Chime in....Ex went to therapy with me yesterday.....is it a good sign?

July 22, 2011

Well I can't really say ex bc she has commitment issues from horrible past relationships but we've spent the past 6 months basically dating, and she cares alot about me. Anyways I've had a lying problem since I was a little kid and it finally came around and bit me in the ass, but Im a smart guy and know I've needed help and her breaking up with me over the lies was it a few weeks ago

Anyways yesterday I go to my first sessions with a psychologist and she agrees to come along with me to see I'm going to therapy and getting the help I need. A few days ago she told me she wants to see other people BUT.....I've casually dated tons of girls and I'd never go to therapy for one I didn't really care about especially if I was mad at her.....

So what's going on here? does this girl care or what? Why does she say she wants to see other people but agrees to go to therapy with me and seem to want to help me fix my issues that stem back to childhood

July 23, 2011

.... she wants to see you fix your problems and will help all she can. This does NOT mean she wants to get back together with you, don't think that for a second. Her wanting to date others means she's back on the market and you're history.

I'd NEVER in a million years consider reconcilliation with my ex, I'd rather live alone than with her but I still care about her, she's the mother of my children and the woman to whom I was happily married for several weeks (we were married 13 years, but there were a few good weeks!)

We divorced more than 30 years ago but I still keep in touch and offer some help, such as a ride to the doctor, fix her computer, etc. when/if she needs it.

July 23, 2011

From my experiences this can go both ways. It may be a good sign but if you want her by all means dont pressure her to go. If she want's to tag along ok, as long as you're ok with her ultimately leaving. The thing is, she may/may not want to deal with you. If she asked/suggested you go to therapy she already has assigned you as "troubled" Whether she is able or has the patience to see this through is on her. Although it hurts, best thing you can do is go to your therapy, learn and try to grow. You have to perceive that she is gone...forever, so that this therapy will truly benefit you. i would actually tell her you prefer to go most sessions by yourself, this shows maturity, ambition and responsibility. Best of luck

July 23, 2011

If you say so, I geuss I was looking to far into it. Maybe im just cold, but I would never waste a second of my time on someone I wasn't interested in dating or interested in dating especially after the lie to me. She knows I lied alot and went to therapy with me......me personally, I would have said adios and gotten a new number.....why would she even care if I got my problems sorted, we were together 5-6 months tops, not years or anything.....when the therapist asked her if she cared about me she said "a little" and laughed.....but then the therapist asked if she'd be at my session next week and she said "we'll see"

July 23, 2011

I have to question your seriousness regarding this R. I understand owning up to what you've done/said etc..but from the tone of your post it seems as if you care less. Is this about you? Scared to be alone? Most on here are trying to accomplish one of two things.... reconciliation or moving forward. If you say you wouldn't waste your time with someone like you, then what does that say about you? Why are you here?

July 23, 2011

Well I can't really say ex bc she has commitment issues from horrible past relationships but we've spent the past 6 months basically dating, and she cares alot about me. Anyways I've had a lying problem since I was a little kid and it finally came around and bit me in the ass, but Im a smart guy and know I've needed help and her breaking up with me over the lies was it a few weeks ago

Anyways yesterday I go to my first sessions with a psychologist and she agrees to come along with me to see I'm going to therapy and getting the help I need. A few days ago she told me she wants to see other people BUT.....I've casually dated tons of girls and I'd never go to therapy for one I didn't really care about especially if I was mad at her.....

So what's going on here? does this girl care or what? Why does she say she wants to see other people but agrees to go to therapy with me and seem to want to help me fix my issues that stem back to childhood

Honestly, I don't think that anything is really going to result from this as far as a relationship is concerned. She may be putting you in the "friendzone" and perhaps she's just being "friendly" by coming with you. Usually when someone says that they want to see other people, it's usually over. But then again, they're usually all for being "friends". As far as that is concerned, carrying on from here as friends will most likely be your call. But I wouldn't expect her to want to carry on with a relationship... You'll see in due time. She may want more, but I personally think, she's just attempting to be nice.

