I had 4 great dates with this girl and today I get laid off

July 23, 2011

Damm, why did this have to happen this year? Last year I worked all year and didn't meet anyone but now I meet someone this year and get laid off. So I really can't afford to treat her to dinner more than twice a month if that. So I don't even know when I next date will be but she is still interested in getting to know me after hearing what happened to me today. My plan is to go on a movie and dinner date the first week in August.

Let's see if we stay in contact

July 23, 2011

As long as you aren't crying on her shoulder and being a total drain, a good girl (worth keeping) is going to understand financial woes if you were laid off. I wouldn't stop dating a guy I liked because he was just laid off (I might not START dating a guy who was just laid off, but more because of the psychological ramifications of it --- I've been laid off and had it shatter my world --- than the money) if he were still acting normal, optimistic, and doing everything he could to get his life back on track.

Honestly, the $$$/treating thing to me (and most nice girls) really is the "spirit" of it. The fact that you still WANT to treat her to meals is really sweet, considering you obviously have bigger financial worries. And any nice girl will appreciate that, but not let you do it beyond what you can afford, particularly if she's in a better financial position.

Sorry you got laid off! When I did and it shattered my world, it set me on a bright, new path eventually that led me to where I am now (and very happy) FTR. I hope you will find something soon.

July 23, 2011

Damm, why did this have to happen this year? Last year I worked all year and didn't meet anyone but now I meet someone this year and get laid off. So I really can't afford to treat her to dinner more than twice a month if that. So I don't even know when I next date will be but she is still interested in getting to know me after hearing what happened to me today. My plan is to go on a movie and dinner date the first week in August.

Let's see if we stay in contact

Maybe she should be treating YOU to dinner, seeing how she has a job and you don't. Ever consider that option? Or maybe you should find an alternative past time activity. It's no wonder most Americans are fat. They can't think of anything else to do other than stuffing their face.

July 23, 2011

A man with no job is like a woman with a huge scar across her face.

You can wish for the best but dont bank on it.

I feel for you anyway and I hope you will gain a new employment soon. I was unemployed before and I felt like I was a worthless piece of dung.

July 23, 2011

On the plus side you now have some free time to research and plan some awesome dates! If the traditional "movie and dinner" is going to stretch your wallet too far, see what else you can find to do for less money. The point of dating isn't to entertain her by letting her watch movies and eat food but to get to know each other by spending some time together... so you just need to find some alternatives that fit your new budget.

July 23, 2011

On the plus side you now have some free time to research and plan some awesome dates! If the traditional "movie and dinner" is going to stretch your wallet too far, see what else you can find to do for less money. The point of dating isn't to entertain her by letting her watch movies and eat food but to get to know each other by spending some time together... so you just need to find some alternatives that fit your new budget.

Exactly!!!

What about having a walk in a park? Visiting some free exhibitions in galleries? Having a small pick nick somewhere outside? (You still have some stuff in your fridge do make some sandwiches or such, do you?) Going for a swim at the beach or a lake? (Whatever is near you.)

Nice girls don’t need fancy dinners or expensive entertainment on a date. For them it is more important that the guy is interested in them and that he makes them feel like they are special to him as a person.

And if you can’t find a girl like that in the US then come to Germany. Women here are independent, make their own money and have no problem with paying on a date once in a while. ;o)

July 23, 2011

I agree to finding creative, low cost solutions for dating. Sometimes, those can be the best.

Morethan said it all. I loved all of the ideas. Artsy or romantic, it will impress a girl to put some thought into it like that. My favorite would be a picnic by a lake somewhere. The idea is to spend time together to get to know each other. Whether it's at a fancy restaurant or grabbing an ice cream cone or walking on the beach, you can have a lot of fun.

July 23, 2011

You were working when she met you, so she knows you have a work ethic. I would be hesitant to start dating a man with no job, because I know too many who mooch off of other people , always having big plans and saying they're going to make a million dollars next month.

This is not the case with you and she knows that. You had a job and you got laid off. It happens to lots of people these days. I know I said I probably wouldn't start to date a man with no job, even though may be in the same position, but id have no way of knowing. But if I went out on several dates with a guy I liked who not only was working when I met him, but payed for everything and treated me good, I wouldn't drop him simply because he lost his job like so many others. BTW, do you think you have to pay for everything all the time? I don't like men who are leeches, but I also don't think the man should be the one who always pays. Sure its really nice to be treated to dinner and pampered once in a while, but if I never open my purse, wouldn't that make me exactly the type of person that I wouldn't want the guy to be.

What I'm saying is, why do you always have to pay? Can't she treat you once in a while?..or maybe you could go to a park or the beach and bring an inexpensive picnic lunch or just maybe stay home and rent a movie and make some snacks.

Money is nice, and I know you want to get a job soon, but you don't have to stop your relationship just because of a hopefully temporary setback.

Edited July 23, 2011 by AmEricanWomann

July 24, 2011

You were working when she met you, so she knows you have a work ethic. I would be hesitant to start dating a man with no job, because I know too many who mooch off of other people , always having big plans and saying they're going to make a million dollars next month.

