The special days are difficult

[velociheart]

So this month has two special days, in the first week our anniversary which I left completely alone and felt utterly miserable and his birthday.

I decided to send him a nice card with no overt emotion just kind sentiment and truly wishing him a nice day and a disc with images of him and other things that I knew he didn't have.

So, with no contact ever coming from him since the break up 5 months ago and the only contact I ever do usually is for picking things up, I called to wish him a happy birthday.

My story is posted elsewhere in the break ups section so you get the full story but, the call was nice and cheerful. He was busy but answered the phone and always has when I call, and didn't rush me off at all and thanked me for calling as well as answered questions I asked about if he has plans and what he's been up to however, he never asks me things.

He seemed happy to hear me, doesn't make any efforts but never denies my calls.

I'm confused by his behavior since any in his past he usually ignores and doesn't bother with if they try that have been in long term relationships with.

Getting better day by day but at the very least I'd like a chance some day to have a real conversation with him since I really miss the man to pieces.

[0hpenelope]

... the call was nice and cheerful. He was busy but answered the phone and always has when I call, and didn't rush me off at all and thanked me for calling as well as answered questions I asked about if he has plans and what he's been up to however, he never asks me things.

He seemed happy to hear me, doesn't make any efforts but never denies my calls.

I'm confused by his behavior since any in his past he usually ignores and doesn't bother with if they try that have been in long term relationships with.

 

It sounds like he's maintaining his distance from you. That kind of polite detachment.

 

"Hello, how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"What have you been up to?"

"Just working."

 

I call these conversation killers, which is me giving to people exactly what they're asking for, without elaborating on anything. If this example sums up "...answered questions I asked about if he has plans and what he's been up to however, he never asks me things," then it's possible that he's really just being polite.

 

He's the only one who knows why he's acting the way he does. Even though he hasn't acted that way to his other exes in your recollection, he's just taking a different approach with you, that's all. Maybe he holds you at a different regard, but - and I sure am glad you recognize it - he's not making any effort. You are the one initiating it. Pay attention to that because until he actively takes an interest in your well-being, then the conversation isn't really much of a conversation.

 

"Hello, how are you?"

"I'm fine. How about yourself?"

"What have you been up to?"

"Just working. Not much going on here, with you?"

 

The follow-ups show interest; he's engaged. He wants to know what you've been up to; he wants to know how you're really doing. If you're willing to maintain the kind of contact where you're the only one interested in the conversation, you can choose to be patient and keep talking to him, stop calling him altogether, or some other different options.

 

Getting better day by day but at the very least I'd like a chance some day to have a real conversation with him since I really miss the man to pieces.

 

Yup. A lot of us miss our exes. Well, either the ex or what the ex provides. I like it best that you're getting better every day and I think you've shown patience with him in terms of calling him, even though he's not reacting in the way that you hope he will.

 

Keep up with the healing.

[velociheart]

Thank you so much 0hpenelope, I appreciate you taking the time to respond and read. I will admit and not with hope obviously that he is like that with everyone, not asking questions how they are or what they are up to and had noticed that when he would talk to other friends, his response was that, if they wanted to tell him something they would. He was happy to elaborate on what he's doing if I asked, and if i said what I was up to he listened and responded.

Oddly he thanked me for the call at the end, which I've never heard him do before.

I do show him patience and do not text or call without reason. If he's moved on that's fine and I do know that the last time I talked to him when I picked up stuff he didn't push me out the door and we sat and talked for 2.5 hours and I had to initiate leaving. I asked if he was uncomfortable or felt awkward and he said no. However, I did mention something in passing, an gaming activity that we both enjoy that we could do remotely and he got angry with me indicating that I didn't take the time as much when I was there with him. This was just a little over a month ago and August will mark 6 months. I am getting the feeling that even though he said he was prepared before, that in fact he was truly still hurt by so many things and is still dealing and healing himself.

[0hpenelope]

Hope you're feeling better today.

I will admit and not with hope obviously that he is like that with everyone, not asking questions how they are or what they are up to and had noticed that when he would talk to other friends, his response was that, if they wanted to tell him something they would. He was happy to elaborate on what he's doing if I asked, and if i said what I was up to he listened and responded.

So it sounds like it's a habit/character trait/etc. Well, if it works for him, I suppose there's no harm.

Oddly he thanked me for the call at the end, which I've never heard him do before.

He knows how to be polite! It's such a rare thing to do nowadays. And perhaps, since it's his birthday, it was a slight change in circumstance that called for that gratitude. Still, it never hurts to be polite. Ever.

I I do show him patience and do not text or call without reason. If he's moved on that's fine and I do know that the last time I talked to him when I picked up stuff he didn't push me out the door and we sat and talked for 2.5 hours and I had to initiate leaving. I asked if he was uncomfortable or felt awkward and he said no.

Ok, so comfort levels are still intact and in place (6 months isn't long in the grand scheme of things)...

IHowever, I did mention something in passing, an gaming activity that we both enjoy that we could do remotely and he got angry with me indicating that I didn't take the time as much when I was there with him. This was just a little over a month ago and August will mark 6 months. I am getting the feeling that even though he said he was prepared before, that in fact he was truly still hurt by so many things and is still dealing and healing himself.

You know, I just wanted to point out how great it is that you're giving him the benefit of the doubt and you're not making him out to be "super evil ex." I think, given the situation, you really are doing the best that you can.

 

Good luck!