U1987 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I ask because I messaged almost 40 girls last night and only got 2 responses. I know a guy is not supposed to expect a very large response rate, but 2/40? Really? I'm using POF. A lot of the girls are pretty enough that they must get tonnes of messages; some even brag about it on their profile. POF automatically deletes old messages after 3 weeks, so I'm wondering, if I wait a couple of weeks, think I could get a second chance with these girls with a tweaked profile and different first message? Is 3 weeks enough time for these girls to forget I ever messaged them and try again?
misssmartypants Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 They ignored you for a reason, either something in your letters or profile turned them off. It could be a number of things from where you live to what you do for a living, to how well you use punctuation and capitalization in your profile and letters. I doubt if all of them would remember you from a month ago, but unless your letters or profile are more attractive, I wouldn't expect any different results.
irc333 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I usually try another attempt after so long...sometimes after a month or so. You see, I see so many of the same faces in the SAME geographical region in which I conduct my search. Some of these ladies have been the site and chronically single for years even. Eventually, they even start adding stuff to their profile involving their frustrations when encounter jerks they've met online or the men that contact them who aren't their type. I would email them in those cases sometimes, to see if MAYBE they woke up and smelled the roses, and realized that maybe they should start responding to some of the men they didn't respond to the first time around. I actually had it work a couple of times. Some, however, remain in online dating limbo indefinitely throughout their existence on the site, I sometimes feel like telling some of them to throw in the towel and remove their profiles if they've been on the site that long and being overly picky the way they have been, and just wind up frustrated that their "tall, dark and handsome adonis" never contacted them. I ask because I messaged almost 40 girls last night and only got 2 responses. I know a guy is not supposed to expect a very large response rate, but 2/40? Really? I'm using POF. A lot of the girls are pretty enough that they must get tonnes of messages; some even brag about it on their profile. POF automatically deletes old messages after 3 weeks, so I'm wondering, if I wait a couple of weeks, think I could get a second chance with these girls with a tweaked profile and different first message? Is 3 weeks enough time for these girls to forget I ever messaged them and try again?
dispatch3d Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I've always kind of wondered - why does this stuff matter, and whose it actually important to? Ie. are you the only one who cares and the only one who finds this important? If a girl asked me out who I wasn't interested in would I actually think less of her? From my previous experience, this generally isn't the case.
Author U1987 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 They ignored you for a reason, either something in your letters or profile turned them off. It could be a number of things from where you live to what you do for a living, to how well you use punctuation and capitalization in your profile and letters. My grammar is impeccable when it comes to online dating; believe me nothing annoys me more than all the illiterate jackasses type in text-speak and run-on-sentences in online dating. I doubt if all of them would remember you from a month ago, but unless your letters or profile are more attractive, I wouldn't expect any different results. Like I said, I would alter my profile and use a different starting message.
Author U1987 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 I've always kind of wondered - why does this stuff matter, and whose it actually important to? Ie. are you the only one who cares and the only one who finds this important? If a girl asked me out who I wasn't interested in would I actually think less of her? From my previous experience, this generally isn't the case. I'm not exactly sure who this question is intended for, or what you're asking exactly.
misssmartypants Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Its worth a try. I guess my other thought is, if you were genuine with your profile and letters the first time around, and you are planning on changing them to get a higher response rate, do you run the risk of being less genuine about who you are? For example, when I was online dating (I've given it up as unhealthy and a waste of time,) I was very honest about the fact I have kids. That greatly reduced the number of men willing to meet me. If I hid the fact I had kids, my messages and responses would increase greatly, but my over all success wouldn't be much better, because I would be pulling in people who ultimately wouldn't be interested. Just my two cents.
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 They ignored you for a reason, I agree.. and I think I know that the templated letters being sent out are part of the reason.. I ask because I messaged almost 40 girls last night and only got 2 responses. Dude... You messaged 40 women in one night.. that is the problem. You should have picked a few girls that you felt a connection with their profile and emailed them each an email that showed them you read their profile and actually want to spend time with them rather than than just hit it and quit it... You have to also remember that you are selling yourself and if you are selling something every other guy out there is then you will get reject a lot.. Show them why they would spend their evening with you.. and by the way women can smell a templated email a mile away...
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 You need to make the most out of those 2 that did respond to you..
Author U1987 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 Its worth a try. I guess my other thought is, if you were genuine with your profile and letters the first time around, and you are planning on changing them to get a higher response rate, do you run the risk of being less genuine about who you are? Yes, but I don't really see that as a problem. Girls aren't being genuine about their appearance when they straighten their hair and put on makeup and high heels. I don't see why I have to be 100% genuine either.
