kittycat95 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I've written about my story elsewhere, so I will write about my background only briefly. This summer has been ... big blow out fight that led to an immature "break up" where he ignored me, when I inquired, he told me to get over it and we were broken up. Followed by angry outbursts on both sides, myself calling him certain names when he would ignore me. Leading to him getting "hurt" and saying I make him nervous and he doesn't want to speak to me. After I stopped speaking to him/limited my contact he started to contact me a lot, said he missed me. Still said angry things. I decided to speak to him again and to try to have a conversation with him to try to resolve things. Said I wanted him and wanted to work things out and I didn't know what to do. He would say, Oh I guess you haven't been mean recently... but I told myself I'd never be back with you. etc. We had some phone calls back and forth this past week and emails/texts. I honestly thought things were starting to get back to "normal" somehow. We would speak at night before sleeping. We did this at least three times this past week. He would also email me photographs of stuff he is working on (some mechanical projects) and I would comment. I've been nothing but friendly and supportive to him. He would call and text too, saying hello, and ask how I was. So, I thought things were better or at least quickly on their way to getting better. Then, this past Wednesday/Thursday, I started to get the feeling he stopped responding to me. I emailed him a video Wednesday night (no response...which was unusual because we've both been responding to one another readily, as though there's been a concerted effort on BOTH sides to be responsive). I texted him good night ...as I usually did (and he would reply good night ) usually. No response. The next day I texted him about something interesting I saw. He responded back. I responded back... Then no response. I saw some things and emailed him about 4 pictures from my telephone. No response. This kind of irritated me because I'd been really good about responding to his emails, all of them, all of his photographs, I genuinely made an effort to look at them, respond. Etc. But he did not return the favor. Later that evening I texted him, You've stopped responding to messages...busy? He responds "I haven't." I have not heard from him since that Thursday evening, and it is early Saturday morning now. I don't know if I misread this entire situation, and made it into something much more than it was. I don't know if my concerns are genuine (alright, it's only been a day or two since I heard from him, right?), or if I am seriously going crazy. I can't explain why he seemed so into it and suddenly, cold turkey, stopped responding or talking to me. The only thing I can think of doing now is taking a step back, so to speak, and not initiating contact for the time being. Part of me wonders if he did all this so he could somehow "have" me in his pocket again, so that he could just be lazy and stop trying at all. Another part of me feels like that is a very cynical and bitter view, very negative. I feel calmer now but for the past day I've been extremely angry and sad, a lot of crying. I don't want to go through this "cycle" if that's what this is fast becoming. But I genuinely thought things were getting better. Did I totally miss the mark. I am honestly very confused and decided to take the time to post here. If anyone can read through and provide insight I would truly appreciate it.
DoubleRainbow Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Leading to him getting "hurt" and saying I make him nervous and he doesn't want to speak to me. After I stopped speaking to him/limited my contact he started to contact me a lot, I have not heard from him since that Thursday evening, and it is early Saturday morning now. I don't know if I misread this entire situation, and made it into something much more than it was. I don't know if my concerns are genuine (alright, it's only been a day or two since I heard from him, right?), or if I am seriously going crazy. I can't explain why he seemed so into it and suddenly, cold turkey, stopped responding or talking to me. The only thing I can think of doing now is taking a step back, so to speak, and not initiating contact for the time being. Part of me wonders if he did all this so he could somehow "have" me in his pocket again, so that he could just be lazy and stop trying at all. Another part of me feels like that is a very cynical and bitter view, very negative. . Something similar happened with me recently. I would suggest you to talk to him directly( or text him) that this change in his attitide is bothering u a great deal and that u wish to discuss this with him. He might not respond with a clear answer, most likely. So now the ball is in his court...u made the effort, took the initiative, now take a back seat, try to relax ( which is hard , i know). After all this done, HE should be the one to come to you and try to normalize things. If he does not...may be he is not the one for you...he is not even worthy of ur love and affection, the he is a big loser. Its better to know earlier that later as more emotions are invested in that case. Good luck, dear!