This is not the case with you and she knows that. You had a job and you got laid off. It happens to lots of people these days. I know I said I probably wouldn't start to date a man with no job, even though may be in the same position, but id have no way of knowing. But if I went out on several dates with a guy I liked who not only was working when I met him, but payed for everything and treated me good, I wouldn't drop him simply because he lost his job like so many others. BTW, do you think you have to pay for everything all the time? I don't like men who are leeches, but I also don't think the man should be the one who always pays. Sure its really nice to be treated to dinner and pampered once in a while, but if I never open my purse, wouldn't that make me exactly the type of person that I wouldn't want the guy to be.

What I'm saying is, why do you always have to pay? Can't she treat you once in a while?..or maybe you could go to a park or the beach and bring an inexpensive picnic lunch or just maybe stay home and rent a movie and make some snacks.
Money is nice, and I know you want to get a job soon, but you don't have to stop your relationship just because of a hopefully temporary setback.

Well she actually did surprise me on our 4th date and offered to treat me to dinner. So i didn't see that coming at all and had plan on having a movie and dinner date and was blindsided by the layoff. But one thing about me is I don't discuss my job situation when I'm unemployed. I want to talk about happy things so I can get my mind off of it. So I'm definetly not the down in the dumps type so she won't be able to tell if I'm working or not.

BTW: if Obama doesn't make a deal with the senate about the deficit then I will have to stop talking to her because I won't have any unemployment checks-lol

July 24, 2011

Man don't let politics ruin your good mood.

If I were you, I would tell her I lost my job, but I will also tell her what I'm doing to find another one. Losing one's job is not the worse thing in the world ... If she walks away, because you lost your job, then trust me, it exposes her ... and it saves you $$$ and emotional distress / hopes down the road.

July 24, 2011

There are TONS of free, fun things to do in and around Denver, I'm sure it's the same in Philly. As oaks said, get creative!

July 24, 2011

As long as you aren't crying on her shoulder and being a total drain, a good girl (worth keeping) is going to understand financial woes if you were laid off.

This is how I would think most women think PD...

July 24, 2011

Well she actually did surprise me on our 4th date and offered to treat me to dinner. So i didn't see that coming at all and had plan on having a movie and dinner date and was blindsided by the layoff. But one thing about me is I don't discuss my job situation when I'm unemployed. I want to talk about happy things so I can get my mind off of it. So I'm definetly not the down in the dumps type so she won't be able to tell if I'm working or not.

BTW: if Obama doesn't make a deal with the senate about the deficit then I will have to stop talking to her because I won't have any unemployment checks-lol

TELL HER!

I would not write a guy off because he was laid off. I would write a guy off because he was laid off and didn't tell me and essentially lied by omission for a decent period of time---I'd say within a few more dates, it becomes almost mandatory lest you be lying. I'm not saying talk about it all the time (totally bad) but if you see her as LTR material, I would tell her. If not right away, soon-ish. Plan a few cheap but exciting dates (there are tons of fun things to do; most of the most fun things are cheap or free, actually; you just have to find them).

Don't stop talking to a girl you like because you got laid off and UE checks aren't coming, Seriously. You seem like a good guy PD. It becomes a bigger thing if you feel you need to hide it. There is no shame in being laid off these days. You will find something new, and in the meantime, any girl worth dating will not drop you because you can't treat her right now. She already knows you WANT to treat her, as you've done so in the beginning, and if she offered to pay, surprising you, when she didn't know about the layoff, she sounds like someone who wouldn't judge you or drop you over this. Really.

Edited July 24, 2011 by zengirl

July 24, 2011

TELL HER!

I would not write a guy off because he was laid off. I would write a guy off because he was laid off and didn't tell me and essentially lied by omission for a decent period of time---I'd say within a few more dates, it becomes almost mandatory lest you be lying. I'm not saying talk about it all the time (totally bad) but if you see her as LTR material, I would tell her. If not right away, soon-ish. Plan a few cheap but exciting dates (there are tons of fun things to do; most of the most fun things are cheap or free, actually; you just have to find them).

Don't stop talking to a girl you like because you got laid off and UE checks aren't coming, Seriously. You seem like a good guy PD. It becomes a bigger thing if you feel you need to hide it. There is no shame in being laid off these days. You will find something new, and in the meantime, any girl worth dating will not drop you because you can't treat her right now. She already knows you WANT to treat her, as you've done so in the beginning, and if she offered to pay, surprising you, when she didn't know about the layoff, she sounds like someone who wouldn't judge you or drop you over this. Really.

If I didn't receive any unemployment checks it would be no way I could continue talking to her because I would have to save all my energy on how to save my apartment and avoid being put out on the street since no money would be cming in. If I'm receiving U/E checks then that would be a lot different and less stressful since I would have a way to buy food and pay rent.

