheater. You should want better for yourself. You said you were lost. I'm giving you the directions to a better life. Find someone who is trustworthy. Who is worthy of your love. Who you would have all to yourself. You deserve better.

 

Honestly, I understand the situation that she is in.. I havent been married, but I have been in a relationship where I held on for so long, because we faught and I would try to always make it work. Like you put in so much effort, planting the seeds to make it grow and blossom to a healthy relationship, all that work but yet it went sour to a point where u put so much of yourself into the relationship you cant let go, because you dont want to give up. It was just bitter and i held onto something that was dreadfull and it took me very long to realize i have to let it go. Thats how i look at there marriage because why cheat in the first place? unless something is wrong, we are old enough to know whats right and wrong. And obviously there marriage is broken.

 

Like heres scenario like 2 times out of the week she'll actually sleep over at my place, and while she does sleep over her husband doesnt even bother calling her or check up on her. Like for me thats a sign of a bad relationship, and i try to imagine myself being married and honestly if i have a wife and shes out somewhere at 4 in the morning, i dont care where she is what shes doing but i will hunt her down and make her come home because we are married. I would make the world know that she is married with me. And if it doesnt work then goodbye. We are even planing on a little 5 day trip together to Maui Hawaii. So for me this is all odd.. It doesnt add up

 

Ive been in many dates and met many ladies, i tried to connect with many girls mentally and had a good amount of physical attractions. and its like u search for that one all your life, and some people settle for less some search there whole lifes.. And for some reason she came into my life and we just sky rocket, connected at all levels. Im down to earth type of person, and in my eyes she is too. im lost....sighhh

[sunnysideplz]

Bro, ALOT of people here will either say "stay away from her because she'll do the same to you" or "OMG you're breaking up a marriage, how terrible, etc".

 

My opinion is that almost all is fair in love and war. I hate the idea of cheating and lying, but it happens.

 

Alot of women fall out of love with their husbands for various reasons and the truth is that it's not a bad thing. People fall in AND out of love with other people all the time. It's human nature. With the way some husbands treat their wives, it doesn't shock me but that's another topic.

 

Spend some more time with her. Charm her. Better yourself WITHOUT HER MAKING YOU BETTER YOURSELF. Create a good economic situation for yourself and for a potential mate. Then after a small significant period of time, be a man and put your foot down. Tell her it's either she leaves her husband to be with you, or it's over. TAKE A STAND. If she really loves you, and is afraid of losing you, she'll run right to you. If not, then you did all you could. But be strong. You'll be shocked how this can work sometimes. Though I can't guarantee a 100% success rate, people here can tell you, it can work wonders.

 

I have personally seen marriages that came from affairs turn out to be great, and I've seen a few that didn't end up well. It's almost like any potential human relationship. Don't let what others tell you here get you down should the people here be negative BUT remember that she could very well be using you for only sex. That's why you'll have to take a stand and be a man like I stated above. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the advice, you are correct about better myself without her making me. Actually thanks a lot you cleared out a lot of crap running around my crazy brain! mucho appreciated! I have to man the **** up!

[KathyM]

Honestly, I understand the situation that she is in.. I havent been married, but I have been in a relationship where I held on for so long, because we faught and I would try to always make it work. Like you put in so much effort, planting the seeds to make it grow and blossom to a healthy relationship, all that work but yet it went sour to a point where u put so much of yourself into the relationship you cant let go, because you dont want to give up. It was just bitter and i held onto something that was dreadfull and it took me very long to realize i have to let it go. Thats how i look at there marriage because why cheat in the first place? unless something is wrong, we are old enough to know whats right and wrong. And obviously there marriage is broken.

