Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I love the random cold approach. I think it's romantic. But yes, he has to strike up some conversation and establish some commonalities first. I'm not just going to give my number to some random guy. What to talk about? Well, this is the hard part -- getting the ball rolling. I would say anything in your environment, whatever's going on, something light. Then ask her questions about what she's up to, her day. Find points of common interest and talk about those. Ask what she's been doing with her summer. Whatever. Just make conversation. If she is drawn to you, she should make it easy on you, respond easily, laugh. After a while of this, ask for her number. If she likes you, she'll say yes.
udolipixie Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I love the random cold approach. I think it's romantic. Is it the whole swept off the feet possibility? I just find random cold approaches annoying, rude, and bothersome.
Mr. Slim Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Do cold approaches even happen anymore? I used to get quite the kick out of seeing someone get shot down (or in the rare case, succeed) while out in public. Now I never see it anymore. I guess everybody is just poking each other on Facebook. Everyone has different thresholds. My sister will not respond to any man in public she does not know. Yet I know some women who give their number out at stoplights. Whatever works...
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Is it the whole swept off the feet possibility? For me, it's that he likes what he sees and takes a shot. When you are just walking by, and a guy turns his head and just has to come talk to you, to me, that's sexy, hot, and sweet. It just feels like raw, wild nature at work. Male human sees cute female human, and pounces. And then I feel all on and fabulous, because I already know he likes what he sees, and I get to size him up and see if I like him, too. I'm pretty smart and good at conversation with flirty men, so I know it's just going to get better. When this happens (and the guy is respectful and classy), I usually feel like a goddess walking around on a pillow of light for the rest of the day.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Do cold approaches even happen anymore? I used to get quite the kick out of seeing someone get shot down (or in the rare case, succeed) while out in public. Now I never see it anymore. It happens to me pretty often, all over the place. My favorite places are random, NON-pickup spots, like when I'm just out and about running errands. It feels much more natural and sweet this way.
Woggle Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Cold approaches happen quite often and it goes both ways. The other day a woman from North Carolina came up to me and asked me to show her around town. I declined of course but I sort of respected her for just going for it. When I told her I was married she respectfully back off.
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Actually, finding out a girl is socially awkward and shy IS getting a glimpse of her personality. Some people are shy at first, and take time to open up
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Do cold approaches even happen anymore? I used to get quite the kick out of seeing someone get shot down (or in the rare case, succeed) while out in public. Now I never see it anymore. I guess everybody is just poking each other on Facebook. Everyone has different thresholds. My sister will not respond to any man in public she does not know. Yet I know some women who give their number out at stoplights. Whatever works... Sure. And every girl is different while Ruby likes the ones that happen while running errands, I detest those and like the ones that happen at my favorite places (the hipster pub I go to once a week, the places I go see shows regularly, the restaurants I'm always at) in a social setting. None of these are "clubs" or anything, but they are places for people to come together socially. Hence: I'm up for social attention. If I'm banking or grocery shopping, I don't want to talk to some random person as much (which is not to say I've never met a guy this way, but he gets a lot more resistance and has a lot less reason to come up to me---in a social place, you can remark on the place, the events, the common ground from knowing the scene, the music going on, the book I'm reading at the local cafe, whatever).
Enchanted Girl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Some people are shy at first, and take time to open up No one can possibly get a complete grasp of someone's personality based on probably a five minute conversation even if that person is extremely open about themselves. What I said is that he'd still be getting a "glimpse" of her personality. Being shy is still part of her personality. And the majority of shy people open up once you get to know them . . . . it's almost a given . . . .
BlueRaven84 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 For me, it's that he likes what he sees and takes a shot. When you are just walking by, and a guy turns his head and just has to come talk to you, to me, that's sexy, hot, and sweet. It just feels like raw, wild nature at work. Male human sees cute female human, and pounces. And then I feel all on and fabulous, because I already know he likes what he sees, and I get to size him up and see if I like him, too. I'm pretty smart and good at conversation with flirty men, so I know it's just going to get better. When this happens (and the guy is respectful and classy), I usually feel like a goddess walking around on a pillow of light for the rest of the day. Reading this gives me hope. I'm always worrying about bothering a woman if I approach her out in public and they always look so busy.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Reading this gives me hope. I'm always worrying about bothering a woman if I approach her out in public and they always look so busy. By the way, I like to reward people for going for it, so even if I'm not interested in the guy, I'm still sweet to him and not a bitch. (But I realize that I am probably in the minority here!)
