xeros Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I understand that they're two entirely different things, but I was just curious at how long it takes some people. For me the initial stage of being ridiculously upset and distraught lasts ten days after which I calm down and then perhaps a further couple of months to stop missing them. It took me perhaps another 4 months or so to completely get over my long term relationship and a couple of months less for a shorter one
thelovingkind Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 This time was unique since it was the first time I let the grieving process do its thing in a totally natural, non-interfered way. It was about: 1 week of aching sadness, daily crying followed by 2 weeks of existential despair, emptiness, occasional crying, odd glimmer of hope and 2 weeks of gentle melancholy, no crying, morning sadness clearing up. personality returns
ScienceGal Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I think how things end also affects one's ability to move on. It was surprisingly easy for me to move on from a 2 year relationship because we sat down and discussed why it was ending and hugged goodbye. It still hurt, but it was done in a respectful way. I was over it in a couple weeks. But, if someone leaves unexpectedly and does it in a poor fashion, then it could be harder to make sense of it. Your mind might struggle a bit longer. This is my experience anyway. I am at week 6 after a mere 6 month relationship that ended poorly, and it still hurts a lot. Also, I have found that I can get back to a good place, but I never completely move on until I meet a new man that brings back all those good feelings. I just love companionship and am at my happiest when I have someone special in my life.
zebrack25 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Xeros and TheLovingKind, good for both of you as those are relatively short times in my opinion for moving on. Its normally around 6 months for me, having OCD kind of makes things worse, and this last one has been 11 months and counting as she left me for another guy. I'm getting there though
Renard99 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 It's been 6 months so far and I'm still counting. It took me about 2 or 3 weeks to get over the initial crying, sadness phase. I then spent about a month in a depressed state whilst continuing to ride the emotional rollercoaster. I then had a set back when she contacted me with some really rather ambiguous emails. I was then another month on the rollercoaster, before realising that she'll never come back. Basically 3 months for all of that. Unortunately my healing has plateaued and stayed the same as it was at the 3 month marker, mainly because I work in the same building and see her 2 or 3 times a week. I'm no longer sad or depressed about the break up but everytime I see her I still fancy her and I remember all the good times we had over the 8 years together.
Lemontang Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I think how things end also affects one's ability to move on... So true and very well put ScienceGal. I've had my fair share of relationships and most have ended fairly well with both parties respect intact. A nine year relationship ended on good terms and to this day we're still good friends with no animosity towards each other. Yet another relationship of 2 1/2 years ended atrociously and it took me a good 6 months to get anywhere close to allowing anyone else into my life, and even now I still catch myself thinking about her once in awhile. But I'm also long past ever having any desire to have anything to do with her again. In fact she almost makes my stomach turn in disgust now at the mere thought of entertaining a relationship with her. Edited July 25, 2011 by Lemontang
radiodarcy Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 about four months. i still think about him quite a bit - - just not as much as i used to. i think what's helped me the most is having a place like loveshack as an outlet to vent, relate to other people and get some great advice. it's helped me move into phase two of my healing which has enabled me to focus on other interests - - old and new. before my head was so clouded by thoughts of him that i just couldn't focus. but over time i've found myself thinking about him less and less. i've also noticed that the nature of those thoughts has shifted from the pining "i wish he loved me" ; to the vengeful "i hope he gets what's coming to him" ; to the "yeah - - ok, i still love him but - - i'm better off without him. and i'm ok with that" as ScienceGal said, it is a process and much of the pace does have to do with the nature of the relationship; how it ended etc. i can honestly say it will be a while before i've reach 100% indifference but where i am now feels much better than where i was before.
sleepykitten Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 This time was unique since it was the first time I let the grieving process do its thing in a totally natural, non-interfered way. It was about: 1 week of aching sadness, daily crying followed by 2 weeks of existential despair, emptiness, occasional crying, odd glimmer of hope and 2 weeks of gentle melancholy, no crying, morning sadness clearing up. personality returns About the same for me too! Never thought that first terrible week/ten days would end!
sleepykitten Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Saying that (above) i am at week 9-10 post break up and still get moments of sadness, missing him, not wanting to be in another relationship, wondering why he changed/left etc....! But i do feel stronger, more together and hopeful for a happy future either on my own or with someone else.
thelovingkind Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Me too, sleepy. I still think of my ex many a time when I get lonely (about 8 weeks out). But I consider myself to have moved on because the loneliness is no longer a product of losing him, it's just ambient loneliness which is tinted with his presence. If that makes sense
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