Chrisinjersey Posted April 25, 2004 Posted April 25, 2004 Hello all, I could really use some advise, and from what I see from the other posts this is worth a try. Last October I met a really great girl, she is smart, sexy, athletic, everything that I am looking for. 3 months before I met her she lost her mother to cancer, a horrible thing to deal with at any age, but at 24 (my age also) it's even more difficult. We dated for about 2 months, I fell for her hard and fast, and when we were together I could tell by her actions toward me she was falling for me as well. She was very aloof during that span, she was still grieving and going through a lot with helping her father, so I was as understanding as I could be and gave her space. She also worked alot and said that it helped her not to think about everything that had happened. Around Thanksgiving she told me that she wasn't ready to move any further and would call me when she was ready. I quietly bowed out and cut my losses, wishing her the best and not expecting to ever hear from her again due to the poor timing. Thursday night she left me a message after not hearing from her for 5 months. She wanted to apologize for leaving things off the way we did, she mentioned that she had been meaning to call me but was afraid and nervous, picking up the phone and putting it down a million times and rambled on like a school girl in love! She wanted to explain herself and why she acted like she did when we were dating. It was the sweetest message I have ever gotten, she also mentioned that she would like to get together for dinner if I wanted to. So I called her later that night and got her voice mail, I left a message saying that I was glad to hear from her, and I had been thinking of her also, and would love to get together. It's now Sunday and she still hasn't returned my call?? I would think that after 5 months apart, and leaving me a message like she did she would return my call within a day, am I being reasonable? Obviously, I know something could have came up, and that's fine, I'm just curious of what an outsider thinks of this situation. I left her a message a few minutes ago just asking if everything this was ok, because I hadn't heard back from her in 3 days, should I have done that? Thanks for any advise or comments! Chris in Jersey
little_hummingbird Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 I'd say give her a few more days and then try and call again. She may have been out of town, busy with work, etc. She might even be home but maybe she's shy to call you back. Maybe the voicemail system wasn't working or she accidentally erased it.... Grief is a very strange thing. It knocks holes in relationships and makes people do really weird things. You did the right thing by giving her space when she specifically requested it. She may be hesitating because she's feeling shy or self conscious or plain ole' afraid. She might have a hard time getting close to someone in a "love kinda" way, because she lost her Mom.... Just my 2 cents.
Chrisninjersey Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 That's what I was thinking, but it's nice to hear it from someone else, thank you for the reply!
Azaroth Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 You waited 5 months, what's a week or 2? if she is serious she would come back.... give it time man.. give it time
reasontosigh Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 little_hummingbird is right. Grief can totally discombobulate a person. I lost my mother at 25, also to cancer. There are a lot of swiss-cheese holes in my memory of the first six months after she passed - and that was over 18 years ago. Continue to give it time, and let her get back to you. You did the right thing in giving her the space she needed - it does sound like she is starting to come around again, but let her set the pace here. Between working and being there for her dad, it's not an easy road. Good luck!
Chrisinjersey Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 Good point about giving her a week or two since it has been 5 months, it's just very hard to wait when I know she likes me and is just scared, I feel like I can ease her fears if she just calls, very frustrated....;-)
Chrisinnj Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 Hello all, I just wanted to give you an update and I have another question....We finally spoke last Monday about a week and a half after she first called me. We talked for almost an hour, and we caught up and it went really well. SHE asked me out for this Wednesday (2 days from now), but at the end of our conversation we were saying our godbyes and she said that she would call me after the weekend?!?! Am I crazy for thinking that a week+ in between calls is a bit much, I mean I can understand that we need to go slow but a week, I would think she would want to talk to me after so long apart. Plus, I called her Thursday night to say hello, and let her know that Wednesday I had Yankee Tix for us to go, (I didn't purchase them for us to go, I have a season tix plan and had just realized that I had tix for that night). Is this girl playing a game with me or what..... Any input will help....thanks guys
friendforyou Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 Lay in on the line. let your feeling be known. After that act as though you are happy without her and on cloud nine. Dont compliment her or anything ( might be hard but do it) This will drive her nuts! And if she truley cares for you, and misses yo, she'll be back. But you can not force it, or act like a victim , or a P- word! Very important.
krbshappy71 Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 Chill. Give space. Give love. I don't think a week in between calls is too much at all. When just starting out, I enjoy the time alone to think about the person....keep my own life in check.....etc. What is the hurry? Go out with your buddies and be glad she is obviously not a "clingy chick", at this point at least. You certainly don't want one that calls you 24/7, do you? ick.
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