3 Years Total... How much have we really gone through?... is it meant to be?...

[Night-Pheonix]

I've been thinking a lot since my girlfriend was taken away over a week ago (she's been in foster care for a long time because her parents are scum and they moved her to a group home because her sister is a horrid disgusting moron who likes to cause trouble). I have yet to hear from her or see her (She's being kept without contact with anyone, all I can do is mail her and I haven't gotten her reply yet).

 

Anyway, so yeah... my girlfriend has basically been locked up and punished for no damn reason (yes, even the social worker and lawyer comfirmed her doing nothing wrong). Because of it I've gotten a chance to take a step back and look at our relationship as a whole... and I guess I just want to know what other people think about whether or not we're fated, destined, or meant to be together. Many people in my own small existence seems to think so, but I just like the idea of hearing from other people's point of veiw... always have.

 

So... if you feel up to it take the time to read the "short" three year summary and tell me whether or not you think we really have something special. I like to think so, but I'm limited in experience, ya know?

 

 

 

Year One:

We met (obviously), she was dating a friend of mine. We got close and became friends (Note: she is the first of the people I've fallen in love with, but I have loved others). Eventually he broke it off and I went after her. We dated for a short time, but eventually drifted apart (Me forgetting her phone number didn't help much). I looked for the number everywhere, I didn't even know where she lived (something about psycho parents and a shotgun... I'm not kidding), either way I didn't find it... I was flooded with emotions I'd never felt before even though I'd had plenty of girlfriends before her (I'm 19 now). I wanted to she her bad, I missed her...

 

Year Two:

Summer rolled around again... I was hoping to catch her hanging out where we normally did during the summer, a public pool, since I obviously couldn't find her damn number. But, before the pool opened she called me (She lost my number and found it recently in a notebook whilst cleaning). We started getting very close. I never made a move though, too scared (didn't know what to do about all this new emotional crap going on). She kept dropping hints she wanted me, but I never acted. Eventually an ex of hers asked her out, she came up to me right afterwards asking me what I wanted her to do (I guess she was trying to figure out whether or not I wanted her). I told her to do what she wanted, but never mentioned having deep feelings for her. So, she went with him... I told her later I wanted to go out with her, but still never told her how I felt. I helped her cheat on her boyfriend and she even told me she loved me on a few occassions, but each time I wouldn't say anything in response (I wanted to, but.. I was scared I guess). Eventually she started getting distant (I guess she thought I was using her). I made up my mind to tell her, but I couldn't get her alone... at the pool we all hung out with she was never alone and I kept my distance because of the "boyfriend" and I didn't want to tell her on the phone. Eventually I thought she had just used me, and I started treating her badly... she got more and more distant, and I got more and more hurt (I must've hurt her really bad). Evetually things got really bad and we stopped even talking. I got horribly depressed, I though there was something wrong with me to just be used like that (I was stupid, ok)

 

Note: She also had huge family.. "problems" that I didn't know about (Think why she could be in foster care and use your imagination and it's probably not bad enough)

 

Year Three:

Even after what I thought happened I started missing her again.. I started looking for her everywhere for her. Eventually one day she just showed up at my door. This wasn't a "Hi, I was in the neighborhood", this was a "Hi, I just wanted to see you again". She asked for my forgiveness for what happened last year, and even though I was still hurt I wanted her back. Eventually though her mother contacted me late at night wondering where her and her sister were (I figured either she was coming to see me, or another guy). I asked her about it the next day and she told me she went into the city, but wouldn't mention why (I found out recently she was getting drugs... she is off them now, but because of what was happening it was her escape). I broke it off thinking she was just going to use me again (Once again, I know I'm an idoit). She came back quite a few times after that and I brushed her off or treated her like **** (even though I did in fact want her back...), eventually (with the help of a psychotic girlfriend I had broke up with right beforehand) I realized that alot of what happened was my fault... and I started realizing how much of a jackass I'd been. I started missing her more and more, and I was planning on going up to her work one day to apologize and see if we could work stuff out. The day I was planning on going up there I instead passed out on the couch (I had previously been awake for 26 hours) and I was woken up by her. She acted like nothing bad ever happened between us. We started hanging out and I did apologize and tell her how I felt the entire time. She kept telling me she was scared of hurting me... I told her she won't.. not this time things are different. We started going out a little over two months ago. Things were amazing... any problems we had we'd talk em out. We quickly grew closer than we ever have been. Whenever either of us were upset the other would be there to try and cheer things up.

