"I'll always love you..."

[Benched]

First off, hi. Even if you're a stranger, I know you care if you're on this message board and thats enough for me to put my personal information on here for a little bit of help.

 

I never really thought I'd be heartbroken like this again (keyword again, we'll get to that later if you decided to stick around and read)...and I'm having a really hard time dealing with my emotions. I'm not sure if strangers can help me with my problems...but here it goes. Apologies if this gets long. I'm putting everything i have built up inside on here...

 

I fell in love with this girl 4 years ago and she has been my every thought 24/7 since I've met her. I tried to do everything I could to keep her. I know we're both still young in our early 20s, but I was raised very old school and i still have a very romantic idea of love. Since I was young, I've always thought that a real man should be chivalrous and dedicated to a girl if he really loves her. I was pretty sure I was going to marry this girl. We spoke about it like it was nearby, within arms reach. It's unrealistic to define what the best boyfriend in the world would do with the large number of circumstances between couples, but I know how i felt about her. I know what i did for her that makes me feel like it was a mistake on her part for leaving the only guy that would never give up on her.

 

About halfway through the 4 years, she dumped me out of the blue and I fell into the deepest depression ever. It was completely out of character for me. I'm used to making people laugh and always smiling, and I lost a huge chunk of me when she decided to call it quits for no reason. She began to act strange, doing things completely out of character...excessive clubbing and drinking, hanging around guys who were treating her like a piece of meat. I also noticed that I was dumped just as summer had started and college courses had finished.

 

A half a year after the dumping near the holidays, she came running back crying when I was starting to come to terms that she no longer loved me and most likely never loved me if she could pick up and leave so easily. I was so relieved she admit she was wrong, the day I got a message from her saying she wanted me back and that I was worth it, every single tear I had was replaced by a smile. Even though so many people warned me that it was a bad idea, I decided to take her back without even hesitating. Weeks after I got the message from her, we were a couple again.

 

We dated for another 2 years, which were great, or so I thought. I was given so many promises that she would never leave. It was one of the things I held onto. There were times where she would reassure me even when I was most confident i wouldnt be the fool twice. And for a second time I put all my eggs in one basket, trusting she would never hurt me again. And thats why I'm here.

 

She left me again, an almost identical situation to the first time...same week as the first time, no warning, no hesitation to pull the trigger. I'm afraid of going through the same thing again. I want to be happy...sometimes I wake up and feel like giving up. But I know that's not who i am as a person. I want to smile and I want to be loved. I wrote so many messages over the past couple of weeks that I couldn't bother to send to her. My family and friends are extremely supportive and it really hurts them to see me like this. I don't want to pine anymore.

 

Some of you might be wondering what the title of the thread means. This is where my questions to you will come in. I've tried to keep no contact with her over the course of the past 6 or 7 weeks. She has dragged me back in on 2 separate occasions. After the first time she broke contact, I told her nicely that she hurt me so much and that she needed to stop.

 

Recently, she sent a couple of texts telling me she wants to be civil even if we can't be friends, acknowledging that she knew I didn't want her to text me. I automatically felt as if this was her trying to relieve herself of guilt. How can you be civil with someone you just completely destroyed?

 

She knows what kind of guy I am. She knows it will keep me strung up. One of the last texts I received from her was "I'll always love you." She has stated that this is the final break up, there is no returning. I know I can't be with a girl that is so selfish and hurtful. I even found out she returned to the same guys that she was in contact with when she dumped me the first time, the same guys she admit to me were not her real friends. I'm not spiteful. I do want her to be happy. But part of me wants her to realize she messed up...just one last time.

 

Does anyone have any ideas on this? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Does this pattern repeat? Are there chances she will return? What does it mean when someone tells you to move on but will "always love you?"

 

Before anyone says that I shouldn't be worried about her returning and I should be more worried about moving forward, i realize you're most likely right. But my self esteem is at its lowest right now. I would never do this to a girl. I'm not sure how it can be done to me more than once by the same girl. Thanks for reading...

[Sebstian]

I'm so sorry for you man!

