Guys, What Do You Do If An Ugly Girl Approaches You?

[verhrzn]

I've been reading an advice book in which the author says as a woman, I need to "SEE" men... meaning, whenever I see a guy I'm interested in, I need to 1) smile 2) make eye contact (the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi and look away) and 3) exude positive energy.

 

She then says that once you've done the whole smile/eye contact thing, if you get a chance, you should approach him and use an ice breaker (like asking for the time or something.) She claims with these methods combined, guys will just flock to you.

 

However, I'm doubtful. The author is a leggy blond... I imagine there aren't a lot of methods that WOULDN'T work for her.

 

So question for you guys... what would you reaction be if an ugly/unattractive girl tried this with you? I've had a table of guys oink at me as I walked by, and I wasn't even looking at any of them. Would this method really be successful for someone who isn't good looking? If not, what method could an ugly girl possibly use?

[KathyM]

I've been reading an advice book in which the author says as a woman, I need to "SEE" men... meaning, whenever I see a guy I'm interested in, I need to 1) smile 2) make eye contact (the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi and look away) and 3) exude positive energy.

 

She then says that once you've done the whole smile/eye contact thing, if you get a chance, you should approach him and use an ice breaker (like asking for the time or something.) She claims with these methods combined, guys will just flock to you.

 

However, I'm doubtful. The author is a leggy blond... I imagine there aren't a lot of methods that WOULDN'T work for her.

 

So question for you guys... what would you reaction be if an ugly/unattractive girl tried this with you? I've had a table of guys oink at me as I walked by, and I wasn't even looking at any of them. Would this method really be successful for someone who isn't good looking? If not, what method could an ugly girl possibly use?

I have a suggestion to make. I'm not a guy, but I do have a suggestion for you. Although I would certainly recommend making the most of your appearance that you can, the best way for a plain girl to attract a man is to attract them with other things. Your personality, for one thing. That would mean getting involved in things where men could get to know you and appreciate you for your personality, your character, your charm, your sense of humor, etc. That's not going to happen with guys you meet on the street. You have to use the assets you have to the best of your ability. That will come from people getting to know you before asking you out. Get involved with activities, volunteer opportunities, church groups, etc. where people can get to know you first. Then they'll be attracted to your other qualities. I wouldn't suggest using the approach that the author suggested. You will likely get a lot of rejection from that. Use the assets you have, and get to know people first.

[U1987]

I've been reading an advice book in which the author says as a woman, I need to "SEE" men... meaning, whenever I see a guy I'm interested in, I need to 1) smile 2) make eye contact (the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi and look away) and 3) exude positive energy.

 

She then says that once you've done the whole smile/eye contact thing, if you get a chance, you should approach him and use an ice breaker (like asking for the time or something.) She claims with these methods combined, guys will just flock to you.

 

However, I'm doubtful. The author is a leggy blond... I imagine there aren't a lot of methods that WOULDN'T work for her.

 

So question for you guys... what would you reaction be if an ugly/unattractive girl tried this with you? I've had a table of guys oink at me as I walked by, and I wasn't even looking at any of them. Would this method really be successful for someone who isn't good looking? If not, what method could an ugly girl possibly use?

 

I don't remember who said this, but there's a saying "There are no ugly women; only lazy ones."

 

You're right about the "leggy blond;" there are few things that won't work for an attractive girl; she could be the most socially awkward or obnoxious person in the world but if she's pretty, there are still guys who'll find her attractive.

 

If you feel like you're unattractive, eat better, get in shape, do your hair, make up, do whatever it takes to make your skin look clear etc.

 

If that sounds unfair, then you're right, it is unfair... FOR GUYS.

 

A girl mostly just have to worry about looking good, but for a guy, it's not enough to be good looking. I've known guys who looked like male models go forever without dates and have to settle for girls they weren't all too attracted to.

 

A guy has to work on his personality and how he projects himself more than his body to attract girls, and it's a lot, LOT harder to change what's inside than outside.