July 23, 2011

I understand that she may be trying to be nice.....but for you personally.....if a girl lies to you and you think she needs therapy, you'll tell her so.....but would you physically go to therapy with her? That's why I'm so confused she says one thing but then still wants to be part of my life and see me get better, and like I said we only dated for 5-6 months, we had a really strong bond but it's just confusing me why she hasn't kicked me to the curb......don't get me wrong, im happy she hasnt and would love to have something more with her

Im just confused on what to do from here, does it even seem possible she may want me to get better so we can continue what we had? Bc all the lies aside, we had an awesome time together and I really do love her it just sucks bc ive had this problem since I was a kid

July 23, 2011

and for what its worth.....she keeps playing with me this one iphone game we always used to play....but yes she doesnt text me or anything.....stumped about the situation thats all

July 23, 2011

I understand that she may be trying to be nice.....but for you personally.....if a girl lies to you and you think she needs therapy, you'll tell her so.....but would you physically go to therapy with her? That's why I'm so confused she says one thing but then still wants to be part of my life and see me get better, and like I said we only dated for 5-6 months, we had a really strong bond but it's just confusing me why she hasn't kicked me to the curb......don't get me wrong, im happy she hasnt and would love to have something more with her

Im just confused on what to do from here, does it even seem possible she may want me to get better so we can continue what we had? Bc all the lies aside, we had an awesome time together and I really do love her it just sucks bc ive had this problem since I was a kid

Well, perhaps the two of you need to have a sit down and discuss the situation. Like I said, it could be that she's trying to attempt a friendship. However, after re-reading your initial post, It sounds as if the two of you are really going to have to communicate on this one. She's showing signs that she still cares, but to what degree? That is the question at hand.

July 23, 2011

She may be trying to be supportive. But it sounds like she may be doing it to convince herself why she shouldn't be with you, thus easing her guilt about wanting to date other people. That's my guess.

Don't look too much in to it bro. Do it for yourself if anything.

fetish

July 23, 2011

She may be trying to be supportive. But it sounds like she may be doing it to convince herself why she shouldn't be with you, thus easing her guilt about wanting to date other people. That's my guess.

Don't look too much in to it bro. Do it for yourself if anything.

fetish

Took the words right out of my mind.

July 23, 2011

ok Im gonna play it by ear......I guess whats confusing me is like today she texted me that shes sick and she needed soup and I told her I could bring some, I went to the restaurant got some, took it over and we talked and joked around for a little bit like when we were together. She sat on the couch and laid her head on my chest and was complaining about how sick she was then I said we should hang out next week and she said alright........see why its confusing?

July 23, 2011

Then it might be time to simply text her and say something like: "You know i care about you and you know i love to be there for you. But i'm confused. One minute you act like you want to communicate. You need to go ahead and be straight forward with me on what you level of relationship you want so i don't become too involved"

It doesn't have to be word for word but you get the point right? You need to draw it out of her and get her to lay her cards on the table. It sounds like she's stringing you along and using you as a safety blanket and trust me, that's the last thing you want.

fetish

July 23, 2011

Then it might be time to simply text her and say something like: "You know i care about you and you know i love to be there for you. But i'm confused. One minute you act like you want to communicate. You need to go ahead and be straight forward with me on what you level of relationship you want so i don't become too involved"

It doesn't have to be word for word but you get the point right? You need to draw it out of her and get her to lay her cards on the table. It sounds like she's stringing you along and using you as a safety blanket and trust me, that's the last thing you want.

fetish

I agree, unless of couse she says otherwise, which I doubt is going to be the case. You need to figure out what she truly wants before you get too emotionally involved (and secretly HOPING that she might change her mind). Don't play the guessing game. You have to straight up ask her what she wants. If she trys to give you BS excuses or plays the "I don't know what I want" game, you need to back off, go NC (No Contact) and heal. You have no choice unless you want to go through pure, unadulterated HELL in the near future. Trust me!

I know it sucks, but, eventually she will most likely start dating someone else. Do you seriously want to be around to witness that? Do you want to hear the words "I've met someone else and we're now dating" come out of her mouth. Do you want to hear about all the sexual positions they've tried?Because you will hear it, especially because you're her friend and you're there to give her advice. You're heart is literally going to sink into your stomach the moment she says she's in a relationship (without you) and I guarantee you that if she "doesn't know" what she wants, eventually it's going to lead to just that and trust me, if you're not NC then, you will be immediately afterwards.

Get the truth out of her now before it's too late and you won't have to go through more anguish than you have to put yourself through. I backed off about 1.5 months ago (We broke up about 2+ months ago) and I'm just about fully healed today. How did I do it so quickly, you may ask? It's because I "accepted" the end of the relationship earlier, rather than go through the denial stage beforehand, which will eventually lead to the acceptance stage later. Once I "accepted" the end, I began to immediately heal very rapidly and within about a month and a half (which leads me to where I am today), I was just short of being fully healed and back to my old self again. Like I said, the key is "acceptance" (skip the denial stage if possible) and then you will ultimately heal. You'll have no choice but to heal.

