19 year old fun-loving girl: Having a hard time finding someone even after 35+dates

[temporaryvisa]

Hello! I am S and I am a 19 year old girl who has made mistakes, Overcome, some weaknesses and still has a long way to go- but is having a really hard time in the dating area.

 

I've met loads of guys online- my experience is that the good ones find me immature, the bad ones want to get in my pants, or there is no chemisty.

I have been in love before and it was exhilarating, warm, so safe and fulfilling! I miss that feelin and I want it.

 

A few things I keep hearing about myself : 1) I am too outgoing ( I always though that was a good thing 2) too concerned with how I look ( I am wotkig on this, as it's true!) 3) I am insecure/ immature.

 

What do I do?

 

Am I not even to date?

 

I feel lonely

[U1987]

Hello! I am S and I am a 19 year old girl who has made mistakes, Orr one some weaknesses and still has a long way to go- but is having a really hard time in the dating area.

 

I've met loads of guys online- my experience is that the good ones find me immature, the bad ones want to get in my pants, or there is no chemisty.

I have been in love before and it was exhilarating, warm, so safe and fulfilling! I miss that feelin and I want it.

 

A few things I keep hearing about myself : 1) I am too outgoing ( I always though that was a good thing 2) too concerned with how I look ( I am wotkig on this, as it's true!) 3) I am insecure/ immature.

 

What do I do?

 

Am I not even to date?

 

I feel lonely

 

 

You've went on 35 dates and you "feel lonely?"

 

This post is the ultimate proof that girls do not have anywhere near the dating challenges guys face.

[Rinas]

Just have to go with the flow, have a good time. Don't expect all dates to be flawless. If you have expectations it ruins things.

 

You're young, and very cute, plus have had 35 dates so far, keep being a trooper.

[UpDownAllAround]

Hello! I am S and I am a 19 year old girl who has made mistakes, Overcome, some weaknesses and still has a long way to go- but is having a really hard time in the dating area.

 

I've met loads of guys online- my experience is that the good ones find me immature, the bad ones want to get in my pants, or there is no chemisty.

I have been in love before and it was exhilarating, warm, so safe and fulfilling! I miss that feelin and I want it.

 

A few things I keep hearing about myself : 1) I am too outgoing ( I always though that was a good thing 2) too concerned with how I look ( I am wotkig on this, as it's true!) 3) I am insecure/ immature.

 

What do I do?

 

Am I not even to date?

 

I feel lonely

 

 

35 dates and you're lonely? WTF?

 

I've been trying to get into a relationship with a girl my whole life. I'm 31 now. And I can't even get a date.

 

Sure would be nice to be attractive!

 

This is proof that girls have absolutely NOWHERE NEAR THE trouble that guys do.

[temporaryvisa]

Of course I feel lonely. None of these guys I meet actually like me-rather they might like me but they are weirded out, or they just want in my pants. Gosh, I've met so many jerks online it is insaane!

 

I feel like people think I am weird. I am a little sick of myself ... I haven't been in a relationship since early 2009. I just feel like I'm in a rut- it hasn't been working out at all!

[temporaryvisa]

I go with the flow all the time ! It's what I do. People think I am a lil crazy, immature, thy don even wantto take the time to get to know the real me. Ugh

[Rinas]

Of course I feel lonely. None of these guys I meet actually like me-rather they might like me but they are weirded out, or they just want in my pants. Gosh, I've met so many jerks online it is insaane!

 

I feel like people think I am weird. I am a little sick of myself ... I haven't been in a relationship since early 2009. I just feel like I'm in a rut- it hasn't been working out at all!

 

I recall your past threads, I understand that you had some insecurities, and were very focused on looks. If you have insecurities and are seen as immature, perhaps you can work on those issues.

 

There isn't anything wrong with you, you shouldn't have to try too hard to go out and have a good time. Take dating as a experiment, it's fun, and carefree.

