tigressA Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Earlier when I gave it to my BF straight about the driving instruction like a cold hard b*tch ("Am I clear?"), he immediately got defensive and said I could hire a professional if I really wanted. In the end though, he agreed to my guidelines. I didn't even apologize for my attitude. I didn't have to. When saying our goodbyes he was a sweetheart, as usual. When we bicker/argue, which isn't that often, I raise my voice and start swearing a lot, and he's usually the one to apologize first. I remember posting a thread about the end of my last relationship that was hundreds of posts long. In it, I was remonstrated with for seeming very cold and calculating. One particular guy I dated on and off said sometimes he could see the wheels turning in my head, but never said anything because he was in his doormat phase and had really liked me. He said extreme manipulation seemed to be a natural part of my MO. But that didn't prevent him from wanting to rekindle our relationship when we briefly reconnected at the start of this year. This was after he had confronted me for having blatantly lied to him. I'm consistently rewarded for being b*tchy and manipulative. When I first started dating and I was transparently honest and sweet and giving, it turned guys off. I had to pre-emptively end relationships that were going nowhere because the guy just didn't feel the same way I did. But once I started becoming manipulative, more selfish, and abrasive ("F*ck off!") the guys I was with were at my feet. Even if they at first acted like they wouldn't put up with it, they would inevitably come back around. It can't be just me who's experienced this. I honestly think guys are just as susceptible to less-than-ideal treatment at the hands of a significant other as it's constantly said women are. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I'm consistently rewarded for being b*tchy and manipulative. When I first started dating and I was transparently honest and sweet and giving, it turned guys off. I don't think you turned guys off because you were sweet and giving. I think they could tell you were basically putting on an act. As the one guy told you, your natural MO is something quite different than the act you were putting on. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Yes, dear, anything for a quiet life. Whatever makes you happy etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I find a lot of guys are either like b*tches, attract b*tches, have bad taste in women, or attract/are attracted to drama girls (low self esteem and all that negative stuff) I honestly think guys are just as susceptible to less-than-ideal treatment at the hands of a significant other as it's constantly said women are. They are just as susceptible. I don't follow guy logic that if a guy gets a b*tch it's because there are few good women & if a girl gets a bad boy it's because she rejected nice guys/has bad taste/attracted to them/attract them. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Tigress What would you think if a man posted a thread about how he manipulated women and treated them like sh*t? What would you tell a woman in a relationship with a man like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I agree completely. Lately, I've been trying out being a little bit bitchier with everyone, even perfect strangers. And I'm amazed at how accommodating they are, how they bend over backwards to kiss my ass. I think that in general, human beings are rewarded heavily for being selfish *******s. It's sad, but true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 I don't think you turned guys off because you were sweet and giving. I think they could tell you were basically putting on an act. As the one guy told you, your natural MO is something quite different than the act you were putting on. Maybe. I was REALLY naive when I first started dating. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 there is nothing loving and kind about needing to yell and swear at someone you claim to love. wasn't he trying to teach you something? he may have been frustrated with it all... acknowledge it and cange the tempo if need be, but to yell? sheez. as simple yet firm voice declaring that his behavior is unacceptable should have been enough. testing your bitch level on him isn't one bit kind. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 If I hadn't seen who started this thread, I would say I suspect the original poster is petulant, spoiled and insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 I agree completely. Lately, I've been trying out being a little bit bitchier with everyone, even perfect strangers. And I'm amazed at how accommodating they are, how they bend over backwards to kiss my ass. I think that in general, human beings are rewarded heavily for being selfish *******s. It's sad, but true. I know! It's pretty amazing what a single swear word and raising your voice a decibel or two will do. They just want to have it over with immediately, so you get your way. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I know! It's pretty amazing what a single swear word and raising your voice a decibel or two will do. They just want to have it over with immediately, so you get your way. i can't believe you are bragging and proud of bitching him out... karma... that's the real bitch! Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I'm consistently rewarded for being b*tchy and manipulative. When I first started dating and I was transparently honest and sweet and giving, it turned guys off. I had to pre-emptively end relationships that were going nowhere because the guy just didn't feel the same way I did. But once I started becoming manipulative, more selfish, and abrasive ("F*ck off!") the guys I was with were at my feet. Even if they at first acted like they wouldn't put up with it, they would inevitably come back around. It can't be just me who's experienced this. I honestly think guys are just as susceptible to less-than-ideal treatment at the hands of a significant other as it's constantly said women are. I have to believe some of this has to do with the type of guys you are meeting because that sh**t doesn't fly with me. For example, one girl that I was dating for 4 months tried it. I had planned to meet up with "the guys" for a big sporting event. She knew all about it and agreed to it. The night of the event, I was driving her home before heading over to my buddy's house and she says "Don't go spend the night with me". I said "no, I want to hang out with my friends. Then she said "if go watch the game, don't bother coming over or spending the night at my place". At that point I promptly pulled the car over to and told her if she was going to act this way, this relationship wasn't going to work for me. So he had to decide what she wants. There was little resistance from her the rest of the night. I am a laid back person but, if I feel like I am being manipulated or taken advantage of I will put my foot down even to my own detriment. