JaneyAmazed Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I wanted to share an e-mail my H wrote me this week. I had written him one earlier that thanked him for being so good to me through this process. Through his pain, he has remained a rock in my life and I don't know how he does it. Here is what he wrote: "I want to continue building our marriage to be the best it can be too.You're my precious wife that I love more than you know. I expect the best from you because you are capable and you are the best!We have such a wonderful life together if we can just protect and take special care of it. We have the sweetest children and they look at everything we say and do so we will be our best for them as well. You are so beautiful to me because of who you are on the inside and the outside too! Be proud of all your many accomplishments in this marriage and know that every little thing you do is important and appreciated by me every day.I know you have many tasks with the house and school and especially the girls that wear you out but keep your resolve and I will too. I wanted you to know I belive we are just alike in our desires for this marriage. I love your whole body and soul and will do my best to keep it by my side always....." This is why I remain amazed at him, and I do feel loved and forgiven.
RepairMinded Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) I hereby validate your husband's worship/catering to your neediness in his very private and personal email which you thoughtfully posted seeking external validation for it on the Internet. I do feel loved and forgivenAnd if you didn't? That's very healthy marital dynamic you have going on there. "Look at me! I got my husband to serve as my emotional ottoman in our relationship by cheating on him!" Congratulations. Do you have any boundaries at all in terms of what you will post on a public message board in furtherance of seeking gratification for your own ego? You directly quote a very personal and private email from your husband meant for you as between him and you, not between him, you and thousands of anonymous readers. Edited July 23, 2011 by RepairMinded
anne1707 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Janey Go and give your husband a big, sloppy kiss as soon as you can :love:
2sunny Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 is he always this weak? i don't know your history... but he seems way too accommodating since YOU were the cheater. makes me concerned for him, and a healthy boundary. he infers he'll stand by you no matter what. i love it from a man's perspective, but it is kind of "fluffy" - and completely odd given he was cheated on. is he the doormat type?
quankanne Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 it's not a sign of weakness, just of a man willing to be humbled if it means keeping a relationship with someone he loves. And that is a mighty powerful thing, my friends. janey, despite of what all has gone before, I hope you recognize the true gem you have in this guy and that you cherish him by humbling yourself to the point where you put your marriage first, and not stray into other pastures seeking answers. Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do after being a parent, but in some ways it's harder because the bond is only a legal one ...
RepairMinded Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Why isn't the e-mail from husband to wife, in itself, by itself, enough? Why does such a personal communication have to be posted for other people--essentially strangers to the relationship--to validate it? Is there nothing that is regarded as "private" between husband and wife--even his expression of his deepest feelings for her? Might as well post pix of his private parts here too.
Lucky_One Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 And maybe, just maybe, it can serve as proof and testament that sometimes a marriage can survive and even thrive with enough love, desire, and willingness to forgive. This site is always very very quick to jump on the "get a divorce"/"cheaters are always scum"/"cheating can never be forgiven" bandwagon, when sometimes people CAN move past the betrayal and pain together and make a better relationship than it was before. So as a post of hope for others, and as an expression of gratitude that her husband is so willing to continue to work on their marriage, I thought it was great that Janey brought this to us. (After all, if she had brought sordid details of a huge fight where her husband had thrown all of her clothes on the front lawn and posted on his FB that his wife was a cheater, the "shocked privacy" posters would have been salivating for more details.)
rafallus Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 It doesn't inspire me. In fact, it kinda disturbs me. is he the doormat type? Even not knowing him at all, I get this uneasy feeling. Of course, if two consenting adults want to stay together, it's their choice. Just not everyone else will be as inspired.
RepairMinded Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 OP, did you get your husband's permission before posting his private email correspondence with you onto the internet for all your Love Shack friends to read? I'm not asking if you thought you had an "understanding" that you could do so. I'm asking if you actually went to your husband before posting his email this morning, and at least gave him the courtesy of asking whether you could post it here. If you didn't, it means you really don't have any respect for HIS feelings.
donnamaybe Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think the OP posted that to share her pride in having such a loving and forgiving man. Too bad some posters have to constantly view everything through sh-t colored glasses.
