U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I want to try the dating site Plenty of Fish again. I had given it a run a couple of months ago, but I didn't have any success in the area I was in; I sent out tonnes of personalized messages and only 2 responses, 1 phone number, no dates. I posted about it more here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256528/) but I felt it was a good idea to set up fake accounts in other cities to practice the art of writing with girls in those areas (I live in New England, but I set up accounts in Seattle, Chicago and Raleigh); I had blown my first impression with the girls in my area, so I needed to give them time to forget about me until I wrote to them again and learned how to write better messages. The thing is, I wrote sincere, personalized messages to every girl when I first tried out. Everyone says "girls like personalized messages" and "I hate copy-paste/cookie-cutter messages!" but to be honest, those were the ones that got no responses. Another poster suggested using vague, generic cookie-cutter message that I could just send to anyone; fire-and-forget. This has been the only thing working for me; "Your profile stood off the page; you come off as sharp and laid back, and I can really appreciate your style. I think we might actually have a lot in common, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!" I've just been going shotgun with this message on my fake accounts; avg 10%-15% of girls in Seattle, Raleigh and Chicago actually took to this message and had pretty good conversations started from it. Most gave me their numbers Anyway, I'd like to start a real profile and search out girls in my area. 10%-15% response rate isn't great but it's better than nothing. I don't want to blow my first impression with the girls in my area and have to wait another few months for them to forget about me so any other ideas/suggestions before I do it for real?
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 The problem with that message is that it looks just like you're going to have sent it to loads of women, which will put off some recipients before they even read your profile. If you can write something that you reuse over and over but it looks to the recipient that you tailored it to her account then that might be worth a try. For example, once you've found some women you're interested in, sort them out into those who like "travelling" and those who like "dancing" (or some other hobbies that generally cover many of the women) and write a 'personalised' message that can actually be used for all the women who like travelling. On the other hand, while I'm surprised that what you're doing is getting that many replies, maybe stick to what works! I guess it's working because they look at your profile (perhaps before they read your message, so don't get put off by the message) and actually like what they see... so, I'm guessing you've written a good profile. Well done on that bit!
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Personally, I would hate when people called me laid back. I just hate the overuse of that phrase. Though, honestly, I don't think what's in the first message matters all that much, as long as it's at least a sentence or two long and not creepy or weird. I wouldn't spend a ton of time on it. Unless a guy was abrasive (arguing about politics with me or something) in a first message, called me a pet name off the bat, fixated too much on my looks, just said "hi", wrote me more than one message before I wrote back, or wrote something downright creepy, the message actually impacted my desire to write him back very little. The profile itself (and pictures) are more important, as is the Match Rating on OKC (I don't and never have used POF so don't know if girls there think differently, but the Chemistry blurb thing would be something I looked at. . . a friend of mine uses that site and I've seen that, though all the guys on it in our area look like ex-convicts ). When I was on OKC, the match % mattered a lot to me, but some people don't give it a thought. If it sounds like a form letter, it might put me off a little, but not if the guy seemed otherwise awesome. But how hard is it to look at a profile and quickly write a 2 sentence message? I've done it many times, never needed a form letter, and it never takes more than a few minutes. I do give a guy points if he looks like he's read (actually READ) my profile. My pet peeve is when the guy asks a question and the answer is in my profile! Edited July 22, 2011 by zengirl
Queen Zenobia Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I've never tried online dating (and since I'm getting married next year hopefully I never will) but I've learned to never argue with results even if they're obtained in what many regard as an unconventional manner (Nick Van Exel's free throw routine comes to mind here). So if it works you might as well use that strategy, what's the worst that could happen?
KathyM Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I want to try the dating site Plenty of Fish again. I had given it a run a couple of months ago, but I didn't have any success in the area I was in; I sent out tonnes of personalized messages and only 2 responses, 1 phone number, no dates. I posted about it more here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256528/) but I felt it was a good idea to set up fake accounts in other cities to practice the art of writing with girls in those areas (I live in New England, but I set up accounts in Seattle, Chicago and Raleigh); I had blown my first impression with the girls in my area, so I needed to give them time to forget about me until I wrote to them again and learned how to write better messages. The thing is, I wrote sincere, personalized messages to every girl when I first tried out. Everyone says "girls like personalized messages" and "I hate copy-paste/cookie-cutter messages!" but to be honest, those were the ones that got no responses. Another poster suggested using vague, generic cookie-cutter message that I could just send to anyone; fire-and-forget. This has been the only thing working for me; "Your profile stood off the page; you come off as sharp and laid back, and I can really appreciate your style. I think we might actually have a lot in common, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!" I've just been going shotgun with this message on my fake accounts; avg 10%-15% of girls in Seattle, Raleigh and Chicago actually took to this message and had pretty good conversations started from it. Most gave me their numbers Anyway, I'd like to start a real profile and search out girls in my area. 10%-15% response rate isn't great but it's better than nothing. I don't want to blow my first impression with the girls in my area and have to wait another few months for them to forget about me so any other ideas/suggestions before I do it for real? My sister and other people I know have profiles on POF. From what I understand, the pictures of people there are generally unflattering. I would suggest making sure you are spruced up, dressed well, and good photos taken that you post on there. Your photo is your first impression, and that is what will get you a response more than anything you say in an Email. Once that is taken care of, I would suggest saying something light and friendly. Nothing overly intense or in depth as a first Email.