[temporaryvisa]

Yes, it's true- I am insecure and I don't disagree that I am immature but does that make someone less ready to be in a relationship?

Btw I am on my iPhone, sorry about the weird typing!

[temporaryvisa]

Is it weird to go to clubs/ bars by myself?

[Rinas]

Yes, it's true- I am insecure and I don't disagree that I am immature but does that make someone less ready to be in a relationship?

Btw I am on my iPhone, sorry about the weird typing!

 

You have to have your stuff together before you go out with others. If you don't know yourself, how are they supposed to get to know the real you properly?

 

Also, it's not weird, if you feel the need to go, go. However, clubs and bars aren't the best places to meet guys.

[stillafool]

Is it weird to go to clubs/ bars by myself?

 

Don't you have girlfriends to go to clubs/bars with you and hang out?

[temporaryvisa]

Yes I have some friends but I feel lately they are quite fake. I feel like they would stab me in the back at any second. It scares me.

I'm actually kind of a loner! I like to go to places by myself!

[manders_01]

Is it weird to go to clubs/ bars by myself?

 

I don't think so, I do it regularly. Of my girlfriends that live in my vicinity, most are married, several mothers. My sole single friend is now in a relationship. I takes planning to go out with them and I typically decide on a whim that I want to go out. So I do.

[temporaryvisa]

Could understand dating five or ten with no mutual connection, but thirty-five? You would need to give more specific details for folks here to help. How many of these guys are asking you out for second-third dates? What are your criteria for going on more dates with a guy?

 

Well, let me recall my last few dates and maybe summarize them. The last guy I went out with ended up being 5'2- no problem, lmao we can still befriends but he wasn't into it. I felt physically bigger than him and I think he was expecting me to be smaller? I'm still small,!petite, but oh well.

The one before, wow. He was a cutie half native half white. He seemed cool too, until I told him I wanted to leave at nine! He was pisses. Then he wanted to force me to go to his house - 'we still have 45 mins' he kept saying, and e also said he wanted to eat me out. Gross!!

The guy before that was gorgeous, sweet, but a smoker and really cheap!

Um...

The one before that, we went on many dates but then the chemistry fiZed out!

[Fondue]

Could understand dating five or ten with no mutual connection, but thirty-five? You would need to give more specific details for folks here to help. How many of these guys are asking you out for second-third dates? What are your criteria for going on more dates with a guy?

When you get to 35, it's no longer "I can't find a guy," it becomes: "there certainly is a problem with me." And yeah, there probably is a problem with her. It could be the insecure type personality, it could be that she comes of as very "me, me, me, me" type person, or it simply could be because she does not have any idea how to find a dude who is into her (or maybe even simply do not know how to date and generate genuine interest).

 

I don't think the problem is the men, I think the problem is herself.

[temporaryvisa]

Yes, I totes agree that the problem is definitely me. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep friends, even... But I see really horrible people, inside and out in relationships... So I feel lost. I'm not that bad! I'm funny and smart, and pretty nice an cool.. Doesn't everyone have issues?

[Dblock10]

Is it weird to go to clubs/ bars by myself?

 

erm i would find it a little odd, unless when i spoke to the girl she told me she had just moved to the area or something.

 

if you know your flaws, work on yourself!

 

35 dates... come on get a grip! thats a lot.

 

chin up, smile, dont look for it. just be open to it

[Fondue]

Yes, I totes agree that the problem is definitely me. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep friends, even... But I see really horrible people, inside and out in relationships... So I feel lost. I'm not that bad! I'm funny and smart, and pretty nice an cool.. Doesn't everyone have issues?

Sure, but you gotta find a desperate enough dude to deal and accept your issues.

 

Goodluck finding a reasonable guy your age that would do so. I'm in your age bracket (24, I consider the bracket 18-27). No men our age want to deal with a headcase, we just want to have fun. If you don't provide that and just bring a laundry list of problems, there is short supply of men that are willing to put up with it. Only ones that would are either A) desperate, B) can't get anything better, or C) want a "broken" woman so they can feel like a white knight.