 

Like heres scenario like 2 times out of the week she'll actually sleep over at my place, and while she does sleep over her husband doesnt even bother calling her or check up on her. Like for me thats a sign of a bad relationship, and i try to imagine myself being married and honestly if i have a wife and shes out somewhere at 4 in the morning, i dont care where she is what shes doing but i will hunt her down and make her come home because we are married. I would make the world know that she is married with me. And if it doesnt work then goodbye. We are even planing on a little 5 day trip together to Maui Hawaii. So for me this is all odd.. It doesnt add up

 

Ive been in many dates and met many ladies, i tried to connect with many girls mentally and had a good amount of physical attractions. and its like u search for that one all your life, and some people settle for less some search there whole lifes.. And for some reason she came into my life and we just sky rocket, connected at all levels. Im down to earth type of person, and in my eyes she is too. im lost....sighhh

She's not putting in the effort to make her marriage work. She's stepping out on her husband. Deceiving him. And here she's only been married for one year. How can you respect that? Does that really sound like someone you can build a life with? Doesn't that concern you?

[sunnysideplz]

She's not putting in the effort to make her marriage work. She's stepping out on her husband. Deceiving him. And here she's only been married for one year. How can you respect that? Does that really sound like someone you can build a life with? Doesn't that concern you?

 

Everybody has there reasons, and honestly in all relationships im pretty sure there will be a time in everyones life when cheating or building a life with that significant other there will be a concern of some sort. and like how y2k quote

 

"fair in love and war. I hate the idea of cheating and lying, but it happens.

 

Alot of women fall out of love with their husbands for various reasons and the truth is that it's not a bad thing. People fall in AND out of love with other people all the time. It's human nature. "

 

Im confident in myself, i should not worry about WHAT IF until I actually see it for myself. Because youll never know unless you go through with it and if it works happily then greattt, if it doesnt then at least I know i tried, then rather question myself.

[whichwayisup]

It didn't just happen, you two allowed it. It's one thing to like someone from afar, respect that nothing can happen because of the ring on the finger.. It's another to become close and cross the lines and boundries, so this didn't just happen all of a sudden, you both chose this.

 

You aren't "dating" her, you're having an affair with her. She still goes home to her husband every single night and sleeps in their bed. She still live "life" with him and does things with him (family gatherings, outings etc.,).. To you, it's a relationship, to her, it's an affair. She is in NO position to make any promises, it was wrong of her to allow this to happen. Plus, you are helping her cheat and betray her husband. yeah I know, you're not the one who is married, but imagine having to face her husband one day, and maybe having his fist in your face?

[ascendotum]

I tend to nick pick woman, and tend to have commitment problems

Well, you should have married women as part of your nit-pick criteria, and as for commitment issues, you picked a good one, given she's not available, and as someone else said earlier, you are not dating her!

 

Im in the worst situation then she is because at the end of the day hes there and im not. Im like confused, lost dangling in dead air not knowing what to do.

From where I sit, the husband's situation is pretty ****ty, having some other dude boffing his wife behind his back...while you're a free agent to meet other women, answerable to no woman, but getting a shag from this lady 2 nights a week. I saw your other post about her sleeping over...what exactly does she tell her husband...that she staying over at her gfs place?? If he knows she's sleeping with you then there should be no roadblocks or subterfuge necessary for her to arrange a divorce.

 

Is she feeding me lies or being honest?

You will know better than us when you look into her eyes when you talk to her. Plenty of OW get strung along for years on promises, not sure how it tends to play out for the OMs.

 

So advice plz. What should I do

Listen to your mutual friend and back off and find your own woman, unless you can sit in the wings while she files for divorce, with a given timeline. A lot of OW/OM think the cheating MM/MW is pretty special, and happy to overlook the fact that they are unfaithful cheaters to their partners, this woman one year into her marriage.

[sunnysideplz]

Sorry a little new to this, but what is OW/OM MM/MW

[sunnysideplz]

I look at all situations, Dont you think its bad already that the married woman has to lie and be deceitful, and she has to live and face with it everyday.. Lie to her husband to family members because of some doubt or troubles in there relationship, honestly everyone has some kind of relationship problems and probably something is holding her back, Im not quite sure what it is but whatever it is she chose that path and landed on me.. Maybe divorce papers and lawyers is a handful also, I dont know, i was never married, but i can only imagine.

