iris219 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Exactly. I would simply not want to want to spend any time alone with a girl who I knew liked me and I didn't feel the same way. It's got to even be more uncomfortable for a girl because she knows the guy is going to try stuff. I know I've made her uncomfortable a few times by trying to hug her or talking about certain things. But she keeps agreeing to spend time with me. So what's that telling me? Does this girl have a large social network of friends? If not, she might endure being a little uncomfortable with you for the sake of having friends. Or she might genuinely value your friendship, but if you make her too uncomfortable, she will stop being your friend.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Why did you stop initiating? You should clarify before you go out if it’s a date or not. If you want it to be a date, ask her on a date. If after doing a number of date type activities, is it necessary to actually call something a date? Hmm, that actually gave me an idea. It's just too bad I can't invite her to something as friends and if she says yes, rewind, then invite her to the same thing and call it a date. Actually calling the thing a date ahead of time, would be a good way to see how she feels.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Does this girl have a large social network of friends? If not, she might endure being a little uncomfortable with you for the sake of having friends. Or she might genuinely value your friendship, but if you make her too uncomfortable, she will stop being your friend. She does have her own friends. Though I don't know how often she sees them. From what I've heard about her is that she's kind of private and anti-social. I don't really know what she does when I'm not with her. When we are together, she isn't that way at all, but just has issue with the hugging thing.
iris219 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 She does have her own friends. Though I don't know how often she sees them. From what I've heard about her is that she's kind of private and anti-social. I don't really know what she does when I'm not with her. When we are together, she isn't that way at all, but just has issue with the hugging thing. You are aware of how weird her anti-hugging thing is don’t you? I hugged at least 5 men last night and I only knew 2 of them previously. People hug. Period. As a joke, you should start greeting her and saying good bye with a handshake.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Why did you stop initiating? I stopped because a) the semester was over and b) when I asked her point blank when/if she'd be free over the summer she said she wouldn't (strict parents). And by that point I knew it was a lost cause anyway, further initiating was making me look needy. She had been playing head games with me and was just generally frustrating me. She knew I liked her but wouldn't let me get close to her (physically and romantically). I had more respect for myself than to continue down that path, at least when I no longer saw her everyday. I mean the people who know me know this girl and know how the whole thing went down. They could tell she was a tease but also knew I really liked her so they didn't tell me to just walk. In hindsight I wish they had...although I wonder whether or not I would have listened. It was, after all the first (and with the exception of an underaged girl, the only) girl to even pay me any attention. I can't even tell you how much psychological damage that caused me.
SteelWall Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 You are aware of how weird her anti-hugging thing is don’t you? I hugged at least 5 men last night and I only knew 2 of them previously. People hug. Period. As a joke, you should start greeting her and saying good bye with a handshake. Ha ha! Sooo funny...add a 'chest bunt' in it too...jk! Just go for it and if it does not work out, you should think highly of yourself and it is her loss. I had the opposite circumstance, was really cool with a guy friend (thought was a friend) who had lots of woman, and became exclusive with one I believe found out we wrote/text as friends and freaked out....well he dumped me like dumping in a girlfriend sense!!! How do you get dumped! and so coldly! when you are just friends....only happens to me i guess...
ptp Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 One thing I really can't figure out is why a girl would hang out with a male friend who she knows likes her. Does she try and pretend that the guy has no interest and the he just wants to be friends? Or does she enjoy knowing that he wants her? I stopped because a) the semester was over and b) when I asked her point blank when/if she'd be free over the summer she said she wouldn't (strict parents). And by that point I knew it was a lost cause anyway, further initiating was making me look needy. She had been playing head games with me and was just generally frustrating me. She knew I liked her but wouldn't let me get close to her (physically and romantically). I had more respect for myself than to continue down that path, at least when I no longer saw her everyday. I mean the people who know me know this girl and know how the whole thing went down. They could tell she was a tease but also knew I really liked her so they didn't tell me to just walk. In hindsight I wish they had...although I wonder whether or not I would have listened. It was, after all the first (and with the exception of an underaged girl, the only) girl to even pay me any attention. I can't even tell you how much psychological damage that caused me. I feel for you man. Sometimes women don't realize how much damage they can do to a guy. A few years ago, I was really into this girl, and she friend-zoned me. This other female "friend" of mine, saw us together and told me the reason I was friend-zoned was because she was way out of my league and I was not attractive enough. That was devastating. It was just a flippant remark but, it has stayed with me for all these years.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 You are aware of how weird her anti-hugging thing is don’t you? I hugged at least 5 men last night and I only knew 2 of them previously. People hug. Period. As a joke, you should start greeting her and saying good bye with a handshake. Yes I am aware that it's really weird. And also we did joke and had a hearty handshake when we said goodbye last time we hung out. I don't know what else I should do beside keep trying. This other female "friend" of mine, saw us together and told me the reason I was friend-zoned was because she was way out of my league and I was not attractive enough. I've wondered about that, but I've been told by the good people of this forum that she's not out of my league. That we actually look great together, so
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I feel for you man. Sometimes women don't realize how much damage they can do to a guy. A few years ago, I was really into this girl, and she friend-zoned me. This other female "friend" of mine, saw us together and told me the reason I was friend-zoned was because she was way out of my league and I was not attractive enough. That was devastating. It was just a flippant remark but, it has stayed with me for all these years. The worst part about it for me was that this girl was very much within my league and (outwardly at least) a nice girl. Having been cognizant of the dreaded friend zone for most of my life, I just never thought that such a seemingly shy and nice girl would do that kind of number on me (the girls that did that were the party girls and the sorority chicks, etc.). After that I could never figure out if a girl genuinely liked me or was just fooling about and I naturally became suspicious of women in general (with the exception of the two that I genuinely call friends). *sigh* It's been two years and in a lot of ways I'm still messed up from that girl.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I've wondered about that, but I've been told by the good people of this forum that she's not out of my league. That we actually look great together, so Yeah it's not looks dude. The girl that pulled that crap on me was very much within my league (most people wondered what I saw in her). So it's not that. Sometimes guys like us just have really crappy luck.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I stopped because a) the semester was over and b) when I asked her point blank when/if she'd be free over the summer she said she wouldn't (strict parents). And by that point I knew it was a lost cause anyway, further initiating was making me look needy. Yeah, that was a good point to let go. I don't think her parents had that much to do with it. And with playing head games, it just wasn't worth it. There is no way I could tolerate a girl who disrespected me.
ptp Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Yeah it's not looks dude. The girl that pulled that crap on me was very much within my league (most people wondered what I saw in her). So it's not that. Sometimes guys like us just have really crappy luck. I think rejection is perceived differently by everybody. If a guy is self-conscious about being short, he believes a girl rejects him for being short. If a guy is self-conscious about seeming too desperate, he believes a girl rejects him for looking desperate. If a guy is self-conscious about his personality, he believes a girl rejects him for his lack of personality. I am not short, not desperate and I believe I have a good personality. I am self-conscious about my looks. So when a girl rejects me my mind automatically goes to she didn't find me attractive or she thinks I am ugly.
Recommended Posts