Lexygirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Well my feelings of hot and cold are really getting to me and I know it must be getting to him also Here is whats happening lately... BTW, in case anyone needs background... here's a coles notes version.. 22 years together 19 years married Close to non-existant sex life for many years (VERY frustrating) Still go out and have fun together sometimes BUT Lots of emotional disconnect Last fall I moved out for 2 months and yes I was with other men 2 months ago my daughter and I moved out and moved into a cottage Next week we are moving back........ Financial reasons, etc. Ok so here is the past 2 weeks... July 10th we went away for a night... talked for 4 hours straight while driving... had okish sex that night... I felt VERY close to him and we were both all 'there' The following week.... total disconnect July 18th (this past Monday) I told him that I have felt disconnected with him again since we went away and sadly I feel like we are going to ever only be good friends.. nothing more.... July 19th.... we talked again and we both felt very sad July 20th... he came to my cottage and we watched a movie, had a few drinks and had pretty good sex actually. July 21.... I went to the marital home to stay because of the heat and it was his birthday and we were cordial. Today.... I feel numb again and really would prefer not to be around him I don't get it.... There are glimpses here of the love we share but it just seems to be less and less. I know we should just end it but it's so damn painful for both of us. I am sick of sitting on the fence but I honestly don't know what to do to open my heart and make myself attracted to him again if it's even possible. Please if you have any positive comments... it would very much be appreciated. Thanks
Author Lexygirl Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Hmmmm I guess asking for help isn't dramatic enough for this forum. Oh well.
FreeNow Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Please if you have any positive comments... it would very much be appreciated. Hmmmm I guess asking for help isn't dramatic enough for this forum. Oh well. You didn't ask for help. You asked for "positive comments".
Author Lexygirl Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Isn't asking for positive comments asking for help?
Ms. Red Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Please if you have any positive comments... it would very much be appreciated. Thanks And if I don't...do you still want a response?
Author Lexygirl Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 I'm looking for help... if a person's objective is to help me (as opposed to getting their jollies from putting me and my situation down) then I would welcome any comments. Thanks.
fltc Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I'm looking for help... All I can offer is that you probably need more time, a lot more time while continuing to keep communications going.
andyg99 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Well my feelings of hot and cold are really getting to me and I know it must be getting to him also Today.... I feel numb again and really would prefer not to be around him I don't get it.... There are glimpses here of the love we share but it just seems to be less and less. I know we should just end it but it's so damn painful for both of us. I am sick of sitting on the fence but I honestly don't know what to do to open my heart and make myself attracted to him again if it's even possible. Please if you have any positive comments... it would very much be appreciated. Thanks you say there are glimpses of love... you feel you can be good friends. that's a good start - what is keeping you on the fence? Does it have to do with the 2 months you were away? Did you enjoy seeing other guys? Was it agreed that during your separation you'd each see other people? It could be that you enjoyed the freedom you had for that time and maybe you don't want to put in the effort to save the marriage, or maybe you already did and you are done. Make a choice, work on it or leave, sitting on the fence and being miserable can lead to affairs. I think most marriages are worth saving but when it's time to end one I admire the people who look out for the children first and do not bring other people into the picture until WAY AFTER the divorce is final...
blueskyahead Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 After reading posts from you Lexy..I don't see any remorse. I see alot of finger pointing to your husband as reason you had your affairs. He won't stay in bed with me on saturday mornings, he has his hobbies, he don't want to have sex with me, blah blah blah. If you decide to give this guy a divorce, I'd say he got the better end of the stick.
blueskyahead Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 And if I don't...do you still want a response? She's looking at someone to coddle her and say, oh bad husband. Make no wonder you had affairs on him. I doubt you'll get that type of coddling here Lexy.
blueskyahead Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I'm looking for help... if a person's objective is to help me (as opposed to getting their jollies from putting me and my situation down) then I would welcome any comments. Thanks. So what you mean is only comment if it's what you want to hear right??? Sure sign of a serial cheater.
Author Lexygirl Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 All I can offer is that you probably need more time, a lot more time while continuing to keep communications going. That makes sense, fltc, thanks.
