NHSWizard Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Right where do I start?! I met my gf through her ex. They had an "on off" thing I didn't know about. A week before we got together, she had slept with him. We'd been dating for just under a month before that. Even when we kissed for the first time she said she felt she had cheated on him, even though they had long broken up and were just having a no strings attached type deal. Now as trendy as this all sounds, it's not the background I come from, and God knows how I even got involved in it. I come from quite a wholesome family who would be shocked to hear all these sordid things were happening while we were dating. It's now coming up to a year since then. My gf is in debt and I am somewhat well off. Even though she is frankly good as gold these days, I can't help remembering how things used to be. In a way I almost feel like second choice as she only didn't end up with the other guy as he didn't want her. She has her inconsiderate moments and sometimes I dread to think what she'll be like when married and I can see her divorcing me for all I've got. But I love her. Or do I? I don't know. I love spending time with her. So what is my question? What do I do? Matters are further complicated by another girl who is into me. She keeps wanting to meet up for dinner and has all but said she is going to sleep with me. Do I: 1) Just carry on with my gf, let the past be, and marry her? 2) Just carry on with my gf, cheat on her with the new girl (I really want to sleep with the new girl) and call it quits? This leads on to the danger of the new girl telling her. It may also make some of you question if I love my current gf. 3) End it with my gf, and be single forever? Not being melodramatic but you don't know my background, I won't find another girl again. I have also been "too far" with my gf to end it now it almost seems. I know her family well etc and we have shown no signs of trouble.
RockinZ28 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 thats a tough one because technically, if she's as good as gold now she really doesn't deserve any wrong doing. however, you should have dealt with these problems when they occured, not a year later, now it will seem very childish and more or less like a cop out. i personally would have dumped her ages ago but now your situation is much more tricky, do whats best for you though.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Right where do I start?! I met my gf through her ex. They had an "on off" thing I didn't know about. A week before we got together, she had slept with him. We'd been dating for just under a month before that. Even when we kissed for the first time she said she felt she had cheated on him, even though they had long broken up and were just having a no strings attached type deal. This was a year ago. She technically didn't cheat on anyone. You've been in a relationship since. When did you find this out? I agree that it's not ideal or the way I'd behave or want others to behave, but the time to react to it is when you find out about it/when it happens and the way to react to it is not to sleep with someone else; it's to choose either to continue the relationship or that it's a dealbreaker for you. It's now coming up to a year since then. My gf is in debt and I am somewhat well off. Even though she is frankly good as gold these days, I can't help remembering how things used to be. In a way I almost feel like second choice as she only didn't end up with the other guy as he didn't want her. She has her inconsiderate moments and sometimes I dread to think what she'll be like when married and I can see her divorcing me for all I've got. But I love her. Or do I? I don't know. I love spending time with her. So what is my question? What do I do? Matters are further complicated by another girl who is into me. She keeps wanting to meet up for dinner and has all but said she is going to sleep with me. Don't use anything from the past to justify your desire to be unfaithful. That's just lame. Don't marry your GF just because you're scared to be alone but don't dump her to sleep with some other girl, and by all means, don't try to justify cheating. That's disgusting. Decide whether your GF is the woman you want to be with or not.
Author NHSWizard Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 First of all, thanks for your replies. Am v glad I joined up to this forum, it's hard to just come out with these things even with close friends!!! I fully accept I'm being hypocritical in some aspects. I found out a year ago too, not recently. I simply asked her when she had slept with him, and one day when I had met her she told me she had slept with him a few hours later after meeting me. She was drunk if that helps. At the time (probably because I was so besotted/horny) it didn't matter to me. But now I think about it a certain "S word" comes to mind! Harsh? We were dating, albeit early days. I guess it comes down to the fact I can't decide whether I want her as a wife or not, or more am I happy with that always being there if I ever have a child with her etc.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 First of all, thanks for your replies. Am v glad I joined up to this forum, it's hard to just come out with these things even with close friends!!! I fully accept I'm being hypocritical in some aspects. I found out a year ago too, not recently. I simply asked her when she had slept with him, and one day when I had met her she told me she had slept with him a few hours later after meeting me. She was drunk if that helps. At the time (probably because I was so besotted/horny) it didn't matter to me. But now I think about it a certain "S word" comes to mind! Harsh? We were dating, albeit early days. I guess it comes down to the fact I can't decide whether I want her as a wife or not, or more am I happy with that always being there if I ever have a child with her etc. If she told you a year ago, then this is all your own BS here and not her fault at all. Be with her or don't be with her, but don't string her along or cheat on her.
iJester Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 She sounds okay to me, but I can understand where you're coming from. You'll always have that nagging in the back of your head that you're second place. You should break it off with her and see what the new girl has to offer. Your current g/f seems like the type that would hang around and probably take you back, if you don't like the new girl better. At least then you'll have a better understanding of where your current g/f stands with you.
sm1tten Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If you have doubts about your girlfriend, don't marry her. If you're going to keep holding something over her head that wasn't cheating but clearly struck a nerve with you at one point (which you then buried), then don't marry her. If you're afraid you'll never find someone else, don't marry her. Why can't you just break up with your girlfriend, take some time to yourself, then date the new girl? Why is the most, I don't know, LOGICAL, option not even listed?
Author NHSWizard Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 If you have doubts about your girlfriend, don't marry her. If you're going to keep holding something over her head that wasn't cheating but clearly struck a nerve with you at one point (which you then buried), then don't marry her. If you're afraid you'll never find someone else, don't marry her. Why can't you just break up with your girlfriend, take some time to yourself, then date the new girl? Why is the most, I don't know, LOGICAL, option not even listed? The new girl is not marriage material. Believe it or not I'm not a time waster - I want to get married! Today I told the new girl I can't go through with cheating. She understood. Gues time will tell with my current gf....thanks guys/girls
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