[alphamale]

Would this method really be successful for someone who isn't good looking?

no, not really

[verhrzn]

I don't remember who said this, but there's a saying "There are no ugly women; only lazy ones."

 

If you feel like you're unattractive, eat better, get in shape, do your hair, make up, do whatever it takes to make your skin look clear etc.

 

I'm about as attractive as I'm gonna get. I do wear make up and I have decent skin, but I literally can't lose weight. Unless I turn to surgery, it looks like I am stuck with the body and face shape I have. So aside from "get more attractive," which I really CAN'T, what else can I do?

 

@Alpha

So if it wouldn't work, what would?

[ThsAmericanLife]

Everyone gets 'ugly' eventually... at least physically ugly. It is called aging.

 

The ones I feel sorriest for are the ones who have not developed their personalities and only use their natural physical attractiveness, or developed their personalities towards mechanisms that are sick and twisted to keep other sick people around.

 

...then they get old, and have nothing.

 

There are TONS of things you can do to make yourself more attractive... both inside and outside.

 

The men I've dated have ranged from, yes, supermodel good looks to objectively physically unattractive in some people's eyes. In the latter case, he just had this air of calm confidence that I found incredibly attractive. Ultimately, it didn't work for us because I decided I couldn't be a politician's wife (being in the public eye is not my favorite thing). But I still consider him to be very attractive... despite his not being born with physical good looks.

 

The ones who stood out always made the most of what they were born with... whatever that was.

 

You can too!!

[ThsAmericanLife]

One of my best male friends is quite good looking, but has a wider range than some other men when it comes to physical attractiveness in the women he dates... Ya know what?? Only once that I know of did he ever end up dating a woman who ended up being complete b*tch or psycho... and she was the 'gorgeous' one.

 

... and I'd agree with 'alphamale's advice about "playing in your own league"... If you are an a**hole, then stick to other a**holes and those who like mean people.

 

Not everyone wants or needs a beauty queen on the 'outside'.

 

It is a cliche, but definately true, that to some extent, you can't help how you are born. However, you CAN change what is inside, and be a beautiful, loving person and have a very happy life though. Don't let the s**theads get 'cha down.

[verhrzn]

Very few people are so ugly that they can’t find someone similar in looks who will be attracted to them. I seriously doubt you are this ugly (if you’re ugly at all. Most people are average, so stop worrying about not being hot.) Select guys who are comparable in attractiveness and only approach if he keeps looking over at you and smiling.

 

I disagree with the others. What you describe could work for you, especially if you target less attractive men.

 

I thought I was... the guys I go after aren't male models by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, the type of guy I actually prefer are nerds... And yet, I'm not even attractive enough for nerds. They're okay making out with me, but dating? They're "not ready for a romantic relationship" or "have stuff to figure out".... in other words, I only meet their standards for friends-with-benefits (ugly but great personality!)

 

So, pretty much the answer is die alone eh?

[Dust]

The best advice I can give you is don’t be fat. Learn about healthy eating, true healthy eating which pretty much means one thing… Eat plenty of fresh foods like raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and make water the main thing you drink. Don’t eat the high processed sugar food you eat now like the white breads, white pastas, cereals, sugar drinks etc. etc.

 

Other then that yes smiling and saying something to guys like “nice weather” or “what time is it?” should work better then nothing. Though even when a hot girl smiles and asks a guy a question many guys are to afraid. The thing is you won’t know so you don’t have to take it personal and it can only help your chances. Like I said though getting in shape and healthy will be your best bet with men. Though I see fat women with dates and husbands every where I look so that in itself won’t stop you just make it harder.

[ptp]

verhrzn,

I feel for you, I am a not very attractive male and it is hard. Believe me it is harder for us males than women.

 

First I would urge you not to give up on losing weight. Not for your attractiveness but, for your health. It is not healthy to be overweight and it will lead to significant health problems that can be avoided by weight loss.

 

It is never too late to lose weight, look on youtube and you will see plenty of videos of people who have made exceptional transformations. All it takes is you wanting to change. You can do it.

