manders_01 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I.e. if you like someone, do you always ask for her number, ask her out, etc? Or if you have been flirting with someone and don't ask for digits or a date, does that mean you didn't really like her or were just having fun flirting? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene and feel like sometimes I take too much stock in the "rules" of He's Just Not That Into You (automatically default to not being liked).
joeLove Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Some men are shy and sometimes, just don't know how to ask ... Not all men act the same and use the same approach. Some guys want to be sure, their asking won't be rejected. Many men have serious fear of rejection too. Other men ... just aren't confident enough. They seem overwhelmed and/or unsure about themselves. It really depends ... Sometimes, women could help too ...
Author manders_01 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Some men are shy and sometimes, just don't know how to ask ... Not all men act the same and use the same approach. Some guys want to be sure, their asking won't be rejected. Many men have serious fear of rejection too. Other men ... just aren't confident enough. They seem overwhelmed and/or unsure about themselves. It really depends ... Sometimes, women could help too ... Oh, I thought of several ways to do so...after I was already at home.
thatone Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I.e. if you like someone, do you always ask for her number, ask her out, etc? Or if you have been flirting with someone and don't ask for digits or a date, does that mean you didn't really like her or were just having fun flirting? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene and feel like sometimes I take too much stock in the "rules" of He's Just Not That Into You (automatically default to not being liked). me and a former employee used to flirt with waitresses at various restaurants for sport on a regular basis. i only ever asked for a phone number from a handful of them, and only dated one for any length of time. most of the receptive ones i soon found i had no desire for (after learning that they had kids, or differing hobbies and interests, etc.) if a man is that interested he will ask. and yes men can flirt for sport without ever intending to take it any further than that.
carhill Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 My data point is, if I'm interested and can ascertain beyond a reasonable doubt that the lady is unattached, I do 'follow through'. My historical experience is that the majority of women I meet and whom perhaps show 'interest' are attached, hence the method. Good luck.
irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Some men are shy and sometimes, just don't know how to ask ... Not all men act the same and use the same approach. Some guys want to be sure, their asking won't be rejected. Many men have serious fear of rejection too. Other men ... just aren't confident enough. They seem overwhelmed and/or unsure about themselves. It really depends ... Sometimes, women could help too ... True, some men are shy and don't know how to ask.....men should make an effort and stop doing this, it probably won't get them far See THIS LINK for details
TuffCookieX Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 They will ask you out, get your number, make plans... you'll take hours getting ready all excited then the time you're supposed to meet up rolls around and they never show up and they don't pick up their phone. Then they come up with a lame unbelievable excuse the next day as to why they wasted your time, but they couldn't have let you know they were bailing the day OF?
carhill Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Oh, I thought the OP was about responding to 'interest'; in the realm of following through on 'dates', reflective of a general 'style', I've never failed to follow through. I can't imagine living in the skin of a person who abrogates such promises without comment or concern. I recall being 'stood up' a couple times in my 30+ years 'out there'. I saw it as good information, perhaps painfully delivered.
mo mo Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 They will ask you out, get your number, make plans... you'll take hours getting ready all excited then the time you're supposed to meet up rolls around and they never show up and they don't pick up their phone. Then they come up with a lame unbelievable excuse the next day as to why they wasted your time, but they couldn't have let you know they were bailing the day OF? As if women weren't guilty of this. HA
Author manders_01 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Oh, I thought the OP was about responding to 'interest'; in the realm of following through on 'dates', reflective of a general 'style', I've never failed to follow through. I can't imagine living in the skin of a person who abrogates such promises without comment or concern. I recall being 'stood up' a couple times in my 30+ years 'out there'. I saw it as good information, perhaps painfully delivered. Correct. Being stood up is just a whole different, unpleasant animal that I thankfully haven't had to deal with in like a year or so. *fingers crossed*
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 My data point is, if I'm interested and can ascertain beyond a reasonable doubt that the lady is unattached, I do 'follow through'. My historical experience is that the majority of women I meet and whom perhaps show 'interest' are attached, hence the method. Good luck. You've kind of alluded to this before, but I've never seen it so spelled out. Was this as true when you were a younger man, carhill, or is it just among older women? This is odd to me, as I don't know any attached girls (in actual relationships, I mean) who'd even want to flirt (even 'harmlessly', as in they'd do nothing else) with random guys. But it could be an age thing too. Just wondering. Sorry for the tangential question.
EasyHeart Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I.e. if you like someone, do you always ask for her number, ask her out, etc? Or if you have been flirting with someone and don't ask for digits or a date, does that mean you didn't really like her or were just having fun flirting? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene and feel like sometimes I take too much stock in the "rules" of He's Just Not That Into You (automatically default to not being liked). Sometimes I ask her out, sometimes I decide I'm not interested after talking with her, sometimes I'm just having fun flirting, sometimes I just feel sorry for her and flirt with her because I'm pretty sure no one else does, and sometimes I'm not flirting with her at all and she just thinks I am. Don't micro-analyze every little thing or you will drive yourself insane. The only person you can affect is yourself: make sure you are open, friendly and receptive when attractive men approach you (and learn how to politely shut down men you aren't interested in). Oh, and THERE ARE NO RULES!!!
