torn_curtain Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) If someone falls in love with you and you discover you are the first person they have ever opened themselves up to or even cared about is this a red flag? Is it possible that people who are emotionally unavailable are just more discriminating than most and if they met the right person they'd open up? I used to think this wasn't the case but because of a few anecdotal examples between me and my friends I'm starting to wonder. Edited July 21, 2011 by torn_curtain
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 You should judge everyone as an individual, so yes, its possible for some that its just pickiness and for others that they might be unable to have a relationship with anyone for at least that period of time.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 If someone falls in love with you and you discover you are the first person they have ever opened themselves up to or even cared about is this a red flag? Is it possible that people who are emotionally unavailable are just more discriminating than most and if they met the right person they'd open up? I used to think this wasn't the case but because of a few anecdotal examples between me and my friends I'm starting to wonder. Emotionally unavailable isn't some sort of permanent state. People can be emotionally unavailable to everyone, to certain people, or even just at certain times or in certain ways. However, if someone is at all emotionally unavailable TO YOU, I don't suggest pursuing them.
Author torn_curtain Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 To clarify I guess what I'm asking is it possible for someone to be emotionally unavailable to everyone they've met until they meet you because you happen to do it for them?
FinOuch Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) To clarify I guess what I'm asking is it possible for someone to be emotionally unavailable to everyone they've met until they meet you because you happen to do it for them? I don't think it has anything to do with being "picky". I think people tend to be emotionally unavailable for some reason that has nothing to do with having met the right person. Generally it's because of timing in their life, a misunderstanding of the difference between infatuation and an actual relationship, they are hung up on appearances and other superficial criteria, internal emotional problems that he has either worked through or is working through on you, etc. I wouldn't take it as an ego boost. And yes, I would proceed with caution if for no other reasons than it likely means he's likely emotionally immature. Edited July 21, 2011 by FinOuch
mortensorchid Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 There is no such thing as "emotionally unavailable". It means that they do not want to be with you for whatever reason and they will find whatever reason imaginable to not be with you. This will not be the case with someone else they encounter. Hopefully someone will not ever say this to you or make you feel insecure, because they know the truth within themselves. Whatever the case may be, move on before they chip away at your self esteem.
EasyHeart Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 To clarify I guess what I'm asking is it possible for someone to be emotionally unavailable to everyone they've met until they meet you because you happen to do it for them?Absolutely not. They have to be emotionally available before they can start any kind of healthy relationship. It's internal to THEM; there is absolutely nothing you can do to change a person from emotionally unavailable to emotionally available.
FinOuch Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Emotional unavailability doesn't make a person selfish, picky or "immature". It makes them simply unavailable and need time. Nothin' bad about that. Take it from someone who knows unlike most of the people here commenting just running their mouths. Someone who has not ever, at any point, been emotionally available (as the OP suggested) is most definitely emotionally immature. Sort of tying into what EasyHeart said above, someone has to be emotionally available to start a healthy relationship. Someone who has never allowed themselves to be emotionally available lacks the experience and hard knocks to really understand themselves in an emotional context. I'm sorry that some of these posts have rubbed you wrong, particularly to my reference of emotionally immaturity. It was not intended to convey that people who are emotionally unavailable *right now, in this moment* are immature. Simply that people who have never been emotionally available to anyone may not be on the same emotional maturity level as a person who has allowed themselves to experience intimacy. And that does deserve some degree of caution.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I think that you need to be a bit cautious about the lack of emotional maturity and relationship experience. My current boyfriend has next to no relationship experience and it shows. Those are people who are likely to wake up one day and feel a bit bored and conclude that they are not in love anymore and end it. Versus people that have LTR experience and know that some problems, occasional boredom etc is all a normal part of a relationship. Sorry to go off topic a bit...
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