Trust - How do I do that after I've trusted before and got hurt?

[antinko]

Ok, a serious question:

 

How do I trust again? I'm asking this whilst feeling quite calm, but I thought my last relationship was perfect for the first five months and we totally adored each other. Yeh, sure, we had some disputes at times, but I felt so utterly confident in her.

 

Is it common to keep on going through this only to keep on getting hurt in the end?

 

I know next time I get in a relationship which seems serious, I won't be going full throttle into it again, but I don't want to be too distant either - it's against my character to be too detached.

 

Anyway, discussion on this topic would be most welcome. As I said, I'm not worried, but I could do with a bit of sage wisdom...

[Nohbody]

This is something I've thought about. We've all been left with some kind of mark, whether you want to think of it as a psychological scar, or a scar on your heart - it's there. In time it may fade some, but there will always be some residual discomfort or pain - and maybe some of us will have to learn to trust, and it won't come naturally. Maybe some of us will be swept away and it will just happen.

 

No way to tell until the next one comes along. Good luck.

[Green21]

I ask myself the same question. I've always been slow to trust others; used to being betrayed by my peers when growing up. Yet, somehow I warmed to my ex almost straight away and her to me. Everything felt so right, every day from day one.

 

Until I was let down by her as well.

 

I've been asking myself if I could ever trust anyone again after this. The only thing for it is to wait it out and see if time and experience can make things better.

[TheHurtProcess]

You will learn to trust again in due time. You may not be 100% open to the idea, but if you meet someone in the future and you want it to be serious, you'll have to learn to open your heart and trust again.

[Leftie88]

This is a huge issue that i have also been trying to come to terms with so i'm right there with you antinko.

 

I loved and trusted my ex implicitly, especially not to have hurt me to the extent that he did. For me, presently i hold a lot of anger towards him because now i don't feel as if i could trust another man's words/feelings/intentions again, or at least not to the same degree as before. And anger towards myself for ever having trusted him that much. I understand not all men are the same, but i thought my ex was different and he wasn't. That hurts me a lot because i'm one to give 110% and be honest about my feelings in any relationship, thus with any possible future relationships i feel i will be incredibly self-protective... i guess only time will tell.

[antinko]

This is a huge issue that i have also been trying to come to terms with so i'm right there with you antinko.

 

I loved and trusted my ex implicitly, especially not to have hurt me to the extent that he did. For me, presently i hold a lot of anger towards him because now i don't feel as if i could trust another man's words/feelings/intentions again, or at least not to the same degree as before. And anger towards myself for ever having trusted him that much. I understand not all men are the same, but i thought my ex was different and he wasn't. That hurts me a lot because i'm one to give 110% and be honest about my feelings in any relationship, thus with any possible future relationships i feel i will be incredibly self-protective... i guess only time will tell.

 

In the end with my ex, although she loved the attention at the time when she desperately needed and yearned for it, come to the break up and she sort of implied that my love for her and the emotions I felt were a weakness of mine.

 

I think she's moved on to another person now and all I feel is empty inside.

 

I'm not a defeatist, though. I know I'll recover; it just simply hurts right now. Originally and for the longest time it was hurt and me questioning everything, analysing every last detail...

 

Now I've accepted it, but I'm just empty. I hurt but I can't explain it. I also feel anger and...I don't know...maybe a sense of relief? I don't think she's definitely moved on, but I'm now sure there's no hope of us getting back together and I'm starting to realise I just need to get on with it now.

 

I know I'll meet someone else at some point who will be better for me, but until then, I'm going to just...

 

I wanted to say 'be wary' but you know what? I can't hide from who I am: what happens, happens. I'll take what I've learned from this situation and just try and read the signs better next time.

[latexyankee]

Agreed, no matter how many relationships I've had fail, for some reason the TRUST issue seems to come back...and then I shoot myself in the foot repeatedly for giving that trust. I'm at the end of my rope with trust, but I feel if you believe, it's that rope that simply will not break. It gets weary and worn but for some reason it will never snap. Thats hope, hope for you, hope for me, hope for everyone reading this, that things may one day be brighter. That perhaps we can better ourselves and find someone that compliments us. Chances seem slim, in fact for most here circumstances seem inconceivable. Perhaps though, just maybe, someone is feeling the same and looking for the same as you are. Please don't give up Antinco, if you do, then we all fail, believe in love and it may just end up believing in you.

[fltc]

How do I trust again?

 

Most here would like an answer to that. All I know is that sometimes, repeat: SOMETIMES time will heal.

 

Sometimes it won't.

 

Sorry, best I can do.