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 By the way, I like to reward people for going for it, so even if I'm not interested in the guy, I'm still sweet to him and not a bitch. (But I realize that I am probably in the minority here!) I generally do that too, unless the guy is totally creepy (like if he approached and said something about sex or something). As long as he seems genuine, I'm always nice to guys that approach. Even if it kind of annoys me because I'm preoccupied or busy. One good thing about men is they are almost always nice, even when they reject an approach (at least the men I've approached).
udolipixie Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Reading this gives me hope. I'm always worrying about bothering a woman if I approach her out in public and they always look so busy. It's just a number game. Some will be annoyed, some just bothered, some hate it, and some welcome it. Whether or not you bother her shouldn't matter as long as you're not offensive and understand that she may not be nice or friendly about rejecting you because you weren't friendly since you bothered her.
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 And the majority of shy people open up once you get to know them . . . . it's almost a given . . . . True, but how much can vary...not to mention if you catch someone on a bad day, probably gonna be a little less talkative or "shy" than on a good day..I know I am My last gf was very shy at first...but you put her with her best friend and she could be the life of the party..and eventually she got that way around me...not all people who are shy/caught on a bad day will open up that much...and someone you think might be shy may not be at all had you caught them at another time
Enchanted Girl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 By the way, I like to reward people for going for it, so even if I'm not interested in the guy, I'm still sweet to him and not a bitch. (But I realize that I am probably in the minority here!) I am very nice to men who ask me out as well, except when I have to be mean. There's a guy I'm probably going to have to be mean to pretty soon because he was one of my former class mates who got my phone number because he wanted to be FRIENDS and nothing else. He even reassured me when he asked that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend and he keeps calling me in the middle of the night and leaving perverted voice mails asking me about my breasts and vagina, my sex drive, and whether or not I look at porn even though I answer NONE of these questions for him ever. Its either me be mean to him or my boyfriend put his fist in his face. My boyfriend is pretty pissed off by it, so me telling my boyfriend not to was actually me being nice. XD LOL. True, but how much can vary...not to mention if you catch someone on a bad day, probably gonna be a little less talkative or "shy" than on a good day..I know I am My last gf was very shy at first...but you put her with her best friend and she could be the life of the party..and eventually she got that way around me...not all people who are shy/caught on a bad day will open up that much...and someone you think might be shy may not be at all had you caught them at another time Like I said, no one is so simplistic that you can get to know them within the first five minutes of meeting them, but its good to get a glimpse of their personality to see if there's any chance at all you two could be compatible before you ask for their number. A relationship is where you get to know someone. Asking them out is about introductions. No matter how good at picking up women you were when meeting your girlfriend, there's no way you could have know that much upon meeting her. But when you first met her you talked enough to her to get that glimpse of her personality or you would have never known she was shy.
TuffCookieX Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I have had a guy come up to me in a bar and hand me his number, saying give me a call soon, there had been a bit of eye contact, I did text him as i thought it was pretty brave, i was flattered he was nice looking. So yes, i would say you dont have to do a long drawn out conversation. I agree! Cold approaches work as long as there seems to be a physical chemistry which you can ALWAYS tell with eye contact. Just last week a guy randomly came up to me and said verbatim "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you are so beautiful and I must take you to dinner sometime." I was flattered and I accepted, however things didn't work out which was fine because I have someone else I really want anyway.
homersheineken Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 No, asking out twenty random girls to get one date is not working. It sounds like a huge waste of time and energy. I can see why you're having problems getting dates... You're going to get rejected. Every guy does. Deal with it.
somedude81 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Uh, thank you? Not really sure what I'm supposed to do with that.
homersheineken Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Just saying that you need to expect failure. Successful guys do. Ironic right? If you think it's going to be a waste of time, you're right - and astute people will pick up on that. If you think it's going to be an opportunity, you'll do better - and astute people will pick up on that. Even if it doesn't work, you've learned something, guaranteed.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Do cold approaches even happen anymore? I used to get quite the kick out of seeing someone get shot down (or in the rare case, succeed) while out in public. Now I never see it anymore. I guess everybody is just poking each other on Facebook. Everyone has different thresholds. My sister will not respond to any man in public she does not know. Yet I know some women who give their number out at stoplights. Whatever works... Of course cold approaches still go on, but it's become a dying art in NYC where I'm from, but I often pull the cold one from the fridge every now and again. It's worked for me since I got the "lucky" lady in my arms now. I think cold approach can be utilized if at least a short conversation is in place to display some personality. That's the key in attracting someone is to show your character. You can't just say "Hey, can I get your number?" without establishing even an ounce of rapport. As for me, I don't exactly approach women in a friendly manner. I'm more neutral than anything else, I might smirk a little bit, but no jokes. I reserve that for when we're getting to know each other. My style works for me as I'm a serious, brooding looking guy anyway. The smiley approach might do wonders for others who are like that naturally. In the end, just be you.
Monm82 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 A lot of guys are just horrible at talking to women they're attracted to. Women don't even need to be good at talking to get dates. I guess that's why people make a science out of talking to women. If guys suck at talking to women, they're screwed.
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