oaks Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 TuffCookie's (I think) idea of having an interesting subject line is good. 90% of the subject lines I had on PoF were, "Hi." With a pile of messages with Hi as the header, I got discouraged. I think the option to "send quick message" directly from the profile page on PoF automatically puts in a subject of "Hi" and doesn't give an option for the sender to edit it. So it isn't entirely down to the lack of imagination of the sender. I stopped using that feature once I figured this out.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 It reads like a mad-lib because that's what it is. Nothing relates. "After all, you did say ______" -- you may as well say "I can prove to you I skimmed through your profile, because I copied and pasted ______ from it." What does "sharp and laid back" mean -- they sound diametric? What do those adjectives have to do with liking a pop band? Why do you "appreciate" that; why are you even bothering to write that? "I can really appreciate that" is the thing you say right before "but it's not what I believe in." That's because it's the most inoffensive, limp-wristed phrase in the English language. It doesn't say anything but vague affirmation, kind of like "I haven't died". I know what you're going to say. "Well, welikeincrowds, what EXACTLY should I say instead?" You know what I'm going to say, right? "I can't tell you that." You're asking for the wrong answer to the wrong question. I can only tell you: 1. why this is not an attitude that will bring you success 2. the method you should use to come up with the right message on your own instead You're going about this like so: "On this forum/podcast/website, I heard that girls respond to X, Y, Z, so I am going to show this girl X, Y, Z." There's a difference between showing X, Y, Z and doing X, Y, Z. It's like you're giving her sheet music instead of playing her a song. As you've learned, girls respond to a "tailored message". What you are currently proposing is a "mass-produced, ready-to-wear message that comes in a few different sizes." Have you ever been to a tailor, U1987? What a tailor makes for you is one of a kind. Let's say there are 6.7 billion people in the world, and they all own at least 2 shirts. That's 13.4 billion shirts, U1987. (Can you even picture 13.4 billion shirts?) (I can't.) For any given shirt you pick out of the 13.4 billion, there's bound to be at least a few million reasonable duplicates. But good luck finding a duplicate if you pick out U1987's custom tailored shirt. That's what it means to be tailored, U1987. It won't be mistaken for any other shirt, because it's 1 out of 13.4 ****ing billion. So you want to a message that won't be mistaken for any other, that will be noticed as 1 out of a few hundred? Okay. Then why did you choose a form letter? "Tailoring your message" means writing something specific to that girl, that you wouldn't write exactly the same way for any other girl. It requires getting into the head of the person you're writing to. For example, this girl saying she doesn't like Jersey Shore wannabes is only saying that because she doesn't want Jersey Shore wannabes to message her. It's not a passion or proud opinion of hers. I'm sure there are things she'd much rather talk about than Jersey Shore wannabes. If, among all other choices, you bring that up -- "Hey babe, I don't want to date Jersey Shore wannabes either, it seems like we have a lot in common" -- well, it says a lot of things, but unfortunately for you, it doesn't say "we have a lot in common." Think about why these girls chose to write what they've written, because that's how they tell you what to write back to them. She is practically writing the message she wants to read for you with what she puts in her profile; if she's on OkCupid, for example, it's literally laid out with what she likes to talk about, what she wants to do, and who she's looking for. The only "reading into it" you have to do is when deciding the tone you take when messaging her -- just match hers. (If she's forward, be playful. If she's thorough, be cordial. If she's artistic, be interested. If she's cerebral, be curt.) If you've been able to make it that far, and you fit her criteria, then you'll know how to write her a response she'll read -- at least, you'll know where to start. Any man who does online dating (or woman for that matter) should read this post. Some of the best advice I've seen on here.
irc333 Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Any man who does online dating (or woman for that matter) should read this post. Some of the best advice I've seen on here. Sure, it may be great advice, but even if one follows said advice, chances are STILL high, a man's email will get ignored. Unread/Delete
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Sure, it may be great advice, but even if one follows said advice, chances are STILL high, a man's email will get ignored. Unread/Delete So what. Girls are on dating sites for the same reason that guys are, basically - to meet people, whether they have better odds than guys or not. Some guys ARE meeting these girls - I assure you. If you are able to follow WLIC's advice, you WILL make connections with people who might actually enjoy meeting you. I'm always picking at the OP, but if he would listen to me (or, more appropriately, if he were able to understand what I am saying) he would have better luck. He only wants casual sex, and he is not even going to entertain the concept of getting to know anything about an individual. He is not geared to pick up on the cues of women who might be interested in having casual sex with a guy just like HIM, and to capitalize on the cues. My belief is that the successful "Cassanova" type dudes actually DO hone in really skillfully upon individual traits of the women they are targeting. They are able to use this gift that they have to get women where they want them. Using phrases like "you seem sharp and laid back" (which, I agree, sound like very conflicting qualities ... and also, it's phrase that would sound meaningless and awkward to anyone on the receiving end of it. Take my word.) Seduction is really an art. And U1987 is not an artist. Once again, I'll tell you, U1987 - BECOME THE MAN that women want to have casual sex with, and you'll succeed. Or, learn how to develop interest in other people and what makes them unique so you can actually have some type of a relationship that includes sex.
dispatch3d Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Gotcha. What about this message template for girls with really short or really vague profiles like the ones I mentioned? "I gotta tell you, your profile may be a little short, but it really stood off the page. I guess it's the sense of mystery in it; I can totally dig that. I think we might enjoy chatting face to face, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!" I just wouldn't talk about the profile at all. You aren't going to read the thing anyways. I'd pick some generic topic that girls typically like, and start a semi-interesting conversation from that. Then you're just playing shotgun on whether they like that topic (or not). So now you just gotta figure out what kind of stuff do MOST girls talk about. Most girls definitely talk about guys and/or relationships a ton. Not sure that's an ideal topic here. The dumb/shallow ones tend to be into general television stuff. Younger girls will also have much more shallow interests (they are pretty young and niave, so haven't really defined themselves as anything yet). Health/fitness is definitely a bigger topic for girls - mostly because it matters a ton with regards to dating. Really though you want a topic that's kinda charged. That gets people going. You want the sort of thing that if you posted it on your Facebook wall, you'd get 20 replies. Could be some sort of clever quip, or whatever, I don't know. Something from that tv show the bachelorette, or some other similar show that a ton of girls like, and has weird/quirky relationships in it could be a good starting point. Then you just make some comment like, your profile reminds me of x-person from y-show. Like your profile reminds me of hank's girlfriend from californication. Except make it clever and witty, and get the damn names right ;-).
TuffCookieX Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I think the option to "send quick message" directly from the profile page on PoF automatically puts in a subject of "Hi" and doesn't give an option for the sender to edit it. So it isn't entirely down to the lack of imagination of the sender. I stopped using that feature once I figured this out. This is correct. It's an auto subject line. It wasn't my idea to change the subject line, it was my idea to tell you to be original in a message, hah.
dispatch3d Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I guess the other format would be a long letter that expresses interests, puts out some positive qualities you have, and gives reasons you like her, and are messaging her and not some other blonde bimbo would be the other approach. Much more direct (the other suggestion I made was definitely indirect). I think if you go direct online you'll really want a shock-and-awe type, super bold and ballsy first message.
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