InitialG Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Last night my boyfriend of two years and I got into a fight. When his brother (they are in their 40's and live together) came out of the bathroom, he proceeded to sit down and interject himself into this argument. The initial argument between me and my boyfriend was over his jealousy. The brother continued to tell me that if I left I was losing something great in his brother and that his brother was the best thing to ever happen to me. I said that his brother would be losing something great to. His brother looked at me and made a face and said "nah he is not". and proceeded to start yelling at me. My boyfriend sat and said nothing. When I confronted the brother on what he just said he said he did not say that. I looked at my boyfriend and said "he said that you heard it" and my boyfriend would not say anything and he looked away.His brother proceeded to keep yelling at me. I got a ride home from someone that was there. Am I wrong for feeling like the brother should not have stepped in, and once he did my boyfriend should have said something, especially when he started yelling at me? His brother started chiming in about how he and his brother were two peas in a pod, and how nothing was going to come between them. I wasn't trying to do that at all, I just figured that my boyfriend should have said something especially when for the past two years I have been "the love of his life". I am heartbroken and sad. Should I be upset and dump him for good this time? I think it was a lack of respect for me and our relationship for all this to happen. Especially when the brothers girlfriend comes over and my boyfriend is told to go to his room in the house or feels like he can't go about doing what he wants. All the time until the brother got a girlfriend it was "fine" with my boyfriend that he hung out with us every Saturday. When I tried to tell my boyfriend that we need time together alone for a healthy relationship, he got all pissed off at me, and said "what are we supposed to spend every minute alone. what does it matter as long as we are together?"
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Ew, dump him to get rid of his coward a$$ and his loser brother too. Yeah, your boyfriend should have got severely pissed at his brother for yelling at you, yet it seems more like both of them are against you. Run.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 A guy who lets his brother do his fighting for him, and won't defend his girlfriend and relationship against this kind of intrusion, is a loser and a wimp. I'd dump him immediately.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 You guys were all wrong. They were wrong for doing all the things you listed. And you were wrong by handling your boyfriend's jealousy by yelling at him. Jealousy usually comes from insecurity and when you yell at someone, you usually just make it worse.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 A guy who lets his brother do his fighting for him, and won't defend his girlfriend and relationship against this kind of intrusion, is a loser and a wimp. I'd dump him immediately. This coming from a 30+ year old child...I mean "woman" who brags about acting like a bitch towards guys who are nice to her in order to manipulate them. You do realize that you are not exactly a moral authority?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 This coming from a 30+ year old child...I mean "woman" who brags about acting like a bitch towards guys who are nice to her in order to manipulate them. You do realize that you are not exactly a moral authority? I didn't say he's a bad guy. I said he's a loser and a wimp. Because he is.
Author InitialG Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 Thanks everyone for you replies. Enchanted Girl-I was not yelling at him over his jealousy. He got all bent out of shape because I was speaking to his brothers co-workers. He went upstairs to his bedroom, after the coworkers said "Wow he seems all pissed off". When I got upstairs, opened the door, he said "What the hell do you want". It proceeded to go downstairs, where he was yelling at me that "You are **ucked in the head." His brother came out of the bathroom and proceeded to interject himself into this. When I brought up the fact of his jealousy over the coworker thing in front of his brother, he goes "I was just kidding". He hasn't called me since, and I am not calling him as much as I would like to. Two years of my life wasted in this and it makes me sad.
sally4sara Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 The brother continued to tell me that if I left I was losing something great in his brother and that his brother was the best thing to ever happen to me. I said that his brother would be losing something great to. His brother looked at me and made a face and said "nah he is not". and proceeded to start yelling at me. His brother started chiming in about how he and his brother were two peas in a pod, and how nothing was going to come between them. Are you sure these two who have reached the age 40 and are still living together are not in bed together? I know they're brothers but I don't get why this brother is positioning himself between the one you're dating as though you are some threat to their relationship. Clearly if this brother can basically say his brother being with you is charity work because you're so beneath his brother while the one you date just sits there in silence, their weird pea pod relationship is still intact - yet here he is asserting your inability to come between them? I think the one is trying to tell you something about the nature of their closeness without really coming out and saying it.
Author InitialG Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 Sally-I thought of that. Several people I had a discussion with over it said "What does the brother have on him?" It would make a lot of sense, the way the brother was always around us etc. on Saturdays. It was like he was a jealous wife. I always used to kid with the boyfriend about how I was the other woman and how he better get home to his wife. Maybe, it isnt a joke. Cloud-I will try it, but instead of dealing with stuff, he likes to yell and then later calm down and have a discussion.
sm1tten Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Has this happened before? I see that the brother getting in between you is a pattern but has he ever acted so jealous and angry towards you before? (the brother, not the boyfriend)
Ruby Slippers Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 It was like he was a jealous wife. I always used to kid with the boyfriend about how I was the other woman and how he better get home to his wife. Yeah, their relationship sounds really creepy and unhealthy. They're in their 40s. This is not going to change. Be glad you figured this out now.
joeLove Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Move on. period. there is nothing to save here ... these kids are 40+ ...and acting like teenagers ... Just move on and don't look back. You shouldn't be sad. Liberate yourself ...
Dooda Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Yea, lol, whatever they said. Sounds really weird. Either 1. They are incestious (in which case run for your life) 2. They have an unhealthy relationship, where the brother has dominion over your boyfriend and has complete control of the relationship and his surrounding life (boyfriend's)... Your boyfriend still hasn't figured out how to defend himself or realized that they are not 15 and 20 anymore where the bigger brother gets to tell the little brother how to act. Sounds like some very immature 20-somewhats, especially the big brother. You can try talking to your bf. Tell him that his brother cannot have control over the relationship and that your boyfriend has the right to privacy/a life of his own. At this stage, thoiugh, I doubt he will ever change. Its too late. Its sad.
Author InitialG Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Smitten-he hasn't acted angry toward me like this before. It was more of a dogging of the brother I date in front of me. Then plunking himself on the couch when I was over and changing everything to a discussion on cars/car parts etc. for hours. Ruby Slippers- I wish I had figured it out sooner. Joe-I am trying to liberate myself but it is hard. In the beginning there was so much potential and I am stuck trying to figure out how/why it changed. Unless it was all an act. Dooda-that is the thing I have been noticing is that if anyone tries to be close to the brother that the other(non dating one) gets all bent out of shape and has anger toward them. Be it with little digs or whatnot. The brother does it to the son of my bf with the little digs. Like the kid got some magazine or something with comics in it (the kid is 17) and he got jumped for it. The kid wants to bring his game systems over, but the brother insists they do something to the TV. The kid uses the computer and mysteriously now something is wrong with it and it is all the kids fault. Weird stuff. Weird because the brother can go off and do what he wants to do. Wimpy on the bf's part for not standing up for his kid. I have my own teenage son, and if I thought my kid did nothing, then bam I would defend him with my life.
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