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Women like jerks and men like bitches. I personally like bitchy girls they make my life like a roller coaster and keep my heart beating all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I can't speak for all men but nothing will turn me off quicker than a woman being a bitch towards me. I have walked out in the middle of dates because a woman has an attitude. I don't tolerate people who have an attitude for no good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Men who feel good about being treated like **** have mental issues. It's not okay to be a bitch to a guy. I've been taken advantage of, too, for being nice, but I adamantly refuse to become a bitch in relationships anyway. My boyfriend is a nice guy and I'm a nice girl and we're happy. This is how its supposed to be! Link to post Share on other sites
IceIceBaby Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 If a guy shuts up and does what you want in response to your yelling and swearing...chances are he is just doing it to stop hearing your voice. Not neccesarily because he agrees with or understands what you're saying. He probably just doesn't want to hear the yelling so he'll say anything to make it stop. I wouldn't consider that success or an accomplishment, but to each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 If anyone is being a bitch to me, regardless of immediate reaction, I make a mental point to avoid them. If someone is attracted to bitchiness, he/she is pretty much a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 A healthy, adult relationship is not based on abuse, manipulation, dominance of one over the other. It is based on mutual respect, equality, understanding and compromise. I hate game playing. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 No, no guys definitely don't enjoy being treated badly. That doesn't make any sense. You just use yelling and abusive behaviour to win arguments. Not really cool. I'm lucky that my roommates do that now, because I'm getting better at dealing with it. Lately I've been using the ignore button, because I really don't appreciate the behaviour., Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 No offense OP, but you sound like a total c*nt, so it's not surprising that you are a doormat magnet. The problem with people like you is that you don't know how be both respectful and respectable. In other words, you swing from one extreme to another: either you're a b*tch or a pushover. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabian Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Maybe I just haven't dated any bitchy women, but I see no point in continuing an argument once it's reached yelling levels. If I really like or even love the girl any unhappiness she has really saddens me as well. I like seeing her happy above all else, so why wouldn't I just do whatever is needed to make that happen. The girls I date are always intelligent and good people so they usually recognize what I'm doing and they themselves will apologize. The whole situation then turns from a heated argument to an apologetic hug or make out. Everybody wins. Maybe I should date more crappy people and see what you guys are talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 I don't like how I come off at times. It's when I feel provoked...one of the problems is that I'm easily provoked. I don't do it just for the sake of doing it. It's second nature to me. I find it interesting that plenty of guys capitulate when faced with it--hence this thread. I was bullied a lot myself, particularly in school, so I learned how to push back. I learned how to intimidate people. At my HS friend's wedding I talked to a former classmate who was there, and apparently my legacy is that I wanted to kill someone with an icicle (long story). Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 What I find most disturbing is that you come across as quite proud, smug even, of how you treat your bf badly at times. I have a quick temper but I have learnt to control it. I don't want to be a cruel, nasty person so I changed - I grew up. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 If a guy shuts up and does what you want in response to your yelling and swearing...chances are he is just doing it to stop hearing your voice. Not neccesarily because he agrees with or understands what you're saying. He probably just doesn't want to hear the yelling so he'll say anything to make it stop. I wouldn't consider that success or an accomplishment, but to each their own. That's why the 'rule of thumb' was so useful in the good old days. Not enough "physical stimulation" to cause a serious injury, but sufficient to shut her up and remind her who the man is. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I don't like how I come off at times. It's when I feel provoked...one of the problems is that I'm easily provoked. I don't do it just for the sake of doing it. It's second nature to me. I find it interesting that plenty of guys capitulate when faced with it--hence this thread. I was bullied a lot myself, particularly in school, so I learned how to push back. I learned how to intimidate people. At my HS friend's wedding I talked to a former classmate who was there, and apparently my legacy is that I wanted to kill someone with an icicle (long story). Explain away your behaviour however you want. It ain't cool. Link to post Share on other sites
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