 

We talk on a sincere level, we seem to be straight forward with each other. And in the end i came to a conclusion, If it works with me then by all means, if it doesnt I havent lost much, but time. But at least I know the out come.

[threebyfate]

It's time to ask her why she hasn't left this guy after only being married a little over a year with no kids.

 

What does she stand to lose in a divorce?

[sunnysideplz]

It's time to ask her why she hasn't left this guy after only being married a little over a year with no kids.

 

What does she stand to lose in a divorce?

 

My assumption is if she has a divorce shell loose her financial stability. Because she has a broken family so she has no place to go.

 

Also, if she sleep over my house from time to time, and her husband doesnt really check up or call her. Which is kind of odd, does that mean hes probably doing the samething? Because for me if my wife is not home on my bed every night, shes going to get it!

[threebyfate]

My assumption is if she has a divorce shell loose her financial stability. Because she has a broken family so she has no place to go.

 

Also, if she sleep over my house from time to time, and her husband doesnt really check up or call her. Which is kind of odd, does that mean hes probably doing the samething? Because for me if my wife is not home on my bed every night, shes going to get it!

If she cares so much about you, why hasn't she left him and shacked up with you?

[Trimmer]

I look at all situations, Dont you think its bad already that the married woman has to lie and be deceitful, and she has to live and face with it everyday.. Lie to her husband to family members because of some doubt or troubles in there relationship...

You're all about the excuses. Your affair "just happened", she "has to lie", she lies "because of some doubt or troubles..."

 

No, you chose your affair.

 

No, she has chosen to lie because she isn't willing to deal with her relationship honestly.

 

I know it makes it easier for you to be with her if you see her behavior in her relationship as a result of her being a victim - either of chance ("it just happened") or of her husband ("her husband doesnt even bother calling her or check up on her"). But in fact, she has chosen to lie to her husband because she won't deal with him honestly. You need to be honest with yourself and see her clearly, to have any chance of figuring out your prospects for a relationship with her.

 

 

We talk on a sincere level, we seem to be straight forward with each other.

Hmmm... And yet:

...for me this is all odd.. It doesnt add up...

Yeah, I bet it doesn't.

 

"fair in love and war. I hate the idea of cheating and lying, but it happens.

Remember this always. You may need it in the future, when you are under attack. I hope it will bring you comfort.

 

Im confident in myself, i should not worry about WHAT IF until I actually see it for myself.

Yeah, don' t worry about WHAT IF until your affair is "outed." Don't worry about "WHAT IF" until you catch her in a lie. Don' t worry about WHAT IF until it's her husband pounding on your door.

[sunnysideplz]

trimmer, im not trying to find excuses but im just trying to analyze it. For me its an emotional roller coaster so yes at times i will question it, thats why im here today. Yes its bad but at the same time, i cant deny this connection. Im trying to place myself in her shoes. Also yea this might happen to me, but honestly how I look at it, it can happen to anyone, you cant control the other person, but u can control and build a great relationship. but if all fails, ive been through it, and im confident in myself to get back up. And How i look at myself, I try to be the best and understanding, so its their lost

[sunnysideplz]

Dude:

 

Affairs are very hot and the sex is great. Anything that is a forbidden secret brings a lot of passion. It is basically the two of you against the world. You belong to the most exclusive secret club in the planet with only two members. The two of you are soul mates and have discovered a very unique love.

 

Yeah right! Your story has been done a zillion times before and the outcome is generally poor. There is nothing unique about what you are doing and you will get hurt. All lovers in extramarital affairs do as the two of you do.

 

The truth is that your relationship only works in the the dark and in secret. If she was single and available to others your relationship would be very different. If there was no tension regarding the fact that she is married you would want her with less intensity. If she was not a troubled married woman you would not be able to play the knight that saves the damsel in distress.

 

The big question is:

 

Why is your relationship a secret?

 

How come she does not tell the husband and leaves him for you?

 

She has no children. So she cannot play the usual "I stay for the kids card".

 

If she needs financial support and a place to live she could move in with you. What is stopping her from doing this?