 

I think what it means is that she will always love you. But loving someone doesn't mean wanting to be in a relationship with that person. You love your family, pets, friends etc. She will always have high thoughts of you and will likely have fond memories of you and your time together, but no return probably mean just that. Focus on getting on with your life my friend and do whatever it takes to rebuild yourself on your own.

 

Best, Seb

[GymRat]

Wow. This sounds like me, minus the latter 2 years. I'm exactly like you, I was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, I was the one she could ALWAYS depend on no matter what and she realized that. But this summer, we're both away and she broke up with me out of the blue. Decided she wanted to experience the fast life for a bit, and she has been. I'm getting much better and am ready to move on from her, but we're going to meet up again in September when we begin our post-graduate studies at the same school. And I know she already misses me, she keeps messaging me after the no-contact period, trying to check up on me.

 

What we should both do, is realize that we're amazing people who deserve the same in return. Why should we settle for being treated any less than we treat them? And I have always believed in second chances, but I can't say I feel the same about '3 strikes and you're out'. Believe me, you'll find someone that will appreciate you and love you for what you give, and it will be incredible. But until then, just focus on rebuilding yourself, and know that you'll make another girl feel like the luckiest person in the world. And you'll it's right when they make you feel the same way.

 

I know it hurts to hear that moving on is the best option, but start taking care of yourself, get to the gym, do things you enjoy on your own. Learn to love your life.

 

Good luck brother.

[ScienceGal]

In my early 20s I had the most amazing boyfriend ever. He exceeded my expectations in every way and treated me like a queen. But... I was young and did not appreciate him (he was 7 years older than me). I also was not ready to settle down. I ended the relationship after 2 years. To this day I have not met another man like him.

 

I went to college, did the partying too. I did not go back to him though. I knew in my heart that I would never appreciate him until I had all the things in my life that I wanted and I was happy with ME. After a couple years, I did make contact to catch up and see how he was, but that's it. He was doing great of course, and there was no further contact or talk of getting back together. It's been 7 years since we split and he just recently got married. I am happy for him.

 

You deserve to get what you put out, and for him it was amazing love and devotion. He met someone that gave him the same. Now that I am older and wiser, I am ready to be that person to someone too. I look at our relationship as an experience that I have learned a great deal from... even if it took me years to fully understand.

 

In my opinion, your ex doesn't sound like she is ready for someone as loving as you. This could be an age thing or something else. Maybe she could seek counseling (and maybe you should too just to talk to a professional). I would advise you to let her go and let her grow up. There isn't any way that you can control this situation. It's a road she has to travel without you.

 

Bust of luck

[Ajax]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's little help knowing that you're not alone and that things will get better, but it's true. It sounds like you were a good boyfriend and that there's nothing you could have done to prevent her leaving. And as you can see, history does have a tendency of repeating itself. The best indication of future behavior is past behavior.

 

So now you have two missions which are really connected. You need to heal, and you need to man up. They're going to go hand in hand. And while it seems counterintuitive, the first step towards manning up is to grieve your loss in all it's glory. Yup... in order to be a man you're actually going to have to cry like a baby for a while. When you've invested as much time, feelings, and trust in someone else as you have and then have it shattered, it's devistating. The only way to properly heal is to allow yourself to feel that pain.

 

But you also have to man up, and by that I mean that eventually you have to put your house back in order so that your future will be as bright as it was before. It will take time and there will be bumps in the road, but eventually you need to come to terms that your ex does not have a stake in your future, and that thats okay. Acceptance is key.

 

As for her potential return, there's really no way of knowing. Frankly, it sounds as if she burned her bridges to prevent herself from doing just that. I've had experiences where exes have tried to come back. On the other had, my last ex and arguably the one I was most heartbroken over, left out of the blue almost a year ago and hasn't even attempted to contact me since.

 

Her request to be civil shows that she really doesn't understand how you feel or what she's done to you. And short of her experiencing a similarly gut wrenching hearbreak, she can't understand. The best thing you can do is establish boundaries. Friendship is obviously off the table. Being civil is fine. There's nothing uncivil about No Contact. In fact the less contact you have with her, the more civil you are. So to be completely civil and give her what she wants, go comepletely No Contact. 100%. Commit yourself to never having anything to do with her.

