noleaf Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Hey all I signed up here a few months ago, i was posting on the second chances section, as i had split with a guy (long story) and was trying to see if people thought if it would be too harsh of me to ask him for a second chance (i didnt want to screw with his head!). So i did eventually try with him again, he accepted, all was well.....or so i thought! He just dumped me. Apparently i dont care enough about him and i dont make him feel loved, and he has no other option. Just needed to vent somewhere, and also wanted to warn people - if you have broken up with someone, dont give them a second chance, becuase they'll just break your heart. IF you split with them once, there was a good reason for that - trust your gut instinct. x x x
jayjay7 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Hiya, so sorry that you're feeling down. I don't think I have any advice for you as I am obviosly crap regarding relationships lol. Although someone did suggest on my post that my ex was a passive agressive and I have been looking and reading up about it for the last few days. It seems to fit your ex a little too, because he 'blamed' you for not being loving enough, paying him enough attention etc. Passive agressive don't ever seem to be at fault or take responsibility for their own actions or behavior. hth
TheHurtProcess Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Hey all I signed up here a few months ago, i was posting on the second chances section, as i had split with a guy (long story) and was trying to see if people thought if it would be too harsh of me to ask him for a second chance (i didnt want to screw with his head!). So i did eventually try with him again, he accepted, all was well.....or so i thought! He just dumped me. Apparently i dont care enough about him and i dont make him feel loved, and he has no other option. Just needed to vent somewhere, and also wanted to warn people - if you have broken up with someone, dont give them a second chance, becuase they'll just break your heart. IF you split with them once, there was a good reason for that - trust your gut instinct. x x x Something you have to understand is that he may have trust issues now. You broke up with him and perhaps he feels that you may just do it again in due time. Therefore after giving it a second shot, he may have realized that he doesn't want to take the risk. You can't really blame him. I definitely wouldn't be too keen on taking a risk of getting my heart ripped out a second time. If i can happen once, it can definitely happen again and the chances are that much greater. History does tend to repeat itself, as much as you believe the opposite, you did it once already. We now know that you're capable of breaking the heart of someone you supposedly care for and/or love. No offense, but this is how a dumpee feels and thinks after a break up. I'd break it off before the other person had a chance to break my heart again as well. Something you also have to realize is that, you may not even notice it yourself... but dumpers, returning for a second chance, tend to be a little distant, standoffish and somewhat wishy-washy as far as feelings are concerned. My ex and I tried again after a little time apart and it's as if she wasn't the same caring person she was the first time around. It's as if, even though we were back together, she wouldn't call, text or try to contact me as much, period. She wouldn't say "I love you" nearly as much and her feelings weren't expressed much at all in the least. There was still a lot of space between us and it was as if I always wanted more, but she was acting as if she was still single. So, I walked. She couldn't give me enough reassurance and that is probably why it didn't work out between you two. A former dumper has to work twice as hard to reassure a former dumpee that they really want the relationship to work out. You have to show that you care twice as much and if you can't do that, your significant other, the former dumpee, will most likely walk.
jayjay7 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 So ignore my post I think I must have got it wrong. Sorry
Author noleaf Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Hi hurt process Thanks for your reply. Just to let you know, the first time we split was because he walked off and left me at a party full of his friends, because he felt "i wasnt having fun". At the time he was about to walk off i begged him not to leave and told him that i was having fun,i also said if he left i had no chance but to end it as i felt it was unacceptable. He still walked So i had to follow through and i stopped the relationship. I immediately wished none of it had happened, but felt i had to stick to my word, or else he would never respect me and we may as well be over. After 2 months of me missing him and pining for him, i sent a casual how are you text. We went from there and he apologised, etc, asked me to give him another chance. I eventually agreed, and now he's decided to dump me. So its not like i just randomly dumped him and he could be forgiven for wondering about my feelings.... Anyway, i just wanted to clear that up because, if it was that i'd just randomly dumped him then i would agree with you that he would prob be very wary! Instead, i feel like he's played me and used me i think i'm just going to give men a miss now. All the ones i meet are horrible, selfish, sself centred, spineless, cruel little boys. x x x
Author noleaf Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 no worries jay jay - i thought it was sweet what you said, but maybe i dont deserve to be reassured? cos as the original dumper i must be devoid of feeling obviously x x x
jayjay7 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Don't be daft! I ended my relationship first, even though I wanted to talk it through the next day and was told to leave. I know I'm certainly not devoid of emotions and feelings. And I'm positive you are not either. The best we can do is muddle through.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Hi hurt process Thanks for your reply. Just to let you know, the first time we split was because he walked off and left me at a party full of his friends, because he felt "i wasnt having fun". At the time he was about to walk off i begged him not to leave and told him that i was having fun,i also said if he left i had no chance but to end it as i felt it was unacceptable. He still walked So i had to follow through and i stopped the relationship. I immediately wished none of it had happened, but felt i had to stick to my word, or else he would never respect me and we may as well be over. After 2 months of me missing him and pining for him, i sent a casual how are you text. We went from there and he apologised, etc, asked me to give him another chance. I eventually agreed, and now he's decided to dump me. So its not like i just randomly dumped him and he could be forgiven for wondering about my feelings.... Anyway, i just wanted to clear that up because, if it was that i'd just randomly dumped him then i would agree with you that he would prob be very wary! Instead, i feel like he's played me and used me i think i'm just going to give men a miss now. All the ones i meet are horrible, selfish, sself centred, spineless, cruel little boys. x x x Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sorry if I jumped to a conclusion there. I was more or less speaking from the mind of a dumpee and expressing how he may be feeling. It wasn't to make you feel bad or anything of the sort. But, obviously after you've explained in a bit more detail, I agree that you're probably better off just leaving this guy alone. I probably wouldn't have given someone like that a second chance and I'm sorry that he turned around and broke your heart. It almost sounds as if he did this as a form of revenge for breaking up with him the first time around.
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