[temporaryvisa]

Sure, but you gotta find a desperate enough dude to deal and accept your issues.

 

Goodluck finding a reasonable guy your age that would do so. I'm in your age bracket (24, I consider the bracket 18-27). No men our age want to deal with a headcase, we just want to have fun. If you don't provide that and just bring a laundry list of problems, there is short supply of men that are willing to put up with it. Only ones that would are either A) desperate, B) can't get anything better, or C) want a "broken" woman so they can feel like a white knight

 

Wow, pretty mean!

 

I am unsure of how to respond but I will keep this in mind.

I actually feel I have less issues than most people my age- I just happen to be a lit more vocal about it.

I am also extremely picky.

 

I am the one calling off these dates mostly...

I am comparing these guys to my first bf

[Fondue]

Wow, pretty mean!

 

I am unsure of how to respond but I will keep this in mind.

I actually feel I have less issues than most people my age- I just happen to be a lit more vocal about it.

I am also extremely picky.

 

I am the one calling off these dates mostly...

I am comparing these guys to my first bf

See? You're taking offense to nothing and starting to defend yourself.

 

Princess, I didn't say anything mean or out of the ordinary. I am simply trying to be realistic and paint you a clear picture without beating around the bush.

 

Additionally, why are you complaining you can't find a dude and that you've been out of a relationship since 2009 and at the same time pointing out that you're too picky? Again, it is YOUR fault you're single. You can't blame anyone but yourself.

[stillafool]

When you get to 35, it's no longer "I can't find a guy," it becomes: "there certainly is a problem with me."

 

Yeah maybe, but she isn't 35, she's 19 and in demand. This is why she has been on 35 dates. She didn't say she slept with these guys.

 

OP, everyone makes mistakes when they are young. OP, just take some time to figure out the kind of guy you want and perhaps you will make better decisions regarding your dates in the future. I don't see anything wrong with a 19 year old dating around (as long as you aren't having sex with all of these guys) to get some experience. Once you turn 21 you will have a better idea of the kind of boyfriend you want. Good luck, you are a beautiful girl.

[ThsAmericanLife]

The online dating world is pretty twisted, or can be. I did it for awhile and have decided it isn't for me. If you are a woman and attractive, you get the kind of a-hole attention you mention. You are correct in shoving these men off.

 

In the online world, people do and say things they would never do if it they were going out with a friend of a friend, a co-worker, or some other activities that involved long term consequences for bad behavior.

 

Maybe you might want to think about getting involved in some offline activities that involve higher quality people? I can think of any number of organizations that need volunteers... or various interest groups on places like Meetup.com.

 

Would also put you around adults that can help you fine tune your social skills. So that when the right one comes along, you are ready.

[Dblock10]

you are young, chill out! the posters above are right. enjoy your youth! have fun.

[temporaryvisa]

See? You're taking offense to nothing and starting to defend yourself.

 

Princess, I didn't say anything mean or out of the ordinary. I am simply trying to be realistic and paint you a clear picture without beating around the bush.

 

Additionally, why are you complaining you can't find a dude and that you've been out of a relationship since 2009 and at the same time pointing out that you're too picky? Again, it is YOUR fault you're single. You can't blame anyone but yourself.

 

Sorry, I get it.

 

Btw, extremely picky isn't exactly what I am., just pretty picky. He does have to be at least decent, very sweet, funny, very smart, with goals, etc.

I have a great job and I do well at school...

 

Agh this is all so hard to find!

[Dblock10]

Sorry, I get it.

 

Btw, extremely picky isn't exactly what I am., just pretty picky. He does have to be at least decent, very sweet, funny, very smart, with goals, etc.

I have a great job and I do well at school...

 

Agh this is all so hard to find!

 

why are you trying to find it...

 

why cant you be happy single.. live the single life. i dont think you realise you are 19