 

It won't be easy, but LoveShack's a great place to come to get support. Keep posting any time you start getting weak. Or even when you're feeling strong!

[Benched]

Thanks, Seb. It means a lot to me, even though I don't know you. I have a hard time understanding how someone has no regrets leaving a man they said they were positive they were going to marry. I guess I'm in denial and its just me wishfully hoping she'll look back one day and realize what she gave up.

 

GymRat - I'm sorry for your situation, but I'm happy it hits close to home so you know there are other people out there like you. We may be in the same boat, but you seem to be in a very good stage right now and the advice you offered is great. I'm trying to be positive. I've been working out like a mad man and focusing on myself, but there are days where I feel like breaking down completely. I wish I could look at things like you do. When you say the word "deserve" I ask myself why I don't feel worth it...why did this make me lose all of my worth as a man? I feel like when she left, she took away all that I felt i "deserved."

 

 

 

And ScienceGal...wow.... I really don't even know what to say. Your post reminded me of all the times my actions were undeniably full of love. There are those moments in life...those desperate moments that define how far you'll go and how much youll do to keep someone. It's scary how long it takes for some people to comprehend and appreciate what another human being was trying to do for them. I feel like every breath and thought was dedicated to her, and there would've never been any stopping. I was always faithful. I always tried to make it clear I loved her with all my heart. I'm not sure what it was. Age? Maybe. But you're right. I have no control and I'm lost. She left me in the middle of nowhere all alone.

[Benched]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's little help knowing that you're not alone and that things will get better, but it's true. It sounds like you were a good boyfriend and that there's nothing you could have done to prevent her leaving. And as you can see, history does have a tendency of repeating itself. The best indication of future behavior is past behavior.

 

Thank you for the kind words. Hearing that doesn't help but I hope you're right. You're most likely right about having no power over this situation. I think she made up her mind a long time before dumping me. I forgot to mention that I was dumped through a text, not even in person. She disconnected pretty easily that night. As for second chances, I really wanted to believe she would never do it again and I found out the hard way.

 

So now you have two missions which are really connected. You need to heal, and you need to man up. They're going to go hand in hand. And while it seems counterintuitive, the first step towards manning up is to grieve your loss in all it's glory. Yup... in order to be a man you're actually going to have to cry like a baby for a while. When you've invested as much time, feelings, and trust in someone else as you have and then have it shattered, it's devistating. The only way to properly heal is to allow yourself to feel that pain.

 

It isn't all that hard for me to admit I have shed a lot of tears for her. I made one last effort to see her a couple of weeks ago. I drove to her house, flowers in hand. The excitement and desperation that rushed through my mind and fingers was surreal. Maybe I was just experiencing extreme anxiety. I'm not sure what I looked like in those moments, but I'm sure any stranger would see the anguish in my face. I thought it would fix everything, but she wanted nothing to do with me. I was trying to light the same spark she had for me for all those years. I left her house crying like a baby. It has been so hard for me to deal with the loss.

 

But you also have to man up, and by that I mean that eventually you have to put your house back in order so that your future will be as bright as it was before. It will take time and there will be bumps in the road, but eventually you need to come to terms that your ex does not have a stake in your future, and that thats okay. Acceptance is key.

 

There are some days where I accept that it's over and then there are some days where I'm completely set back by the simplest and smallest dream of her. It's amazing what dreams can do to a heartbroken person. I don't even dream on a regular basis, but recently I've had the most realistic dreams of just holding her. I just want to cross that finish line. I don't want to beat myself up over this for the rest of my life because I know how much i loved her...that's all that matters at this point. There's no turning back time.

 

As for her potential return, there's really no way of knowing. Frankly, it sounds as if she burned her bridges to prevent herself from doing just that. I've had experiences where exes have tried to come back. On the other had, my last ex and arguably the one I was most heartbroken over, left out of the blue almost a year ago and hasn't even attempted to contact me since.

 

I know there's no way of knowing, but I'm starting to think that there is some pattern to her behavior. Texting me as if she still cares? I never in a million years thought she'd return the first time she dumped me...and she did. Now, I'm frightened that it will happen again because I know what kind of soft spot i have for her. I don't want to be any girl's plan B. I'm sorry to hear your ex did that to you. You seem like a great guy from what advice you have given.