Bullet Proof Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 95% of the time I ONLY replied to personalized messages. Occasionally I would reply to a 'Hello, how are you?' type thing but it was rare - and it would only be if I seemed to 'really' click with the guys profile. All others were deleted/ignored. I would not send any cookie cutter ones either - I have gotten a few of them, that makes me even more mad than 'Hey', because I felt like they were being so fake.
iJester Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Hey U1987, it's me...BackUpOrGetStung -- remember I gave you that cookie cutter message? Anyway, none of it's going to work if you haven't made any of the changes that matter when you're face to face with someone. The message is only good for initiating conversation and getting a first date..nothing else. @ Oaks, I did tell him to use that as a framework and tailor it to each profile.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 My sister and other people I know have profiles on POF. From what I understand, the pictures of people there are generally unflattering. I would suggest making sure you are spruced up, dressed well, and good photos taken that you post on there. Your photo is your first impression, and that is what will get you a response more than anything you say in an Email. Once that is taken care of, I would suggest saying something light and friendly. Nothing overly intense or in depth as a first Email. all my photos are action shots; me snowboarding, me playing guitar at an open mike, me posing with friends and we're wearing suits with bb guns and samurai swords of a Kill Bill themed party.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 I've never tried online dating (and since I'm getting married next year hopefully I never will) but I've learned to never argue with results even if they're obtained in what many regard as an unconventional manner (Nick Van Exel's free throw routine comes to mind here). So if it works you might as well use that strategy, what's the worst that could happen? Like I said, I could blow my first impression with all the girls in my area on that site.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Hey U1987, it's me...BackUpOrGetStung -- remember I gave you that cookie cutter message? Anyway, none of it's going to work if you haven't made any of the changes that matter when you're face to face with someone. The message is only good for initiating conversation and getting a first date..nothing else. @ Oaks, I did tell him to use that as a framework and tailor it to each profile. How would you tailor it? Like I said, a major problem I encounter is that a lot of girls in the 18-25 range have really short, really vague profiles; some are full of text speak and bad grammar. Here are just some examples; how would I tailor that message to them? my names ***** im 5'1 blonde hair brwn eyes.. im 20 yrs old.. ive had some pretty bad relationships and im just looking for that one guy that can make me happy again =).... im looking to get to know someone for a serious realationship or new friends so please dont waste my time sending me creepy msgs =) Well I am a very outgoing spontaneous person. I love to go hiking, but basically anything that has me outside is just perfect. I have always wanted to go sky diving, not sure if I would actually go but you never know ;-). I eventually want to be a RN. I love the fact that I am not afraid to say what is on my mind, obviously in the right circumstances. The music I listen to is house, techno, and rock. Although I do listen to rap on occasions. If you want to know more just ask me! My names *** i'm a cool ass person and I know what i want. I just wanna have fun i'm young i live on my own, i work hard so I dont have time for dramaa. You should definately be financially stable cause like my daddy always said if you don't got no money take your broke ass home! lol I just wanna be real.. anything else u want to know hit me up Well i never really know what to put in here, the best way to find anything out is just message me and we can start chatting. But i can say i am a fun and free spirited kind of girl who likes to go with the flow. I love summer, the beach, and camping. Im a huge country music fan, but listen to most other kinds as well. Im also a big movie buff. Im majoring in Elementary Education/Human Development & Family Studies. I like staying active- whether its playing basketball, hiking, or kayaking. I also lovee animals
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 How would you tailor it? Like I said, a major problem I encounter is that a lot of girls in the 18-25 range have really short, really vague profiles; some are full of text speak and bad grammar. Consider that if they can't write an interesting profile using words and sentences with good grammar, and that you're complaining about this, that they may not be a good match for you anyway! my names ***** im 5'1 blonde hair brwn eyes.. im 20 yrs old.. ive had some pretty bad relationships and im just looking for that one guy that can make me happy again =).... im looking to get to know someone for a serious realationship or new friends so please dont waste my time sending me creepy msgs =) Hi Clare. I don't know any creepy messages. Tell me what makes you happy? I like bunnies. Also your speeling chucker is borken. (seriously, no, I wouldn't bother with this one. People who want someone to "make them happy" aren't people I want to date. Make yourself happy, then call me!) Well I am a very outgoing spontaneous person. I love to go hiking, but basically anything that has me outside is just perfect. I have always wanted to go sky diving, not sure if I would actually go but you never know ;-). I eventually want to be a RN. I love the fact that I am not afraid to say what is on my mind, obviously