maudiorocks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 As a guy I obviously get none. I was wondering what the ladies are getting?
Rinas Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 When I was on POF, I got 56 mails withing 1-3 hours. However, I decided to close said profile up afterwards. Any woman who has been on POF would understand some of the terrible mail one could get. Mail some people!
manders_01 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 On OKC, since beginning of May, I've gotten maybe 7 total including instant messages.
somedude81 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) On OKC, since beginning of May, I've gotten maybe 7 total including instant messages. If both you and Rinas used your avatar as a picture on your OKC profile those numbers would make sense. So manders did you have a picture of you up? Tottaly off-topic but I just went through six pages of women in my area on OKC and 70% are overweight. Seriously WTF? Edited July 22, 2011 by somedude81
manders_01 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If both you and Rinas used your avatar as a picture on your OKC profile those numbers would make sense. So manders did you have a picture of you up? Tottaly off-topic but I just went through six pages of women in my area on OKC and 70% are overweight. Seriously WTF? I have several pictures including one that's only my body (no head) and another full body pic, both proof that I am not overweight.
Rinas Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If both you and Rinas used your avatar as a picture on your OKC profile those numbers would make sense. So manders did you have a picture of you up? Tottaly off-topic but I just went through six pages of women in my area on OKC and 70% are overweight. Seriously WTF? I had a few photos, avatar included. However, I met someone else through another way, so I closed up profile for now. Don't think I have enough trust for online men. I looked through the pages of women, and there were many gorgeous thin ones here. Time to move somedude!
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 yeah I threw up a profile on plenty of fish of an average looking girl. She got something like 120 messages in under 3 days, with a significant amount of those happening within 36 hours. Also a ton of "x guy wants to meet you". I think there were 80 in there by sunday (profile was made friday nightish). It's incredibly not fair, I know. Oh like 90% of the messages are hey or hi in the subject material, and nothing of substance in the actual message.
Emilia Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 yeah I threw up a profile on plenty of fish of an average looking girl. She got something like 120 messages in under 3 days, with a significant amount of those happening within 36 hours. Also a ton of "x guy wants to meet you". I think there were 80 in there by sunday (profile was made friday nightish). It's incredibly not fair, I know. Oh like 90% of the messages are hey or hi in the subject material, and nothing of substance in the actual message. new meat, that's all
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 When I was in my 30's, I'd get 100 a week, but I lived in Atlanta. Big city. Mostly stupid emails. In my new location, I get 30 or 40 a week, when I post pictures. Much smaller pool, and frankly much lower quality too. Again, mostly stupid emails where they haven't read my profile at all. I pulled my pictures down, and basically made a request that I would initiate contact with them if I were interested... That did increase the quality of interactions a great deal... but unfortunately, not the quality of men. So, I've decided not to date online anymore... I might try it again when I move to a different location. But probably not. I think it is for losers.
realisticbound Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 new meat, that's all Right. That seems to happen initially, I doubt anyone is getting a 150 messages per week continously.
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 It depends how active I'm on the site. The first time or first time in a long time away I put up new profile gets more messages for obvious reason (the site shows it more + none of the guys have seen or messaged me yet)---on those, 20 or so a day wouldn't be uncommon. Towards the time I met my BF, I wasn't getting more than a handful a week. But the profile had been up for 4 months and I was barely logging in.
radiodarcy Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 i don't do online dating anymore but when i did i only got a handful a week - - like 5 -7. that's it. to be honest i wasn't really trying - - i only put up one picture. i put some thought into what i wrote but most people didn't seem to be interested in what i had to say.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 i don't do online dating anymore but when i did i only got a handful a week - - like 5 -7. that's it. to be honest i wasn't really trying - - i only put up one picture. i put some thought into what i wrote but most people didn't seem to be interested in what i had to say. I find that it's a medium that works well if you have enough pictures for someone to get a sense of what you look like as well as a clue about at least one activity you enjoy doing. Hard to do that with one photo.
