candelabra99 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Hi there I guess I am on here to get some answers as I can't seem to gain any further insight as to why my boyfriend would break up with me. When I met him so much attracted me to him, and I believe him to me. At times I felt I was with my soul mate, we connected on so many levels and I deeply, genuinely cared about him (I still do). I felt I understood him and he understood me. Five days ago, he dumped me. At the time, we had just had our first minor argument, it was over him not calling me when I needed support about a dying relative (who will be dead in the next month). He said he would try as he just wanted to make sure I was ok even though communication wasn't his strong point. The next morning we spoke and he dumped me without warning. His reasons were he didn't feel he could support me about the dying relative in the way that I need, he didn't think we should be a couple and when I asked him how he felt about me to really get to the true reason, he kept saying 'what do you want me to say'. That is the last time I heard from him. I'm not the clingy sort but after this happened I sent him 2 texts and called him twice asking how he could do this. Today I sent him one text saying that he had broken my heart (which he has). My whole world has been turned upside down, I'm struggling to keep a smile on my face in my job. Every day that I wake up I am filled with anger and pain, at how someone I had given my heart to and felt it reciprocated until the last week could do this. I sincerely do not believe he is seeing another woman (so don't think this is the reason), and this is because this is his first serious relationship, he doesn't have much experience with woman, he is somewhat shy with women and in all honesty quite clueless. Plus I trust him (and he has said he trusts and believes in me). I am wondering if I should now cut him off completely (even though it feels wrong as I still don't truly understand WHY) or wait for him to contact me (but its nearly been a week). And why would he dump someone he said he can't believe he has finally met after waiting so long. His actions and words just don't match up. Any advice would be wonderful, I need an answer.
KathyM Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Hi there I guess I am on here to get some answers as I can't seem to gain any further insight as to why my boyfriend would break up with me. When I met him so much attracted me to him, and I believe him to me. At times I felt I was with my soul mate, we connected on so many levels and I deeply, genuinely cared about him (I still do). I felt I understood him and he understood me. Five days ago, he dumped me. At the time, we had just had our first minor argument, it was over him not calling me when I needed support about a dying relative (who will be dead in the next month). He said he would try as he just wanted to make sure I was ok even though communication wasn't his strong point. The next morning we spoke and he dumped me without warning. His reasons were he didn't feel he could support me about the dying relative in the way that I need, he didn't think we should be a couple and when I asked him how he felt about me to really get to the true reason, he kept saying 'what do you want me to say'. That is the last time I heard from him. I'm not the clingy sort but after this happened I sent him 2 texts and called him twice asking how he could do this. Today I sent him one text saying that he had broken my heart (which he has). My whole world has been turned upside down, I'm struggling to keep a smile on my face in my job. Every day that I wake up I am filled with anger and pain, at how someone I had given my heart to and felt it reciprocated until the last week could do this. I sincerely do not believe he is seeing another woman (so don't think this is the reason), and this is because this is his first serious relationship, he doesn't have much experience with woman, he is somewhat shy with women and in all honesty quite clueless. Plus I trust him (and he has said he trusts and believes in me). I am wondering if I should now cut him off completely (even though it feels wrong as I still don't truly understand WHY) or wait for him to contact me (but its nearly been a week). And why would he dump someone he said he can't believe he has finally met after waiting so long. His actions and words just don't match up. Any advice would be wonderful, I need an answer. I'll give you two possible scenarios. 1. Your came across as extremely needy and unable to cope with the upcoming loss, and he felt overwhelmed and discouraged by your lack of strength. (Men tend to get cold feet when it comes to overly-needy overly-emotional women). Without knowing the conversation, I don't know if this is the case with you, but it's one possible explanation. 2. The more likely scenario: The guy doesn't like heavy emotional scenes at this point in his life. He's interested in a light, fun, enjoyable relationship and is not equipped to deal with drama. Lots of men can't handle drama very well. But of course, men need to realize that it is when they step up to the plate and are supportive of their wife/gf/SO in difficult times that it bonds them together, and makes for a deeper, more satisfying relationship. You can answer which one of the two scenarios fits your situation the best. I don't know enough information about your situation to determine which one it is, but I'm guessing it's one of the two. Just a word to the wise, men admire women who are emotionally strong and able to cope well with difficult things in life. My neice lost a great fiance and later a great boyfriend for that very reason--she came across as too needy and unable to cope with difficult situations.
Author candelabra99 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Thank you for your reply. Its a shame that this could end the whole relationship but its something I can't just change in myself overnight. I guess if hes not willing to wait around and take me as I am, imperfections and all, I should just move on. It makes me incredibly sad though as we are so compatible. But thanks
catchthedrift Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 How long were you guys together? I've been in a similar situation before, twice, and they always wanted me back after I gave them space for a while (usually took 1-3 weeks). If you drain a guy early in the relationship with too many emotional issues, they really like to get cold feet. They suddenly feel like "Um, I wasn't in for this.. why is this happening? I don't want this.. Please make it stop! How do i react? ok, just break up, then its over"... they don't know how to else help themselves. I am sure he likes you enough and cares for you but he is probably not ready to make a commitment where he needs to be somebody's rock. Hope that helps.
Author candelabra99 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Thanks for your reply I can see where I've gone wrong now, getting too heavy too fast. I just wish it wasn't so final, I havent heard from him since it happened, not even to have a final conversation, nothing. I didnt realise such an open, warm, sensitive guy could possibly be so cold. Even the last guy I dated when we broke up said SOMETHING. A good friend of mine said today it could be guilt, that he feels way too guilty that he cant talk to me. But I just wish he would. It guts me to think that I may never speak to him again
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