without Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 after breaking up with my bf,i've lost my confidence,cuz i never saw that coming and i don't know the reason of it not working.(maybe he just lost his interest in me suddenly,or he's depresssed)... I don't know how to get into a good relationship..i think it may just be like the relationship i had,suudenly lose interest in me....any advice?
betterdeal Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I think you just have to try again, be open and accept there is a risk, but there are good times to be had as well in any relationship, even if it doesn't last forever. What's also important is that you have other interests and things that you care about. If you meet someone who, likewise, has their own interests (could be hang-gliding, literature, yoga, fishing - whatever) it's more likely your relationship will last longer, because we need to have things to do, to keep us occupied. If those things are compatible with you, that's what will make it work. Does that make sense?
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 One thing I have learned is both people need have to have their own interests. Yes you can share interests with each other but both of you should have something outside of the relationship separate from each other that make each of you happy. I have learned that in the end you are responsible for your own happiness. And your significant other is responsible for their happiness. If you are happy with yourself and they are unhappy with themselves and using you to gain happiness in their life, then its not going to work in the long run. If you are out having fun and happy with yourself, you will meet someone that is the same. No one goes and talks to the sad lonely girl because most people do not want that in their life unless they are desperate. Dont give up, heal from this and it can only get better.
Author without Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 betterdeal,To have something to keep us occupied seperately?.. wilsonx,yeah so right..I remember at first i was happy and dependent but little by little he made me like himself,wanting my happiness from him... Thanks so much,guys.
betterdeal Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Yeah, just having things that you do or are interested in that are independent of the other person, just like wilsonx has said too.
Author without Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Uhum,so what makes someone suddenly lose interest in you?maybe because he wants to find happiness in you?
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I just thought about that, i dont know. They think something better comes along and want to give it a shot. Don't beat yourself over it, if your ex gave you a nice gaslighting when he broke up with you, ignore everything that was said in it. The answer is they probably do not know who they are or what they want in life. Do you? If you know who you are and what you want out of life then you will be happy. You will see the same qualities in other people once you see them in yourself and those are the type of people you associate yourself with
Author without Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks wilsonx,i hope you're right.yeah i know.
radiodarcy Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 One thing I have learned is both people need have to have their own interests. Yes you can share interests with each other but both of you should have something outside of the relationship separate from each other that make each of you happy. I have learned that in the end you are responsible for your own happiness. And your significant other is responsible for their happiness. If you are happy with yourself and they are unhappy with themselves and using you to gain happiness in their life, then its not going to work in the long run. agreed. i was so wrapped up in him i forgot all about myself and neglected my interests because i put his interests above mine. since he dumped me i've been re-discovering those interests and have developed a deeper appreciation for them. i didn't start doing that right away - - i was too depressed and upset. but once i worked through those feelings i was able to focus on my interests and it has really helped to build my confidence. i'm still not ready to date. but once i am - - i think i'll have a stronger sense of self which will help me better trust my instincts and seek out healthier relationships.
onlyafool Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Uhum,so what makes someone suddenly lose interest in you? Could be a multitude of things, nobody can really tell you for sure. I had this happen to me recently, but I didn't let it bother me too much because I had a life outside the relationship..ie my own hobbies, friends, events, etc.. Now that doesn't mean I didn't involve her in any of those things ever. I totally did...but I also made sure that I had other things in my life that made me happy and I didn't rely solely on her for my happiness. That's a lesson I learned long ago.
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