 

Okay having said that, if you don't look like a supermodel, you have to use your other skills (sense of humor, personality) to attract someone. A bar or club will not be the best environment for that. Find ways to meet guys where you can talk to them and they can get to know your personality.

 

Also consider dating websites. I recently had a friend meet this girl who isn't considered very attractive by traditional standards. She had put up 0 pictures of herself on the dating website but had filled out all the other info.

 

She also wrote a unique and funny bio. My friend emailed her because after reading her bio, he was laughing so hard he just had to. He didn't ask for pictures right away. They started conversing over email, then chat, then phone.

 

After a few days they got along so well and had so much in common my friend didn't really care what she looked like.

 

It has been a few weeks, they still haven't met face to face but, she eventually did send some pictures. Both of them seem happy.

Edited July 25, 2011 by ptp

[carhill]

FTR, the OP is nowhere, nohow near ugly. In one of her other threads, I posted a picture of what I envisioned her to look like (she was talking about steampunk), and the pictures she posted (now removed) look remarkably similar. Ugly is not her problem.

 

Edited to add one I found. She's in yellow. Like I said...

 

If she wasn't young enough to be a daughter, I would ask her out in a hot minute, and would have at her age. Find different men.

Edited July 25, 2011 by carhill

[tami-chan]

First of all, OP, you are NOT fat...and please you are NOT ugly either...I bet there are women checking your picture right now, wishing they look half as good as you and men who are wishing they are where you are and you are making eye contact with them. You are not model thin, you are voluptuous...(stop checking her chest alpha! lol...I kid ).

[Sith Apprentice]

What the hell? If that photo is real then you're neither ugly nor fat. You are actually more attractive than most women in my opinion. Why don't you date one of those guys in your photo? Looks like you share common interests.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Sith Apprentice

[thatone]

you are neither ugly or fat but from a man, here's some pointers.

 

your hair looks like you're the tomboy'ish daughter in an early 80s family picture. it's neither short or long. make up your mind and go with one or the other. there's nothing wrong with short, mind you, short hair on women often looks very nice and sophisticated, but if you're gonna cut it short cut it SHORT.

 

like this...

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hnkcs_4Dq4/TT8CgW3jMvI/AAAAAAAAANU/PC5hTyIOHgE/s1600/13.jpg

 

if it's shorter in the back that accents the length of your neck, let the bangs grow out so that they fall into/around your eyes a bit, and add a choker type necklace to that, and you have a winning look.

 

if you go the opposite route and grow it long, the same applies, a woman's hair chopped off at the bangs above her eyes is not a flattering look for the vast majority of women, unless your face is a rare beauty, you're not gonna pull it off. so let your hair do some of the work for you.

 

we don't know how you normally dress from that picture but women have so many options to make themselves look better by clothing that there's no reason to fail to take advantage of them. dark skirts with dark stockings will ALWAYS be sexy and appropriate for both work and social situations, and they don't cost much. yeah some women are naturally built well enough to be drop dead gorgeous even in t shirts and jeans but that's not everyone. use clothes to your advantage. as for the tops you wear with those skirts, they don't have to reveal everything but your nipples (despite what some women seem to think who dress that way) but revealing your shoulders and upper chest is good. again, dark colors are pretty much universally sexy for such things. if it's the rest of your body you're worried about, the dark skirt and stockings coupled with a top that reveals your shoulders will make you look thinner, just like a well fitting dark jacket on a man makes him look slimmer.

 

your face is by no means ugly, but it isn't particularly memorable. something that would work wonders, honestly, is wearing glasses. there isn't a man alive who never had the "sexy librarian" fantasy and women with fair skin and dark hair who wear glasses can create that look pretty easily.

 

and i'm gonna make a wild guess and assume you got the "oink" comment at one of these comic book/costume conventions, and the reason you got it is because there's enough sexual frustration amongst the 'men' (and i use that term loosely) at such a place to float the titanic, and the only way they can live with their social failures is to mock all women with one hand and masturbate to 12 year old japanese cartoon girls with the other. so no, you're not going to find men at such places, you're going to find boys.

