PinkChic Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Hello, I was on this board a couple months back in bundles of pain that the guy I thought was my soul mate had broken up with me. We didn't speak for a month and when we did it would end up with me in tears and him saying mean things. A month later, out of the blue he comes running back saying all the right things and we decide to give it another try. I should back up and say that my (ex) boyfriend and I are from completely different planets... we very very different. I am very outgoing, talkative, social, I am all about feelings, being spontaneous and I am a workaholic. Now everything I have said my boyfriend is the mirror opposite. But, I fell so inlove with him so fast. In fact, I am the girl that doens't allow men to treat me like crap. I have ALWAYS stood up for myself and when I didn't feel like I was getting the respect I deserved I left the relationship. I also don't believe in "second chances", so when my ex came back to me a month later I made him work for it. He begged, pleaded and actually showed he cared and truly wanted to work it out. I am still positively sure that at 25 I have never loved in my life until I met him. So, I gave in and we were actually very happy. Well, my ex is a teacher during the school year and a director at a camp in the summer which is an hour and half from where we live. When we were in the stages of getting back together this was a big sticking point for me... I didn't want to work so hard on communicating with one another and then him leave for 10 weeks to a place he gets zero reception. He swore up and down he would be home on weekends and we would be in constant communication. Now, in week 4, I have heard from him maybe once a day, and I have not seen him. Today, he was suppose to come home and spend the day with me. I had made reservations for dinner and booked a hotel room for the night. Last night he called, we ended the conversation with everything we wanted to do tomorrow and how excited we were to see each other. Today, I'm waiting and waiting and waiting... and he never shows. He texts me three hours later that he wasn't coming. No reason as to why or anything. Just that he wasn't coming. I told him if he didn't come home today we were really over as the non communication and the false hopes that he promised was enough for me. Also, this is very routine for him to make plans with me and then never show, then text hours later saying he couldn't make it. We have not communicated today since that text at 11. I am very heartbroken. I don't get heartbroken over men and I always believe I have enough self respect for myself to know when I deserve better. But, I have never felt so much love for one person. What breaks my heart the most is that he has promised this day for a month. I have also been going through tremendous personal things and he hasn't been here for anything. I don't miss my boyfriend. I miss my best friends. I know I deserve someone who can do what they say when they say it and I told him I wanted him to find a person that he loves so much that he can't go days without speaking to them, months without seeing them and someone that when they hurt he hurts. I am to the point that I feel like I can't count on him for ANYTHING. Whenever I need him he is never here. As painful as it is I plan to have zero contact and just move on. Am I doing the right thing or am I walking away to easily? Thanks for letting me vent!
wilsonx Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I am very heartbroken. I don't get heartbroken over men and I always believe I have enough self respect for myself to know when I deserve better. But, I have never felt so much love for one person. What breaks my heart the most is that he has promised this day for a month. I have also been going through tremendous personal things and he hasn't been here for anything. I don't miss my boyfriend. I miss my best friends. I know I deserve someone who can do what they say when they say it and I told him I wanted him to find a person that he loves so much that he can't go days without speaking to them, months without seeing them and someone that when they hurt he hurts. I am to the point that I feel like I can't count on him for ANYTHING. Whenever I need him he is never here. As painful as it is I plan to have zero contact and just move on. Am I doing the right thing or am I walking away to easily? Thanks for letting me vent! Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. You always come first and your significant other comes a close second. You know exactly what you deserve, you posted it right here. Now you need to make the decision based on your needs since hes not helping you at all with them.
westrock Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Today, I'm waiting and waiting and waiting... and he never shows. He texts me three hours later that he wasn't coming. No reason as to why or anything. Just that he wasn't coming. I told him if he didn't come home today we were really over as the non communication and the false hopes that he promised was enough for me. Also, this is very routine for him to make plans with me and then never show, then text hours later saying he couldn't make it. We have not communicated today since that text at 11. He is not being fair to you when he cancels so late and gives you no reason. It's not fair to you and leaves you wondering, confused, conflicted, and unsure of what's happening. I think you are justified in asking him for an explanation as to why did he not show. What's his reason? Maybe he has a legitimate reason, or maybe not considering this is very routine for him, but you can't make that assessment without him telling you. I think that is where the communication between the two of you is missing. On the positive side, you say that you hear from him once a day in a place that gets zero reception, so he is at least communicating regularly under circumstances where it sounds like it's not easy to do. Also, why can't you go up there to see him?
Author PinkChic Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Thank you for the reply. I agree that our communication is lacking. Actually, I get one text message a day (if I'm lucky) and he does have a land line there that he could pick up the phone and call if he chose to. As far as me going up there.... I would be up there every weekend if I could!... In fact, I begged him to let me come up there.. however that's a part of his life he "isolates" ... his personality reminds me of an onion... you have to contiue to peal layer after layer and with each layer I peal I end up in more tears!
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