Author manders_01 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Sometimes I ask her out, sometimes I decide I'm not interested after talking with her, sometimes I'm just having fun flirting, sometimes I just feel sorry for her and flirt with her because I'm pretty sure no one else does, and sometimes I'm not flirting with her at all and she just thinks I am. Don't micro-analyze every little thing or you will drive yourself insane. The only person you can affect is yourself: make sure you are open, friendly and receptive when attractive men approach you (and learn how to politely shut down men you aren't interested in). Oh, and THERE ARE NO RULES!!! Good Lord I hope that wasn't the reason for his flirting! I like this response!
carhill Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 You've kind of alluded to this before, but I've never seen it so spelled out. Was this as true when you were a younger man, carhill, or is it just among older women? This is odd to me, as I don't know any attached girls (in actual relationships, I mean) who'd even want to flirt (even 'harmlessly', as in they'd do nothing else) with random guys. But it could be an age thing too. Just wondering. Sorry for the tangential question. No worries. Yes, it still exists in my age group, ostensibly amongst women who apparently find me attractive enough and 'safe' enough to attention-seek with but whom are attached/married. People are people everywhere, at any age; we're all different. I have healthy platonic friendships with women so can easily see the differences, mainly in the areas of 'tone' and sexualized comments and/or physical actions. I accept this as part of life (my life anyway) and adapt to the potential with a few extra steps; steps which perhaps extend the 'getting to know' portion of the dating process, which does honor the 'following through' precept in that I'm acting in a positive way on the interest dynamic. This style does risk 'losing out' on some potentials but that's OK. The mating game isn't high on my list of priorities anymore.
EasyHeart Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Good Lord I hope that wasn't the reason for his flirting! That one is mostly for the old ladies. They need a little attention, too!
EasyHeart Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 You've kind of alluded to this before, but I've never seen it so spelled out. Was this as true when you were a younger man, carhill, or is it just among older women? This is odd to me, as I don't know any attached girls (in actual relationships, I mean) who'd even want to flirt (even 'harmlessly', as in they'd do nothing else) with random guys. But it could be an age thing too. Just wondering. Sorry for the tangential question.This happens to me quite a bit, too, and it's definitely an age-thing. I first started to notice it in my 30s. It happens when women have been married for a while and their hubbies start taking them for granted. I suspect it's largely a validation-thing, ie wanting to feel attractive as they get older and men pay less attention to them (and apparently not realizing that men don't pay attention to them BECAUSE THEY'RE MARRIED!!!)
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 This happens to me quite a bit, too, and it's definitely an age-thing. I first started to notice it in my 30s. It happens when women have been married for a while and their hubbies start taking them for granted. I suspect it's largely a validation-thing, ie wanting to feel attractive as they get older and men pay less attention to them (and apparently not realizing that men don't pay attention to them BECAUSE THEY'RE MARRIED!!!) That was my first thought in the phenomenon. My mother doesn't do that, but my Sdad never neglects her either (nor she him) and she's very attractive. And I had no other data points in the later age ranges really. I have some friends in their 30s but they're single/engaged/newly married. No time for neglect yet.
dispatch3d Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 huge percentage of guys definitely frequently don't follow through. Ie. they like the girl but don't ask her out.
carhill Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 To further clarify, I'm used to attention-seeking behaviors from obviously married women. I've dealt with a lifetime of that. I've chronicled a number of data points here from when I was married and a couple since D. The more insidious ones I was alluding to are the 'stealth' attention-seekers who hide or deny their relationship status, and display the commitment when they've satiated themselves or otherwise are finished with seeking my attention. My hypothesis is that they do this with many men but can get a longer drink with men like myself who don't go for dickinsider immediately. Perhaps this nuance is off-topic but a worthy point for the OP who is now entering the dating world after a hiatus. Such behaviors know no gender IMO, so she may meet up with male versions in her encounters. Inconsistency can be indicative of attention-seeking behaviors, amongst a myriad of other 'reasons'.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 To further clarify, I'm used to attention-seeking behaviors from obviously married women. I've dealt with a lifetime of that. I've chronicled a number of data points here from when I was married and a couple since D. The more insidious ones I was alluding to are the 'stealth' attention-seekers who hide or deny their relationship status, and display the commitment when they've satiated themselves or otherwise are finished with seeking my attention. My hypothesis is that they do this with many men but can get a longer drink with men like myself who don't go for dickinsider immediately. Perhaps this nuance is off-topic but a worthy point for the OP who is now entering the dating world after a hiatus. Such behaviors know no gender IMO, so she may meet up with male versions in her encounters. Inconsistency can be indicative of attention-seeking behaviors, amongst a myriad of other 'reasons'. Oh, a good point. They can fake themselves out into saying it's "innocent" because of that, even though it isn't. I could see that happening, though it wouldn't among the people I hang with. But yes, there are all kinds out there.
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