orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I'm entering in new territory here. Concidering a friends with benefits situation. The problem is, I'm worried about the guy who is asking. It's the guy that I started dating a few months ago and then we got into a fight and broke it off. We decided to make it work and I told him I had a date and cancelled. Because I had this date while we were not seeing each other, he admitted to going after another girl and sleeping with her to get back at me while we decided to make it work. Since then, we've talked and decided to be friends and let everything go b/c we run in the same social circle. We were only in the same place when our mutual friends we together. now he sugguesting that we would be good for a friends with benefits situation and I told him that I can handle my emotions but feared he would do something to get back at me again. One one hand, I'm tempted by the offer because I'm not ready for a relationship, I've just moved and have a lot on my plate right now. So I would avoid the stress of a new relationship. on the other hand I've read a lot of horror stories about FWB situations and they never seem to end on a good note. Any advice or shared past experiences would be appreciated. Thanks!
bac Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 now he sugguesting that we would be good for a friends with benefits situation and I told him that I can handle my emotions but feared he would do something to get back at me again. One one hand, I'm tempted by the offer because I'm not ready for a relationship, I've just moved and have a lot on my plate right now. So I would avoid the stress of a new relationship. on the other hand I've read a lot of horror stories about FWB situations and they never seem to end on a good note. Any advice or shared past experiences would be appreciated. Thanks! If you both are capable of having sex without feelings, you can do FWBs. If you do not like the guy and he is not good enough to be your BF, there is no horror in FWBs. BTW, FWBs is a connection just for sex. It means you meet just for sex and when it is done, he is gone. After sexual satisfaction, he forgets about you for a while. When he gets horny again, he contacts you and you have sex again. There is typically no social/emotional/intellectual connection in FWBs.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 If you both are capable of having sex without feelings, you can do FWBs. If you do not like the guy and he is not good enough to be your BF, there is no horror in FWBs. BTW, FWBs is a connection just for sex. It means you meet just for sex and when it is done, he is gone. After sexual satisfaction, he forgets about you for a while. When he gets horny again, he contacts you and you have sex again. There is typically no social/emotional/intellectual connection in FWBs. agreed. That is what these look like. I've always found they were more trouble than they were worth. And it takes away from time you could actually be spending with someone you truly connect with or doing something to improve yourself...
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I can not fathom a reason why a girl would agree to a FWB situation. All it's doing is enabling guys to get easy commitment free sex. Odds are he's getting it from more than one girl. Do your really just want to be another girl in his harem? One one hand, I'm tempted by the offer because I'm not ready for a relationship, I've just moved and have a lot on my plate right now. So I would avoid the stress of a new relationship.Why are you even tempted?
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 I can not fathom a reason why a girl would agree to a FWB situation. All it's doing is enabling guys to get easy commitment free sex. Odds are he's getting it from more than one girl. Do your really just want to be another girl in his harem? Why are you even tempted? Well, I'm tempted b/c my ex fiance moved out in april and I'm not emotionally ready for a serious relationship but I would like the company of a guy and b/c we've already slept together, I would feel comfortable. I'm currently talking to other guys as well so that is fine if he is. I'm almost positive that he doesn't have anyone on his plate right now. I'm just worried that if i piss him off, he will lash out like he did when he had feelings for me. He promised that his feelings are gone and it will only be FWB. he says just sex and even asked about the staying over part after. I don't care about that either way. also, are there any unspoken rules with this. like i said, this would be my first fwb relationship as I've always been in an actual long term relationship in the past.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Not emotionally ready for a relationship but you still want sex. For some reason that just doesn't seem right to me. I'm not a woman or had a FWB so I fear I can't give any advice.
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Not emotionally ready for a relationship but you still want sex. For some reason that just doesn't seem right to me. I'm not a woman or had a FWB so I fear I can't give any advice. Haven't you've ever been in a positon in your life where you're working on yourself and not looking for a relationship? Maybe after a breakup or whatever.. BUT.. wouldn't mine sex now and then? I totally feel like I'm a guy reading what I'm saying..
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Get comfortable alone, work on yourself and make yourself into the best partner you can be for the next real relationship. Ask yourself why you need a FWB? If it's self-medication, and you can admit that to yourself, it's a bad idea. You're better off having NSA sex with a relatively safe stranger if you feel you just can't do without sex. I'm working on myself and becoming quite happy single after my breakup. working out, making money, creating a nice circle of friends.. all the things you do after a breakup. I don't feel like it would be self medication b/c i don't feel like i NEED sex in my life at all times. just considering being a little more free with myself in the sex arena. with this situation, we agreed that if we go ahead with it, we would be honest with each other if we start sleeping with anyone else so we can walk away due to the std risk factor involved. That way we can make our own decison to walk away or take the risk and continue to sleep together.
Rinas Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Is this the truly toxic guy that you had mentioned in your previous thread?
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Is this the truly toxic guy that you had mentioned in your previous thread? yes.. it is... im embarrassed to admit that.. this is how i know i wont develop feelings. the one who brought up kids on 3rd date and the one who was spitful and slept with a girl using her to get back at me.. he says he has NO feeling what-so-ever now.. this is what im worried about.. he says there is now way he will develop them. i just worry he will lash out on me again.
Nexus One Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Not sure where I see the "friends" part in your story, but perhaps you're looking for a f*ck-buddy relationship, i.e. you f*ck, but you're not really friends.
Rinas Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 yes.. it is... im embarrassed to admit that.. this is how i know i wont develop feelings. the one who brought up kids on 3rd date and the one who was spitful and slept with a girl using her to get back at me.. he says he has NO feeling what-so-ever now.. this is what im worried about.. he says there is now way he will develop them. i just worry he will lash out on me again. Girl, it's as if you love to be in the drama pile. Do as you wish, but be careful, you know how this guy can be. Be on your guard.
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Girl, it's as if you love to be in the drama pile. Do as you wish, but be careful, you know how this guy can be. Be on your guard. yes, he promised no drama or feelings.. i will have my guard up for sure! you must think im crazy but he was fun when we slept together and both of us are currently not with anyone sexually so it would be more comfortable for me than finding a random dude at a bar for a one night stand whenever i want sex.. kinda risky for me b/c of his behaviour but, i will run with it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I say try it out a time or two and see how it goes. But keep yourself in control of the situation. If it's not working for you, making you feel good, getting you off big time, then kick his ass to the curb pronto.
Author orion1010 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 I don't agree with FWB, for the simple fact that one person usually ends up developing deeper feelings and starts to resent being used for sex. I've never had the experience.. did something like that happen to you?
Recommended Posts