Author U1987 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 I agree.. and I think I know that the templated letters being sent out are part of the reason.. Dude... You messaged 40 women in one night.. that is the problem. You should have picked a few girls that you felt a connection with their profile and emailed them each an email that showed them you read their profile and actually want to spend time with them rather than than just hit it and quit it... I actually tried POF a few months back, and I tried this technique and it totally did not work at all. A different poster, BackUpOrGetStung, who apparently is pretty successful with online dating, told me that I should use a vague, generic, cookie-cutter, fire-and-forget message. Apparently, typing a long detailed and elaborate message to someone you've never talked to before comes off as overbearing and creepy, especially by young (18-25) women. How would you respond to that criticism
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I don't see why I have to be 100% genuine either. How about to increase your odds better than 2/40
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 How would you respond to that criticism Well... I met my wife on match and had a few long relationships that were founded with OLD so I think I might respond by saying you need to be short and not long and drawn out in the first email.. Show a woman that you are fun to be around and she will reply back 100% of the time... I always used humor the break the ice.. make her laugh and she is yours to talk to.
KathyM Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I ask because I messaged almost 40 girls last night and only got 2 responses. I know a guy is not supposed to expect a very large response rate, but 2/40? Really? I'm using POF. A lot of the girls are pretty enough that they must get tonnes of messages; some even brag about it on their profile. POF automatically deletes old messages after 3 weeks, so I'm wondering, if I wait a couple of weeks, think I could get a second chance with these girls with a tweaked profile and different first message? Is 3 weeks enough time for these girls to forget I ever messaged them and try again? If they don't respond to your message the first time, they are not interested. Don't waste your time by trying to contact again. Most likely, they still would not be interested. And they do remember guys that have contacted them, even if they never responded to the guy. Sometimes from many months ago. That's what was told to me by people who use POF. But I would suggest making sure that your pictures posted on POF are as flattering as they can be. Make sure you dress well, nice hair cut, etc., when you take pictures to post on that site. Make sure your profile is the best it can be, although please make sure it is accurate. People that lie or deceive on there about their age, their weight, etc., will not get a second date if the date finds out they are not what they represented. Portray yourself as well as possible (but honestly), and keep trying. I would also suggest that if you are only contacting the attractive women, you may want to widen the net and contact some average looking women. You would be more likely to get a response.
Arasae Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Is 3 weeks enough time for these girls to forget I ever messaged them and try again? No. It's not. We remember. I often had several men re-message me.. over and over and over.. the only one I was tempted to respond to was one who invited me to go see a theatrical performance that was "time sensitive" (i.e. I needed to respond ASAP if I wanted to go the theater). To be honest--I probably would have said yes IF he hadn't messaged me before. If you like the arts, this might be a good way to go, fyi. PoF might be a bit different, though.. As I recall from a year ago, there would be times when I would log on and have twenty e-mails. Often, it was simply overwhelming. Sometimes, I'd glance at an e-mail and then just ignore it, not because of any fault of the man's, but because I had nineteen others to get through in ten minutes, I'd just skim. Some girls will be very annoyed--others might not notice. My suspicion is the former rather than the latter, though.. good luck!
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 If they don't respond to your message the first time, they are not interested. Don't waste your time by trying to contact again. No kidding... When I was using OLD, once I sent out an email to a girl I removed her from my searches so that I never made the mistake of emailing her twice... I think today with OLD you can track those you send out but either way it is important to not contact a girl twice.. that would just be a waste of energy.
irc333 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) So what? They'll be annoyed, no biggie...never hurts to try. I've actually had it work a couple of times. They just had so many emails to go through...so another attempt is a way to get noticed. Actually, over the years, when someone is on a dating site, you'll eventually find out there's just a limited amount of people that turn up in your searches, and you'll eventually run out of people you emailed. When you start seeing the same faces over and over, it's either possibly make another attempt at some of the profiles you already emailed, leave the site because you have ran out of people to email, or perhaps wait for a couple of new faces pop in once in a while (that relocated from out of state). No. It's not. We remember. I often had several men re-message me.. over and over and over.. the only one I was tempted to respond to was one who invited me to go see a theatrical performance that was "time sensitive" (i.e. I needed to respond ASAP if I wanted to go the theater). To be honest--I probably would have said yes IF he hadn't messaged me before. If you like the arts, this might be a good way to go, fyi. PoF might be a bit different, though.. As I recall from a year ago, there would be times when I would log on and have twenty e-mails. Often, it was simply overwhelming. Sometimes, I'd glance at an e-mail and then just ignore it, not because of any fault of the man's, but because I had nineteen others to get through in ten minutes, I'd just skim. Some girls will be very annoyed--others might not notice. My suspicion is the former rather than the latter, though.. good luck! Edited July 25, 2011 by irc333
Sivok Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I messaged one girl I really had my eye on 3 separate times over a span of a few months until I got her to bite. She became my gf for 6 months. It's absolutely worth a shot.
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