 

go get some well fitting dark colored skirts and tops, some black stockings, some shoes that match the outfits, get some hair advice, and pick the higher class restaurants/bars that men go to in your city. walk in alone, and sit down with a book or a magazine. i guarantee you that you will be approached, and it probably won't take long.

 

First of all, OP, you are NOT fat...and please you are NOT ugly either...I bet there are women checking your picture right now, wishing they look half as good as you and men who are wishing they are where you are and you are making eye contact with them. You are not model thin, you are voluptuous...(stop checking her chest alpha! lol...I kid ).

 

exactly, and there are lots of men who think that model thin is not attractive, myself included.

Edited July 25, 2011 by thatone

[Iced Mocha]

Wow Op, you don't need to do anything to your figure! You are slim and you have a desirable hip waist ratio, and curvy figure what are you talking about!! Depending on your height you are probably between 100 and 120 lbs, which is not overweight on any charts

[Eternal Sunshine]

To be honest, your looks are not the problem AT ALL.

 

I have a friend whose sister is 28, obese with a really plain face and equally plain personality. She always has a boyfriend. She is very geeky and into some specific type of anime (among other stuff) and she just targets guys with similar obscure interests that are not too good looking. I have to admit that she is a great cook. I have observed that if she gets past the first date with a guy, she ends up with him for > 6 months. I would post her picture and her newest bf but that would be mean

[oaks]

Edited to add one I found. She's in yellow. Like I said...

 

I can't tell much about her face from that fuzzy photo but she doesn't seem to be ugly. Nice body. Nice corset. Perhaps shorter than I like but I see she's not afraid to wear heels.

[oaks]

So question for you guys... what would you reaction be if an ugly/unattractive girl tried this with you?

 

Having established that you're not ugly I'll answer this question anyway...

 

If a girl I don't find attractive approaches me and starts talking to me then I either don't realise that she's trying to get my attention and just take her questions and conversation at face value... so if she asks for the time I tell her the time or if she asks the way to some easy-to-find landmark I tell her the way. Or, I realise that she's trying to hit on me (or trying to encourage me to hit on her) and I don't go for the bait on account of me not finding her attractive, so things progress as above except I'm even less helpful with giving directions to the easy-to-find landmark.

 

To be honest, if pretty girls do this to me I probably fail to realise that they are trying to get my attention, too, and just end up being helpful. I think this is a side effect of having been in a LTR for too long... I need to unlearn some habits.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Oh and another thing. The look-smile-look thing would work great in a bar setting. Just don't expect to find quality guys in there.

 

When I was in my early 20's, I used to go to bars or clubs with friends. Once there, I would break away from the group and go to buy a drink alone. While waiting for the drink, I would quickly scan the crowd and note guys that are checking me out already (I can guarantee you that there will always be some). I would pick the most attractive out of the lot and do look-smile-look away-look back thing. I would say that the guy would come over to talk to me about 90% of the time.

[Ross MwcFan]

That was terrible of those guys to oink at you.

 

For one, after looking at your pic, you're not ugly at all, and you're not fat, but you have a curvy figure which a lot of guys like.

[zengirl]

Oh, you're cute! So the thread title is irrelevant (though I really did wonder what guys felt when a woman they found unattractive approached them; I know I just feel awkward and guilty when a man I find unattractive approaches me). When you said you've had guys oink at you, was it in middle school or something? I mean, that **** happens when you're a teenager sometimes. I know oodles of pretty girls who were made fun of for their looks when they were younger and it gave them insecurity complexes.

 

Being cute doesn't = everyone would go out with you (though I'm sure a lot of guys would), of course.