July 24, 2011

If I didn't receive any unemployment checks it would be no way I could continue talking to her because I would have to save all my energy on how to save my apartment and avoid being put out on the street since no money would be cming in. If I'm receiving U/E checks then that would be a lot different and less stressful since I would have a way to buy food and pay rent.

Oh, I get that. I thought you meant you'd have no $ to pay for dates. I think UE checks may get delayed if they don't hammer it out fast enough, but I don't think any kind of long government shut down is likely. Don't you get state UE anyway, if you just got laid off? Here, state is a lot shorter, and you go on Federal later, but the first few checks are from the state rolls.

I totally get where you might not have the energy/mindset for dating with what you're going through if there's that additional hindrance. Hope you find something soon! I just didn't want you to make things worse and compound your circumstances by acting ashamed of it. You seem like a good guy! Good luck.

Edited July 24, 2011 by zengirl

July 24, 2011

Oh, I get that. I thought you meant you'd have no $ to pay for dates. I think UE checks may get delayed if they don't hammer it out fast enough, but I don't think any kind of long government shut down is likely. Don't you get state UE anyway, if you just got laid off? Here, state is a lot shorter, and you go on Federal later, but the first few checks are from the state rolls.

I totally get where you might not have the energy/mindset for dating with what you're going through if there's that additional hindrance. Hope you find something soon! I just didn't want you to make things worse and compound your circumstances by acting ashamed of it. You seem like a good guy! Good luck.

Delayed checks would still be a problem because it would be no money to buy food-lol But I'm hearing they are targeting 4pm for a deal today.

July 24, 2011

PD...you seem a bit invested in this girl for only having 4 dates..

Are you sure you should be spending money from unemployment checks on dinner dates ?

I'm not judging just saying maybe you should let this play out first before you start spending money you may very need to pay light/heat/rent.

Why not let her know of your layoff and go from there.. cooking dinner at home would be nice too...

July 24, 2011

PD...you seem a bit invested in this girl for only having 4 dates..

Are you sure you should be spending money from unemployment checks on dinner dates ?
I'm not judging just saying maybe you should let this play out first before you start spending money you may very need to pay light/heat/rent.

Why not let her know of your layoff and go from there.. cooking dinner at home would be nice too...

I agree with you, I'm not even thinking about another at this time because I haven't even received the first unemployed check yet. So if I do treat her to dinner in august it will be ONE TIME and because I had a little extra money left over after paying my august bills with the first bi weekly check in August. So that is like 3 weeks from now so until then we will just be texting and talking.

July 24, 2011

I agree with you, I'm not even thinking about another at this time because I haven't even received the first unemployed check yet. So if I do treat her to dinner in august it will be ONE TIME and because I had a little extra money left over after paying my august bills with the first bi weekly check in August. So that is like 3 weeks from now so until then we will just be texting and talking.

That seems like an awful long time to go in a new relationship. It will be good to keep up conversation but I don't understand why you can't, and seemingly don't want to, see her in that time?

July 24, 2011

That seems like an awful long time to go in a new relationship. It will be good to keep up conversation but I don't understand why you can't, and seemingly don't want to, see her in that time?

I don't want to see anybody, family or friends until I get my first Unemployment check-lol So it's not just her, it's anyone because that's the check i'm planning to pay my august rent with. That's why I said that if I can to mid august and get my first bi-weekly check I will be able to do a dinner date because rent and all the august bills will be paid with some money left over.

July 24, 2011

I don't want to see anybody, family or friends until I get my first Unemployment check-lol So it's not just her, it's anyone because that's the check i'm planning to pay my august rent with. That's why I said that if I can to mid august and get my first bi-weekly check I will be able to do a dinner date because rent and all the august bills will be paid with some money left over.

But why? Sorry, I'm just not getting this. Seeing people doesn't automatically equate to spending money...or should I say doesn't have to.

July 24, 2011

But why? Sorry, I'm just not getting this. Seeing people doesn't automatically equate to spending money...or should I say doesn't have to.

Right.

And staying holed up after such an event sounds like the easiest way to invite depression. Don't go about spending money, but don't hide from everyone either!

July 24, 2011

But why? Sorry, I'm just not getting this. Seeing people doesn't automatically equate to spending money...or should I say doesn't have to.

Since Im concerned about my finances I just don't feel the need to socialize right now. I rather be alone and come up with a solution. One coworker who was laid off with me asked if I was still interested in going to an amsement trip we planned for mid august back in june. Of course I asked her-"are you retarded?

July 24, 2011

Since Im concerned about my finances I just don't feel the need to socialize right now. I rather be alone and come up with a solution. One coworker who was laid off with me asked if I was still interested in going to an amsement trip we planned for mid august back in june. Of course I asked her-"are you retarded?

To each their own I guess. *shrug*

July 24, 2011

Right.

And staying holed up after such an event sounds like the easiest way to invite depression. Don't go about spending money, but don't hide from everyone either!

No I can still do things like going to movies, dinner with family or friends but not the things below

Dating

Amusement Parks

Constant Ordering Out

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I had 4 great dates with this girl and today I get laid off

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