rock&hardplace Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I most certainly have some sort of delusional jealousy and need help with it. At the beginning of my current relationship, I was terrorised by my partner's first girlfriend "S.". She would make no secret of hating me, telling me "he doesn't love you, you're just his new thing, you're disposable, nothing he says to you is real", as well as sending me old pictures of them kissing and old sweet messages he sent to her. Online I blocked her everywhere I could, causing her to make numerous false email addresses to be able to terrorise me more, sending me essays of emails telling me how little I meant to him. Knowing she was just jealous and acting really pathetic, it still got to me. I tried talking to my partner about all of it, but felt bad because it seemed like I was "doubting his loyalty" -- which I never have. I always trusted him, I always knew he loved me and wasn't interested in her, and that never had anything to do with how I feel about S. and the things she did. Constantly needing support and reassurance, my partner started getting tired of it and made this clear to me as well -- just like everyone else I tried to confide in. Everyone told/still tells me "stop being so obsessed, be realistic, stop overreacting". I know I overreact. I know nothing I feel is realistic... But I still have almost daily nightmares including S. and I can't deal with it anymore. I decided to stop talking to people about what S. did and how it's still making me feel, in fear of losing everyone to my delusions. S. went to the same school I went to and when I graduated, my main relief was not having to see her anymore. A couple of instances occurred where she attempted to contact me but not much happened since. I expected my anxiety and irrational fears to disappear, but they've only gotten worse -- so much worse to the point that Adele's song "Someone Like You" (a song about an ex-girlfriend showing up at her married ex-boyfriend's house, telling him not to forget her) makes me extremely angry and feel genuine resentment towards Adele, causing me not to want to listen to any of her songs anymore. Ridiculous, irrational, but unfortunately very true and it's dragging me down. I've never been cheated on, and yet every time I'm at my boyfriend's house and get something from the basement at night, I geniunely think S. will be hiding in a corner somewhere. Now, to make matters worse, my partner will be starting a new job at the school S. still goes to. I'm in pieces, but my partner knows nothing of it. I was supportive and happy for him when he told me, but broke down as soon as I got home. I don't exactly know what scares me about it; my partner loves me and I haven't heard anything from/about S. in months. My mother works at the same school and if anything were to happen, which it wouldn't, she'd be there to see it. Just knowing he'll be in the same building as S. makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do anymore or how to cope with it. My irrational, delusional fears are pushing everyone away from me. If people tell me "be realistic, there's nothing to be afraid of" I get even more angry. As said, I've never been cheated on before but I always have been very dominant and "territorial" in relationships. I don't really have insecurity issues; I don't mind meeting new people or doing something on my own and I don't have a negative self-image. Is there anyone out there who has had similar experiences and knows of a way to deal with it? Or should I just go to counseling? Is it even worth being in a relationship if I beat myself up about things that don't exist? Ugh.
Professor X Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 There are a few courses of action: 1. Go to counseling (you've said it's been a few months since last contact). 2. Beat the hell out of her next time she contacts you. 3. Legal actions - get a restraining order given that you still got the proof that she "terrorized" you. 4. All of the above. P.S. for what its worth, you are not overreacting in my opinion. That ex' sounds massively damaged; I guess your BF did some numbers on her.
Recommended Posts