Author U1987 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 In my POF profile, I wrote that I hate generic messages. They usually lie and say "your profile says so much about you and I think that we'd really get along." Well if you actually READ my about me, you'd see it actually barely says ANYTHING about who I am. And also that I never respond to generic messages that are sent to just anyone. It's not that I don't read the profiles; I do, but I was told not to mention anything specific about them when talking to the girl for the first time by BackUpOrGetStung; he says it comes off as overbearing and creepy when a guy you don't know tries to pry at a bit of information in your profile. What do you think about that? And how to you explain the higher success rate with the generic messages than the personal ones?
delilah123 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Eh, I'm not on POF, but I find that generalised messaged don't ness put me off... but lame ones do. I think ones that sound like they are scrambling for common ground sound desperate. I love the way my ex put it when I asked him how he could love me so much when we had quite a few different things in common and he said "I already have a me, what I don't have is another you" (and we have broken up because he is leaving for overseas for over a year, not due to not having common interests!) Just because I enjoy going to the theatre, doesn't mean my significant other has to, I'd be just as interested (and probably not think it sounded so made up and desperate) if they msgd saying "hey, liked your profile. how's your week been so far? I've got an awesome BBQ planned this week, looking forward to it." That's all. If I liked their profile & pictures (and lets remember, if they have the same interests as me, it's going to be on their profile anyway!) then I'd respond. If a guy msgs me saying "I love the thetare too, what plays have you seen recently?" it just seems more boring to me? I don't know, just seems realy like.. gee clever you you read 1 line of my profile. It almost feels like they are trying to act like they know me etc, they don't! They've read a couple of sentences about me. Hahah maybe online dating isn't for me
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Most people (women, anyway) are looking hard for a connection, somehow, someway, in online dating efforts. I know I was. It's not easy to describe how such a connection occurs, but it can. Even the way a person uses language, or the look on his face in his pictures, can give an idea of what he might be like and spark a feeling of attraction, or of wanting to get to know more. Trying to get into a chat about common interests often falls flat on face. The real key is to actually let yourself be known in your profile, to some extent. Even if this is done through a generic message, some women will think (and hope they're right) that they see something of who you are, and if they like that - they will respond. Somebody out there who would actually be interested in a person like the person who you REALLY ARE ... is someone who will respond to you. But, like I've been saying (and you've been ignoring), you have been completely clear here that you are not interested in getting to know anything about any woman, nor in developing any kind of relationship at all. If this is still the case, you need a LOT of money. That will get you where you need to be, since evidently you lack charm, charisma, game, or hotness.
D-Lish Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Just keep you first message short and simple. You won't win her over with a message- you'll win her over with a good profile, which includes good pictures- at least 3.
TuffCookieX Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 It's not that I don't read the profiles; I do, but I was told not to mention anything specific about them when talking to the girl for the first time by BackUpOrGetStung; he says it comes off as overbearing and creepy when a guy you don't know tries to pry at a bit of information in your profile. What do you think about that? And how to you explain the higher success rate with the generic messages than the personal ones? Specifics are okay, prying is not. When they comment something like "I love your quote about PETA and I think it's cool that you ride horses for a living" as opposed to "What kind of steak is your favorite and how do you ride a horse?" Too many questions are a turn off, yes, especially when they are questions I don't really care to answer. People ALWAYS ask me about my profession and no one really understands it, I would much rather explain in person than write an essay to a stranger online. Success rate for generic message... maybe it's the people you're messaging? Think about the factors. Location? Or maybe your personal messages are a little too specific like I mentioned above.
Sith Apprentice Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) I fully support the shotgun method. Don't even bother reading women's profiles or sending them personalized messages. That's a huge waste of time. In the 20 minutes you spent crafting a personalized email that in all likelihood will not get a response you could have spammed 100 women. Create a good cocky/funny spam message and send it to every attractive woman in your area. There are some good examples posted on many PUA websites. Don't worry about what's in their profile. You can read their profile AFTER they've responded to you and work from there. This is 100% FIELD TESTED! Edited July 23, 2011 by Sith Apprentice
zengirl Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Once again, they're cute so they qualify. Well, if you're just messaging any old cute girl, go with generalized messages. That's who you are anyway, and any savvy girls are going to pick up on your absolute pointlessness as a partner. And girls looking for casual sex will judge you based on other things anyway.
