freelove Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 To make a long story short, broke up with my ex about a year ago due to my heavy weed smoking and lack of involvement in the relationship. After the break up and did a lot of soul searching, stopped the drugs and have really improved myself as a person. Anyway, for the past 6 months I have been trying to win her back, we do work together so there is not much chance of following NC or even LC. We do hang out sometimes but mostly on a friend level, which not to say can sometimes be difficult for me. Over the last few months I would get mixed signals from her and my head and heart were all over the place, yet I was still very much in love with her.Time goes on and I began to wonder if I was wasting my time or if I should just start attempting to move on. So about a month ago I went to NY to meet a friend there, while there I landed up sleeping with a girl I had know for a little while...it wasn't anything serious but I just thought to myself, you know what, I can't keep hanging by a thread here waiting for her to make up her mind, so I just need to live a little. When I got back home I was feeling much better about myself and I think she could sense that, because obviously I had made a little progress personally of letting go. We hung out one night and she says to me that I seem different and did anything happen in New York. I tell her no, nothing happened, I just feel like I need to take more control as I've been up and down over our relationship and it's time for me to move on. About a month goes by and we are sitting in her apartment one afternoon and we decided that we're going to give it another shot. Great!! I'm super happy but at the same time a little cautious. That same day I say to her this is great, but we need to sit down and have a serious chat about the past, what went wrong, how we're gonna handle things from now on and get everything out on the table so we can move forward and grow this new relationship fresh and without any hard feelings. So that week we decide to have our first date, the one date I had no intention of bringing up the serious talk but obviously it turned to that. Now, I believe in my heart of hearts that for us to start this new relationship, I needed to be upfront, lay everything out on the table and keep no secrets from her. I wanted us to start fresh. Within the conversation I decided to tell her about what happened in New York with the other girl. I was straight forward with her and wanted her to know exactly what happened and that it meant nothing, but I just did not want to hide anything from her. Needless to say that did not go over well. Her point being that I lied to her when she first asked me about New York when I got back. I did not tell her straight away, but I did not think it appropriate as we were not really together at the time. Bottom line is she says she cannot trust me and is done!! She does not want to be in a relationship with me! Wow, talk about a backfire of note!!! I really believed that I was doing the right thing telling her and yes, I can also see where she is coming from with me not telling her right away, but I just did not think it appropriate at the time. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, back to square one...although I think I'm done chasing and done trying to win her back, I can't keep going through this! What do you guys think? Did I screw up? Should I have told her right away or did I do the right thing? I'm pretty confused!!
laehop Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 From personal experience in being the keeping the secrets... it is best to always tell the truth when asked. I lost the love of my life by not telling the whole truth!!! He is at least speaking to me again, but I am pretty sure he has moved on! Good luck~
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I think you did the right thing, you two weren't in a relationship at the time; therefore, you had no obligation to tell her the whole truth. It's not like you lied either because that experience made you see things from a different perspective. Besides, if she says she is done just for that I don't think the relationship would have gone very far so consider this a blessing in disguise.
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 You screwed up. You are allowed to have secrets. If you were not in a relationship with her, it does not matter what happened. You do not have to tell a FRIEND you hooked up with someone. I do not kiss and tell. Even if you just started dating again, you werent at the time so you owe her nothing. It honestly doesnt matter if you had sex while you werent with her. It was your choice. I never told my ex how many people I slept with. I never asked her. Its an insecure question
linwood Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 You screwed up. She had no right to any info about who or what you did while single. Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
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