She said I am the love of her life, she's crushed and hates not being with me

[Rudeman27]

We broke up twice. She broke up with me during Christmas 2010, we got back together in February and I broke up with her in April. I am so in love with this woman and I know she loves me. But we haven't been able to work through or problems.

I'm 10 years younger than her, she is very successful with kids. I Haven't had kids yet, and haven't got to the place financially I would like to be. It bothers her that I don't have as much extra money as she does. Her Oldest daughter ( 20 ) hates me for no reason, and she has her mom wrapped around her finger. She manipulates her mom constantly, tells her I am using her, I'm dumb because I haven't gone to college, etc. This daughter hates everyone her mom has been with, and tries to make her mom feel guilty if she is not miserable.

I broke up with her in April after our reconciliation because this daughter is undermining our relationship all the time and it really effects my ex girlfriend. To where she would hide the fact we were talking, I couldn't stop by if her daughter was home, cancel on me at the last minute, etc. My ex refused to stand up to her daughter, and wouldn't see that it was hurtful to both of us.

We spoke for the first time last weekend, and it hurts more than it ever has. Especially since I know how much we are both hurting. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It feels like our future together was stole by her selfish, manipulative, immature daughter. I am the love of her life, she is mine. Don't understand why she can't stand up to her abusive daughter for us. I just want her to set some healthy BOUNDRIES. Thats normal right?

I want to call her, I want us to be together, I don't want her to hurt....But I don't think I can call ( or make the first move). I feel that if I go back or take her back with out her making the effort on her side the problems wouldn't go away or be dealt with in a productive manner.

 

Any Thoughts????

[wilsonx]

You are outside the personal boundary already established for their family. She does not have to change it because its her family and anyone with kids knows that family comes first. No matter what. You should know that going into any relationship with someone that has kids. The kids will always come before you and you either accept it or dont enter that type of relationship. I do not date anyone with kids for that reason plus I want more freedom in my dating schedule to where we could have a late night meetup =)

 

I Haven't had kids yet, and haven't got to the place financially I would like to be. It bothers her that I don't have as much extra money as she does.

 

^ See this, these are your goals. You come first. Get to that place and once you get there start dating again.

[Exit]

Wilson is right. You're outmatched when you're going up against the family bond, especially between mother and daughter. You said it yourself, there'd be no point in you making the first move. If she really thinks you are the love of her life, and is suffering without you, she would need to make the decision on her own to speak to her daughter and tell her that who she chooses as a partner is her business. Until she cares enough about you to stand up for herself and make sure the family will stop interfering, the same pattern will repeat. Find someone with more courage.

[leoc1973]

I have been in the same situation as you. Ex's daughter was a total brat. Lot younger but still her daughter. Every time I would disapline her(yell not hit, never!) my ex would jump down my throat. I got to the point where I would just let her do whatever she wants to and after a while the ex was asking me to yell at her. You cannot compete with a child as the other two guys have said. You have to let her daughter say whatever she wants about you until it gets to the point where the daughter is the enemy not you. I think if you play your cards right it can actually help your situation because have you ever had someone tell you not to do something. well same thing with her daughter let her tell her mother what a bum/loser you are and after a while your woman will be sticking up for you not going against you! Or just plant a bunch of drugs on her and get her sent to jail for a while! lol

[Rudeman27]

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate all of the insight. Its all stuff I've been feeling and thinking too. This is actually a common situation, I've been researching it. It's just sad that immaturity and selfishness can ( and usually does ) beat love.

My ex has too more kids 13 and 17 who are great and love me too. So the oldest daughters manipulation is effecting 4 people, and devastated my girlfriend and I. I really do feel like our future was stolen.

I hope that someday my ex will grow a pair of balls and just let her daughter know to stay out of her love life. Would also be nice if karma would hurry up and issue a swift kick in the ass to her daughter...lol

Thanks again guys, just need to get this stuff off of my chest