should i go and confront him?

July 24, 2011

I met my ex bf two months ago on a local dating site. After our first meeting, he was very active in pursuing me. He would sms/call a couple of times a day and sometimes, if i ignored his attempts, he would be very upset. Then, he would date me like a few times a week, on weekdays and weekends.

I was taken in very quickly by his wooing tactics and became his gf almost after two weeks of our first meeting. I even met his mother and he supported me and cared for me during some difficult periods of our life. However, we have our fair share of heated disagreement and quarrels over that shortlived relationship. I initiated a break-up on many occasions but I end up always the one to contact him back for a patch-up

Then last friday, after a heated argument, he stopped replying me (sms, phone calls and emails). I asked him if he wanted a break-up but he kept quiet. Then i got a friend to contact him and he hinted about a break-up but was too afraid to contact me. He finally relented and told me about his decision to break-up with him by replying my email on tuesday.

I am still very mad and hurted by his heartless reasons. I gave him my virginity and if he really wants a break-up, he should have at least informed me. He kept me in suspence for a couple of few days (yes, i was crying my hearts out) and refused to speak/reply a word to me. I even threatened to attempt suicide but he just kept quiet.

I can't take this dying down because he hasn't given me the basic respect and treatment that i deserved as his ex gf. No replies, no contact, and literally just run away (considering that i gave him my virginity and he knows!)

i am very hurted and angry by his actions that im dumped without a word or accountability. Should I go and confront him and give him a tight slap?

i feel used, cheated and then abandoned and left in the lurch

July 24, 2011

I met my ex bf two months ago on a local dating site. After our first meeting, he was very active in pursuing me. He would sms/call a couple of times a day and sometimes, if i ignored his attempts, he would be very upset. Then, he would date me like a few times a week, on weekdays and weekends.

I was taken in very quickly by his wooing tactics and became his gf almost after two weeks of our first meeting. I even met his mother and he supported me and cared for me during some difficult periods of our life. However, we have our fair share of heated disagreement and quarrels over that shortlived relationship. I initiated a break-up on many occasions but I end up always the one to contact him back for a patch-up

Then last friday, after a heated argument, he stopped replying me (sms, phone calls and emails). I asked him if he wanted a break-up but he kept quiet. Then i got a friend to contact him and he hinted about a break-up but was too afraid to contact me. He finally relented and told me about his decision to break-up with him by replying my email on tuesday.

I am still very mad and hurted by his heartless reasons. I gave him my virginity and if he really wants a break-up, he should have at least informed me. He kept me in suspence for a couple of few days (yes, i was crying my hearts out) and refused to speak/reply a word to me. I even threatened to attempt suicide but he just kept quiet.

I can't take this dying down because he hasn't given me the basic respect and treatment that i deserved as his ex gf. No replies, no contact, and literally just run away (considering that i gave him my virginity and he knows!)

i am very hurted and angry by his actions that im dumped without a word or accountability. Should I go and confront him and give him a tight slap?
i feel used, cheated and then abandoned and left in the lurch

any replies?

July 24, 2011

I met my ex bf two months ago on a local dating site. After our first meeting, he was very active in pursuing me. He would sms/call a couple of times a day and sometimes, if i ignored his attempts, he would be very upset. Then, he would date me like a few times a week, on weekdays and weekends.

I was taken in very quickly by his wooing tactics and became his gf almost after two weeks of our first meeting. I even met his mother and he supported me and cared for me during some difficult periods of our life. However, we have our fair share of heated disagreement and quarrels over that shortlived relationship. I initiated a break-up on many occasions but I end up always the one to contact him back for a patch-up

Then last friday, after a heated argument, he stopped replying me (sms, phone calls and emails). I asked him if he wanted a break-up but he kept quiet. Then i got a friend to contact him and he hinted about a break-up but was too afraid to contact me. He finally relented and told me about his decision to break-up with him by replying my email on tuesday.

I am still very mad and hurted by his heartless reasons. I gave him my virginity and if he really wants a break-up, he should have at least informed me. He kept me in suspence for a couple of few days (yes, i was crying my hearts out) and refused to speak/reply a word to me. I even threatened to attempt suicide but he just kept quiet.

I can't take this dying down because he hasn't given me the basic respect and treatment that i deserved as his ex gf. No replies, no contact, and literally just run away (considering that i gave him my virginity and he knows!)

i am very hurted and angry by his actions that im dumped without a word or accountability. Should I go and confront him and give him a tight slap?
i feel used, cheated and then abandoned and left in the lurch

You initiated breakups many times and now you are hurt that you two are broke up? How old are you may I ask?

left in a lurch? are you pregnant ?

