blueline Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) I asked out something like 40 girls in the last year and a half (started as a total virgin) and got with 7 of them. It's not that I want to break girl's hearts, it's that I just keep getting used for sex and they're kind of breaking my heart. I never rush into things, most of the girls that I've been with commented that I had a great personality. One of the girls who was typically stoic started bawling when I dumped her because she wanted to sleep next to me every night yet still have sex with other dudes on the side; that whole thing left me entirely baffled. Then she had sex with my best friend a few days after we had our falling out, which pretty much caused me to lose another person from my life because I can't trust the guy. The current girl I'm having sex with before I leave this state to start grad school in a few weeks physically repulses me, but appears to be in love with me as much as the only girl that's ever loved me that I know of (the girl that's now dating a famous actor). It's kinda terrifying how fast she had the 'define the relationship' conversation. I'd like a relationship, just not with someone I am entirely unattracted to and not when I'm about to move 150 miles away in a few weeks. I just managed to abuse probability and got a taste of things I shouldn't really get. This constant stream of rejection after rejection until I get some girl that wants to use me or is totally batsh*t insane is driving my self-esteem into the ground. I was probably more hopeful and less depressed as a virgin a year and a half ago. I've had something like 5 unattractive girls attempt to initiate conversations on OKC when I move to my new city. I might take one of them out because I'm at this point of not caring anymore. Edited July 22, 2011 by blueline
Nexus One Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) How do you react when you find out those girls have merely been using you for sex? (other than dumping them) And what's their response? Edited July 22, 2011 by Nexus One
sm1tten Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Why is it "heartbreaking" for you to be used for sex but apparently okay for you to sleep with and go out with girls you find unattractive to boost your ego?
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 This is confusing. A few things: 1. Don't date someone you're not attracted to. Totally not fair to anyone. Try to break up with this girl as nicely as possible (don't tell her you never found her attractive; that's just mean). And don't do it again. 2. The girl who started crying and wanted to sleep with other guys, including your friends, sounds crazy. Do you date a lot of crazy people? That can be a problem. Are you attracted to The Crazy? 3. If you don't want to be "used for sex," don't have sex till you're in a relationship with someone you're mad about. Girls don't generally put a lot of effort into using a guy for sex. . . that'd be kind of stupid.
KathyM Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I asked out something like 40 girls in the last year and a half (started as a total virgin) and got with 7 of them. It's not that I want to break girl's hearts, it's that I just keep getting used for sex and they're kind of breaking my heart. I never rush into things, most of the girls that I've been with commented that I had a great personality. One of the girls who was typically stoic started bawling when I dumped her because she wanted to sleep next to me every night yet still have sex with other dudes on the side; that whole thing left me entirely baffled. Then she had sex with my best friend a few days after we had our falling out, which pretty much caused me to lose another person from my life because I can't trust the guy. The current girl I'm having sex with before I leave this state to start grad school in a few weeks physically repulses me, but appears to be in love with me as much as the only girl that's ever loved me that I know of (the girl that's now dating a famous actor). It's kinda terrifying how fast she had the 'define the relationship' conversation. I'd like a relationship, just not with someone I am entirely unattracted to and not when I'm about to move 150 miles away in a few weeks. I just managed to abuse probability and got a taste of things I shouldn't really get. This constant stream of rejection after rejection until I get some girl that wants to use me or is totally batsh*t insane is driving my self-esteem into the ground. I was probably more hopeful and less depressed as a virgin a year and a half ago. I've had something like 5 unattractive girls attempt to initiate conversations on OKC when I move to my new city. I might take one of them out because I'm at this point of not caring anymore. Do the girl a favor, and yourself, and don't start anything with someone you are not attracted to. You are just using them for sex, and it is no wonder your self esteem has taken a hit in the process.
Author blueline Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) How do you react when you find out those girls have merely been using you for sex? (other than dumping them) And what's their response? I usually am totally chill about it and let them just carry forward. For example, there was one girl that had sex with me several times over the span of a month and the last time I tried to hook up with her she said she likes hooking up but that she doesn't want to lead me on. I responded by telling her it was totally cool and we could be friends if she wanted to be. With another girl, she wanted to be friends with benefits right from the beginning, but we started seeing each other every night within a week of first hooking up over the span of two months and spent weekends doing things besides sex. I feel like I knew the line was crossed when this girl would text me every single day and get perturbed when I took a while to respond, call me all these lame pet names, introduce me to her friends, sleep next to me every night, ask me not to go out with friends to bars to meet new women, she was generally clingy like a girlfriend, and she got really emotional (like I said, she was a very stoic personality, otherwise) when it looked like I was gonna dump her over something she said early on. I forgot to mention that this girl had never had a boyfriend or been in love at 21 after having sex with 20 guys in her past. After two months, when she told me it was OK to have sex with other girls so long as she didn't find out, I kinda snapped because of what that statement implied. I had no intention to have sex with other girls and what caused the whole incident was recounting a story of how I recently turned another girl down because I really liked this chick. When I told something like that to my ex-girlfriend once, we laughed about it and it probably made her feel special, who knows. She loved hearing about that kind of thing. I wasn't very cool/level headed about finding out that I was being used for sex and validation. I felt insanely guilty for dumping someone that was never exactly mean to me after watching her cry about this, constantly would cook for me, and was always really enjoyable to spend time with. I apologized for it and offered to take her back as a f*ckbuddy exactly like she wanted, but she said she'd never do that again. After finding out that she hooked up with my best friend just days after we split, I felt like I was just run over by a truck. Do I chase crazy women? Hell no. I just feel like attractive girls have to be slightly insane to want anything to do with me. I've asked out tons of sane girls that I got along with really well. The only thing holding them back is my physical appearance, which I guess slightly insane girls will look past. I might not be attracted to the current girl I'm hooking up with, but she's got such a great personality that makes her fun to hang out with. I can have sex with basically anybody, but I'm not sure I could be in love with a girl I was unattracted to. Besides, she's literally got 8 days left with me before she goes back home for the summer. This wouldn't be happening otherwise. I don't really plan on asking out tons of girls when I start classes in a few weeks. I know what it looks like when some girl is into me and things just end up happening without even asking them out sometimes. I think moving out of my mom's house and having my own place might help. Edited July 22, 2011 by blueline
verhrzn Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 You still didn't answer why it's such a horrible thing for you to get used for sex, but it's a-ok to sleep with someone you're not even attracted to and don't want to date. Additionally, it doesn't sound like they were using you for sex in any way, at least no more so than you were using them. The first girl sounds like you and she had a friends with benefits, and then she realized she might be getting too emotional so did the proper thing and backed off. The second girl, is sounds like she DID want to date you, and it was YOU who didn't want her as a girlfriend. Lastly, my impression, which I grant you is just from your posts, is that you might come off as a player. More experienced girls have taken the lesson to heart that you can't change a player, and you can't make a player fall in love with you. So, they're only good for one thing. And why not use them for it, since it is also all they want out of you.
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