mla110v Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 All I think to myself is why? Why was I so dumb? I should have saw the signs I should have known...... It all started back in April I was engaged to a horrible man and I am so glade I didn't marry him. I broke it off in April and was devastated. I thought I had lost my love of my life. I went into a hole of depression. Now I work in the military and one of my coworkers was going through a very bad divorce. He was kicked out of his house and living in the barracks. Now I need to state I am 19 with one year in. He is 26 with 8 years in; he is senior to me. But I am also the only lower ranking person in my division so no one treats me different. We started hanging out a lot. Him and I were a lot alike. We liked the same bands we were going though a lot of the same stuff and to me I never thought of him as anything more then a friend. He thought differently. But he was such a nice guy I was thinking well why not? Now I broke a lot of my rules to be with this guy. 1. Dating a guy I work with. 2. Dating a guy with a child with the mother still living 3 Dating a guy while he was in the middle of a divorce. I have these rules for a reason and sure enough I should not have broken them. He was the best guy I had ever dated he treated me like a princess. I helped him out A LOT with his child and let him borrow my brand new car A LOT to pick up his son. He even lived at my place for about a month and a half. This man was so serious about "us" that he gave me his wedding ring one morning and told me to get rid of it and he never wanted to see it again. Now his ex is a crazy fat mean person. Every single person I have met who has met her has never said one good thing about her. ever. They would always fight and he said they have been together 7 years married 6 and have been happy for 1. He told me he would never EVER go back to her. Well I guess he's a liar. Because that is exactly what he did but well without breaking up with me first. I had talked to him on the phone one night concerned about our relationship. He said we were fine, he has just been busy, that he cared for me and that he wanted to be with me. For three days after that night I called and texted him no answer. The fourth day I get a call from him. The phone is on speaker. "She knows about us." What!? What do you mean you? How did she find out?" " I told her" Then I hear a new voice "her" voice. "B!t#h I don't know who the f&ck you think you are sleeping with a married man no matter what his status! You better be prepared!" All I knew was that she was a psycho so I had to call my command. As far as I know he may be kicked out of the military soon for this. All I want to know is why? He told me I was better in every way. I know he wasn't just using me. I know he had feelings. I know he wanted to keep me just in case it didn't work out with her. Maybe it was the kid. Both the kid and her were leaving at the end of the month. He could have ruined my career with. Why would he do it?
0hpenelope Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Oh, boy. This sounds more complicated than just a "break up." A guy in the middle of a divorce? It's probably the child and the fact that he was in a long-term relationship with her. Either way, it's probably really complicated. Although with this: Now his ex is a crazy fat mean person. Every single person I have met who has met her has never said one good thing about her. ever. I'm not sure if demeaning her to validate your position will help out long-term. Not to say that I have never done something like this, but after my lap around that block, I feel like it's much better to come off as the better person, which does include not talking down about anyone even if the general consensus is a dislike for the person. I can understand why you're saying that, however: you're coming from a place of anger, disappointment, and a lot of hurt. So this is one way of expressing your feelings. I also think it's to illustrate how she is considered a "psycho," but I do not think it's got anything to do with being fat. I just want to point it out so that perhaps, you'll be more mindful of it in the future and not make it a habit. Being classy never hurts. If she's mean, then she has things going on with her that no one knows about, probably not even her husband. I don't want to speculate too much at this point about her meanness and her "crazy" so I'll stop here. Don't sink to that level of meanness. If it's a way of coping that's understandable, but let it go, too. The problem isn't her or you in the break up, really. It's your ex. I'll play the Assumption Game with you if playing with scenarios will help. Even though you were "better than her in every way" and you showed him how life can be like with a good woman, maybe it was hard for him to completely break away from the familiar & the comfortable, which is entirely his choice to make. Maybe he meant all of those things that he said to you, but then he changed his mind. He can change his mind and feelings, even though doing so hurt you. Maybe he just wanted to see how it would be like without her, didn't like it, and went back to her. Maybe he really wants to work things out because he realized he still loves her and they can try again. Maybe. Maybe. Too many "maybes." I don't like it and I think you don't, either. You know... he hurt both of you. And you're the one with the boundaries. It's okay that you broke your rules, you know? You took a risk because you thought it could work out with him. Now you know that those rules will save you from future heartache and you will trust yourself more the next time around. If your picture of his wife is accurate and he went back to that, well then... why would you want that kind of guy back? At the same time, he cheated on her but she still took him back? You're rid of him. Good. I can't even imagine how life may be like for you, if you ended up with him in the long run and you had to deal with his "psycho ex" every day, for as long as you were with him. You have great things going on for you. You'll attract someone good to you and this guy is not it.
69ways Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Babes you broke your rules.......... Why on earth did you do that.... Just keep everything to the colleague level, avoid discussions or contact with him other than work. Also don't contact him , he clearly likes his wife more thank you... You did nothing wrong.
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