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I dont know if this helps or hinders the actual quality guys on the website....when I've done online dating, it is an actual message, asking a couple questions, trying to make a joke and to show that I'm genuinely interested... now either the crappy messages will really make my messages stand out...or mine could accidentally get lumped with the massive deletion of messages, which is why I always tried to tie my message subject header to something from their profile
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 My complaint about onlined dating is more structural than personal. In real life, we have a multitude of 'filters' that give us some confidence in the underlying acceptability of someone to date. This is not the case in online dating. This is a bigger problem for women than it is for men. Without getting into a man-bashing rant... it is just fundamentally the case that men are the ones who are more likely to be violent, have a history of drug/alcohol dependency, a criminal record, or be sexually promiscuous. These tendencies translate to many other behaviors that are almost as negative. I'm hoping someone invents an online dating site that requires a background check, credit report, and annual STD test results in order to remain an active member... That would certainly be a good start. Opening myself up to anyone that possibly has the above characteristics for even one day has proven more hassle than it is worth. Really is draining.
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 My complaint about onlined dating is more structural than personal. In real life, we have a multitude of 'filters' that give us some confidence in the underlying acceptability of someone to date. This is not the case in online dating. This is a bigger problem for women than it is for men. Without getting into a man-bashing rant... it is just fundamentally the case that men are the ones who are more likely to be violent, have a history of drug/alcohol dependency, a criminal record, or be sexually promiscuous. These tendencies translate to many other behaviors that are almost as negative. I'm hoping someone invents an online dating site that requires a background check, credit report, and annual STD test results in order to remain an active member... That would certainly be a good start. Opening myself up to anyone that possibly has the above characteristics for even one day has proven more hassle than it is worth. Really is draining. Don't disagree with anything you said, and I am a man myself...I imagine places like eharmony and match.com have less men on their just looking for sex....dont mind your idea for the dating site check...Id pass all of those with flying colors!
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Without getting into a man-bashing rant... it is just fundamentally the case that men are the ones who are more likely to be violent, have a history of drug/alcohol dependency, a criminal record, or be sexually promiscuous. These tendencies translate to many other behaviors that are almost as negative. How do you figure this? Those sexually promiscuous guys are having sex with someone. (Maybe it's other guys - that would support your theory!)
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 My complaint about onlined dating is more structural than personal. In real life, we have a multitude of 'filters' that give us some confidence in the underlying acceptability of someone to date. This is not the case in online dating. This is a bigger problem for women than it is for men. Without getting into a man-bashing rant... it is just fundamentally the case that men are the ones who are more likely to be violent, have a history of drug/alcohol dependency, a criminal record, or be sexually promiscuous. These tendencies translate to many other behaviors that are almost as negative. I'm hoping someone invents an online dating site that requires a background check, credit report, and annual STD test results in order to remain an active member... That would certainly be a good start. Opening myself up to anyone that possibly has the above characteristics for even one day has proven more hassle than it is worth. Really is draining. Doesn't seem any different than real life. As a man, I find online dating to be a hassle because you essentially have to read through a bunch of profiles write well thought out messages just to get no responses. Now, I don't want to knock your concerns about dangerous men, but honestly, those men are getting dates right now as we speak, often without having to resort to online dating. Your idea about a dating site that requires STD tests, background checks etc., would end up being a very expensive one. As such it will most likely cater to the 30+ upper middle and upper class individuals who probably wouldn't even need online dating in the first place. I don't think you're "man bashing", I just think you're overly paranoid.
oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I'm hoping someone invents an online dating site that requires a background check, credit report, and annual STD test results in order to remain an active member... That would certainly be a good start. Maybe there's business opportunity here! Are you saying they would get kicked off the site if the checks/reports/tests came back with bad news? or that the results are disclosed to potential matches?
