zlatnapolja Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 A few hours ago I posted this (you dont have to read the whole thing, if you do thanks so much!!) Short version of the story: My BF has an ex GF, in the first months of our relationship he went to the movie with her twice. One time I called him and I heard her on the other side of the phone and him saying 'what are you doing, go away' to her. Turns out she was bringing him food because he was sick... Another time I was there, and she came over to his house, because she wanted to study there. She used to call him a lot 3, 4, 5, 6 times a day and she would tell him she wanted sex with him. At a certain point, my BF promissed me he he wouldn't contact her anymore, and would ignore her calls and delete her from his contact list etc. I didn't force him to do this! However he broke his promiss, over and over and over again, after he saw how much it meant to me. For the past few months things were okay... But 1,5-2 weeks ago, I found out he's been calling her again anddddd he still has pictures on his computer of her and another ex GF. He says he misses the friendship and doesn't want anything else. It upsets me so much it drives me crazy. I love this guy so much, and I take a lot of crap from him. But I don't want to be confronted with other girls time after time after time after time. And I don't want him to tell me I'm nagging him or stuff like that. I'm okay with him having female friends, I really am! And he has female friends, and I know them and we get along just fine. I just had a fight with him, and I feel like I've really had it with him. I just want him to keep his promiss to me, and to stop liying to me:( I'm a really happy person, but this is making me feel so insecure and sad... All he does is tell me I'm nagging him and that I need to trust him, but that he loves me. But guys how can I trust someone that breaks his promisses like this and than lies about it? So the story continues: Just hang up the phone. All of a sudden he started to get angry and told me that I was mean. She had supported him when his mom died (why on earth has he never mentioned this before?). I feel terrible that his mom died on such a young age! I almost lost my mother last year, its horrible! In all the time, that this has been an issue he has never ever said to me: 'listen honey, the reason I want to keep her a friend is because she was there when my mom died.' Instead he told me how she hated me and wanted to hit me and how she wanted to have sex with him. Besides (and I did NOT tell him this, and I wil never tell him this), his sister once told me that she hates the girl, because of the fact that when their mom was sick, the ex acted so weird around her. So thats my only information, how on earth was I supposed to know all this???? In the end he got me to say 'I'm sorry' about a 100 times, he had me saying he could still have contact with her, and had me feeling guilty about the whole thing. I cant take this anymore, I'm so shocked about the whole thing. How on earth can he think I'm not being respectful of his mothers death? And I told him: 'I'ts the most awful thing there is... I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through all of this, especially not you and your sister and your mom!!' And he just said: yea yea just stop talking. What do I do?
keepsmilin74 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I don't think he is deliberately manipulating you, he is just immature and treating you badly. If you let it continue it will only get worse and he will learn how to msnipulate you for real! Even if it is not deliberate now, it still hurts a lot. Still seeing his ex and using his mother's death is very low. I think you should break up with him and tell him you might talk to him again when he has grown up. Sorry, goodluck for your future, this one is not a good relationship. Edited July 25, 2011 by keepsmilin74 posted before finished typing
Spark1111 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I don't think he is deliberately manipulating you, he is just immature and treating you badly. If you let it continue it will only get worse and he will learn how to msnipulate you for real! Even if it is not deliberate now, it still hurts a lot. Still seeing his ex and using his mother's death is very low. I think you should break up with him and tell him you might talk to him again when he has grown up. Sorry, goodluck for your future, this one is not a good relationship. I agree! He is manipulative and he may be using his mother's death to gaslight you. Why the hell are you apologizing? It is okay to tell him "I'm glad she was a supportive friend to you during your mother's death, but she wants to have sex with you and hates me. She is NO FRIEND to our relationship, but you refuse to see that and let her go.... So, I'll go." Say buh-bye and find a man who treats you with respect.
Arikel Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I agree! He is manipulative and he may be using his mother's death to gaslight you. Why the hell are you apologizing? It is okay to tell him "I'm glad she was a supportive friend to you during your mother's death, but she wants to have sex with you and hates me. She is NO FRIEND to our relationship, but you refuse to see that and let her go.... So, I'll go." Say buh-bye and find a man who treats you with respect. He sounds really selfish and I wonder if he even cares about your feelings? Seems like he's more concerned about HIM and HIS needs/wants, and not taking you into account
Lovelybird Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Others will treat us badly only to the degree that we allow them. If you show that no matter what he did to you, you are ok with that, he lose respect for you. My counselor told me, if a man cannot respect you, he cannot love you. One thing can earn his respect is to tell him, he is free to date any of his exes, but don't bother to contact you at all. If he is ready to cut all those nonsense, then you are ready for taking him back. the more apologetic you are to him, the more he reads you as desperate, and will lose respect for you.
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 Thanks guys! Spark1111, I said these exact words to him. He says that she's a good person and that it hurts him that I say she's mean. And that its ridiculous for me to even think that he's going to get back together with her. And when I told him that I was glad she was there for him when his mom died, he told me to stop talking about that subject. For the first time in over 1,5 years, I do not feel the need at all to talk to him or to see him. This is by far the worst thing he could have said to me. I'm not going to argue with him anymore, I just want to forget about him even though thats difficult. He send me a meesage this morning, saying that he loves me so much, but that I need to understand that she doesnt mean anything to him. I don't have the energy for this.. my own mom has been sick for over a year, I myself am really sick (keep getting really bad infections in and around my large intestine, docters say theyve never seen anything like it and its really dangerous) , and haven't been diagnosed yet, it's really stressing me out. Please tell me how I can get over this guy. Where do I go from here? Do I just ignore him?
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