Question for women on approaches...

[robdrm32]

I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of approaching a girl anymore, it just comes down to what I say that I just can't think of anything.

 

As a woman (or men who have experience) if a man approaches you in public does he HAVE to make small talk before asking for a number/date?

 

I understand yea sure it helps but that is where i get lost, at what to say to make the small talk.

 

Is simply something like "I noticed you when I walked in and I was wondering if i could get your number and talk sometime?"

 

I have done that before and it worked, but i'm not sure if that was a one time lucky thing.

 

I'm fine talking to people out on first dates, over the phone etc. it's just those cold approaches where I think too much and end up not doing anything.

 

My question is this, is a short and to the point approach effective? Or is the small talk/joking a must?

[Enchanted Girl]

I wouldn't necessary say no to a man who approached me directly like that, but it also might jar me for him to ask that quickly because he did nothing to make me relax around him first or get a glimpse of his personality first.

 

Its certainly better than him not asking me at all.

[robdrm32]

I can see what your saying. Is there a need to elongate the convo?

 

As in, if i get her to smile is it then that I can make the move and just get it out there? Would it still be as effective?

 

I think what i'm going to start doing is when i see a girl i would approach, think of something to say, and thats it. Not putting the pressure to actually say anything but just practice thinking of a conversation starter.

 

Thanks for the input.

[sleepykitten]

I have had a guy come up to me in a bar and hand me his number, saying give me a call soon, there had been a bit of eye contact, I did text him as i thought it was pretty brave, i was flattered he was nice looking. So yes, i would say you dont have to do a long drawn out conversation.

[udolipixie]

Short & to the point is effective to me as it doesn't waste my time.

 

I also don't have to interrupt a guy's small talk/joking with "I'm not interested I find you unattractive please don't continue."

 

If I find you attractive my answer will be the same small talk or to the point.

 

If I don't find you attractive my answer will be the same.

[somedude81]

The problem with cold approaching women without having a decent conversation is that you need to approach a lot of women before you get a number. And you'd need to get a ton of numbers before you'd manage to get a date. And then the odds that the first date would lead anywhere are very slim simply because you don't know each other.

 

Unfortunately, I don't know an alternative that actually works.

[udolipixie]

The problem with cold approaching women without having a decent conversation is that you need to approach a lot of women before you get a number. And you'd need to get a ton of numbers before you'd manage to get a date. And then the odds that the first date would lead anywhere are very slim simply because you don't know each other.

 

Unfortunately, I don't know an alternative that actually works.

 

 

That sounds like working to me.

 

Or do guys expect women to be open &b inviting to give out their number going on a date and then possibly having it go anywhere with all strange guys who approach them?

 

It's like a job interview a numbers a game.

[iris219]

Is simply something like "I noticed you when I walked in and I was wondering if i could get your number and talk sometime?"

 

I would be totally creeped out if a stranger walked up to me and said the above. I would look at him like he had two heads, no matter how attractive he was. If asked the above, I would be very confused and would probably respond with "Why?"

 

How do you know you're actually interested in a girl's number if you don't have any sort of conversation? You're basing your approach solely on looks, or just on the fact that she has a vagina.

 

I honestly can't think of a creepier way to approach a woman. It's clear that a man who would do this with one woman is doing it with every woman. And this has actually worked for you?

[zengirl]

I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of approaching a girl anymore, it just comes down to what I say that I just can't think of anything.

 

As a woman (or men who have experience) if a man approaches you in public does he HAVE to make small talk before asking for a number/date?

 

I understand yea sure it helps but that is where i get lost, at what to say to make the small talk.

 

Is simply something like "I noticed you when I walked in and I was wondering if i could get your number and talk sometime?"

 

I have done that before and it worked, but i'm not sure if that was a one time lucky thing.

 

I'm fine talking to people out on first dates, over the phone etc. it's just those cold approaches where I think too much and end up not doing anything.

 

My question is this, is a short and to the point approach effective? Or is the small talk/joking a must?

 

If some guy just walked over and asked for my #/asked me out, I would say no. I think part of approaching is being sociable enough to have something to say, so yes, there must be some talk first, small or otherwise. I don't have requirements for length (long enough to get a vibe from him and feel like he's a potentially interesting person, I guess), subjects, or anything like that, but yes, you must be a person who has something to say. And if a guy just came over and asked me out without talking to me I'd think (a) He doesn't give two figs who I am as a person; he just thinks I'm pretty and (b) He'd go out with anybody!

