irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I was wondering, if there are few single women in the SAME social circle of friends and let's say you asked 2 out, and you got rejected. You get to the 3rd one, she rejects you. Fine, no big deal. However I heard there ARE consequences to this, as word might spread that you've asked 3 women out int he same group of friends. "Yeah, he asked me out, and I let him down nicely." And the other friend goes, "Really? He asked me out, too!" And the 3rd "Me 3" All of them, "What a creep!!" Comments, feedback?
tigressA Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah, that's basically how my friends and I would react to it. I can't speak for anyone else.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Yes, generally speaking, that's creepy behavior. If they all three reject you, it becomes creepy AND sad AND clear you'd either go out with anyone or are not looking for anything serious. I think it's one thing to date a couple different women, over time, in YOUR own social circle, and they may, in some cases, know each other. But that's over time. I mean, my last exBF met most of his GFs (not me) through friends, so it wasn't creepy that he'd dated two different women --- several years apart in time span --- who had known each other, because they were both friends of friends who he got to know first and asked out for compatibility etc. But just meeting several different girls who are friends and then just asking everyone out is creepy behavior. There's a guy who did this with two friends of mine recently (he met them both at the same time, at a book club meeting -- I was there as well -- and knew they were friends, so it's creepier than asking everyone out and accidentally asking out friends, which is also creepy: having an attitude where you ask EVERYONE out = creepy anyway), and we thought he was a major creep. It shows he's not looking for anything serious and the fact that he knew they were friends shows he's not even into basic etiquette. That said, if you've asked a girl out and she's rejected you. And it happens to be a social circle you're regularly in and there's another girl who later piques your interest, it's not like you've burned the social circle forever. If it's been awhile and your interest in newer girl seems sincere, the girl who rejected you may even be "rooting" for you because she feels bad for not reciprocating interest. It's not like if I reject a guy, I expect him to never go out with my friends if he happens to meet them. Before I met my current BF, I went on two dates with a super nice guy who I had 0% chemistry with, and I told him so and we became "friends" (it's always awkward, but I think he was sincere in accepting my offer even then and we're definitely friends now) and I later set him up with a friend who thought he was cute and really hit it off with him --- they're now a super cute couple. But that wasn't creepy because it wasn't like he was randomly shot-gunning all sorts of girls who know each other; it was just the way social connections tend to work.
joeLove Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 First rule when you date within a friend's circle is to know how things work ... Here is what I would do, if I were you. I would bring a female friend (or even a female family member: cousin, sister, ...), that doesn't hang out in that circle. I would ignore (for the event) all the other girls. I wouldn't even give them a look... I would enjoy myself with this other girl... Once the girls see you with that female friend of yours having a good time, they will all start getting jealous (at least the ones that might care). Once you are seen with other women and you are happy, they will think ... it could have been them with you. Those who don't care about you ... they still won't care ... but, that's ok.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Thing is, I'm in a social circle, well, where most people are more acquaintances with one another than good friends. There's this female friend I know that's been with a certain group for a long time, but surprisingly, had never formed tight friendships with OTHER women in the group. Not even one "confidante" (sp?) So basically, it's a bunch of acquaintances getting together. Sometimes, there can be a toss up between two women that both seem to be great people. One can be torn. lol
Finch Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 The 'creep' reaction is how I would feel, too. But I suppose it could depend on how much time passed between asking each woman out. Asking out three women from the same social group all in the same week or even month seems like the guy just wants someone, anyone, to say yes and isn't actually interested in who that might be. Also, the woman asked out second or third in such a short time span is going to likely feel like they were only 'second/third choice'. If it occurred over the course of several months or a year, and the man is asking out women that he genuinely finds interesting and would like to pursue a relationship with then it might be different. However, it sounds from your original post that you are talking about asking out three women in quick succession. In that case, then yes, my reaction would be 'he seems like a creep' or 'the guy seems desperate'.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 That's kind of interesting, because one of my female friends said this about the men of the group (in general) that they tend to ask ANYONE out, regardless of what they're like. That the men weren't picky or something. lol The 'creep' reaction is how I would feel, too. But I suppose it could depend on how much time passed between asking each woman out. Asking out three women from the same social group all in the same week or even month seems like the guy just wants someone, anyone, to say yes and isn't actually interested in who that might be. Also, the woman asked out second or third in such a short time span is going to likely feel like they were only 'second/third choice'. If it occurred over the course of several months or a year, and the man is asking out women that he genuinely finds interesting and would like to pursue a relationship with then it might be different. However, it sounds from your original post that you are talking about asking out three women in quick succession. In that case, then yes, my reaction would be 'he seems like a creep' or 'the guy seems desperate'.
Finch Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Thing is, I'm in a social circle, well, where most people are more acquaintances with one another than good friends. There's this female friend I know that's been with a certain group for a long time, but surprisingly, had never formed tight friendships with OTHER women in the group. Not even one "confidante" (sp?) So, does this mean you hope if you ask two women out at/near the same time no one will know because they aren't really good friends and so they may not mention it to each other? If that's the case, it's still a risk. Even if the group is made up of more acquaintances than close-knit friends, you can never be sure what people are going to mention in conversation. Sometimes, there can be a toss up between two women that both seem to be great people. One can be torn. lol Sure, you can be interested in two people. But it may be better to choose one, ask her out and see what happens. If it doesn't work out or she says no, then wait an appropriate amount of time before asking out the other woman you are interested in. That way, if it does happen to come up that you asked both out, allowing some time in between can lessen the chances that the second woman will be offended at seeming like "second place". It also shows you are respectful of the potential awkwardness of situation and are adhering to sense of social decorum, i.e. not trying to gobble up too many fish from the same dating pool too fast.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 If there's genuine interest in each one and he's not going after multiple women at the same time, there's nothing creepy. If this ruffles some feathers or breaks some unwritten rules oh well. I'll never understand these unwritten rules. If there's no genuine interest I can certainly understand how that would be creepy. Yeah, believe it or not, and this is rare, I have met 2 or 3 women that all seem equally nice, and would consider dating. (one because she is more geographically desirable). Believe it or not though, I haven't asked ANY of them out, but had been getting to know them over time, through parties, summer gatherings, via email, etc. This over the past couple of months. But I as of yet actually been on a date with any of them. I guess that' why if you find multiple women you like, and they all seem like great ladies....you get to know them over time I suppose. I think one I was talking to, she was nice, but kind of "stiff" socially. Wasn't much into the same hobbies I'm into either. Just didn't seem as outgoing as I like, but she was nice talking to. So you could say I eliminated one out of the running (not meaning to sound like this is a contest or anything)
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 If there's genuine interest in each one and he's not going after multiple women at the same time, there's nothing creepy. If this ruffles some feathers or breaks some unwritten rules oh well. I'll never understand these unwritten rules. If there's no genuine interest I can certainly understand how that would be creepy. The thing is, how can there be genuine interest with so many people at once? That's what makes it seem like a shotgun thing: I'll just keep asking girls out till someone (anyone!/anyone hot enough) says yes. That's why I said there are times when it becomes okay, because it's a normal social product, but in this case, it doesn't sound like a normal social product but rather like he's "hunting." Thus, it's going to seem like he's just swinging at anything, and that means no genuine interest.
chuckles11 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I think the main consequence is that you end up with the stench of death on you. The chance that woman #3 would say yes if she knew that woman number #1 and number#2 had already turned you down is very low.
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