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think the OP posted that to share her pride in having such a loving and forgiving man. Too bad some posters have to constantly view everything through sh-t colored glasses. haha.. I hadn't posted in this thread because I couldn't come up with the words without sounding like a dick.. I love your post DM... I wish I had written it...
bentnotbroken Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 haha.. I hadn't posted in this thread because I couldn't come up with the words without sounding like a dick.. I love your post DM... I wish I had written it... Me too. :bunny:
Kidd Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Janey, I think your post was well-intentioned. I think you're fortunate to have a H that is forgiving and taking steps like his letter to do more than his part in recovery. As other posters here do, I'm sure he questions his masculinity in staying with you. It creates huge questions about self-respect but he does it because he loves you and wants to believe that ultimately your infidelity isn't a reflection on him but a reflection on your own selfishness at the time. Prove to him that he is right. Reward him everyday and continue to show him how grateful you are. You'll need to humble yourself routinely and visibly. He's not sharing this struggle with you. I guarantee he needs it and that you already know he deserves it. I only say this because I think you are still seeking answers about what more you can do. I applaud your efforts. Prove to him that mercy and forgiveness are signs of his strength, not weakness.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think the OP posted that to share her pride in having such a loving and forgiving man. Too bad some posters have to constantly view everything through sh-t colored glasses. I agree. This woman has been trying to work through everything and has done well, she's lucky to have a husband who is willing to give her another chance. She's worked on herself and reconnected with her H, done everything he's asked her to do, she's working on rebuilding and that's a good thing. Why poo-poo her efforts? Tons of people share intimate information, geez, some actually POST IM/Text chats word for word on LS, so why freak out over an email? She didn't put names and I highly doubt he's going to get angry at her for this.. She shared something nice and instead of being happy for her and her husband, some are blowing it out of proportion and over reacting in a negative way.
Bryanp Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think you are one lucky woman. You truly have been blessed.
bentnotbroken Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think you are one lucky woman. You truly have been blessed. Yes, she has.
fooled once Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 What a beautiful email. He seems like a really good guy. Continue to focus on your marriage and I think you two will be just fine!
TurboGirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I think the OP posted that to share her pride in having such a loving and forgiving man. Too bad some posters have to constantly view everything through sh-t colored glasses. Agreed! There is a wonderful thing that some posters here don't know about - forgiveness.
RepairMinded Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 And a lot of other posters, even former betrayed spouses, still haven't learned about the importance of privacy, appropriate boundaries, and true respect for their spouses.
sally4sara Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I wonder..... Does everyone who takes back a cheater question their masculinity? Or do these confused posters mean to say judgement?
RepairMinded Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I wonder..... Does everyone who takes back a cheater question their masculinity? There is very little doubt that most men who are cheated on probably question their masculinity at some point due to having been cheated on, whether or not they end up taking their cheater back. There is very little doubt that women who are cheated on question their femininity/desirability for exactly the same reasons. Does "everyone" do so? No, I wouldn't think "everyone" does. Or do these confused posters mean to say judgement? If you don't understand what a poster has said and want clarification, a good suggestion would be that you actually quote the part of the post that you claim not to understand.
RepairMinded Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Yes, she has. And the e-mail doesn't change that one bit. If she needs constant ego gratification from her husband to believe he's a good man, then that's a problem.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 I think the OP posted that to share her pride in having such a loving and forgiving man. Too bad some posters have to constantly view everything through sh-t colored glasses. Thank you, Donna. I only posted this to encourage others. I never meant to mislead anyone in to thinking our marriage is just peachy after 6 1/2 months since dday. I have been beating myself up for that long and feeling like crap most of the time because of the way I hurt my H. The e-mail was my H's words of encouragement to me that he believes in me. It meant so much to me. We all need encouragement especially when we have been broken and are trying to repair ourselves and our relationship.
anne1707 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Janey Part of the problem is that there are some on here who cannot believe for one moment that a man can forgive his wife and be happy in the marriage after an affair. That reconciliation is never truly possible and that any man who stays with a WS must be a doormat. Thankfully there are others who know that is not the case and know that with a lot of work and understanding, it is possible to be genuinely happy together.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 I wish for continued reconciliation and peace and joy in your life and your marriage Janey. You are like many of us, you screwed up but you are doing the hard work of addressing what led you down that path. Don't let the negativity get to you. Thanks BB07. I expected the negative stuff. I have a few on ignore anyway.
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