 

I mean, think about it: I could be a crazy person. I could be an idiot. I could be anything. You don't know until you talk to me. So, why would you ask me out? And why ask to call to find out? I'm right here! Talk to me now, if you want to find out.

[somedude81]

No, asking out twenty random girls to get one date is not working. It sounds like a huge waste of time and energy.

 

What should work is meeting a girl at work, school, volunteer or some activity you both go to and talking to her a couple of times on different days. If it seems like there's a possible connection, then the guy asks her out.

 

Doesn't that seem better than going out with strange guys? I'd rather do that than randomly walk up to girls I see on the street.

 

Unfortunately this way doesn't seem to work that well either.

 

Frankly I have no idea how most relationships start these days.

[Nexus One]

In case of a rejection you could give her a note with your number, e-mail address and IM-address. Why? Because some girls/women can get completely startled by cold approaches and even though they might not want to reject you they sometimes do it out of reflex, because they don't know what else to do or say at that moment. So by doing that you account for that scenario. When they reject you, you then can say: "Ah tough luck for me *kindly smile*, but if you ever change your mind then you may contact me via these *pass note*. I'm going to leave it at this, have nice day. *smile and walk away if appropriate*"

 

That does require you to have such a note at hand or write it down at the spot. While I don't carry such a note I would write one if I ever intend to do a cold approach. I could give a business card, but in my case I don't think that would be a very smart thing to do, because could spark her interest for the wrong reasons and I don't want that.

 

Yesterday I had a opportune chance for a cold approach, but I didn't do it, because there's another girl I've been wanting to ask out ( http://bit.ly/nKfKmY ), however she's not around at the moment. She might be on a vacation or lost forever, I have no idea, but I'm waiting for the vacation period to end in order to see which of both scenarios is the case. The girl I saw yesterday turned her head at me quite a lot of times. Every now and then I was behind her and she turned her waist+neck almost 180 degrees to look at me and the look she had on her face showed she was interested, so I looked straight back at her into her eyes for as long as she held her gaze. She was a 21-24 year old blond with blue eyes. Anyways, if the girl that looks like Emma Stone doesn't reappear into my life and I see that girl from yesterday again, then I'll approach her with the intention of getting to know her.

[TaffyTopham]

I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of approaching a girl anymore, it just comes down to what I say that I just can't think of anything.

 

As a woman (or men who have experience) if a man approaches you in public does he HAVE to make small talk before asking for a number/date?

 

I understand yea sure it helps but that is where i get lost, at what to say to make the small talk.

 

Is simply something like "I noticed you when I walked in and I was wondering if i could get your number and talk sometime?"

 

I have done that before and it worked, but i'm not sure if that was a one time lucky thing.

 

I'm fine talking to people out on first dates, over the phone etc. it's just those cold approaches where I think too much and end up not doing anything.

 

My question is this, is a short and to the point approach effective? Or is the small talk/joking a must?

 

Why do men have to make "approaching women" sound like rocket science? Be confident and talk to women like human beings as opposed to walking boobs and vaginas. If you follow those orders then you will be just fine.

[JHS]

I can see what your saying. Is there a need to elongate the convo?

 

As in, if i get her to smile is it then that I can make the move and just get it out there? Would it still be as effective?

 

I think what i'm going to start doing is when i see a girl i would approach, think of something to say, and thats it. Not putting the pressure to actually say anything but just practice thinking of a conversation starter.

 

Thanks for the input.

 

It's interesting that you say "elongate" the conversation as if the point is just to get a number and some sort of assent that you can go out at some point.

 

I think you're putting the cart before the horse a bit... Maybe just talking for a minute (the elongation process) might be a good way for both of you to see if that actual date (which may also be a an elongated conversation) is a good idea?

[KathyM]

I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of approaching a girl anymore, it just comes down to what I say that I just can't think of anything.

 

As a woman (or men who have experience) if a man approaches you in public does he HAVE to make small talk before asking for a number/date?

 

I understand yea sure it helps but that is where i get lost, at what to say to make the small talk.

 

Is simply something like "I noticed you when I walked in and I was wondering if i could get your number and talk sometime?"

 

I have done that before and it worked, but i'm not sure if that was a one time lucky thing.

 

I'm fine talking to people out on first dates, over the phone etc. it's just those cold approaches where I think too much and end up not doing anything.

 

My question is this, is a short and to the point approach effective? Or is the small talk/joking a must?

The small talk/joking as an ice breaker is the best approach that you will have the most success at. Just strike up a conversation about something, depending where you are, or compliment her on what she's wearing or her smile. You may want to read some books or articles about how to approach women. It might help to give you some pointers.

