ConfuseddOne Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 My ex girlfriend broke up with me around 2 months ago. Im 23 and shes 20. She said i was her first love, and we were together for 10 months. She told me its the longest relationship she has ever been in. We never fought or had any problems. We actually lived together for 5 months and it was the best times of our lives. Her parents loved me and my parents loved her, it was that "Perfect Relationship." The one thing that hurt our relationship was when her friends wanted to go out and party with her but i didnt really want to. I went out with her a couple times but they kept telling her to break up with me until she finally did. Ive been doing the NC thing for about 2 weeks now and its been really hard because i know i still love her. She just recently texted me saying she was talking with someone else and my question is after 2 months of being broke up is she on a rebound "talking stage?" We have classes together and always randomly run into each other around campus at the pool or weightroom. I still love her and i want her back but its not up to me its up to her will she eventually come back to me?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 nobody can tell you whether she will come back or not. sometimes the dumper does come back... most times they don't. I will tell you though that it isn't uncommon for the dumper to jump into a relationship quickly after doing the dumping and 2 months is actually a rather long time compared to a lot of others that are suffering on here. Just read a few of the other threads and you will see loads of people saying their dumper found someone else a few days after breaking up or a month after breaking up, then their are the ones that had been cheated on and their dumper is now with the person they cheated with. I'd advise you to move on and heal. Go NC without the hopes of her ever coming back, that way if she comes back you can be surprised and if she doesn't then you will already have a jump start to healing.
GymRat Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 i had something half written to reply to you, but i read another post before i finished it, and you should read it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3529420&posted=1#post3529420
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 My question is why did she text you to inform you that she was talking to someone? Did you ask her or did she just volunteer this information? If she just sent you a text saying that she's talking to someone else, then it's just her being cruel and you really don't need that in your life.
Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 The dumper typically has a smaller "rebound" period...two months is plenty of time to move on even if dumped IMO, well at least for me...Id do my best to not think about her
Author ConfuseddOne Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 I don't really remember how it happened. We were just texting and she asked if I was talking to anyone I said no then I asked her and she told me she was. I wish I could say it's easy to get over her but its not even after 2 months. I'm thinking she's on a rebound thing how long will it take for her to realize she's not over me and try to come back? I really miss her and would give anything to have her back.
Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I don't really remember how it happened. We were just texting and she asked if I was talking to anyone I said no then I asked her and she told me she was. I wish I could say it's easy to get over her but its not even after 2 months. I'm thinking she's on a rebound thing how long will it take for her to realize she's not over me and try to come back? I really miss her and would give anything to have her back. Id say odds are in favor of that not happening...while it does happen at times...the dumper coming back is the exception rather than the rule
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 haha 2 months is nothing. I was with mine for almost 5 years, living together for most of it, and I didn't even get a week before she was dating... and we still live together until she can move.
wilsonx Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) haha 2 months is nothing. I was with mine for almost 5 years, living together for most of it, and I didn't even get a week before she was dating... and we still live together until she can move. No way, kick her ass to the curb. Tell her to get on craigslist. This is completely unacceptable and you should not tolerate it. She is dating someone now she can move in with him. I got played at the end of my relationship but I will tell you the second I kicked the bitch to the curb, I started regaining my dignity and self respect. She will not make any effort to move until you MAKE her. Edited July 25, 2011 by wilsonx
stillafool Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 At your gf's age, I can see her being in another relationship after 2 months. I think you should start dating other girls and move on. I don't see her coming back again any time soon. She's young and will probably go from the new guy she is dating to another guy, but not back again. Too young and too much to experience to settle down. BTW, it doesn't matter whether the parents were happy with the relationship or not, it matters how she felt.
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 No way, kick her ass to the curb. Tell her to get on craigslist. This is completely unacceptable and you should not tolerate it. She is dating someone now she can move in with him. I got played at the end of my relationship but I will tell you the second I kicked the bitch to the curb, I started regaining my dignity and self respect. She will not make any effort to move until you MAKE her. Well both names are on the lease, but plans are for her to be out very soon. She doesn't want to be here any more than I want her here.
