Cee Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 My boyfriend is moving next weekend into a bigger apartment. I said I would help him move, but our styles are very different with this issue. When I move, I organize for weeks in advance, but he's leaving things to the last minute. He's supposed to move in 7 days and he hasn't booked a mover nor has done any packing. He doesn't have boxes nor has considered the furniture might not go down the steps. A lot of his stuff he got from from IKEA and built in his apartment. From my perspective, this move is going to be a nightmare, but it's his choice. Any tips on how I should help him best? Do others have stories about helping someone move? Never have I been in a relationship while I or he was moving. Thanks
Nexus One Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) If he's going to hire a van or truck, load it himself and drive it himself or have a friend do it, then I don't see a problem with his style of moving. Boxes can be bought pretty much anywhere. You move your sh*t from one place to another, not sure where you see a problem. Edited July 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Don't worry about his moving style. Help in whatever way feels good and manageable to you. If he waits until the last minute and everything is a cluster****, you don't have to do anything to contort yourself.
Kamille Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I'm totally like him. 1: Let him worry about the technicalities. He has a whole week to figure out the whole thing! Boxes are easy to get and he'll likely have to pay a steep price for the van, but that's his doing. The great thing about IKEA furniture is that it's usually fairly easy to dismantle it should any corners/stairs prove too tight. Basically, let him worry about that stuff. 2. Choose activities you know you won't mind doing. Moving is pretty straight up: Pack, dismantle furniture, load boxes, unload boxes, unpack, reconstruct furniture, decorate. I now usually stick to moving the boxes. Twice, I've helped people pack and I promised myself I would never put myself through that again. One took forever to make up her mind about keep/sell/recycle. The other had simply accumulated an insane amount of stuff. It took us days to pack her place, and she never wanted to stop for lunch. In your case, it could be fun for you to be at the receiving end, helping to unload and unpack.
zengirl Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Cee, I am like you: a planner. I have many friends who are not. I have a mother who is an even bigger planner (hardcore, almost OCD) who would describe my style as being as lackadaisical---the difference between my style and hers is the difference between someone like you and your BF, even though I am a planner probably on a similar scale to you, she's THAT far on the spectrum. So I've experienced this from both sides with various events. Here's my advice: Let the person whose life (house) it is be in charge. Don't try to take ownership of his move. Saying you'll "help" means you'll help. It's up to him to tell you what his plans are and what help he needs (within reason, obviously, if he wants you lifting dressers over your head, feel free to look at him like he's a crazy man unless you're a strong, dresser-lifting woman [and then you go, girl] but I doubt that'll be an issue). Just let it go, as best you can. If it gets too close to the point where you don't know when he'll need your help, ask him --- that's reasonable, as it impacts your plans --- if you need to know in order to make sure you'll be around, but other than that: ball in his court. Someday, if you ever have to move together (married, etc), I'd always say the non-planner needs to let the planner handle it and play the support mode (as it just works better, honestly) but this is his move, so let him do it and refuse to let it stress you out (as much as possible).
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