LSgirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I've been with my boyfried for 7 months and neither of us have said 'I Love You' I don't want him to say it unless he really means it and vice versa. I know that I feel like I've really fallen for him and ready to say it, BUT.... He has stated a few times (when I bring up the topic of love when were drinking) that he's just not in that place right now. Short background: His ex-fiancee of 8 years cheated on him. So...while I know for some people, those 3 words shouldn't matter if he's showing it to you, BUT what if he has already said in so many words that he isn't in that place yet even though I am? I know from being hurt in the past that it could be a long for while for him to feel it, let alone say it to someone, but should I say it to him anyway? If I say it, will it scare him away since he's not in that place, or should i wait for him to say it to me first? Another note: We have a lot of fun together, he's very sweet and affectionate (yet I'm sure he still has painful memories of his past) but he doesn't make any future plans (moving in, taking trips, etc...) but he's very loyal and dedicated to me when we are together. I know he's scared to ever make a huge commitment again. There's many other sweet things I can say about him, things that I admire and respect about him, but this is the first relationship I've had where nobody has said those three words...so, should I wait? Or just tell him that I love him?
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If you really feel it, I would tell him, but I would preface it with a caveat saying he is not pressured to reply...this makes little sense so let me throw together an example You - Snuggle Wuggy (insert his name here or use this if you like), I need to tell you something, and I just have to let you know how I (and put emphasis on the I) feel about you and dont feel pressured to reply back, but Snuggle Wuggy (see first parenthesis for directions with this name), I love you. Or something along those lines...hope that gives you an idea
sm1tten Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I kind of feel like there is no way to say "I love you" without it making the other person feel pressured to reciprocate. Even saying that there is no pressure makes it sound that way. At least, that's how it would sound to me. There's also something incredibly unromantic about that. I don't think you necessarily have to wait for him to say it first, as you might be waiting a long time. Even if he feels it, he might be afraid to acknowledge it for fear of rejection. If he has already said to you that he is not in that place, I think that you should hold back until he is at least moving in that direction. I've been on both sides of this fence, and I can say that for me, being told that this person loved me when I didn't feel that way at the time made me feel like a)something is wrong with me and b)I need to make myself feel this.
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