marigold7 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Before I met my boyfriend (8 months), I had fooled around with a number of guys. (I realize now I was being completely idiotic, but it happened.) One of these guys, *Dan*, hung out/fooled around with me for a night and then didn't contact me again until I asked him what happened because I had actually liked him. He said he didn't feel like we were right for each other. So I forgot about him until he contacted me asking if I wanted to do a 3some. (I had told him I was bi.) I was considering doing it (insanely) but there was a mix-up or whatever and he didn't contact me. I met my boyfriend that weekend and when *Dan* emailed me a few weeks later again asking if I was up for it, I told him I had a boyfriend and basically kindly told him to get lost. He doesn't contact me until last month when he said he wanted to hang out as friends. I told him that wouldn't be appropriate since I have a boyfriend, but I also didn't give him a definite no. I have also told him there's no way I would consider dating him if my boyfriend and I broke up. So basically, my questions are these: Is it OK to hang out with him if that's all it would be? Why or why not? Do you think he is just asking to hang out? (Hang out being talking, going to a bar or whatever...not anything more) If it's not OK to hang out with him, what's the best way to tell him? I think I already know the answer to my question (ditch *Dan* because he's full of it and it's not fair to my boyfriend), but I wanted to know what other people think, especially since one of my friends doesn't agree with me, and maybe this thread will make for a good discussion on boundaries.
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think I already know the answer to my question (ditch *Dan* because he's full of it and it's not fair to my boyfriend), I think what you think.. and there is no way you can work Dan into your life.. he has to go to be fair to your current relationship
quankanne Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 silly girl ... I think you know deep down that all you represent to this guy is a potential booty call that merely fulfills his sexual fantasies, so why are you wasting time on this guy when you claim to be happy with your boyfriend? You don't need to complicate your life with someone like Dan ... unless you're harboring some deep-seeded need to self-destruct?
Nexus One Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) Is it OK to hang out with him if that's all it would be? Why or why not? No it's not OK, because even if YOU are to be trusted, then that could still give your boyfriend the wrong impression if you go along with it. And would be the impression that you don't respect your boyfriend and your relationship with him enough to set boundaries to protect what you have with him. So even if you and Dan are to be trusted, then out of respect for your boyfriend and relationship the right thing would be to cut contact with Dan. However Dan has already demonstrated to be "unstable", i.e.: 1. He cut contact with you after sex. 2. He said he thought both of your weren't compatible. 3. He f*cks around. (even threesomes) 4. He asked you for a threesome even though he knew you wanted more than a mere sexual relationship initially. That's inconsiderate towards you and your feelings. 5. Dan doesn't grasp the basic idea of territory and boundaries. He had sex with you, yet still wants to be friends with you despite you having a boyfriend. That disrespectful towards your boyfriend of him. I don't think "Dan" is entirely clear in the head. I don't think "Dan" is boyfriend material. I don't think "Dan" is friend material for a girl with a boyfriend. Catch my drift? :laugh: Edited July 23, 2011 by Nexus One
zengirl Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 You already know the answer to this: Dan is no good for you or your relationship. No, it's not okay.
robdrm32 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 what others have said. You know the answer to the question you are just hoping to get people to validate sh*tty behavior, like your friend. As for dan, stop contacting him. Tell him plain and simple "Leave me alone".
Author marigold7 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 thanks for all the quick feedback! i appreciate the honesty and will definitely cease contact. NexusOne, thanks for the thoroughness of your answer, it settled my "but wait!!" thoughts for good. rob, i appreciate the honesty even though i think what you said was a tad harsh. you're probably right in what you're implying, however. anyway, thanks everyone!
Recommended Posts