ThatBwoii Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Sorry to make this sound hrsh but i think that she had already met somebody just after she split up with you, and you re just finding this out now. she had no real reason to split up with you so i think i am right from what i have read.
Ginger Beer Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Sorry to make this sound hrsh but i think that she had already met somebody just after she split up with you, and you re just finding this out now. she had no real reason to split up with you so i think i am right from what i have read. Yep. This seems to be unbelievably common.
ThatBwoii Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Yep. This seems to be unbelievably common. Nobody withdraws from a healthy relationship with no good reason, and to e honest i couldnt find it, so either she left because she met somebody else, something he is not telling us, or she is a psycopath.
Author ConfuseddOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Alright I can see where yalll are coming from. I'm not sure how long she has been talkin with this new guy. From what it looks like I would say about a week now. There is no way she was talking or found this new guy at the end of our relationship. When she broke up with me she was devastated. Everytime we would meet up to see how each other has been she would cry and it didn't stop until the weeks went by. I am thinking it will also take her about two months to figure out If she wants to be with him me or just be single again. With that being said, there wasn't really a good reason she broke up with me accept the fact I wasn't a partier and something about how her friends really didn't like me because of it. She let her friends pretty much make her decision rather then doing it on her own. I hooked up with a couple girls in the past couple weekends and I still think about her just as much if not more then when she broke up wit me. I have decided I'm gonna go to a new gym and pool this was the whole NC thing can have it's full effect. Also she is not psycho, shes the sweetest girl I have ever met and I'm that "Nice Guy." It seemed like the perfect relationship but the only thing I could think might have hurt our relationship was the fact that I'm 23 and Shes 20. It comes down to she wants to party have fun and I want to relax and enjoy my time with my girlfriend. I was thinking about trying one last attempt and call her in a month to see where shes at in her life, that is if she hasn't already contactes me what do yall think?
stillafool Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Most 20 and 23 year olds like to party. I don't think your gf is odd because she is 20 and wants to party. That's the age when people should party hard so when you turn 30 you won't feel like you've missed anything. Only time will tell about your gf. Yes, try to get back with her again after a month if you still want to, but if she resists you have to move on for good. I can understand her feeling sad and crying when you met in the past because it isn't easy to say goodbye. I'm sure she will always have good memories of the two of you as it sounds like you were her first love. I do see her moving on and so should you.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) In all honesty, 20 is very young to be in a committed long term relationship. She's got a LONG WAY to go to developing into an adult. I'm in a similar boat as it's been almost 3 months since my ex dumped me (seems longer). She broke up with me because she wanted a "fairy tale love story where she was head over heels in love with someone". She had lied to me many times telling me she was in love with me and did many things that people normally don't do for people they just "like". I was heart broken for a month, then I hated her for the month after that. I hated that she used me to help her move and dumped me 3 days later. I hated that she lied about how she felt (she admitted to me she had been thinking of breaking up for a couple months). I hated that she embarrassed me in front of my family as she met them 2 days before she dumped me, so I had to answer a phone call from my parents saying "hey, we really like your gf, she seems nice, how's everything going?". Yeah, awkward, and embarrassing to say "yeah mom and dad, she dumped me". Anyway, I just recently found out a couple weeks ago she has been dating a new guy and it upset me too. I almost emailed her and bitched her out but I didn't. She's not worth it. She is so soulless and low that she can jump from one relationship to the next without second thought. See, relationships are meaningless to her and saying things like "I love you" hold no water. There's no new spark or appreciation for holding a special connection with someone. To me, I recognize how special that is, and I'm at a point now where I feel bad for her that she doesn't appreciate that. It's like the spoiled brat kid who gets every toy he ever wanted so when christmas comes around it's no big deal to him. But the poor kid whose parents can't afford everything, give him one special gift that year and the poor kid really really appreciates it and it makes him the happiest kid ever on christmas. I feel like the poor kid, and I'm glad to be the poor kid, because although I'm hurting now and I've been burned many times, I still recognize something great when I have it, and I'd much rather know and feel that strongly about a relationship than allow such special things to become so trivial and meaningless. Keep your head up. You're still young, try to find a way to improve yourself (i.e. I went to the gym every day instead of crying all day and now I'm 25 lbs lighter and ripped, I get comments all the time). Do something to change and improve yourself. You'll feel better. Learn from this and use it to help you make better decisions in the future and let it develop you. Edited July 26, 2011 by GivenUp0083
Author ConfuseddOne Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Man GivenUp you are like in the exact same position as me. It's coming up on 3 months since she broke up with me. See the thing is she started talking with this new guy a couple days ago and before that we hooked up like 3 weeks ago. Also just like you GivenUp like 3 days before the breakup both of our families spent the weekend together everyone got along at it was like the perfect situation. It kills me even more that my parents loved her as much as I did and vise versa her parents loved me. So after 3 months GivenUp how do you feel about your ex? Im right behind you and coming up on 3 months. I'm hoping after a month or so of being with this new guy she comes to her senses and realizes she doesn't want to be with him and starts thinking about coming back to me. It's now been 5 days of NC since she told me "Shes talking with someone else." I am going to continue the NC it's actually becoming a little easier as the days and weeks keep passing. The nights are the worst though especially when I cant stop dreaming about her. Do yall really think it's over or will she comes to her senses around a month or so?