in the right circumstances. The music I listen to is house, techno, and rock. Although I do listen to rap on occasions. If you want to know more just ask me! Where did you go hiking last? I walked up Mt Thingy last month with some friends. Great views from the top! Do you have any more hiking plans for this summer? (This girl sounds adventurous plus she'll have a nurse uniform. Hard not to like her. Not sure I would like her taste in music, but I'm guessing she's half my age.) My names *** i'm a cool ass person and I know what i want. I just wanna have fun i'm young i live on my own, i work hard so I dont have time for dramaa. You should definately be financially stable cause like my daddy always said if you don't got no money take your broke ass home! lol I just wanna be real.. anything else u want to know hit me up Hi Kim, Good to hear about your work ethic. What do you do for a living? I'm a freelance blogger so as you can imagine your daddy wouldn't have any problem with me. (No, I wouldn't bother with her either.) Well i never really know what to put in here, the best way to find anything out is just message me and we can start chatting. But i can say i am a fun and free spirited kind of girl who likes to go with the flow. Hey, I know you didn't say much about yourself in your profile, but we both live in hicksville so I thought I'd say hi. Which side of town do you live in? I live near the docks. (No, I wouldn't bother with her either. She's either clueless or she's entirely aware that it's just her looks that pull in the guys. Neither is an attractive quality to me.) I love summer, the beach, and camping. Im a huge country music fan, but listen to most other kinds as well. Im also a big movie buff. Im majoring in Elementary Education/Human Development & Family Studies. I like staying active- whether its playing basketball, hiking, or kayaking. I also lovee animals What movies have you seen recently? I see that the National Film Theatre is showing BUtterfield 8. Have you seen it? It's the one where Elizabeth Taylor won her first Oscar. Also love hiking, I walked up Mt Thingy last month with some friends. Great views from the top! Do you have any more hiking plans for this summer? (This girl sounds interesting... There's loads in her profile you could ask about, so pick something you have in common.)
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Consider that if they can't write an interesting profile using words and sentences with good grammar, and that you're complaining about this, that they may not be a good match for you anyway! Hi Clare. I don't know any creepy messages. Tell me what makes you happy? I like bunnies. Also your speeling chucker is borken. (seriously, no, I wouldn't bother with this one. People who want someone to "make them happy" aren't people I want to date. Make yourself happy, then call me!) Where did you go hiking last? I walked up Mt Thingy last month with some friends. Great views from the top! Do you have any more hiking plans for this summer? (This girl sounds adventurous plus she'll have a nurse uniform. Hard not to like her. Not sure I would like her taste in music, but I'm guessing she's half my age.) Hi Kim, Good to hear about your work ethic. What do you do for a living? I'm a freelance blogger so as you can imagine your daddy wouldn't have any problem with me. (No, I wouldn't bother with her either.) Hey, I know you didn't say much about yourself in your profile, but we both live in hicksville so I thought I'd say hi. Which side of town do you live in? I live near the docks. (No, I wouldn't bother with her either. She's either clueless or she's entirely aware that it's just her looks that pull in the guys. Neither is an attractive quality to me.) What movies have you seen recently? I see that the National Film Theatre is showing BUtterfield 8. Have you seen it? It's the one where Elizabeth Taylor won her first Oscar. Also love hiking, I walked up Mt Thingy last month with some friends. Great views from the top! Do you have any more hiking plans for this summer? (This girl sounds interesting... There's loads in her profile you could ask about, so pick something you have in common.) You just dismissed the majority of girls I picked because they sounded shallow or vapid. Don't you get it? I don't have that option to dismiss them; they're cute so they qualify.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 You just dismissed the majority of girls I picked because they sounded shallow or vapid. Don't you get it? I don't have that option to dismiss them; they're cute so they qualify. Yeah, sorry. I couldn't think what to write to them. Maybe I'd need to see the photos for better motivation. (just kidding) Do you really want to date someone who sounds shallow or vapid? The girl who basically wrote nothing might as well get your original wording without any modifications... she's really given nothing to go on unless there's something in the photos to ask about... like "Is that your cat? She's cute." or "which lake is that behind you in the third photo?" I also realise I was supposed to be tailoring your original message. In my defence: I used the comma.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Yeah, sorry. I couldn't think what to write to them. Maybe I'd need to see the photos for better motivation. (just kidding) Do you really want to date someone who sounds shallow or vapid? Once again, they're cute so they qualify.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Once again, they're cute so they qualify. Ok. So either go with your generic message for a 10 to 15% response rate, or pick something you like but you're not sure if she likes and take a chance and ask her if she likes it. Hopefully someone else can suggest how to write to these girls, since I'm out of ideas now.