[zengirl]

No, asking out twenty random girls to get one date is not working. It sounds like a huge waste of time and energy.

 

What should work is meeting a girl at work, school, volunteer or some activity you both go to and talking to her a couple of times on different days. If it seems like there's a possible connection, then the guy asks her out.

 

Doesn't that seem better than going out with strange guys? I'd rather do that than randomly walk up to girls I see on the street.

 

Unfortunately this way doesn't seem to work that well either.

 

Frankly I have no idea how most relationships start these days.

 

I think either are fine, but it depends on the kind of person you are. I think going out "hunting" for people to ask out and just asking everyone who meets your physical standards out is lame (that's why you talk to them) but there's nothing wrong with talking to new people EVERYWHERE. When you're out at a bar, talk to people. Some of them might be awesome. I've met some great friends at pubs and dates too. But don't be like a heat-seeking missile about it or anything. I think it all depends where you are. Randomly walking up to a pretty girl at the bank or whatever might work, but I don't see it having a high chance/likelihood of success. However randomly walking up to people at a local hangout you usually go to seems pretty much like a good idea.

 

Whether it's the first or tenth time you talk to someone, they may say yes or they may say no. But I would figure out a little bit about the person first. Which really can be done in a single conversation.

 

Why do men have to make "approaching women" sound like rocket science? Be confident and talk to women like human beings as opposed to walking boobs and vaginas. If you follow those orders then you will be just fine.

 

Exactly. Just talk to people and ask out people who seem to have stuff in common with you + be pretty. The end.

[udolipixie]

What should work is meeting a girl at work, school, volunteer or some activity you both go to and talking to her a couple of times on different days. If it seems like there's a possible connection, then the guy asks her out.

 

That does work.

 

Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work.

[Casablanca]

Why do men have to make "approaching women" sound like rocket science? Be confident and talk to women like human beings as opposed to walking boobs and vaginas. If you follow those orders then you will be just fine.

Because women are the one thing we have never truly been able to understand or comprehend

[robdrm32]

I would be totally creeped out if a stranger walked up to me and said the above. I would look at him like he had two heads, no matter how attractive he was. If asked the above, I would be very confused and would probably respond with "Why?"

 

How do you know you're actually interested in a girl's number if you don't have any sort of conversation? You're basing your approach solely on looks, or just on the fact that she has a vagina.

 

I honestly can't think of a creepier way to approach a woman. It's clear that a man who would do this with one woman is doing it with every woman. And this has actually worked for you?

 

Yes on a couple of occasions it has worked.

 

I don't know whats so creepy about it to be honest. I've had women ask for my number/dates out of the blue and its not creepy at all its flattering.

 

So if i saw a woman at the front of the line in a bank, and i thought to myself that she is cute, so when she walks out of the bank i follow her and say "Excuse me, I noticed you inside and i was wondering if i might get your number so we could talk sometime?" wtf is so creepy about that?

 

In that situation i'm sorry I couldn't think of something witty, so I would get straight to the point. And i would ask for the number so we could talk, take the time to have a good conversation get to know eachother a little bit and go from there.

 

am i basing my approach solely on looks? yes. i dunno what world you live in but men don't approach women they don't find attractive regardless of their pick-up skills.

 

Any man, or even women will base an approach off of looks.

[zengirl]

Yes on a couple of occasions it has worked.

 

I don't know whats so creepy about it to be honest. I've had women ask for my number/dates out of the blue and its not creepy at all its flattering.

 

So if i saw a woman at the front of the line in a bank, and i thought to myself that she is cute, so when she walks out of the bank i follow her and say "Excuse me, I noticed you inside and i was wondering if i might get your number so we could talk sometime?" wtf is so creepy about that?

 

In that situation i'm sorry I couldn't think of something witty, so I would get straight to the point. And i would ask for the number so we could talk, take the time to have a good conversation get to know eachother a little bit and go from there.

 

am i basing my approach solely on looks? yes. i dunno what world you live in but men don't approach women they don't find attractive regardless of their pick-up skills.

 

Any man, or even women will base an approach off of looks.

 

Nobody is saying you shouldn't base your approaches on looks AT ALL. But if you're only about looks (and don't care who someone is), that's shallow and lame. Normal people are Looks + Personality. It's not a dichotomy. I'm aware that a guy might come over because I'm pretty, but if he doesn't want to talk to me like a human being first to find out what I might be like, he's a creeper who will go out with anyone he finds pretty. Not attractive.