Author Lexygirl Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 you say there are glimpses of love... you feel you can be good friends. that's a good start - what is keeping you on the fence? Does it have to do with the 2 months you were away? Did you enjoy seeing other guys? Was it agreed that during your separation you'd each see other people? It could be that you enjoyed the freedom you had for that time and maybe you don't want to put in the effort to save the marriage, or maybe you already did and you are done. Make a choice, work on it or leave, sitting on the fence and being miserable can lead to affairs. I think most marriages are worth saving but when it's time to end one I admire the people who look out for the children first and do not bring other people into the picture until WAY AFTER the divorce is final... What is keeping me on the fence is the up and down and my feelings for him... there were no other men in the past two months or the past 9 months for that matter. It was nice to be able to be me as opposed to an extension of him but to what end? Idk. I blame both of us for what has happened in our relationship and we both need to look at each other and at ourselves in order to move forward. It`s just hard to know where to go from here. My family doc suggested that we take at least two days a week alone together and spend lots of time together... one week he plans what we do together and the next week I do. I mentioned this to him last night and he seemed ok with it. I mean we are together at my daughter`s baseball practises and games two nights per week and we are at home together in the evenings, etc. but the doc means `quality time` to reconnect. This past weekend was good.... we went to a dance with some friends on Saturday night and then tonight we took the kids out to dinner. Was REALLY fun ! We reconnected a bit physically too but at this point I do still feel like I`m going through the motions. I told him that I still feel somewhat disconnected.
Author Lexygirl Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 After reading posts from you Lexy..I don't see any remorse. I see alot of finger pointing to your husband as reason you had your affairs. He won't stay in bed with me on saturday mornings, he has his hobbies, he don't want to have sex with me, blah blah blah. If you decide to give this guy a divorce, I'd say he got the better end of the stick. Oh brother, John Michael Kain is back with yet another alias... sheesh... IP address scrambler workin well for ya I see haha
blueskyahead Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Oh brother, John Michael Kain is back with yet another alias... sheesh... IP address scrambler workin well for ya I see haha No, I'm not John Michael Kain. A common response around here if someone don't like the responses they are getting. If you listened to what I said you might actually get it. I guess I was probably right that the only advice you are looking for is someone to say poor you. Well darling, your not going to get that from me. See, I have no problems with a cheater that has remorse for what he/she did and proves it to their better half every day. I'm sorry you don't like hearing the truth Lexygirl but I just don't see the remorse and maybe that is why you are hot and cold towards your husband - guilt. The first part to true remorse is being completely honest with your husband. You keep saying you don't know if you should stay or go. Heck you have moved out several times. Maybe if you were honest with your hsband he may choose to leave as well but honestly, that is his choice to make. Her deserves to know about all your affairs and no sugar coating. The choice should be his. Either way, the only way you will ever stop getting hot and cold and start thinking clearly is if you have everything off your chest.
bigmomma1974 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 No, I'm not John Michael Kain. A common response around here if someone don't like the responses they are getting. If you listened to what I said you might actually get it. I guess I was probably right that the only advice you are looking for is someone to say poor you. Well darling, your not going to get that from me. See, I have no problems with a cheater that has remorse for what he/she did and proves it to their better half every day. I'm sorry you don't like hearing the truth Lexygirl but I just don't see the remorse and maybe that is why you are hot and cold towards your husband - guilt. The first part to true remorse is being completely honest with your husband. You keep saying you don't know if you should stay or go. Heck you have moved out several times. Maybe if you were honest with your hsband he may choose to leave as well but honestly, that is his choice to make. Her deserves to know about all your affairs and no sugar coating. The choice should be his. Either way, the only way you will ever stop getting hot and cold and start thinking clearly is if you have everything off your chest.. You have lexy all wrong. I talkto her. 2_-6 hrs a day and her husband knows of her affairs. She h as. Tried to make it work over and over again. She wants it to work more then you know. Sh e loves this man and has ttn more then you know. She can take critism. Cause I give it to her. I tell her she has to remember her actions have huirt him. That's why mc and. Own as well. She's moved out because she feels it is what is best then goes back cause she knows its killing him her being away...she can handle th e truth. Her husband wants to stay married but he to need to change if she isn't happy it won't work. He. Says this and this to get her to stay or come home for it to be th e way its been for yrs. So don't be so quick to jump on her when you don't know all she has did to try to make this marriage work. Damn straight she cheated and tyhats wrong but she is giving her all to make this work and hubby needss to try as well
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