 

Now she trusts me more than anyone else. Because of what she went through she always had a sad empty look on her face.. like her spirit was broken. She's been smiling alot, and we talked what happened a few years ago through.. everything became known. Things couldn't be better (Well, up until the getting taken away thing)... We really love one another... and it feels right.

 

It just seems to me like everything happened for a reason. Every time we got split up we both learned valuble life lessons that made everything now be damn good (it's not perfect.. but it's amazing non the less). It's like fate was trying to be a tricky bitch or something...

 

This is a different feeling than the other girls I've fallen for too... this is deeper, it's just something about her.. It's like I need her to be there, just because she exists, just because of who she is... hard to explain. I think this is a the one kind of thing... I mean.. not matter what we did... we always came back to eachother... no matter how bad it was our connection together drove us to need to be with eachother again.

 

But.. I don't know, I'm still young yet.. maybe I've found true love.. maybe I haven't. Let me know what you think though.. it'd be nice to know whether or not I really am just insane.

 

Any feedback is appreciated... thanks.

[average guy]

I had a somewhat similar first true love experience in some ways. She was abused by her father (who died) and ended up fighting with her mother so much she slept in her car alot. I had an alcholic abusive father who I had to run away from (or kill) at 15. We kept in touch and stayed "in love" but looking back, it was more of a big brother/little sister type caring and empathy because we were both in very painful situations - almost like best buddies who knew each other's deepest dark secrets. It would never have worked for us to be together long term (she was very promiscuios and I was very "marry your first true love" minded).

 

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is try and look at the many facets of love and see which one you two have. Is it a caring brother/sister love? a sexual infatuation love? An 'I-keep-bumping-into-her-so-it-must-be-fate" love?

 

Just be as honest with yourself as you can be, and if it is 'true love' then stick by her - she will definately need someone if she is truly in as bad a situation as it sounds.

 

Best of luck

 

A.G.

[Night-Pheonix]

I'm not sure, but this is more a... I can't stand not having this girl in my life just because of who she is kinda thing. Just the way she is, I'm intoxicated by it... even when I was with the other girl I fell for I still looked back at this girl and wished I could see her again.

 

My life has been a pretty good one, supportive family, spoiled for the most part, everything has generally been good. Actually comments have been made that her and I are a lot like my mother and father. My father came from a good family, good family values, very intelligent, honorable, trustworthy, and caring (Rare, but that's my father for you.. proud to be his son ya know) and my mother came from basically the same ****ed up back ass family that my girlfriend came from. My parents met and six months later they were married. 25 years later and their relationship is still strong. They're like a deep friendship, they can mess with eachother and laugh all the time, but they care so deeply for eachother you can't separate the two. That's what I've had with her... We're close and make eachother laugh, we both mess around alot (she actually got an entire resturant messing with me about smoking now because of when I bought my mother some cigarettes, I don't smoke though.. I hate smoking, but It's funny...). We can tell eachother just about everything. When anything goes wrong we're there for the other. We both get upset when the other is upset, or eventually happy when the other is happy. We go out and have fun, but also just sit there sometimes watching a movie together. We already pretty much share everything with eachother.

 

She's an amazing person... she might not seem like it at first because she puts on a show to keep people away, but I've always been able to get her to take that off. She's beautiful, not just physically, but deep down.. she is the sweetest person I've ever met. I see something in her that I aspire to have more of... I need her in my life, for no other reason that who she is and what she means to me.

 

That is the kind of love I have for her... I believe now I will leave you with a quote, my favorite quote.

 

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an volcano and then subsides, and when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part, because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are." - Rurik

[average guy]

It sounds like you need to keep in touch with her then I would approach her social worker or foster family and tell them that you want to talk to and see her. Explain that you think it is in her best interests. Hopefully, that will open up the channels of communication. If not, you may have to be patient and wait a while for things to settle down and try again.

 

Best of luck

 

Cheers,

 

A.G.

[Night-Pheonix]

I did, I was the one who told her lawyer what happened in the first place. I've been getting help to her for a while...

 

Her lawyer called me today though. The letters I sent her she did receive, but because of where she is she can't get anything else from me (Some ghayed rule about no contact with boyfriends). She can't send anything to me either... except we can communicate through her mother.. which I am NOT doing.. not with knowing what that horrible manipulative bitch is like. there is no way I'm going to trust her mother with any messages for her. The lawyer did say that I'm very romantic (She had to read the letters, some other ghayed rule). But, non the less she got them!

 

We're actually in the process of getting her back here living with me. Soon enough this should be over, it shouldn't last much longer.

 

I'm definately getting a necklace I saw with three sapphire on it to go with the ring I gave her a while ago, and I'm getting her lawyer a fruit basket.