Author kittycat95 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Well it's been a day and a half now since my post yesterday and it hasn't been very good for me. I texted him some things about why did he stop replying to my messages, and what was going on, and I didn't want to wait around for him to make up a decision. I said I needed to move on because he wasn't even meeting me halfway. He texted back saying that I was making him angry and to just move on, that I was pissing him off. I caled him on the telephone and at first it was okay, and then he started to talk about how the past days reminded him of everything he did not like and how irritated he was with me. He kept wanting to get off the telephone but I kept begging him to keep talking to me so we could resolve things. He hung up on me at least twice and turned his telephone off for most of the night. He kept saying I was bugging him and to leave him alone and I kept desperately trying to reach him and talk to him. It was basically the biggest problem/issue of our relationship was this awful pattern where he would get angry, irritated, and rude, and I get sad and clingy and keep calling him. While his phone was off I texted him a few things saying I missed him and all this made me so sad because of how much he meant to me, that I didn't want him to be angry and I will do anything for him. Then this morning I got up and texted him that maybe I should just move on and that he wasn't doing anything to meet me halfway. He replied saying don't ****ing contact me like you said you wouldn't that I'm the problem, etc. Basically very angry stuff. I recanted my other things and said why can't we just work things out, etc. Whole day was him responding (if he did at all) saying I was bothering him and to stop contacting him and leave him alone, and to stop wasting my time,and me getting increasingly desperate and texting or calling him at least every hour juts saying something, like let's just work it out, or I miss you, or this is crazy, etc. Please advise me Is he gone forever now? I feel like I never really "had" him to begin with . What can I do to get him back? I feel horrible about acting so desperate and contacting him so much but I really just keep trying in case he has a change of heart and actually responds positively but he's been nothing but angry with me, and telling me to basically leave him alone. . Please give me some help and advice. WHAT DO I DO?
DoubleRainbow Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I kept begging him to keep talking to me so we could resolve things. He hung up on me at least twice and turned his telephone off for most of the night. He kept saying I was bugging him and to leave him alone and I kept desperately trying to reach him and talk to him. It was basically the biggest problem/issue of our relationship was this awful pattern where he would get angry, irritated, and rude, and I get sad and clingy and keep calling him. Please advise me Is he gone forever now? I feel like I never really "had" him to begin with . What can I do to get him back? I feel horrible about acting so desperate and contacting him so much but I really just keep trying in case he has a change of heart and actually responds positively but he's been nothing but angry with me, and telling me to basically leave him alone. . you are doing everything possible to get him even more detached to you!! i think, he is am EUM(Emotionally Unavailable Man). You are not respecting yourself, how will he respect you?? I am pasting a few words of wisdom that i found at some site, that I read over and over again to remind myself: The respectful person that knows their own mind, WILL recognise that the type of mutually fulfilling relationship they potentially want, CANNOT work Desperation, even in its more subtle forms is highly unattractive. You may think you’re communicating that: You’re available You’re very interested You’re in love You love them unconditionally You’ll do anything for them But you’re actually communicating that you’re desperate You’re communicating that you don’t love yourself enough – If you did, there’s no way in hell you’d be so quick to abandon yourself or put up with rinky dink behaviour. You’re communicating that you have no limits – For someone that you hardly know or has shown they’re not available for the relationship you want, that’s like a red flag to an assclown bull or for someone half way decent to hit the eject button. relationship smart people recognize inappropriate behavior,have their own lives and aren’t so afraid to walk away that they’ll keep banking on someone else that keeps disappointing instead of banking on themselves. If he’s not respecting you, then you have to respect yourself and leave. “Stop caring. Stop obsessing. Every last, damn, moment that you spend obsessing over this assclown is a complete and utter waste.” Edited July 25, 2011 by DoubleRainbow
Author kittycat95 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Have blocked his phone number, have rerouted his emails to a junk account. One email made it through where he said "loved me?!? Its all about treatment," as in my treatment of him was very poor. I replied , how did this email get sent to my inbox when I've forwarded everything to my junk account. I told him that it is about treatment, it's about his treatment of me too. That he also hurt me and direspected me and didn't stop, that he kept it up. I asked him to think about whether I mistreated him on the important things or whether he's too obsessed with how I hung up on him two years ago to consider I've loved and supported him nearly uncondtionally. I asked him who else in his life provided him with that kind of support. In no uncertain terms I then said that I was extremely tired of all the mind games and to just leave me alone. The next morning (today) I predictably miss him and feel sad but I know this is for the best. Feels like he keeps luring me on somehow to let me down and hurt me all over again, that he holds onto old grievances and continues to punish me for them. Last time I ignored him he started to reach out a lot and missed me, etc.I basically fell for it. Thought something had changed. As much as I want him to beg for me again I know it means nothing at all. He will just break me apart again. It hurts so much. I keep thinking of the past and how much he once loved me and how it's all gone now. If only he was less selfish. More aware of how to keep up a relationship. More aware that after 4 years and long distance and fighting conflicts will arise. When will I really let go and finally stop mourning? I just feel so...empty. Advice is appreciated, and feedback.
emby Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have advice persay, other than to carry on with the no contact...it is better than begging him. If you lose everything else, you can keep your dignity or regain it. Many times I've had relationships end and a few months later I look back, couldn't care less about the loser guy but how I'd wished I hadn't begged and pleaded and wasted my time! I never bothered with my recent one, I just cried and asked why???? several times over. I just want you to know that I'm feeling much the same as you and I know how that sort of rejection feels, so I'm here for you, and so are lots of other people.
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