Yuzuki Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I've been reading along for a few days now, but I figured perhaps if I created an account and shared my story it would help me feel a little better. Basically, the relationship I had was very short, around 3-4 months. I met an indirect colleague (different building) and it just clicked. He shared many interests including one of mine which is quite uncommon - he's the first person I met who also likes it except for online friends. We started spending almost all free time together as well as taking breaks during work together. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I didn't have to think twice about that - he was on my mind when waking up and when going to bed, and anytime in between. However although we held hands, kissed and acted like a couple, he would sometimes tell me he wasn't entirely sure because he had expected a stronger feeling (we're each other's first). I should have realized then that it would never work out, because if you aren't sure if you love someone during the first months, you simply don't. I think part of me did know this, but I didn't want to face it and I was hoping it would change. After all he did keep reassuring me that he cared about me a lot, definitely as more than a friend, and that maybe he just didn't feel this kind of thing that strongly. A few weeks ago we went to Paris for a weekend and to me it was simply amazing. Just walking hand in hand in a city like that.. However a few days later I noticed how he wouldn't even hug me anymore when saying goodbye and I poked him into talking to me. He said he cared for me a lot, but only as a friend. I felt like I was going to throw up, like I couldn't breathe. Moreover we had a 10-day holiday planned (to see his family), and after he saw me crying, he said it would be better if I didn't come because it would just make both of us miserable. He was nice and paid back my part of the travel costs, but I still ended up sitting at home with nothing to do because it was too late to cancel the holiday at work. This is day 16 of NC and he hasn't contacted me either. It's my birthday next week and I've been obsessing over whether he will contact me and if he does, if I should reply or just ignore him. It's also a habit to bring some candies or chocolate to work and to pass by the desks of the people you know with it, but I'm quite certain I'll have to skip his team. I've been thinking to maybe go there in case I receive a text from him, but I don't know if I'm ready to see him. He also said he's never met someone with whom he has so much in common and therefore he definitely wants to remain friends, but I really don't think I can manage that. If he would somehow realize that he does love me, I'd definitely be willing to fight for this relationship with all that I've got. But I don't expect this to happen (even if I'm hoping for it) - and friendship would just be stabbing a wound that hadn't healed to begin with. So I guess I've just lost the one person that absolutely matched with me, for no reason at all (we never had a fight) other than that he expected some stronger feeling than what he felt. Sticking to NC for now but I feel quite miserable. I honestly didn't know anything could be this painful. Any advice would be much appreciated.
t_i Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I don't think you can put a time limit on falling in love, my friend has been with her guy 8 months and aren't at I love yous yet! 16 days is hard for NC, your doing well! I say make him see what he's lost, look fabulous on your bday, pass sweets to his team, nothing is worse than looking petty. Keep work and personal life separate. Just be civil. But just try and move on. He'll soon see what he's thrown away, even if he never acts upon it. You sound like you have kept your dignity in it and haven't begged so I congratulate you
Author Yuzuki Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Thank you for your reply, after being mostly lost in my own thoughts it's really nice to hear someone else's POV. If you don't mind me asking, how far have your friend and her guy actually gone in their relationship? We've spent weekend upon weekend together and done everything except for actual sex so I thought it was strange that it would still need more time. I did actually beg the day after he said he wanted to be just friends. To at least give it a shot until after our trip. But when he cancelled that, I was actually quite fed up with him (though I also understand why he did it) and I just went NC. I guess you do have a point, I should just get myself together, put on a big smile and go up to his team. Then again that would be breaking NC and it's been hard enough to keep it up this long. If I simply don't go to his building, he'll never know I brought anything for my birthday to begin with (some people don't do it). I guess I'll be pondering on this for a little while longer...
t_i Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 How old are you? She was 23 and he was 21. They work there every day and it's a restaurant. They also stay most nights with each other. I think they may have exchanged love yous now but definitely at the 6/7 month mark she was wondering if it was too soon. But they probably won't be together forever, but he's the one for now! Trust me! I've been there with the begging thing. I criiiied and said please don't etc. And by the time the talk was over I had to stay over as there was no busses back. It didn't help one bit for me either. Never does! Tbh no contact helps you to move on slowly. I had a lovely night out with my friends last night. Go get dressed up and be flattered by the attention you'll get. He may see what he's missing but if he wasn't sure he felt that way, chickened out for whatever reason - then you can do better. If you took him back would you be able to be relaxed? I'd sure be on edge that I was going to get dumped again. I'd need constant reassurance And that isn't healthy. I say move on, before it drags on and you get more attached and hurt.
Author Yuzuki Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 I'm 21 as well. I can imagine not having a bus back and being forced to stay must be awful - yet at the same time, you probably don't want to leave. I've also been telling myself I deserve better - at the very least, someone who knows he loves me and tells me so. And that by breaking up something has been shattered that never can be fully mended. But it's still tough nonetheless - I'm 21 and this is the first guy I actually liked. There are really not that many of them.
t_i Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah it was tough, he cuddled me all night. Not out of love but out of habit probably. Meaning I got more confused. However we're both 21. We werent married! Can you see yourself marrying that guy? I can't imagine that with my ex. Not after how he treated me. It could be worse. We could be older, spent decades of our lives with someone, and for this to happen. We will both bounce back. stay strong.
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