I hope this helps

July 24, 2011

I agree, unless of couse she says otherwise, which I doubt is going to be the case. You need to figure out what she truly wants before you get too emotionally involved (and secretly HOPING that she might change her mind). Don't play the guessing game. You have to straight up ask her what she wants. If she trys to give you BS excuses or plays the "I don't know what I want" game, you need to back off, go NC (No Contact) and heal. You have no choice unless you want to go through pure, unadulterated HELL in the near future. Trust me!

I know it sucks, but, eventually she will most likely start dating someone else. Do you seriously want to be around to witness that? Do you want to hear the words "I've met someone else and we're now dating" come out of her mouth. Do you want to hear about all the sexual positions they've tried?Because you will hear it, especially because you're her friend and you're there to give her advice. You're heart is literally going to sink into your stomach the moment she says she's in a relationship (without you) and I guarantee you that if she "doesn't know" what she wants, eventually it's going to lead to just that and trust me, if you're not NC then, you will be immediately afterwards.

I hope this helps

I agree and the acceptance stage is key. That bolded part makes me feel better about how i handled my breakup. I was so badly wanting to give it another shot when she said back in early march that she still thinks we can be in a relationship, but she moved out and disrespected me, which resulted in the end of our engagement. I think i didn't bother denying that the end of our relationship had come, but i still felt safer and better when i heard from her.

July 24, 2011

thanks for all the help, you guys have been tremendous

July 24, 2011

thanks for all the help, you guys have been tremendous

No problem bud... Good luck. I wish you the best

July 24, 2011

Then it might be time to simply text her and say something like: "You know i care about you and you know i love to be there for you. But i'm confused. One minute you act like you want to communicate. You need to go ahead and be straight forward with me on what you level of relationship you want so i don't become too involved"

It doesn't have to be word for word but you get the point right? You need to draw it out of her and get her to lay her cards on the table. It sounds like she's stringing you along and using you as a safety blanket and trust me, that's the last thing you want.

fetish

do I have the right to do this? I mean it is my fault we broke up.....Im the one with the problem telling the truth...

July 24, 2011

do I have the right to do this? I mean it is my fault we broke up.....Im the one with the problem telling the truth...

It doesn't matter who's fault it is to tell the truth. You may think it's your fault now, but you'll realize in a month or two that it takes two to make a relationship work as well as two to make a relationship fail. Therefore, you both had your share in making the relationship fall apart. You may even realize that she may be more to blame than you. You're just in denial at the moment and you're trying to do what you can to save the relationship, whether that's take all the blame in hopes that she'll come running back as a result. I know how that goes. We all do it at some point... And to tell the truth, they rarely ever come running back.

I was in the same position you were in early on, right after the break up. I couldn't stop thinking about all the problems I had caused and how I wished I had only done a few things differently, it may have saved the relationship. But, after a few weeks to a month, I realized that she played a huge hand in the inevitable demise of the relationship. After even more thinking and more time, I eventually realized that she actually created more issues than I had. My contribution was rather minor in comparison to her lying, cheating, betrayal, abandonment.

Take a nice long analytical look into your relationship and the truth will come shining through in due time. Good luck my friend.

July 24, 2011

you're a relationship yoda......haha I hear you though. Im just scared to be the one who initiates the talk since I was the reason we broke up

July 25, 2011

you're a relationship yoda......haha I hear you though. Im just scared to be the one who initiates the talk since I was the reason we broke up

no yoda... Just have A LOT of experience with breakups. Nothing to be proud of really. It seems to happen ever few years consistently, hahahaha.

Well, think of it this way... either you man up and take the initiative, or you may just never know. Just do it damnit

July 26, 2011

so we had been talking the last few days then today I got kinda mad at her for hanging out with a guy i really dont like last night well a group of friends I never liked her hanging out with....especially 1 guy who doesnt like me and wants to hook up with her......and now she just went AWOL on me and wont respond to texts anymore......what on earth do I do.....I have that gut feeling from when she broke up with me all over again.....I just wish she'd be an adult and discuss whats going on rather than disappear like this

July 26, 2011

That's exactly what my ex did. She just up and disappeared one day and I didn't talk to her for about a month or so. hen one day she calls me out of nowhere, we hook up for a couple of days and then, she disappears all over again and I haven't talked to her since. That was about 1.5 months ago (6 weeks to be exact). I wouldn't count on her contacting you. You just need to stop texting, calling etc and perhaps one day she may just try to contact you. Like I said... wouldn't count on it.

Just g NC and heal... Enjoy your life! Then one day, when you could care less, she'll try to contact you and you can tell her to "F**K OFF!", haha. That's what I plan on doing when the time comes. I'll fill you in on more later. I've gotta get out of here and go mingle with some people for a bit. Chat with ya later my friend.

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Chime in....Ex went to therapy with me yesterday.....is it a good sign?

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