dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 So, to follow up to this thread, I e-mailed this guy and invited him to this group event that is going to be fun and very relevant to his interests. I felt VERY brave doing this, as I am interested in this guy and this is kind of my warm-up to an actual date (as suggested by the fabulous Feelin Frisky). Well, he e-mailed back and said he can't make it -- which is fine -- but he DIDN'T suggest any alternate idea for getting together. He just politely declined and said have fun. Now, when I left that job back in February, he seemed genuinely interested in seeing me outside of work. True, it has been 5 months since then. Maybe I should have e-mailed him earlier, but I had a lot going on and felt too shy until now. I could write back and ask him to do something else with just me, but my feeling is that if he wanted to get together, he would have left the door open more, or even suggested that we do. Do you agree? People get nervous about going to events where they don't know anybody.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 No, I just think he's made it clear he's not interested. If he had invited me to something I wasn't available for, I totally would have written back and suggested another time or activity for us. I would have responded as he did only if I wasn't interested. Dating for girls and dating for guys is so different you can't compare the two of them.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Some of y'all are really grasping at straws. You remind me of my friend who said the guy who didn't write me back on OKCupid "might be on vacation". Seriously? Let's get real, people. He's not interested or available, and that's that.
Nexus One Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) In my opinion you made a mistake that some guys here on the board have made too, i.e. you didn't clarify that it was a date or even a lead-up to a date. Men can't read minds. 1. If he didn't think/know it was a going to be a date or lead up to a date, then it's not necessarily self-explanatory to provide an alternative time and date for an activity you chose. 2. He might have thought you were friendzoning him, which might be a scenario he's not interested in. (i.e. wanting to be lovers instead of (just) friends) You need to be clear, direct and tactful. Guys look for obvious signs and proof. Anything that doesn't fall into that category will likely get interpreted as general friendliness. Don't get me wrong, men can detect subtlety, but most often they'll play it safe and will throw subtle signs of interest from women into the general friendliness category. Guys also look for reciprocation, that reciprocation needs to be clear, because if it's not or if women wait too long with showing any sign of reciprocation, then the guy will likely think she's not interested. That's pretty much exactly what you're experiencing now. Some days ago there was this thread from a girl who said something in the lines of: "After he asked me out I told him I wanted to be friends, but he didn't want that and ignored me after that. Well then that's his loss, because I wanted to become friends in order to get to know him so that I can start trusting him so that we can start dating." But as guys can't read minds he probably thought the following when she said she wanted to be friends: "Damn, got friendzoned. She's not interested in me in that way, I better move on." Edited July 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Feelin Frisky Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I don't know why you always say this. I have sung your praises numerous times, because I have always thought you seem very cool. I LIKE YOU, FRISKY! Yeah, you're right. I'm not contacting him any more. If he contacts me, I will be receptive. I realize there could be many reasons he's not into it. It could be that he doesn't like me that way but was just flirting for fun, or it could be that he is seeing someone else. I didn't expect him to like me, but given all the attention he kept projecting at me, I began to consider that maybe he did. But now I don't think so. Hey, I (kind of sort of) tried! That's something. Aw, I didn't mean to imply that you haven't been nice to me, I just meant in general that no one has ever called me "fabulous" before. But that's cool becuase being "fabulous" is a ghey thing that swishes say about each other. I consider you LS's premier babe (but that might have something to do with me having a crush on Dorthy throughout my whole childood:). I still think you have a chance with this guy if you want to give it a try but my advice is that if you wait any longer, it might make him wonder why the wait and why then rather than when it made more sense. Give it a shot. Wish I could be him.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 I consider you LS's premier babe... :love: ...(but that might have something to do with me having a crush on Dorthy throughout my whole childood:)... Nah, I think it's because it's me. Wish I could be him. Yeah. You would have said yes.
MrNate Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 If this guy doesn't start getting a bit more bold (seems like you gave the green light more than enough) I'd go on to the next one. I really don't know what's stopping this guy from jumping your bones.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 I really don't know what's stopping this guy from jumping your bones. I KNOW. lol He obviously has some screws loose.
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