Okay, I had the biggest talk with her in the middle of the night yesterday and this is her insight on everything

 

She told me to not think its because of me that im breaking there marriage, its been bad already, and somehow I came in the picture. She also said they were fighting already before they got married, but it escalated more as the time grew on. They thought getting married would actually help them out, and get better. (sounds dumb to me, but people do all kinds of stuff to fix a relationship.) They fight continuously about every little thing, and how he'll just makes her feel degraded and insecure; example like how her job doesnt pay her enough and hes making all the money and he"ll nag nag and nag.. Hell starts fights and insult her in front of her sisters and bottom line, shes just not happy. She reassured me that she has feelings for me, and she would love to be with me

 

I gave her an ultimatum she has 6 months to do what is necessary because its not fair for her husband and I, so I guess from there we will see.

 

As for me, Pierre, my financial income is just okay, and she knows this, im pretty sure her husband makes more income then me, seems like a silver spoon prick, that has a profession in computers or something. Anyways, keep in mind I am 26 and independent since forever, a lot of ups and downs bro, still patching up some of my past mistakes and I work at a group home taking care of abuse, mentally ill, and kids from broken family. They don't pay very well, but i love it. Thats what scares me a little tho because its hard manage everything and take care of myself already, whatever itll probably makes me stronger. Anyways, Last night I offered to help her finish school and a place to sleep, so now i just got to be patient, i got 6 months.

 

does all this makes sense?

Edited July 26, 2011 by sunnysideplz

[Trimmer]

Okay, I had the biggest talk with her in the middle of the night yesterday and this is her insight on everything

 

She told me to not think its because of me that im breaking there marriage, its been bad already, and somehow I came in the picture. She also said they were fighting already before they got married, but it escalated more as the time grew on. They thought getting married would actually help them out, and get better. (sounds dumb to me, but people do all kinds of stuff to fix a relationship.) They fight continuously about every little thing, and how he'll just makes her feel degraded and insecure; example like how her job doesnt pay her enough and hes making all the money and he"ll nag nag and nag.. Hell starts fights and insult her in front of her sisters and bottom line, shes just not happy. She reassured me that she has feelings for me, and she would love to be with me

 

I gave her an ultimatum she has 6 months to do what is necessary because its not fair for her husband and I, so I guess from there we will see.

 

As for me, Pierre, my financial income is just okay, and she knows this, im pretty sure her husband makes more income then me, seems like a silver spoon prick, that has a profession in computers or something. Anyways, keep in mind I am 26 and independent since forever, a lot of ups and downs bro, still patching up some of my past mistakes and I work at a group home taking care of abuse, mentally ill, and kids from broken family. They don't pay very well, but i love it. Thats what scares me a little tho because its hard manage everything and take care of myself already, whatever itll probably makes me stronger. Anyways, Last night I offered to help her finish school and a place to sleep, so now i just got to be patient, i got 6 months.

 

does all this makes sense?

Kinda... What's she going to spend 6 months doing? And will you keep seeing her during that time, or will you break it off to give her a chance to think about what she's going to do.

 

Heh - you are becoming the classic "OW" - please buckle your seat belt, and let's run the pre-takeoff checklist:

 

Spouse is reported to be abusive, demeaning, controlling? Check.

Marriage was already bad before you came along? Check.

Demonizing the spouse ("silver spoon prick..") Check.

Long, drawn out ultimatum, so she can "get her ducks in a row"? Check.

 

You are cleared for takeoff. After takeoff, climb and navigate direct to the OM/OW forum, where you will change frequency and contact others who can help you navigate the obstacles to come. Every flight is different, of course, but the terrain is familiar, and there is plenty of airspace to spend time in the holding pattern, as long as your fuel lasts.

[sunnysideplz]

That was a classic. It seems this lady is a classic cake eater and she will string om and husband as long as she can. He should have a talk with the former oms and ows. They could teach teach him a few things.

 

im fairly new so i do not understand the lingo like oms and ows? and a whole bunch more.. is there a dictionary for this?

[Trimmer]

im fairly new so i do not understand the lingo like oms and ows? and a whole bunch more.. is there a dictionary for this?