 

Her request to be civil shows that she really doesn't understand how you feel or what she's done to you. And short of her experiencing a similarly gut wrenching hearbreak, she can't understand. The best thing you can do is establish boundaries. Friendship is obviously off the table. Being civil is fine. There's nothing uncivil about No Contact. In fact the less contact you have with her, the more civil you are. So to be completely civil and give her what she wants, go comepletely No Contact. 100%. Commit yourself to never having anything to do with her.

 

I have told her a number of times she doesn't understand how much I love her. She has had serious relationships before, she swears that I'm her first true love. I don't know why Im here in tears and she doesn't have an ounce of pain in her chest. The boundaries were made already. You're right about there being no friendship. I can't allow that ever. It's been more than 2 weeks without contact. It's starting to sink in now.

 

It won't be easy, but LoveShack's a great place to come to get support. Keep posting any time you start getting weak. Or even when you're feeling strong!

 

Thanks for everything. It means a lot to me that you took the time out to write all of that.

[Sebstian]

"....I have a hard time understanding how someone has no regrets leaving a man they said they were positive they were going to marry. I guess I'm in denial...."

 

That's love for you right there. It's based on something as fleeing as feelings. You can't make promises about what you feel in the future, it just doesn't work that way. She definitely believed and meant what she said at that time, however in the meantime her feelings have changed. My ex said told me that there was no doubt in her mind that I was the man for her and that I was the one she wanted to be with... three weeks later I was dumped lol!

 

And "no regrets" doesn't translate into "it was easy" or "I'm so happy to be without him". It just means that you know what you had to do because you weren't happy. If you've ever tried dumping someone you care for, you'll know what it's like. Incredibly difficult and painful to do but incredible sense of relief afterwards. Not in a "good god it was nice to get that looser out of my life" kind of way, but more "phew that was tough, but now I've done what I had to do". Don't know if it makes any difference to you, but just dont torture yourself by believing it was so easy for her. It's never easy or painless to end an overall loving LTR.

 

/ Seb

[GymRat]

I'm glad I can really relate to your situation, and I mean, really relate. I did so much out of genuine love, and I think in my case it was that she is a couple of years younger, and hasn't experienced anything out of her normal boundaries and inside she was fearing staying together with me and regretting not experiencing these things before being locked down forever. The whole forever thing scared her right now in her life. The irony is, that shorty after breaking up with me, she rebounded to another guy, thus limiting her ability to experience things as a 'single and independent person', what she feared she'd never get to experience. That relationship is doomed from the beginning, but that's irrelevant to me. I just know that she has a lot to work out with herself, and as much as I love her, it's not my place right now to wait around for her while she sorts herself out. That's just asking for more heartache, stress, and a whirlwind of emotions. I know it's a cliche, but it's quite applicable: if you truly love someone, you have to let them go. She has way more emotional baggage that needs to be sorted out, and you've got much too much love to give. For the future, for both you and I, we need to take some of that love and put it towards ourselves. Actually, when I think about all the good times I've had, I actually come to a realization that most of the good times were not just because of her, but mostly it was joy that I was bringing. We're capable of being happy without them, and if you look back at your life without her, you know you're capable of being happy without her. Don't worry about what you invested, none of it goes to waste, you live and you learn, and going forward, you will have gained so much out of that past relationship.

 

Be strong, keep hitting that gym (I've been tracking my progress and by god I've made some intense gains), and look at yourself in the mirror. You deserve to be happy, god dammit, and tell yourself that right to your face. And believe me, you will be.

 

Keep at it bro.

[Benched]

Seb-

 

I understand it wasnt easy. It just feels that way because I'm seeing two different situations unfold: hers and mine. I'm lonely and lost. She's not. I didn't want to believe I wasn't worth it, but now I'm starting to think that.

