Does he love me or is he here out of obligation

[Sunflower22]

I have been married to my husband for a short two years. We have a 15 month old daughter and a baby due in December. Just recently we went through a very rough patch where he was actually bringing up divorce and was being very negative toward me. I thought he was cheating. It was a terrible month for me I didn't know what he was thinking but he seemed distant and very unhappy. Now we have both let go of the past in an effort to save our marriage. He is being more involved and pleasant. He is making an effort but I am just not sure if he is doing it out of obligation or love. I am only 32 and although I love him and want it to work I don't want to wake up to a man in 10 years who tells me he doesn't love me and hasn't but stuck around for the kids. That would be time wasted for everyone. He is being more loving but so am I. However, at times things just don't seem as secure or the same. We had plans to move to a bigger house which was our major goal and that seems to have went south. I feel like we are on probation or something it's rediculous. I am not stressing him about anything right now cause things have been really good for about a week. I have decided not to talk to him about moving forward or serious matters for several months and I'd prefer he come to me. Now tonight he did say his ultimate plan is that at some point we will move. Right now I'm trying to be pleasant and positive and just take day by day. At least I'm not upset and were not arguing everyday. I just doubt his love for me and I feel like he's changing his mind about the family we planned together. He really wanted this new baby he wanted me to rush to pregnancy and some days I truly think he regrets it. Now I will say that thongs are difinetly hard right now cause we both work, take care of a house, and take care of a very active child. At the end of the day it's a lot different then being single. He is 39 and before we got married he was always single never wanted a serious girlfriend and had casual relationships. When he was tired of a girl he just stopped calling her so he says. I always thought this strange bc inhale a large close family. When he met me he made a lot of changes bc he said he was ready to settle down get married and he wanted a family. Now I'm wondering if he regrets it all. Only he can't take it back and I just don't know what to do. I think he thinks this is his lott in life so he has to live with it but I want a happy husband. He tells me he always shows up for the job which he does and he's a good dad but I want him to want to be there. I'm not sure why the sudden change.

 

Thanks

[Tethys]

My heart goes out to you sunflower. It sounds like things are a bit shakey. Have you talked to a therapist? I would recommend it to at least have someone to talk to about how you're feeling.

[The Blue Knight]

It's hard to say what's going through his mind. My theory is that the more sexually promiscuous and casual a man is about dating and relationships prior to settling down, the more difficult it will be when he settles down. I worked with a guy who told me a few years ago over coffee that he had loved other women more than he loved his current wife, but when he met her he knew it was time to settle down. I'm a guy and that even freaked me out. Obviously I felt awful for his wife upon hearing that. He was a player and cheated on her continually and eventually she found out and divorced him. So yes there are both male and females who are like that sad as it is to admit. People settle in relationships rather than look for what they really want and then the problems start to arise later.

 

 

 

I have been married to my husband for a short two years. We have a 15 month old daughter and a baby due in December. Just recently we went through a very rough patch where he was actually bringing up divorce and was being very negative toward me. I thought he was cheating. It was a terrible month for me I didn't know what he was thinking but he seemed distant and very unhappy. Now we have both let go of the past in an effort to save our marriage. He is being more involved and pleasant. He is making an effort but I am just not sure if he is doing it out of obligation or love. I am only 32 and although I love him and want it to work I don't want to wake up to a man in 10 years who tells me he doesn't love me and hasn't but stuck around for the kids. That would be time wasted for everyone. He is being more loving but so am I. However, at times things just don't seem as secure or the same. We had plans to move to a bigger house which was our major goal and that seems to have went south. I feel like we are on probation or something it's rediculous. I am not stressing him about anything right now cause things have been really good for about a week. I have decided not to talk to him about moving forward or serious matters for several months and I'd prefer he come to me. Now tonight he did say his ultimate plan is that at some point we will move. Right now I'm trying to be pleasant and positive and just take day by day. At least I'm not upset and were not arguing everyday. I just doubt his love for me and I feel like he's changing his mind about the family we planned together. He really wanted this new baby he wanted me to rush to pregnancy and some days I truly think he regrets it. Now I will say that thongs are difinetly hard right now cause we both work, take care of a house, and take care of a very active child. At the end of the day it's a lot different then being single. He is 39 and before we got married he was always single never wanted a serious girlfriend and had casual relationships. When he was tired of a girl he just stopped calling her so he says. I always thought this strange bc inhale a large close family. When he met me he made a lot of changes bc he said he was ready to settle down get married and he wanted a family. Now I'm wondering if he regrets it all. Only he can't take it back and I just don't know what to do. I think he thinks this is his lott in life so he has to live with it but I want a happy husband. He tells me he always shows up for the job which he does and he's a good dad but I want him to want to be there. I'm not sure why the sudden change.

 

Thanks