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Well, if you're just messaging any old cute girl, go with generalized messages. That's who you are anyway, and any savvy girls are going to pick up on your absolute pointlessness as a partner. And girls looking for casual sex will judge you based on other things anyway. He's a dude, get with the program zengirl. He doesn't get to screen 50 guys to pick out the best one. He gets to hit on 50 girls and see which one likes him back, then decides whether to date her.
zengirl Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 He's a dude, get with the program zengirl. He doesn't get to screen 50 guys to pick out the best one. He gets to hit on 50 girls and see which one likes him back, then decides whether to date her. I know dudes. I have male friends. I've dated men from online and have male friends who NEVER messaged a girl and had enough girls messaging them to go on dates and get into relationships. (They were all fairly relationship-oriented. They didn't look like models or anything; some of them are not attractive enough for me to consider dating.) Writing only people who would be a good partner is the best way to find a good partner. Writing just anyone is a crapshoot and thus stupid for either gender. If the OP is not relationship oriented, it's a totally different ballgame, really. But most girls don't go online to look for anything casual; it's honestly something a girl either does (a) to potentially meet Mr. Right who she may not get to meet out and about for whatever reason---to find a guy she might otherwise not find who could be something or (b) to validate herself and feel attractive. (B) girls are problematic in all kinds of ways, but so are plenty of types of girls. If women want sex, they generally don't go about it with strangers on the internet unless she is really an outlier. And even then, it's only with very hot guys.
Author U1987 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 What do you say for girls who have profiles that are only 1 or 2 sentences long; that barely say anything about them? How's something along these lines "Well you are pretty cute, but what else do you have going for you?"
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Are you interested in what else they may have going for them?
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Do you really want to date someone who sounds shallow or vapid? He's shallow and vapid. It's a match
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 What do you say for girls who have profiles that are only 1 or 2 sentences long; that barely say anything about them? How's something along these lines "Well you are pretty cute, but what else do you have going for you?" Try a field tested opener like the guy above was saying seems like by far the best way. I would also think these people are prime for the shotgun method. You can't pull something interesting to talk about out of nothing. Zengirl, the 1% of guys who find online super easy, well good for them hahaha. For the other 99% figuring out a strategy is a lot harder. You dating a guy online isn't really an accomplishment. Sorry. The stuff where you start saying what girls are looking for on there is helpful.
zengirl Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Try a field tested opener like the guy above was saying seems like by far the best way. I would also think these people are prime for the shotgun method. You can't pull something interesting to talk about out of nothing. Zengirl, the 1% of guys who find online super easy, well good for them hahaha. For the other 99% figuring out a strategy is a lot harder. You dating a guy online isn't really an accomplishment. Sorry. The stuff where you start saying what girls are looking for on there is helpful. Huh? I never said it was an "accomplishment." That sounds weird. But I don't think it's as uneven as you say men/women in every sect of the dating pool. I'd say nerdy (but have social skills) guys in the 25-35 range who are even moderately decent looking (and plenty I'd personally say aren't cute at all) do well online. Those are the guys I message (the cute ones) but also that's basically my circle of friends. Almost all my male friends who've tried OKC have done pretty well. They didn't necessarily get crap messages in droves like a woman, but they had women message them who were suitable date material in all cases---message them first---and got a return when they messaged people (not everyone but pretty comparable with females in my social circle who did the same thing) who they actually had compatibility with and common ground. But if you're just looking for "anyone who's cute" I think you're definitely at a disadvantage. These were all guys looking for relationships (not necessarily like marriage and kids or anything, though yes in some cases, but at least intellectual compatibility as well as sexual chemistry). And I think it really depends on the site, the location, and the particular segment of the dating pool you exist within and are looking for.
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 *rolls eyes* oh boy I feel like I'm encouraging you now zengirl.