Edited July 24, 2011 by wolf69
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July 24, 2011

I'm sorry to hear about your heart ache. Relationships initiated from online dating can be difficult. Your best bet would be to evaluate your needs and desires. Chasing after him to get the respect you obviously deserve is not going to make you happy in the end... It could even cause more heart ache.

When you are feeling hurt, abandoned, heart ache, etc. write your feelings down on paper. This can help you cope with those feelings as well as be able to make sense of them later.

Next, write down your what you want to say to him. I would not suggest begging for him back or anything like that. Let him know in a letter how you feel and that you want to work things out. Suggesting that you start over again can be good for both of you and could result in him coming back to you.

The key is to take things slow, don't rush this. I know it can be difficult with what has happened, but I know from experience that going too fast usually only makes things worse.... Remember, baby steps....

Make sure you get the letter to him how ever you can, via a friend, relative, or whatever. It doesn't have to be long, just truthful. If he doesn't respond, send him another. Give him some positive aspects of your relationship together, try not to focus on the negative as this could push him away.

Try not to dwell in the past, talk about how your future together will be great and remind him of the good times you had together. Starting over as friends is going to help you get your ex back.

i wrote him an email apologisng for scolding him. he apologised the same thing for hurting and leaving him. i asked if we could work this out, he said nope, further delays would hurt me.

im feeling very empty now, it seems he just want to hit and go

July 24, 2011

I met my ex bf two months ago on a local dating site. After our first meeting, he was very active in pursuing me. He would sms/call a couple of times a day and sometimes, if i ignored his attempts, he would be very upset. Then, he would date me like a few times a week, on weekdays and weekends.

I was taken in very quickly by his wooing tactics and became his gf almost after two weeks of our first meeting. I even met his mother and he supported me and cared for me during some difficult periods of our life. However, we have our fair share of heated disagreement and quarrels over that shortlived relationship. I initiated a break-up on many occasions but I end up always the one to contact him back for a patch-up

Then last friday, after a heated argument, he stopped replying me (sms, phone calls and emails). I asked him if he wanted a break-up but he kept quiet. Then i got a friend to contact him and he hinted about a break-up but was too afraid to contact me. He finally relented and told me about his decision to break-up with him by replying my email on tuesday.

I am still very mad and hurted by his heartless reasons. I gave him my virginity and if he really wants a break-up, he should have at least informed me. He kept me in suspence for a couple of few days (yes, i was crying my hearts out) and refused to speak/reply a word to me. I even threatened to attempt suicide but he just kept quiet.

I can't take this dying down because he hasn't given me the basic respect and treatment that i deserved as his ex gf. No replies, no contact, and literally just run away (considering that i gave him my virginity and he knows!)

i am very hurted and angry by his actions that im dumped without a word or accountability. Should I go and confront him and give him a tight slap?
i feel used, cheated and then abandoned and left in the lurch

You shouldn't confront him. There is nothing to be gained by that. He wants out of the relationship. Just let him go. I don't understand how people who have only been dating two months can have so many heated arguments and break ups during that time. Why would you want to be with someone that you have such a hard time in getting along with? I would suggest you see a counselor to talk about your overwhelming feelings. When you threaten suicide, you are in serious need of counseling and intervention. Please make the call to a counselor and let him help you to deal with your feelings.

July 24, 2011

Threatening suicide to get someone's attention doesn't accord them a great deal of respect either; you are both implicated in this messy break-up. Cut loose, move on. Don't look back, but do look at the way you handled this and learn some lessons.

July 24, 2011

Confront him as in turn up at his house? That is not a good idea. You've broken up, he says there's no hope. Turning up is disrespecting his right to privacy and choice to break up, and more than likely make him less likely to want you back, think your crazy and that he made the right choice.

Go NC- it's the best way, chat to another guy, plenty more out there

July 24, 2011

Confront him as in turn up at his house? That is not a good idea. You've broken up, he says there's no hope. Turning up is disrespecting his right to privacy and choice to break up, and more than likely make him less likely to want you back, think your crazy and that he made the right choice.

Go NC- it's the best way, chat to another guy, plenty more out there

I know but i felt played out. Its like i have invested some real feelings and time, commitment into this relationship. Before i knew it, he just dumped me without a word. No accountability no responsibility, didnt care how i felt and just walked out on me so suddenly. I thought if we were in a serious relationship, we could have discussed it, and any decisions made should be communicated to the other party.

But instead, he made me feel it was just a casual hook-up, no strings attached fling, that once he feels the pressue or its getting serious, he can just run in the opposite direction. He doesnt feel he needs to account to me or anything and wouldnt care if im practically dead or alive.