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 I've compiled my list; of 470+ girls age 18-25 within 25 miles of me, I could only find 37 that I found attractive and have been online in the past 30 days. Any suggestions to sharpen my messages for these girls? Cuz if my Seattle, Chicago and Raleigh experience holds true, I can really only expect 3 or 4 of these girls to respond then.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Well I've been doing some marketing, soooo In marketing, what you do is you make up some original message and then send it out to x people. So say you send it out to 1000 people, and you get 100 responses back. Great, 10% response rate. Then you say, well I'm going to try message y and message x, and see if one is doing better than the other. So if x does better than y, well then you go with message x. Rinse repeat. That would be the benefit of non-personalized messages, or messages that are easily repeatable. The disadvantage is, well... if you personalize the message it makes it more personable. It makes it seem like you are really interested in the girl. To girls, does he actually like me is a big deal. That's why the internet is so difficult! So I guess those are the advantages of each approach.
TuffCookieX Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 In my POF profile, I wrote that I hate generic messages. They usually lie and say "your profile says so much about you and I think that we'd really get along." Well if you actually READ my about me, you'd see it actually barely says ANYTHING about who I am. And also that I never respond to generic messages that are sent to just anyone.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 But ... you really AREN'T interested in ANYTHING about ANY girls except for the remote possibility that one of them that you find attractive might fall for some of your lines and give up some casual sex for you. Am I correct? I am pretty sure that you are so clumsy socially that every girl can tell that your lines are not for real. You are not "smooth" enough to get girls to desire to just have sex with you. I'm sorry ... but there are lots of guys in that same boat. I don't think casual sex is bad or wrong, but you seem determined to somehow make girls have it with you. Dude. They have to CHOOSE you. It's not gonna happen. Unless you start with an actual interest in stuff about girls (besides what's between their legs), you aren't going to get any farther than you have already gotten. Nothing will have changed. If you aren't offering what girls find DESIRABLE for casual sex partners - and you are NOT - then you are probably going to have to either develop an interest in establishing an actual relationship with a girl (one that involves giving her what SHE wants from YOU, as well as you getting what you want from her), or getting financially fit enough to pay professionals for sex.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 In my POF profile, I wrote that I hate generic messages. They usually lie and say "your profile says so much about you and I think that we'd really get along." Well if you actually READ my about me, you'd see it actually barely says ANYTHING about who I am. And also that I never respond to generic messages that are sent to just anyone. So you're the perfect study subject for this thread! If your profile barely says anything, and you also don't care for generic messages, what messages do you get that catch your eye?
TuffCookieX Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 So you're the perfect study subject for this thread! If your profile barely says anything, and you also don't care for generic messages, what messages do you get that catch your eye? The clever ones. Or messages that actually confirm that they have read my profile. For example.... I have written: I'm a firm believer in PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) and I'll eat pretty much anything. Those who have cared to actually read my profile will usually laugh at that line or add more humor to it. Most people can't get past the first half of my profile with the pictures because they can't stop drooling. But that means they are only into the physical aspect.. and dating for me, is more emotional than anything else. Rarely I have replied to messages that just say "hey" but only because something about their profile really sparks my interest.
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 In my POF profile, I wrote that I hate generic messages. They usually lie and say "your profile says so much about you and I think that we'd really get along." Well if you actually READ my about me, you'd see it actually barely says ANYTHING about who I am. And also that I never respond to generic messages that are sent to just anyone. Maybe put somewhere in your profile, I will only respond to messages with the word "Zoink" somewhere in the subject...or some arbitrary nontraditional message subject word
TuffCookieX Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Maybe put somewhere in your profile, I will only respond to messages with the word "Zoink" somewhere in the subject...or some arbitrary nontraditional message subject word Not a bad idea!
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Maybe put somewhere in your profile, I will only respond to messages with the word "Zoink" somewhere in the subject...or some arbitrary nontraditional message subject word I've seen this in a profile on OKC. It wasn't "Zoink" but the same idea.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 The clever ones. Or messages that actually confirm that they have read my profile. For example.... I have written: I'm a firm believer in PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) and I'll eat pretty much anything. Yum! Tasty animals are the best kind.
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