FlyMoon Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I thought I moved on (kinda)- judging from how I don't really think of him that much or wont really be sad anymore. It has been 2 months already since we REALLY broke up. But weirdly, I have this anger problem arising.... This is not a constant anger but like when I think of him or meet a mutual friend who reminds me of him, or even see his fb profile picture coming up as I was searching for someone else - etc etc makes me just so mad because of what he's done to me. I get so angry that if someone talks to me at that precise moment, I reply back tersely with some mean attitude. I usually am a very nice, smiling, controllled person. Does this mean I am not over yet? I don't think I can ever forgive him (though maybe I'll forget over time) even after a very long long time. I mean how could he be so happy and fool around as if nothing had happened after what he has done to me, used me almost for a year? (okay if you took advantage of someone for a week or a month thats sort of understandable - but come on, a YEAR? that just ruined a big part of my life, all the good qualities I had. I lost so much valuable characters bc of what he's done to me) How do you guys get over this feeling? Any advices? Thanks,
D-Lish Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I thought I moved on (kinda)- judging from how I don't really think of him that much or wont really be sad anymore. It has been 2 months already since we REALLY broke up. But weirdly, I have this anger problem arising.... This is not a constant anger but like when I think of him or meet a mutual friend who reminds me of him, or even see his fb profile picture coming up as I was searching for someone else - etc etc makes me just so mad because of what he's done to me. I get so angry that if someone talks to me at that precise moment, I reply back tersely with some mean attitude. I usually am a very nice, smiling, controllled person. Does this mean I am not over yet? I don't think I can ever forgive him (though maybe I'll forget over time) even after a very long long time. I mean how could he be so happy and fool around as if nothing had happened after what he has done to me, used me almost for a year? (okay if you took advantage of someone for a week or a month thats sort of understandable - but come on, a YEAR? that just ruined a big part of my life, all the good qualities I had. I lost so much valuable characters bc of what he's done to me) How do you guys get over this feeling? Any advices? Thanks, Clonazepam and Wellbutrin cocktail:p I jest a little- but - I have been involved in therapy and started back on meds. Ideally, healing occurs simply by pushing through the pain and hurt. You can't deny those feelings, or you won't heal. You have to embrace the anger and the sadness initially until it begins to subside. It lessens over time- but you can't just stop "feeling" what you feel- you have to deal with it. Talking it out helps as well. The most effective way to heal? It's time unfortunately.
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Time does heal anger but you have to use the anger for positive change. Use the anger to start working out, working on a long term goal, picking up a new hobby. Im going to draw up a decision chart for anger and upload it on a thread here. Give me some time
Nohbody Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Anger is normal. That being said I have no idea what to do with it. Sometimes my mind wanders, and before I know it I'm seething. I'm sure others can relate. They say that this, too, shall pass.
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/9366/angerdecision.png This is a chart of the 3 choices you can do with anger For those of you that do not know stress = anger and anxiety. Both have their respected charts, I just do not have time right now to do the anxiety one examples of goals, or needs that need to be met... working out, getting a new job, picking up a new hobby, playing a sport etc. All these things lead to whats called delayed gratification. examples of destructive decisions... breaking no contact with ex for non businesslike needs... such as sending them hate emails, texting them, calling them. When you do this, you end up being the loser while your ex gets the ego boost and ends up being the winner. It will just lead right back to hurt and the cycle will continue until you start making constructive decisions. Notice that this is plural, not a single decision but multiple ones... with destructive decisions, you may get instant gratification but in the end, you lead right back to hurt and then anger. Edited July 23, 2011 by wilsonx
thelovingkind Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Awesome chart, wilsonx. My only suggestion is that the win/win side should conclude at well-being, rather than with the arrow looping it back to anger - although you have the note that well-being replaces anger, visually it kinda suggests that you're a bit screwed no matter what you do
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) Well I forgot to mention that anger is emotional energy. Energy can not be created or destroyed, we already have it in us. What well being does is it starts to replace the anger energy with happiness. The more and more we make constructive decisions, the more and more happier we become and less anger energy we have in us. Its not a one time thing, its a continuous loop.' I just forgot to put happiness on there... Ill edit it tomorrow night after work/gym Edited July 23, 2011 by wilsonx
sun_moon Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I find that for myself, talking it out helps a lot. I began to journal, I'm still wondering how this will benefit, but I know it will. I am less angry today than I was in May, so that to me is progress. The biggest contributor to that is NC. I can say that with confidence because now, that I have broken NC and dealing with LC, a lot of my anger is resurfacing and its very painful. Its like a mix of anger and sadness. Being active is also a big contributor, working out and spending time with friends is a great diffuser.
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