 

At any rate, approaching guys is scary till it isn't. The "subtle cues" thing rarely works for me. Sometimes it does these days because I've learned to talk to everyone. For awhile, I would wind up having guys I'd never want to talk to come up to me, turning them down, and then guys I'd want to talk to being even more nervous than they were in the first place. But either way that's bad, because it's like the guy you don't like is either all in your space, so the right guys stay away, or the guy you don't like slinks away and other guys think, "She's not looking to talk to anyone." Instead, if I see someone I want to talk to, I go talk to him.

 

That sounded really scary for awhile. And then it just became normal. And now it's just what I do. Not every guy I'd date would go out with me, and that's totally okay, as I wouldn't go out with every guy who asks me out either.

 

At any rate, it looks like you're a cute, nerdy chick (is that at a con?). You should do just fine. Your stock will rise as you get older, too.

[Sivok]

Haha. Keep in mind that the vast, vast majority of guys are in no way used to girls approaching them. Even then, they might not know what to do - and it has nothing to do with your looks. I had this happen to me twice now. I'll give you the most recent.

 

Last spring, I was walking around my dining hall gathering food when i made eye contact with a brunette I considered extremely attractive. Later on, while I was getting Soy Milk, she walked up to me and said something along the lines of "Yay you like soy milk too!". I completely choked. I just kind of stared at her, looked back at my glass getting filled by the dispenser, looked at her again and was like "yeah... much tastier than normal milk". I gave her a very awkward high five and walked away, oh boy .

 

I feel I'm personally more confident and better at approaching rather than being approached - I think that might go for alot of guys as well. You can try online dating - it has tons of people of all sorts of interest. I think that's the best way to get someone's emotions flowing before meeting, making whatever insecurities you have about your body less relevant.

[verhrzn]

Thanks for the compliments guys, but whether I'm really ugly or not based on objective opinion seems to be a moot point. For reasons I really can't pin down, guys treat me as if I am, so I assume I am.

 

The oinking incident happened a few months ago in a sports bar. I've had two... TWO... guys dump me after 6 months for being "physically unattractive." That isn't my projection, they actually told me that.

 

The guys in the pictures with me are friends of mine who have ZERO interest in dating me (also, that Batman is marrying that Robin, adorable couple, and that Joker is dating a Harley Quinn that's off camera.) The guys I DID meet (cause I am into nerds, I'm a big fan of anime, video games and such) were only interested in friends-with-benefits.

 

I started this thread not to get compliments, which is why I didn't include a picture, but to say, if you ARE ugly, or perceived as ugly, what can you do? Maybe I'm not objectively ugly, but guys in real life almost always treat me as if I am. (Never flirt with me, never buy me drinks, flirt with other girls in front of me when I've clearly displayed interest.) So what is a good strategy in my case?

[iris219]

The thread right below yours (currently) is about being too beautiful to date. You think you’re too ugly. Strange, huh? The fact is, dating is hard, for everyone, no matter what you look like. I’m a leggy blond and dating is hard for me.

 

Stop obsessing about the way you look. I really don’t think that is the problem. Remember that people treat us the way we allow them to. I have a feeling that you come off as insecure and desperate, hence men know they can be disrespectful.

[ThsAmericanLife]

The thread right below yours (currently) is about being too beautiful to date. You think you’re too ugly. Strange, huh? The fact is, dating is hard, for everyone, no matter what you look like. I’m a leggy blond and dating is hard for me.

 

Stop obsessing about the way you look. I really don’t think that is the problem. Remember that people treat us the way we allow them to. I have a feeling that you come off as insecure and desperate, hence men know they can be disrespectful.

 

Ditto.

 

... so everyone here agrees that 'objectively' you are physically attractive, but that doesn't solve your problem, does it?

 

To me the only solution is to pick better men, and try to find a way to believe you are a sexy, valuable person.

 

Here's another thing... alot of men of all ages would love to have numerous sex partners simultaneously... have FWB, FB's, whatever. Lots of people want to have their cake and eat it too. Can't blame 'em for trying, right? Truth be told, I probably would too, but have learned it is too much trouble.

 

My advice? Don't internalize their crap. If they want a FWB thing and you don't, move on. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.