Cee Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 TuffCookie's (I think) idea of having an interesting subject line is good. 90% of the subject lines I had on PoF were, "Hi." With a pile of messages with Hi as the header, I got discouraged. Also, I would revisit your list of 37. I suggest you make a list of another 40 women who are maybe. A lot of people look so much better than their pictures. If you look at her features, you might be able to tell if she's attractive. Also, women with not so great pictures don't get messaged as much. You might find a diamond among these women. Also, you can message the ones you aren't that crazy about to hone your approach. And you can test your response rate without burning through the 37. Just my two cents.
irc333 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 95% of the time I ONLY replied to personalized messages. Where were YOU when I was sending out emails. LOL I wish I could say making an email personalized works, but it doesn't work all that great. I prefer to mix it up with general statements and then look at their profile, and let's say for instance, they like to hike.....I would ask them what are their favorite state parks they like to hike in. Or, if they like to go out dancing, I'd ask their favorite night spots in the area, things like that. Though, I try not to make it long, because they can also look at my actual profile write-up.
irc333 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Also, if a HEADLINER has something in it, like, "NOW taking applications!" I will start off the email, responding to the headliner with something like, "Submitting my application, hope to you consider me!" or something funny like that.
Author U1987 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Are you interested in what else they may have going for them? I like artsy, hipster type girls, and girls who study or work in the hard sciences (math, biology, chemistry, biochemistry, etc), but those are few and far between. Look, there was a time in my life when I genuinely was interested (fascinated even) in what the average girl had to say. There's a point in every guy's life (usually between high school and college) where when he's talking to a girl, he's thinking "Oh wow! A girl is talking to me! This is SOOOOOO interesting!" But I'm approaching my mid-20s and I've talked to and dated enough girls to come to the conclusion that most girls in the 18-25 range simply don't have the life-experience or wisdom or substance to make me truly fascinated in them. That's unfortunate, but I'm not going to wait for "the one." It's not worth tossing out 100 silver coins for a CHANCE at a gold one, so unless she likes Jazz, knows every song Justice has sampled from and has done a year's worth of research on microbial bioremediation, then really, sex is the only thing she can offer me. I think that's pretty reasonable and realistic.
Sith Apprentice Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Also, if a HEADLINER has something in it, like, "NOW taking applications!" "Submitting my application, hope to you consider me!" . That sounds too AFC. Your practically groveling with that message. Try something like "Just words on a page?"(Field Tested PUA Header) You want to have a header that will intrigue her and convince her to read your message. You'll need to stand out among the sea of Average Frustrated Chumps.
Author U1987 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 How is this for tweaking my generic message to fit a girl's profile? "Your profile stood off the page. You come off as sharp and laid back; after all, you did say (_____________) I can really appreciate that. I think we might actually have a lot in common, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!" In this situation, (_____________) is replaced where something she mentioned in her profile? For example, one girl said she's into The Killers. I would type "You come off as sharp and laid back; after all, you did say you're into the Killers. I can really appreciate that." Another example, another girl said she hates "Jersey-Shore wannabes." I would type "You come off as sharp and laid back; after all, you did say you hate the Jersey Shore. I can really appreciate that."
dispatch3d Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 That sounds too AFC. Your practically groveling with that message. Try something like "Just words on a page?"(Field Tested PUA Header) You want to have a header that will intrigue her and convince her to read your message. You'll need to stand out among the sea of Average Frustrated Chumps. 90% of the message topics are hey or hi. You don't need anything special in the subject line to stand out from that.
Author U1987 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Gotcha. What about this message template for girls with really short or really vague profiles like the ones I mentioned? "I gotta tell you, your profile may be a little short, but it really stood off the page. I guess it's the sense of mystery in it; I can totally dig that. I think we might enjoy chatting face to face, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!"
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 unless she likes Jazz, knows every song Justice has sampled from and has done a year's worth of research on microbial bioremediation, then really, sex is the only thing she can offer me. I think that's pretty reasonable and realistic. Well, just as long as the girls are aware that sex is the only thing they can offer you, that's fine. You must be awfully sexy (or rich) though. Not many girls I know bother with guys who are only interested in them for sex.
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