Go to the FAQ link near the top, and scroll down to the link "Where can I find a list of the commonly used acronyms and abbreviations used on the forum?"

 

In context, the important ones here are:

 

OW - Other Woman - a woman outside a marriage having an affair with the husband (assuming a straight affair)

OM - Other Man - outside male having affair with the wife

 

OP - Other Person/Outside Partner - genderless reference for OW / OM

 

The OW and OM think of their affair partner as a "MM" or "MW"

MM - Married Man

MW - Married Woman

 

BS - Betrayed Spouse - the married partner not participating in the affair

 

From the BS' perspective, the spouse involved in the affair is the "WS"

WS - Wayward Spouse

 

sometimes WW and WH - Wayward Wife and Wayward Husband

sometimes BW and BH - Betrayed Wife and Betrayed Husband

 

I said, jokingly, that you were becoming "like an OW" because it's a somewhat classic story for an Other Woman (OW) having an affair with a married man (MM) to hear excuses about how horrible the marriage is, how they aren't having sex in the marriage, how he "just needs some time" to get his "ducks in a row" before he can leave, etc. etc. etc.... and to give him ultimatums that come and go, while she watches her self-respect wither.

 

Not saying this happens in every case - don't want to paint everyone with one brush, but it is a fairly common story cycle.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Trimmer

[sunnysideplz]

Go to the FAQ link near the top, and scroll down to the link "Where can I find a list of the commonly used acronyms and abbreviations used on the forum?"

 

In context, the important ones here are:

 

OW - Other Woman - a woman outside a marriage having an affair with the husband (assuming a straight affair)

OM - Other Man - outside male having affair with the wife

 

OP - Other Person/Outside Partner - genderless reference for OW / OM

 

The OW and OM think of their affair partner as a "MM" or "MW"

MM - Married Man

MW - Married Woman

 

BS - Betrayed Spouse - the married partner not participating in the affair

 

From the BS' perspective, the spouse involved in the affair is the "WS"

WS - Wayward Spouse

 

sometimes WW and WH - Wayward Wife and Wayward Husband

sometimes BW and BH - Betrayed Wife and Betrayed Husband

 

I said, jokingly, that you were becoming "like an OW" because it's a somewhat classic story for an Other Woman (OW) having an affair with a married man (MM) to hear excuses about how horrible the marriage is, how they aren't having sex in the marriage, how he "just needs some time" to get his "ducks in a row" before he can leave, etc. etc. etc.... and to give him ultimatums that come and go, while she watches her self-respect wither.

 

Not saying this happens in every case - don't want to paint everyone with one brush, but it is a fairly common story cycle.

 

thanks trimmer!

[sunnysideplz]

Alright, here it goes.. She is actually getting a divorce and she is moving out this weekend! Holy ****, this is happening way too fast.

[carhill]

OP, here's a thread with many of the acronyms used on LS and especially in the OW/OM forum

 

I'll boil it down. People who have affairs lie. In all reality, you aren't her only friend, her H isn't a sliver spoon prick and bla, bla. Watch carefully how 'moving out' goes and when and how you can see her. It'll be interesting.

 

I had a masterful MW who strung me along for years, and I allowed that. Threw up a hard boundary (lying to H is unacceptable) and, poof, she was gone. Here's the rub... many years later, when the roles were reversed (I was M and she was divorced), she would tell me that not only was she stringing me along but she was fµcking her employer too. Yep, she didn't have any friends. Small wonder. Experiences with other MW's over the decades has solidified the anecdote into a solid opinion of the dynamic.

 

You're young. My experience as an OM started about the same time. Find a different path. That's all I'm going to suggest. This one isn't fruitful. The absolute worst thing which can happen if you go NC today is that you'll never hear from her again. You won't be diminished in any way whatsoever.

 

It sounds like your passion for caring for the less fortunate (your job, which you love) has also become a feature of your personal life. The sentiment is noble, and valid, but be selective regarding who receives that gift, and to what extent. Otherwise, as I learned over the years, they'll suck you dry. Good luck.