 

 

I'm glad I can really relate to your situation, and I mean, really relate. I did so much out of genuine love, and I think in my case it was that she is a couple of years younger, and hasn't experienced anything out of her normal boundaries and inside she was fearing staying together with me and regretting not experiencing these things before being locked down forever. The whole forever thing scared her right now in her life. The irony is, that shorty after breaking up with me, she rebounded to another guy, thus limiting her ability to experience things as a 'single and independent person', what she feared she'd never get to experience. That relationship is doomed from the beginning, but that's irrelevant to me. I just know that she has a lot to work out with herself, and as much as I love her, it's not my place right now to wait around for her while she sorts herself out. That's just asking for more heartache, stress, and a whirlwind of emotions. I know it's a cliche, but it's quite applicable: if you truly love someone, you have to let them go. She has way more emotional baggage that needs to be sorted out, and you've got much too much love to give. For the future, for both you and I, we need to take some of that love and put it towards ourselves. Actually, when I think about all the good times I've had, I actually come to a realization that most of the good times were not just because of her, but mostly it was joy that I was bringing. We're capable of being happy without them, and if you look back at your life without her, you know you're capable of being happy without her. Don't worry about what you invested, none of it goes to waste, you live and you learn, and going forward, you will have gained so much out of that past relationship.

 

Be strong, keep hitting that gym (I've been tracking my progress and by god I've made some intense gains), and look at yourself in the mirror. You deserve to be happy, god dammit, and tell yourself that right to your face. And believe me, you will be.

 

Keep at it bro.

 

Some of the things you mentioned really hit me hard. I did get a lot of joy from putting a smile on her face and catering to her needs. It made me feel special because i seen the genuine happiness she was feeling.

 

A really hard part about this process of being dumped is that I found a lady that I would always put first...she was always put before me and always my priority. I've lost that person now...and I can't focus on myself. I can't put myself first even though shes gone. I do things that would make me happy in the past...but they're only a minor distraction. Mornings are the worst. My mornings used to be a fresh start. Wake up with a breath of fresh air and realize that I had everything I wanted. Now it feels like I dont have anything at all...the pain in my chest when I wake up is real. I never thought I would ever feel it physically.

 

"If you love them, let them go." I understand this. Unfortunately, in times like this, I'm not very rational. I'm really trying to show myself some love like you said. Thanks for being positive and helping me out, bro.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Benched

[GymRat]

I know what you mean, I did much of the same. I literally always put her first, from simple things like toppings on a pizza, to getting up in the middle of the night to drive her home when she was upset after a party. And looking back at it, I think about how often she put me before her, and I can't think of too many occasions. When I really think about it, I, just as you, loved the feeling of being appreciated. And now that we've both lost them, we're left feeling unappreciated, and taken advantage of. But listen. It's not healthy to be constantly making others happy before ourselves, and I've realized this. If you can make yourself happy, you will, just as she once did, appreciate it. I know this sounds like impossible talk at the moment, but why spend so much time trying to make someone else happy when you could have spent a better portion of that time making yourself happy too? You're wondering, how can I do that. But trust me, you will learn. Start with baby steps, go hang out with your friends, do things you wouldn't have done but wanted to do while in your relationship, DANCE! Do anything, just get up, look in the world and say "I'M HERE!". That's corny, I know, but don't be down. It's easy to be irrational, but slowly, when your brain begins to think more reasonably, you'll begin to see the world in a new light. And trust, it will happen. Oh, boy, it will happen, and you'll be on top of the world! Just know this isn't the end of the line, I felt like you did a month ago, and I can't tell you how much I've improved in just a month. I can think about her and not have a crippling sadness take over my body, because I know my worth now. I've accomplished so much in the time I've been away from her, and it's made me feel incredible. Do the same, don't let the world pass you by. You're going to get better, just you wait and see.

[EricaH329]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t208968/

 

Thought that might help.

[Benched]

So what did you take from it, Erica? I see a lot of people agree with me that it's done to relieve guilt. I feel so strung up and that one statement sent so much false hope and confusion.

[Ajax]

Benched, having exes tell you that they'll always love you can really mess with your mind and heart. That makes it that much harder to see things for what they are. Regardless of her "love" for you, it's not the same love that you feel for her. And that's what matters.