somedude81 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I'm hoping someone invents an online dating site that requires a background check, credit report, and annual STD test results in order to remain an active member... That would certainly be a good start. I'd also like it to cover how many relationships they've been in, why they ended and how much time there was between them.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 How do you figure this? Those sexually promiscuous guys are having sex with someone. (Maybe it's other guys - that would support your theory!) 1) Our culture supports and actively encourages men to be promiscuous, making it much more likely. 2) Our culture also encourages men to be sexual with women over a very large age range. They can date much younger or older (if they are so inclined) without any sort of consequence or stigma. So, the idea that there is only a limited number of women for every promiscuous hetero man doesn't really apply.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Maybe there's business opportunity here! Are you saying they would get kicked off the site if the checks/reports/tests came back with bad news? or that the results are disclosed to potential matches? Yes, I think it would be a good business opportunity... One that people definately would pay for. I would. Alot of my 30+ middle/upper class friends (both male and female) have been reluctant to try online dating because of these concerns. Or they leave shortly afterwards seeing the low quality, like I have. I can imagine having to go through some steps before being allowed to update a subscription. If they pass, then they are allowed to renew. Sure, there will be a few that slip through. The ones that got the DWI or contracted something during the subscription period... you'd still have to do some screening... but it would definately get rid of most problems. To the other poster... Not paranoid on my part. Quite the opposite. These are things that have been voluntarily disclosed to me early in the discussions. Nice of them to be upfront... but I'm not a 'fixer-upper'. In real-life, they wouldn't get in the front door, much less occupy a chair next to me. Tried it... I'm done. Edited July 22, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
Sabian Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 It's extremely frustrating as a guy on these dating sites. I put a ton of thought and effort into my messages and only send them to girls I'm genuinely interested in as a person. The fact that all these other morons are out there spamming these women with profane suggestions and short "Hi, you're hot" messages really pisses me off. Mostly because I now get lumped in with these cavemen and have probably had more than one of my few messages deleted or ignored because of it. That being said, I have gotten 8 or so messages from girls who I did not contact first. They usually mention something about being one of the few guys on the site who took the time to write a thorough profile. One girl who I find extremely attractive and intelligent and have been talking to for awhile sometimes logs on and logs off a lot without responding to my most recent reply. It's hard to tell if she's ignoring me, or if she just doesn't have the time to sort through all of her messages. A dating site with some type of filter would be awesome. I'm pretty good with web development....maybe I'll make one and quickly sell it for millions to be ruined by some big corporation.... What would be a good way to keep these lunatics out?
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 It's extremely frustrating as a guy on these dating sites. I put a ton of thought and effort into my messages and only send them to girls I'm genuinely interested in as a person. The fact that all these other morons are out there spamming these women with profane suggestions and short "Hi, you're hot" messages really pisses me off. Mostly because I now get lumped in with these cavemen and have probably had more than one of my few messages deleted or ignored because of it. That being said, I have gotten 8 or so messages from girls who I did not contact first. They usually mention something about being one of the few guys on the site who took the time to write a thorough profile. One girl who I find extremely attractive and intelligent and have been talking to for awhile sometimes logs on and logs off a lot without responding to my most recent reply. It's hard to tell if she's ignoring me, or if she just doesn't have the time to sort through all of her messages. A dating site with some type of filter would be awesome. I'm pretty good with web development....maybe I'll make one and quickly sell it for millions to be ruined by some big corporation.... What would be a good way to keep these lunatics out? I know it is frustrating for men too. One bad apple spoils the bushel, unfortunately. That's good that women are emailing you first. That is a good sign! Regarding keeping the lunatics out of an imaginary dating site we are inventing here? Or in general? On the imaginary site, they'd have to answer questions that would require some verification from your staff of 'highly qualified investigators'. Shoot, you could create your very own boutique verification site... get STD, drug, and background checked all in the same place. Team up with the folks that do this for employers... with the added caveat of the STD testing... you are set, man! Just make sure you have some nice attorneys draft up disclaimer language on the off-chance your top-notch team of sleuths misses one.
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 It's extremely frustrating as a guy on these dating sites. I put a ton of thought and effort into my messages and only send them to girls I'm genuinely interested in as a person. The fact that all these other morons are out there spamming these women with profane suggestions and short "Hi, you're hot" messages really pisses me off. Mostly because I now get lumped in with these cavemen and have probably had more than one of my few messages deleted or ignored because of it. That being said, I have gotten 8 or so messages from girls who I did not contact first. They usually mention something about being one of the few guys on the site who took the time to write a thorough profile. One girl who I find extremely attractive and intelligent and have been talking to for awhile sometimes logs on and logs off a lot without responding to my most recent reply. It's hard to tell if she's ignoring me, or if she just doesn't have the time to sort through all of her messages. A dating site with some type of filter would be awesome. I'm pretty good with web development....maybe I'll make one and quickly sell it for millions to be ruined by some big corporation.... What would be a good way to keep these lunatics out? If the site is OKC, this happens a lot with people who use the mobile version (my BF would always log on but he usually took a couple days to write me back, because he'd read my message and such via mobile, and he'd log on anytime someone wrote him, but not from somewhere he could write; I mean you CAN write in the mobile version, but it's annoying).
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