skibum Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I know its hard but its not your business. Use it to get over her. Plus what is talking to someone? Who cares? I talk to girls every day. My gf of 5 and a half years was dating someone less than a month after she broke up with me and promised it was not for another guy. Use that anger to regain your self respect. Anyone who does that is not worth your time. Honestly, you deserve someone better than that. Anything they say or do after breaking up with you is not worthy of your mental time. And they will try to still look good in others eyes and lie about it so dont believe anything they say.
dreamscape123 Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 My ex girlfriend broke up with me around 2 months ago. Im 23 and shes 20. She said i was her first love, and we were together for 10 months. She told me its the longest relationship she has ever been in. We never fought or had any problems. We actually lived together for 5 months and it was the best times of our lives. Her parents loved me and my parents loved her, it was that "Perfect Relationship." The one thing that hurt our relationship was when her friends wanted to go out and party with her but i didnt really want to. I went out with her a couple times but they kept telling her to break up with me until she finally did. Ive been doing the NC thing for about 2 weeks now and its been really hard because i know i still love her. She just recently texted me saying she was talking with someone else and my question is after 2 months of being broke up is she on a rebound "talking stage?" We have classes together and always randomly run into each other around campus at the pool or weightroom. I still love her and i want her back but its not up to me its up to her will she eventually come back to me? GIGS...... there is a great thread regarding this... give it a read my friend... explains lots
Author ConfuseddOne Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 For those of y'all who still wanna give me some advice. *Update* It's been about 2 weeks or so since she has been talking with her new guy. They just got back from six flags a couple days ago. It seems like they really could workout. Then again I found out this guy just got out of a 3 year relationship about a year ago. Since then he has dated a couple and talked with ALOT of girls. His ex said I give it 5 months tops and told me all this a couple days ago. He is also a bartender at the club. I'm thinking he is just a player and might even just be using her. Atleast shes getting that party guy she really wanted with all those free drinks but is that what she really wants? Is she really happy? What do y'all think about all of this?
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Not your concern anymore. What YOU need to focus on is letting her go, cutting ALL ties from her and start to heal. And off the record, her relationship probably won't go anywhere.
radiodarcy Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 For those of y'all who still wanna give me some advice. *Update* It's been about 2 weeks or so since she has been talking with her new guy. They just got back from six flags a couple days ago. It seems like they really could workout. Then again I found out this guy just got out of a 3 year relationship about a year ago. Since then he has dated a couple and talked with ALOT of girls. His ex said I give it 5 months tops and told me all this a couple days ago. He is also a bartender at the club. I'm thinking he is just a player and might even just be using her. Atleast shes getting that party guy she really wanted with all those free drinks but is that what she really wants? Is she really happy? What do y'all think about all of this? first of all two weeks isn't really long enough for much of anything to take hold, they're probably still in the honeymoon period. as for your remaining questions: not to sounds crass but it doesn't matter if she's really happy or if this is what she wants. let her figure that out for herself. all that matters is that you continue to move on with your life and concentrate on your healing.
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