 

One must be skeptical as to what she means by "love." The fealing of love means nothing if its not backed up by actions. You were dedicated to her. She was not. Therefore her telling you that she'll always love you doesn't do anything for you. It just serves to make her feel a little better about breaking your heart. Can something that self serving really come out of love?

 

I submit that it cannot.

[radiodarcy]

I'm glad I can really relate to your situation, and I mean, really relate. I did so much out of genuine love, and I think in my case it was that she is a couple of years younger, and hasn't experienced anything out of her normal boundaries and inside she was fearing staying together with me and regretting not experiencing these things before being locked down forever. The whole forever thing scared her right now in her life. The irony is, that shorty after breaking up with me, she rebounded to another guy, thus limiting her ability to experience things as a 'single and independent person', what she feared she'd never get to experience. That relationship is doomed from the beginning, but that's irrelevant to me. I just know that she has a lot to work out with herself, and as much as I love her, it's not my place right now to wait around for her while she sorts herself out. That's just asking for more heartache, stress, and a whirlwind of emotions. I know it's a cliche, but it's quite applicable: if you truly love someone, you have to let them go. She has way more emotional baggage that needs to be sorted out, and you've got much too much love to give. For the future, for both you and I, we need to take some of that love and put it towards ourselves. Actually, when I think about all the good times I've had, I actually come to a realization that most of the good times were not just because of her, but mostly it was joy that I was bringing. We're capable of being happy without them, and if you look back at your life without her, you know you're capable of being happy without her. Don't worry about what you invested, none of it goes to waste, you live and you learn, and going forward, you will have gained so much out of that past relationship.

 

Be strong, keep hitting that gym (I've been tracking my progress and by god I've made some intense gains), and look at yourself in the mirror. You deserve to be happy, god dammit, and tell yourself that right to your face. And believe me, you will be.

 

Keep at it bro.

 

i can totally relate to this! i too did everything i could to make him happy. but really, the more i did, the more i enabled him to take me for granted - - and in turn did a huge disservice to myself.

 

his interests and needs came before mine. i cut off all the aspects of my personality to suit him. i'm a total poligeek and book nerd - - he hates both so i stopped doing both. i even grew to hate myself for the fact that we didn't share the same interests. i felt like i was a total bore to him. my self-esteem plummeted.

 

i never told him any of this stuff. i internalized it. and simply tried harder to be the person i thought he wanted me to be. i refused to entertain the idea that regardless of what i did he still wouldn't accept me. but i didn't have a choice when he dumped me. and while he treated me like crap, i can't say i didn't play a role in said treatment as well.

 

i've had five months of NC and has done a lot to rebuild my self-esteem. i'm i'm still not ready to start dating again. i'm too busy enjoying having the old me back

[Chi townD]

" I want us to be civil even if we can't be friends"? I'm sorry, I'm all for NC however I would have been texting her back, "well...what you want and what you're gonna get are two different things now aren't they."

 

 

Dude, you dodged a huge bullet! I can pretty much guarantee she's keeping tabs on you. Once she learns that you're starting to date again, be prepared to hear from her again.

[Benched]

" I want us to be civil even if we can't be friends"? I'm sorry, I'm all for NC however I would have been texting her back, "well...what you want and what you're gonna get are two different things now aren't they."

 

 

Dude, you dodged a huge bullet! I can pretty much guarantee she's keeping tabs on you. Once she learns that you're starting to date again, be prepared to hear from her again.

 

 

Really? What makes you think that, Chi?

[EricaH329]

So what did you take from it, Erica? I see a lot of people agree with me that it's done to relieve guilt. I feel so strung up and that one statement sent so much false hope and confusion.

 

Please, do not allow yourself to become stuck on that statement. I posted that thread in 2009, and even though it's now 2011, he is still telling me that statement.

 

I think, at first, it was done to relieve guilt. Now, I think it's done so that he makes sure that no matter who i'm dating, or what point in my life I have come to, that I don't ever forget him and the relationship we once had.

 

Do I believe him when he says it? Absolutely. Does that mean I need to revolve my life around it? Absolutely not. Just because two people love eachother, does not mean that a relationship between them will work.