 

It has nothing to do with being witty. You can go up to a girl and say, "Hello my name is ___________." Nobody's saying you have to be Cyrano about it. And generally, I think following women out to their car at the bank is creepy. Going up to a girl in a social place and being sociable is good. Following me outside when I'm running errands because you think I'm hot is weird.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

just look up david wygant on youtube, he has a lot of free videos about how he starts conversations, gets numbers, just about everything.

 

 

 

 

and if any ladies are following this thread he also does videos about men.

[robdrm32]

Nobody is saying you shouldn't base your approaches on looks AT ALL. But if you're only about looks (and don't care who someone is), that's shallow and lame. Normal people are Looks + Personality. It's not a dichotomy. I'm aware that a guy might come over because I'm pretty, but if he doesn't want to talk to me like a human being first to find out what I might be like, he's a creeper who will go out with anyone he finds pretty. Not attractive.

 

It has nothing to do with being witty. You can go up to a girl and say, "Hello my name is ___________." Nobody's saying you have to be Cyrano about it. And generally, I think following women out to their car at the bank is creepy. Going up to a girl in a social place and being sociable is good. Following me outside when I'm running errands because you think I'm hot is weird.

 

Well i didn't say follow out to their car, it was more break off the line and catch them just outside.

 

If i approach a girl who is shy and she seems very awkward and unable to reciprocate in the conversation but she was indeed open to giving her number, I shouldn't ask for it because I wasn't able to get a glimpse of her personality?

 

I understand what you are saying but keep in mind if approaching women was so simple as introducing yourself, you would probably have 10-20 guys doing it on a daily basis out in public.

[Enchanted Girl]

Well i didn't say follow out to their car, it was more break off the line and catch them just outside.

 

If i approach a girl who is shy and she seems very awkward and unable to reciprocate in the conversation but she was indeed open to giving her number, I shouldn't ask for it because I wasn't able to get a glimpse of her personality?

 

I understand what you are saying but keep in mind if approaching women was so simple as introducing yourself, you would probably have 10-20 guys doing it on a daily basis out in public.

 

Actually, finding out a girl is socially awkward and shy IS getting a glimpse of her personality.

[zengirl]

Well i didn't say follow out to their car, it was more break off the line and catch them just outside.

 

If i approach a girl who is shy and she seems very awkward and unable to reciprocate in the conversation but she was indeed open to giving her number, I shouldn't ask for it because I wasn't able to get a glimpse of her personality?

 

I understand what you are saying but keep in mind if approaching women was so simple as introducing yourself, you would probably have 10-20 guys doing it on a daily basis out in public.

 

It IS as simple as introducing yourself. It doesn't mean it will always work -- sometimes the woman won't find you attractive, sometimes she'll be in a bad mood, sometimes she'll have a boyfriend, sometimes she'll still think you're weird, whatever. But introducing yourself and talking to a woman like a human being is going to work WAY better than trying to grab some random woman's number without even having a simple human conversation with her.

 

If talking to strangers is difficult for you, then picking up strangers will be difficult for you. I don't find it awkward at all to talk to strangers, personally, provided they aren't giving me creepster vibes or following me around or whatever.

 

And it's totally up to you whether you want to date someone socially awkward. That's definitely a detriment, male or female, if they're so socially awkward they cannot have a conversation in person and must first call you on the phone. . . It's really not that hard to go up to a person and start a conversation if they look like someone you'd want to talk to. I've experienced it from both sides (starting the convo and being the one approached) many times and so have most people I know.

[zengirl]

Actually, finding out a girl is socially awkward and shy IS getting a glimpse of her personality.

 

So true. Though it sounds like the OP might be a bit socially awkward if he can't think what to say, so might not be admitting to himself that it's not that his social awkwardness "hides" his personality but is in fact part of it!

[robdrm32]

I am socially awkward at times i'm well aware of it. I wasn't always but you know things happen and can change a person.

 

If you think not knowing what to say by itself makes someone socially awkward i dunno, most of the guys i know don't pick up random women solely due to the fact that they don't know what to say.

 

Alot of it is when i'm trying to talk to a woman i find attractive. Like even last night at a deli i cracked a joke that had a few people laughing, because I wasn't trying to pick anyone up so it flowed naturally.

 

It's not that I can't have a conversation with women. I have never been out on a date that didn't go well, and wasn't followed by multiple more dates. It's getting to that point of a first date that is a challenge, not just for me but alot of men.