My last ex did that to me also. Is it im totally unvaluable, undeserving, unlovable and lousy, hence, these guys just dumped me like a hot plate without a word (and not feeling any remose or heart broken over breaking up with me?) They feel that they can just leave me anytime at their own terms because simply, im lousy and unvaluable to them? While they waited for their ex for years after being dumped and shedded tears for them.. while im just cast away like some tissue paper.

why am i treated this way, i dont understand? I wish i could get answers from my two ex..but i know i would never..

im always treated very cruely by these guys..i just dont get it..

July 24, 2011

I think too you should see a counselor. It will be rough but do you a whole lot of good in the end. Don't see it as failure, but rather as you're doing something proactive for your own sake. Take responsibility for your mental health and you'll end up a happier and better place. It sounds like you suffer from low self esteem, which is something you need to deal with. Luckily enough you can make changes, but you're young so you need advise on how to go about it from someone with experience.

I think this is also the reason why you accept being in bad relationships that do you more harm than good. Nobody wants to be with someone with really low self esteem, who become clingy, needy and desperate. It's a turn off for guys and girls alike and could be why the guys leave you. You need to be happy with just being you and not leave that up to some random guy.

Oh and by the way, two guys dumping you doesn't count as a real pattern. You might just have been unlucky!

All the best,

// Seb

July 24, 2011

I actually turned up at my exs house. I waited for an hour in the morning to speak to him before he went to work I had bought him lunch and everything (cringy right?) Really it just showed I was needy and Id still be there if he chose to come back.

It gave him all the power. I think you need some time alone. Don't make the mistake I did! I wanted to see him so much but it made things worse. Made him pull away more.

July 25, 2011

I actually turned up at my exs house. I waited for an hour in the morning to speak to him before he went to work I had bought him lunch and everything (cringy right?) Really it just showed I was needy and Id still be there if he chose to come back.

It gave him all the power. I think you need some time alone. Don't make the mistake I did! I wanted to see him so much but it made things worse. Made him pull away more.

What makes me really angry is:

(1) my virginity: he took my virginity. yes, it is nothing in today 's context compared to the victorian age, but i told him, it is very precious to me and if he takes it, he should be more accountable and serious to me.

(2) my current problems, i have problems at work and family, he knows that and has been supporting and giving me advice. My family problems make it almost necessary for me to shift out and i have to locate a place to stay. he said he will help me but instead, he left me in the lurch without a word, amidst all my personal turmoil and problems. he knows im dead stressed and helpless over the problems

(3) my traumatised experienced from my previous r/s: i told him im afraid of getting hurted after surviving a bad break-up (yes, i was dumped over the phone ) 2 yrs ago. I told him that if he wants to be my bf, he needs to be sensitive to my feelings and be there to care and love me always. If he can't handle it, its best we dont even start the r/s.

Yet despite of all these forewarning, he should to leave and dump me without a word. He just abandoned me like that in the toughest period of my life. I doubt i would do this to anyone, not even a friend who is going through hard times. At least i will support and help her out until her situation improves. Nope, he just left without a word, know im in crisis and emotional turmoil, but choosed not to reply my sms, calls and email. Worst of all, he deleted and blocked me from msn. If i kill myself, i doubt he will even turn up at my wake. Totally no remorse, guilt or any "humane" feelings left in him. I can't believe he has turned into such a beast, i dont think a stranger or a female friend will treat me this way.

how can i not be angry? if he wants a break-up? can't he do it properly? he always tell me i have to be diplomatic to ppl around me even i dont like them and spare a thought for ppl's feelings. i feel so played out..like a whore being dumped and left to rot.!!!!

July 25, 2011

I hear this story several times a month from women meeting guys off the internet. I made the mistake of meeting my last ex off the internet and he up and left just like yours did.

Don't meet guys off the internet. I don't care if you live in a small town and your options are limited. If that's the case then move. But don't meet a guy off a dating site ever again, it's totally not worth it. I'm sure 1% of guys on the internet are mayeb "normal" - but do you really need to deal with this 99 times before you meet someone decent? No. You can meet a civil guy in real life much quicker.

August 1, 2011

I hear this story several times a month from women meeting guys off the internet. I made the mistake of meeting my last ex off the internet and he up and left just like yours did.

Don't meet guys off the internet. I don't care if you live in a small town and your options are limited. If that's the case then move. But don't meet a guy off a dating site ever again, it's totally not worth it. I'm sure 1% of guys on the internet are mayeb "normal" - but do you really need to deal with this 99 times before you meet someone decent? No. You can meet a civil guy in real life much quicker.

guess what ..he is shopping for some coach purse for a lady .....while i always wanted a bag (he knows it) while refusing to give it to me..and even said the lady must deserve it...

while im nursing being dumped by him without a word, all broken hearted, torn and tattered..and miserable..with virginity...he is off shopping for his love interest... im just like a used tissue paper to him

why must he hurt me this way

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