Bito Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I am so tired of trying to be strong and bite the bullet. I am so tired of dealing with and trying to minimize the pain I feel everyday. I am so tired of thinking about her every minute of everyday. I miss liveing in the fantasy world I had... My ex has undiagnosed BPD. She gave me the illusion that she was my soul-mate. She mirrored everything I did and adapted to all the things that make me happy. The affection and love that she showed me was so intense that being with her made me feel like the happiest man in the world. We had wonderful sex and she almost never turned me down. This feeling of deep love never faded for her. It only intensified, regardless of when her dark crazy side showed. All I wanted to do was keep her happy and spend the rest of my life with her. After close to 2 years together she betrayed me. I can still feel the pain in my heart, even now, 2 months later. Some days its not so bad but the last couple days I seem to be relapsing thinking about her more and more. I know she is a terrible person even if you exclude what she did to me. She only really cares about herself and her needs. She is a spoiled only child and paints everything black and white. The mood swings she goes threw can be very intense and it was always a challenge to keep her on an even keel. Even knowing all that I miss the elated feeling I had being with her. I miss all the cute quirky things she used to do. I miss making her laugh and smile. I miss just laying in bed cuddling and spooning with her. Nothing in my life has ever hurt this much and I have been threw a lot from my crohn's disease. And what makes it even worse is I know she is doing all the same things with the new guy she cheated on me with. It hurts to know that she never really loved me the way I loved her. I posted a few weeks ago when i got a letter from her apologizing for everything she did to me. She said she wishes that she never did it and still loves me very much, blah blah blah. Everyone in the topic agreed i should maintain NC and I have. Yet there is a part of me that screaming to go get her back. I am so unhappy with my life right now. I work 9 - 5 at a job that is becoming stale. I go out fairly often with friends and have some success with women but never with the kind who want a relationship. Just the kind that want a one night stand. I just don't feel comfortable with myself around other women like I do my ex. so tired of feeling like this...
Ajax Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 My ex has undiagnosed BPD. If it's undiagnosed, how do you know? BPD is one of those things that dumpees love to throw out as an explaination as to why someone they felt so close to turned on them so unexpectedly. Even I was "convinced" that my ex had it. And the girl definitely had issues, but she probably wasn't really BPD. We can all have gut feelings, opinions, and note red flags that give us insight into our exes psyches. Speculation is natural, but let's leave the diagnoses to the professionals. I am so unhappy with my life right now. I work 9 - 5 at a job that is becoming stale. I go out fairly often with friends and have some success with women but never with the kind who want a relationship. Just the kind that want a one night stand. I just don't feel comfortable with myself around other women like I do my ex. so tired of feeling like this... Rather than focusing on your ex's issues, now you have the opportunity to fix this. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not where I'd hoped to be in my life right now, but I'm working on getting there and I'm on my way. You can be doing the same thing. If you're not happy with your job, start taking action to change it. If the women you're meeting aren't looking for the same things in life that you are, maybe you're going to the wrong places. Frankly though, it sounds as if you're not in a position to begin a commited long term relationship yet. If you're still hing up on your ex (which you are) and not happy with life in general, a new relationship isn't going to be the magic solution. We all desire companionship, I get that, but starting a relationship you're not ready for is a recipe for disaster, and could end up hurting both of you.
Author Bito Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 If it's undiagnosed, how do you know? I suppose there really is no difinititive answer to that. She shows the majority of the symptoms but you are right, it is just speculation. I am 99% sure she does have it but even if she doesn't, its helping me to move on and to give a reason for what she did so i don't blame myself... Frankly though, it sounds as if you're not in a position to begin a commited long term relationship yet. If you're still hing up on your ex (which you are) and not happy with life in general, a new relationship isn't going to be the magic solution. We all desire companionship, I get that, but starting a relationship you're not ready for is a recipe for disaster, and could end up hurting both of you. I know you are right. Its just unfair that she gets to move on to something new while i have to sit in pain and heal.
Ajax Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Its just unfair that she gets to move on to something new while i have to sit in pain and heal. You're right, it's not fair. I felt the same way regarding my ex. It was almost a year ago, so I've had time to heal and have some perspective, but the way things went for me wasn't fair either. I was extremely happy with my ex and never saw the end coming. Her excuse was that she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment. I was devistated to say the least. It wasn't too long though before she was in a relationship again. Somehow she must have gotten over whatever hangups she had that prevented her from being happy in a relationship. What wasn't fair is that because of how hurt I was, I was no longer able to be in a relationship. Was it fair? No. Was she being honest with me? Possibly not entirely. Does it matter? Nope. All the things you said you miss about your ex I missed about mine. But regardless of all the good times you had with her, it sounds like she didn't treat you very well. and ultimately crushed you. It takes time to move on, but the sooner you start the sooner you'll get there. A few months after the breakup I tried internet dating. Some of the dates were okay, others just sucked, but nothing that made me want to persue anything with any of the women. Truth be told, I wasn't ready to be back on the dating scene. I then took more time to focus on myself. Then one day at the grocery store I met a girl and asked her out. I never got a second date, but at that point I realized that I could date again and enjoy it. I'm still single and not looking, but because I gave it time and worked on healing I could be in a relationship now if the right person came along. There's so much you can do to improve your life now. If you're not happy with your job then maybe think about going back to school. Pick up a hobby. The more experiences you put between you and the breakup the faster it will become just another memory, without the pain.
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