yzyzyz325 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 i dont know if any of u noticed it or not. After reading so many threads here, i found that in many ppl's stories, their exs broke up with them to reconcile with their ex exs. It's quite interesting to me, if they could give their ex exs second chance, that means second chance does happen quite often, right?
0hpenelope Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 i dont know if any of u noticed it or not. After reading so many threads here, i found that in many ppl's stories, their exs broke up with them to reconcile with their ex exs. It's quite interesting to me, if they could give their ex exs second chance, that means second chance does happen quite often, right? What? What are you saying, second chances never happen, no ex ever comes back to get in touch with people they leave behind! What are you even talking about, not one of them is sincere about getting back together! People never change which means they never grow, Etc., etc. I kid. I get what you're saying because I've also observed that in a few threads, but I just keep to myself when I see those stories and watch that space instead. In any case, my rules for myself are as follows: I won't force myself on anyone who says to me "I don't want to be with you."I am open to possibilities.... But more importantly than the 2nd point, I move on.... Which is why NC and I are very best friends.
Lemontang Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Well said Ohpenelope. Sure 2nd chances happen, but as rare as they are it's equally rarer still that it works out. I'm not saying it never happens, but they work less more than people put their hopes into. As Ohpenelope said 'Watch this space' when you see a thread on someone getting back together, tag it and come back to that person 3 / 6 months later and see if they are still with that person. I often think we should have another forum column to compliment the 2nd chances one, called 3rd chances and so on... I've had my fair share of 2nd and yes even 3rd chances (actually I think my 1st real GF we broke up 7 or 8 times...and to this day we're still friends. lol), but no matter how many times you enter back into it thinking it'll be right this time it's never the same, and just becomes more of a joke the more chances you take and give.
0hpenelope Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) Just my two cents. Or more like a dollar because of the length. Well, to be fair, I'm not the one who can say second chances work out "rarely" or "less than what people hope to." I've found that they're much easier to say and believe than to sort through it. The attitude of going into relationships, friendship or romantic or other, definitely affects the relationship's course. If you come in with doubt and you don't work on that doubt when your partner hasn't given you reason to doubt, then you're setting yourself up for failure. But if you're doubting and you address it with your partner and your partner hasn't worked with you, then you have a problem. See the differences? My perspective is, I have a limited amount of sample to work with because it's not like I possess the time to go out there, put in the legwork, and ask every single person on the planet and even the deceased (can't ask 'em because they're dead and all) "Have you ever gone back to your ex? What made you do that? Is your significant other your 2nd or 3rd try? Why did you go back?" I account for the others that I will never talk to, which is why I can't say "rarely" because what do I know? I understand the limitations of our own understandings and maybe it's because we're not willing to change our perspectives or maybe it's because we're really not compatible with the person we want to reconcile with. Sometimes things really don't work out, sometimes it's still timing or maturity or life, sometimes it's our own limitations that keeps us from making progress. For that third point, if you have your limitation combined with your partner's limitation, then yeah getting back together with your ex isn't a good idea. I really was kidding about this part: What? What are you saying, second chances never happen, no ex ever comes back to get in touch with people they leave behind! What are you even talking about, not one of them is sincere about getting back together! People never change which means they never grow, Etc., etc.I very much am an optimistic person at heart in that I believe reconciliations happen more often than I think I know. Whatever catalyzes success to happen, I'm not sure since even though relationships can share similarities, they're still unique in of themselves. I can't and don't cast doubt at the people who came in the boards, shared their experiences, and gotten their ex back. This is because I only know one perspective: theirs. Not their partner's. And because I do believe people change, but only when they choose to. It's a classic case of 2 people seeing the same thing and coming out with different interpretations. I just watch the space not because I'm thinking the reconciliation will fail, but it's really interesting to see the progression of support that those members receive. I abide by a lot of what's shared here, but I know I come from a different perspective too simply because, again, I know the limitations of my own understanding. I agree with you that couples who go through the make up/break up dealio are questionable deals, but again, it didn't work out for them and it worked out for others. Yours didn't last of course, but you took your lessons and learned from them. That's what's most important, I think. Besides, that first girlfriend? It sounds like there's a lot of water under the bridge, but again, you never know where your life will lead you (My "I am open to possibilities."). My uncle married his ex and they were broken up for 10+ years. He had a serious relationship after her and that relationship lasted for almost as long as they were broken up. Nobody really knows. Best to just dust off your hands, move on, and keep on with life. Well said Ohpenelope. Sure 2nd chances happen, but as rare as they are it's equally rarer still that it works out. I'm not saying it never happens, but they work less more than people put their hopes into. As Ohpenelope said 'Watch this space' when you see a thread on someone getting back together, tag it and come back to that person 3 / 6 months later and see if they are still with that person. I often think we should have another forum column to compliment the 2nd chances one, called 3rd chances and so on... I've had my fair share of 2nd and yes even 3rd chances (actually I think my 1st real GF we broke up 7 or 8 times...and to this day we're still friends. lol), but no matter how many times you enter back into it thinking it'll be right this time it's never the same, and just becomes more of a joke the more chances you take and give. Edited July 25, 2011 by 0hpenelope
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