 

What I am trying to say, is that no matter the reason why she said that to you, it isn't a reconciliation. It is an 'affirmation'. Please, do not take that statement to mean something it doesn't. It'll only keep you hooked on her longer.

[Chi townD]

She kind of sounds like the type of girl that likes to string you along. Also, sooner or later, she's gonna realize that what she did to you was pretty crappy and she'll probably contact you to ease her own guilt.

[Benched]

Thanks Erica. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, but its real easy for me to believe and hold onto the things she says even though it's right in front of me that she doesn't want to be with me.

 

 

She kind of sounds like the type of girl that likes to string you along. Also, sooner or later, she's gonna realize that what she did to you was pretty crappy and she'll probably contact you to ease her own guilt.

 

I think shes already realized that in the past month and that's why she has already contacted me. I dont think she'd be jealous of seeing me with another girl and I doubt if or when it does happen, she will be looking to message me or get in touch with me.

[EricaH329]

Thanks Erica. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, but its real easy for me to believe and hold onto the things she says even though it's right in front of me that she doesn't want to be with me.

 

I know it's tough right now, it's still fresh. Wait until time has passed, and you are still hearing the same thing over and over again (hopefully you won't be as unfortunate as I am and she will leave you alone before it gets to that point). It will start to get old, and you will start to realize that it isn't meant for reconciliation.

 

Think of it like this: She very well may have truly loved you. But, she doesn't think a relationship between the two of you is going to work, which is why you aren't together right now. The fact that she loves you, unfortunately, doesn't make any difference as far as the two of you being together goes.

 

I know it's hard to separate the "I'll always love you" from "I want to work things out" right now, but once you are able to, you'll understand exactly what I mean.

[Benched]

I really didn't want to update this because its hurting me so much...but I thought I should let all of the people that tried to help me know...

 

I just found out she was seeing someone not even a couple weeks after dumping me. I'm at a worse place than I was before. I found out through a mutual friend that thought it was important I know this information so I can move on. I didn't want to hear this. She lied to me by saying she'll always love me. This new guy is a lot older than her from what i hear, more than a decade. From what I have heard, more than one person suspects this has been going on even while we were together. Some people have reached out and have told me I deserve better than this...surprisingly even some of her family who disagree with her. I just can't find the strength to move on and to forget about her like they say to.

[Benched]

Hey everyone. Not sure if Ajax or the rest of you still frequent here but I thought it was worth a shot because your advice was great. I haven't been here in a while.

 

I have been working on myself but I still feel a huge hole in my chest after finding out she was with someone right after dumping me through the text message.

 

Mid-summer i decided to take care of myself a little better. I found out she asked a mutual friend how I looked once she got wind. Don't ask me how she got wind, maybe through new facebook pictures. Nothing in terms of how i felt emotionally. Just right to the point "how is he looking?"

 

It's almost 2 months without a word from her, and finding this out added to a lot of confusion to my emotions.

[GgirlBgirl]

Sometimes I wonder if they get curious because some part of them wants us always to be pining for them. For me, I know it would bother my ex if I started seeing someone because he was never comfortable with knowing my relationship past. I had only been with 2 guys ever, my ex being one of them so if I was looking good and seeing someone, that guy had to be special to me.

 

I can see how it would be confusing. I wouldn't read too much into it and continue moving forward with your relationship with yourself. Itll be hard but in the long run, she freed you up to be with someone who is deserving of all that you are.

[carhill]

Thanks for the update. I'll address the OP.

 

Does anyone have any ideas on this?

Emotional instability/immaturity is one potential. Another is you were plan B all along.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Yes, a number of times. I'm a masochist.

Does this pattern repeat?

Depends. I've experienced a few rubber bands, but not sufficiently strong to impel unilateral and proactive clear contact

Are there chances she will return?

If plan A doesn't work out and/or she desires validation, good chances

What does it mean when someone tells you to move on but will "always love you?"

 

It's double-talk, designed to keep you emotionally attached. If they really loved you, like a poster mentioned about family, friends, pets, etc, they would show it through their actions. When the rubber band snaps, watch the actions. It's an amazing life lesson.

 

I call it 'learning how to tell when someone is letting you love them'

 

Good luck.